Nothing's Ever All Right
Day 1It had been a long day and it was looking like it might be even longer before it was over and sleep would drape itself over me. Amir came out of the motel office holding three keys and coughing up what sounded like a very large glob of phlegm. He looked up sheepishly and jangled the keys together.
�They only had three singles left. Who�s sharing?� he asked. Bobby immediately fought Ryan for one of the keys. But the outcome was never in doubt as Bobby slammed Ryan to the ground and held up his key happily.
�Wanna share with me?� he asked, staring down at Ryan who was slumped at his feet.
Ryan picked himself up from the ground and nodded, tickling Bobby mercilessly. I sighed and tapped my foot. I knew they were screwing each other, but they didn�t have to use that as an excuse to act like they were constantly on crack. Maybe they were. It would certainly explain a few things.
Amir blew his somewhat large nose on his sleeve and looked down at the two keys in his hand. He opened his mouth to say something, but Paige jumped in. �Jay and I�ll share. Okay?� he suggested, glancing at me briefly. I nodded dumbly, surprised at Paige�s enthusiasm.
�Why...� Amir began, but he trailed off as he started to sneeze five times in a row. I rolled my eyes. Sometimes Amir was a little slow to catch on.
�You�re sorta sick. I don�t think any of us wants to be exposed to anymore of your germs than we have to be.� I said. He sighed and shuffled off.
Bobby and Ryan had graduated from tickling each other to making out. That was a sight I already had seen about every five seconds today and it was getting old. �Why don�t you guys just go to your room?� I snapped. Ryan perked up and tried to prod Bobby towards the rooms. Bobby fought back playfully, making it take much longer than it should have.
Paige was just standing by the luggage examining his fingernails. �Are you done being the band mother?� he asked, peering at me out of the corner of his eyes.
I snorted. �I�m sorry if I�m annoying you. I just can�t stand being around the lovebirds and sicko any longer.�
He nodded and picked up his suitcase. �I know what you�re talking about, but you have to learn how to not let it get to you. That�s what I do.� he said. Then he pushed past me and went to the room. I stood in the parking lot and tried to calm down. The world just seemed to be pressing down on my temples, and I really didn�t feel like dealing with it right now.
By the time I had finally calmed down enough to be around people again, Paige had already settled in for the night practically all over the one bed. I sighed and sat down on the only free corner. �I can sleep on the floor I guess.� I muttered to myself. Paige rolled over and left enough of the bed free for me to maybe fit. I stripped down to my boxers and crawled in next to him. I turned so I had my back facing him. That was the way it always was anytime we had to share. Except sometimes before Bobby and Ryan were together, I had to share with Ryan. And Ryan liked to sleep facing my back. Which made it almost impossible for me to sleep, because I would think the whole night that he was planning some prank to play on me. Half the time I was right.It took awhile, but I fell into a light sleep. Then the bed shifted and something heavy surrounded my chest. It took me a minute to figure out that it was Paige�s arm. I tried to move it, but his grip was surprisingly tight for someone who was asleep. So I settled for gently poking him with my elbow. �Paige, get your damn arm off me!� I hissed. If anything, it only made him tighten his grip. I bit my lip and regrouped. �Paige, get your fucking arm off of me!� I snapped, pushing back on him. Then I heard him giggle. �It�s not funny.� I said, but that sounded really lame.
�Jay, you really need to lighten up.� he said, trying to tickle me. Which was a hopeless crusade since I�m not ticklish. Or at least I�m not when I don�t feel like being tickled.
�Come on Paige, I want to sleep, okay? I don�t want to...� His hands went lower and I tensed in fear. �Paige, stop it!� I didn�t want to do this...why did he keep on going? I tried my hardest to escape but he held fast. Shit shit shit....
�Please let me go?� I pleaded after a few minutes. He sighed and turned over. I huddled in a ball and tried to pretend that nothing had happened. Gods I wished that nothing had happened. But the truth was...it had...and somewhere deep down inside of me, I knew that I had liked it.
Day 2The next day Amir was looking worse and decision time came. Do we keep going or just wait here until he gets better? Bobby and Ryan voted to stay, but they were also busy trying to dress each other, and giving each other hickies. I really really didn�t want to stay, but how could I suggest we go when Amir had to run to the bathroom every five minutes to puke? Paige was silently staring at me the whole time and I instinctively huddled up to avoid his eyes. We were stuck together for another night.
The vending machine turned into an obsession. It was the only excuse I could give to leave the room, and so I ended up eating way more junk food that I needed to. Finally there were only so many Three Musketeers bars and Tart and Tiny�s that I could stomach. Then I just bought pop. Which was another mistake, as I instantly felt like joining Amir in puking every five minutes. Paige just watched silently as I tried to avoid him, smoking a cigarette. Soon I resorted to sitting in a chair by the window and holding my knees to my chest. My eyes never left him. There was no way I was letting him get to me again.�Jay, what�s wrong?�he asked. I shook my head and sighed. He came closer. I pulled away. His brows furrowed. �What�s your fucking problem?�
I looked up at him. �Nothing.�
He sighed. �Fine then.� he snapped. �Why don�t you just go and share with Bobby and Ryan then?�
I glared up at him. �Maybe I will.� I said, then I got up and picked up my stuff to go. There was no reaction. Why did I feel sort of sad about that? Surely I couldn�t be feeling...No. Shove it back down, deny it and it will go away.
Ryan opened the door, took one look at me, and then opened the door wider. �Chair�s free.� he muttered, pointing to it. I nodded and settled myself down in it. Ryan sighed and got back into bed with Bobby, turning off the light.I slept soundly, until the noises started. Damn it! They couldn�t even make it through the night without screwing each other senseless. Pulling the cover over my head didn�t drown out the moans of pleasure and then the incessant grunting. I didn�t need to know who was dominant (Bobby) and what turned Ryan on (having his ears licked). Why weren�t there any complimentary alcoholic beverages in the rooms? Why wasn�t there a bar for fifty miles? Why was I still in this room?
Amir opened his door rapidly and hugged me, inadvertently wiping his nose all over my shirt. I made a mental note to throw it out later. A big fake smile was plastered over my face as he showed me to a chair identical to the one in Bobby and Ryan�s room. Then he busied himself making coffee that I sure as hell wasn�t going to drink and blowing his nose.�Jay, it�s kind of weird that you�ll share with me especially since you said yourself that you didn�t want to be caught dead in the same room with me last night.� he said, punctuating the sentence with a loud honk on his kleenex. I sighed. That wasn�t what I had said, but, being the typical low self-esteemed guy he was, he�d taken it that way.
�I meant I didn�t want to share a room with your cold.� I rephrased. He came closer, with a drip of snot hanging at the end of his nose. My smile became weaker and then totally disappeared as I realized he was going to hug me again. �Just wanted to tell you that! Bye!� I said quickly, then ran as fast as my legs would take me to the parking lot.
Where was I supposed to go now? All three sides seemed to be united against me. If I went back to Bobby and Ryan, I would never sleep and I would know way more information that I wanted to about their love life. I didn�t want to catch a cold, and I didn�t want to deal with Paige. The dumpster was starting to look pretty inviting.�Jay. Why aren�t you staying with Ryan and Bobby?� Paige asked behind me. My shoulders sagged. He stepped closer, but not close enough to touch me.
�They�re having some quality time.�
�Amir?�
�Dripping ooze.�
Silence. �What�s wrong with staying with me?� he finally whispered. There was no way I was turning around now. So I slumped down even more, hugging myself.
�Nothing Paige.� I spat out.
�There must be something, you ran out so fast....� he stepped forward, but just stayed there. Damn. Now I was getting a headache. �Was is because of last night?�
Good Paige, finally catching on. �Yes.� I muttered.
�I was just joking Jay. I�m sorry. I�ll sleep in the chair, okay?� he said.
I shook my head. �Paige, it�s not you.�
He finally just turned me around. �Then what the fuck is it?�
I pulled out of his grip and stared to the side, gnawing on my fingers. Shit, they were ragged and bleeding. Then I looked back at him. �See Paige, it would have been fine if I hadn�t felt...� I took a deep breath. �Shit.�
Paige�s eyes had narrowed. �Felt what? Attracted to me?�
There was no compassion in those eyes, only suspicion. �Yes.� I squeaked. Instantly I regretted it and crouched in preparation for the blow. Which came.
He touched my face softly and shook his head. �Jay, why the fuck did you think I did that last night?� he said, laughing slightly.
�You were messing with me. I...�
His eyes met mine and I knew that he wasn�t just messing with me. �Come on Jay. I don�t think you want to sleep in the dumpster, do you?�
�Paige, I really don�t want to do anything though.� I said. He nodded.
�I don�t think either of us is ready. Agreed?� he asked, offering me a hand to get up from the somewhat uncomfortable position I�d been in on the ground. I took it.
�Agreed.�
Day 3When I woke up the next morning I had my head on Paige�s chest. It seemed almost natural to curl up closer to him and hold on to him. He stirred in his sleep and his hand snaked around my back. I sighed and closed my eyes. There was no way that I would be the one that ruined this.
The next morning my hands were on icy sheets and I was shivering. Squinting at the clock I realized it was seven, way too early to get up. I pulled the sheets over myself and curled up. There was no way I was gonna leave the bed before ten. Why had Paige gotten up? It wasn�t like there was anything to do. Finally I peered out from under the covers and tried to see if he was in the room. No. Oh well, more time for me to sleep.
�Jay?� a voice asked behind me. I grunted and pulled slid deeper into the sheets. I wasn�t coming out. Not even for Paige. �Jay, Amir�s really sick. We had to take him to a doctor.� Paige said.
Great. What does that have to do with me? �Yeah?� I sighed.
�It�d probably be a good idea if you got up. It looks bad.�
�Pneumonia? Mono? Meningitis?�
�Pneumonia. So we have to stay here until he feels better.� Paige said, sitting down in the chair. His eyes had noticeable bags underneath them and were starting to glaze over with sleep. I ventured out from my burrow and grabbed his hands.
�Come on. You need to rest.� I whispered. He sighed and let me pull him into the bed. �Now who�s being the band mother?�
He smiled weakly and closed his eyes. �It�s always been you Jay.� he said. �You just can�t help caring.�
I sighed and retreated to my side of the bed. Another headache was brewing and my stomach began to churn up acid. I hated being the responsible one. �I know. It sucks, so fuck that.� I snapped. �And don�t try to tickle me again. It doesn�t work.�
Paige muttered, �I�m sorry.� and closed his eyes. Soon his breathing slowed and he was asleep. Damn him for getting to me. Maybe I should check on Amir and the rest, but I was content to just lay here and suffer in my own private hell.
After a few minutes Paige rolled over and held me to his chest. �Jay, it�s okay to care. I shouldn�t keep teasing you about it.� I nodded and clutched his hands.
�How do you keep it from getting to you?� I whispered haltingly. He nuzzled his face into the back of my head.
�Jay, you don�t want to know, really. I like you just the way you are.�
�But I hate being the only one who worries about stuff. You guys practically throw all the responsibility at me anyway. I don�t have to be the fucking leader all the time.� I said, loosening Paige�s grip on me.
Paige hugged me tightly and then kissed the back of my neck. �I know that. That�s why I didn�t bother you about Amir. And you aren�t worrying about him, are you?�
That was true. I turned and looked at him. He was smiling slightly, his spiky haired silhouette vivisecting the light coming in from the window. �Yeah, well, I figure Amir can take care of himself.�
�You didn�t think that the time he locked himself in the car.�
Oh shit, not the Amir locking himself in the car story again. I still had the scars from smashing the windows to let him out . . . then it turned out that the doors were unlocked the whole time and Amir had been pulling the handle the wrong way. I would have killed him, but I had passed out from blood loss.
�I was stupid that time.� I muttered, �But I think I�ve learned my lesson.�
The doorknob rattled and I pulled myself out of Paige�s grasp to go and answer it. Ryan still hadn�t mastered the skill of knocking before trying to get into a room. It was funny when he�d walk in on people in the bathroom, but when it was you who was walked in on it wasn�t cute anymore. �Hey Jay, finally up?�
�Ryan, it�s seven in the morning.�
�Yeah, well, you missed all the excitement. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you guys that Amir�s still looking pretty bad.�
Paige rolled over and frowned at Ryan. �I was just with him a few minutes ago! You think I didn�t know that?�
Ryan blushed and sidled past me. �Actually, I was just looking for an excuse to ask you two what�s up. You�ve both been acting really weird the past few days.� I stared at him. Paige stared at him. Ryan shrank under our gaze. �I was just wondering. You�re acting like Bobby and I used to before we got together.�
�What the fuck are you talking about?� I asked.
�Come on, I know you guys�re thinking about it.�
Paige laughed. �Thinking about what? You and Bobby? Why would I think about it, when I can hear it through the walls!�
Then Bobby walked in the door, and Ryan�s attention was distracted. �Hi guys. Ryan, did you ask them yet?� he asked.
�Oh yeah, well, are you guys thinking about getting together, because, man that would be cool. Then we wouldn�t have to spend as much on hotel rooms.� Ryan babbled. Paige and I exchanged a stricken look.
�And this is your business how?� Paige asked. Bobby pulled Ryan aside and whispered in his ear. When they pulled away from each other Bobby was grinning and Ryan was looking confused.
�We think you�d make a good couple!� Bobby exclaimed. Ryan grinned stupidly.
�Okay. Out.� I snarled. They looked at me blankly. �OUT!� I pushed them out and slammed the door behind them. Then I sank to the floor and hugged my knees. This was getting out of hand. I needed a drink...but the beer in the car was just for Ryan. I wished I had thought to bring something, but then again I hadn�t thought we would be stuck in the middle of nowhere because of Amir! At the thought of Amir my head started to pound.
Paige didn�t say anything, he just laid on his side and gazed at me in concern. When I met his eyes he turned away abruptly. �What the fuck is wrong with YOU?� I snarled.
�I could be asking you the same question.� he said under his breath. Oh this was just great. I needed some fucking air and I needed it now. But Ryan and Bobby were talking loudly in the parking lot.
�Geez Ryan, I don�t think it worked too well. They�re probably gonna fight now.�
�They�ll come around. We did, didn�t we?�
�Yeah, I guess you�re right.� I stopped listening because I realized that they were probably going to start mauling each other. Slumping down so Paige couldn�t see my face, I tried to sort out my feelings. I was mad at Ryan and Bobby for being so presumptuous, but I was also mad at myself for denying what I knew was true.
I moved my hands so I could sneak a glance at Paige. He was watching me with a concerned look on his face, but obviously restrained himself from approaching me. I didn�t blame him, I�d been acting like a total ass. �Paige?� I murmured. He nodded. �Do you think they�re right?�
�Yeah, it would save on hotel bills.� he said. My face must have made him reconsider his remark and he hurried over to my side. �Jay, it�s okay.� I let him hug me and I sighed as I laid my head on his chest. �If you don�t want to do anything, that�s fine. We can just pretend this never happened.� Was that what I wanted?
Heh...I didn't finish this one either. I'm pretty sure this was my first slash that was ideally supposed to have some NC-17 content, but I wasn't up to it at that point. Hopefully there'll be more soon.