FrozenI was always cold. It wasn’t a cold borne of weather or illness, it just resided inside of me like a disease. My sense of balance was gone, like a part of me was removed in coming here. So I sat in the corner and held onto my knees, hoping that my feet weren’t turning blue. Whenever I moved them closer to the window to check, however, they were always pink and healthy, maybe a bit calloused. That only made it harder to reason out in my mind why I was so glacial.
Once I tried to look out the window. It was high up in the stone and looked like it might reveal where I was. But it was too high up, even for me. I wound up just getting a better view of the sun shining in, however briefly. The rest of the room was something that I could feel my way around without any light...its crooks and crannies were obvious. They changed the straw every few days, there was a bucket in the corner that was supposed to hold waste but I could never make it there in time. Half-eaten food laid out for the rats that found their way in underneath the wooden door.
They told me that I was insane, that what I had seen didn’t exist. The more I listened to them, the more I believed them. And the colder I got.
When he was here he made it better. I know that he was warm and has always been warm. He entered the room like a furnace, I couldn’t help but almost melt in his presence. They took him away so much, though. As if they had to deny me this...the only thing that’s kept me from freezing to death.
He wasn’t here now. I rocked back and forth waiting for him to come back. Time moved so slowly here...or quickly, depending on the day. I’d given up trying to keep track with fingernail scratches on the wall.He’d done what I’d feared most, told me that he believed me. The scariest thing to hear when you are insane is someone saying “I believe you” and you can tell that they do. But he had held me quietly, whispering that he believed me, everything that I said, even the things that slipped out before I could think clearly, the muttered ramblings of repeated words over and over. He always had to leave, the warden would come and knock on the wooden door. I’d cling to his legs, he was the only contact I had with the outside world besides the guard who slipped my food in under the door.
The door unlocked.I looked up, hoping it was him, I needed to be warm so badly. One look at the figure's face revealed that it wasn't. Instead of softened features, eyes that promised succor, lips that only let forth words that soothed, there was hardness and cruelty. His dress was better than my other, he was shorter, but that hardly mattered.
"He's crazy?" he asked, his voice nasal and annoying. I put my hands over my ears and rocked harder.
The warden snorted and spat in the corner. "I can find crazier, if you want. But he's as bad as you'll probably want. If you rattle his chain long enough he'll do what you need."
Sunlight passed over my face and then disappeared as it was swallowed by the towering walls outside. "How much to take him off your hands?" The jingle of a full coin purse in a leather gloved hand. "I know you're desperate for rooms here."
"That sack looks like enough." A toss and the warden caught it easily. "Take him where you want."
The man walked closer to me, I took a chance and met his eyes. Brown darker than his, promising pain and torment and... I whimpered. He touched my chin gently, turning my face so he could see my profile better. "You say you saw a demon? Teeth and wings and claws?" he whispered, his breath colder than my skin. I shivered. "Soon you'll be the devil."
His coachman covered my head with a sack and they led me outside, shackled and immobile. I didn't want to leave, I couldn't leave, he might still come back. For some reason my voice wouldn't work, I could only make vague gurgles that were answered by guttural laughter. He shoved me and my face met straw. Clean. It smelled like wood...heaven after the fetid remains that laid strewn over my cell. They covered me with a cloth and whipped the horses frantically as if I could escape."You'll be my devil. If you behave, I'll give you meat and vegetables and wine. If you don't, gruel. You can eat, can't you?" He purred, touching my arm. I jerked away. Only the other could do that. "You must learn to follow my commands. I can't have you scaring the customers too much."
Something flickered in my memory, warm light room fire burning in the fireplace woman waiting with open arms happy thoughts freedom. Then teeth fangs claws wings blood blood blood.
"Shhh...You have to save that for the people who'll pay." He shook me roughly, trying to stop the spasms that made me scratch at my flesh and jerk around frantically. Finally he resorted to pulling the bag taut against my face, denying me any breath. "Maybe you should just sleep for a while." Everything burned away in a flash of red and I fell limp.
Perfume. Lilies, gardenias, roses, baby's breath. It assaulted my sinuses and scrabbled for purchase in my memory. Something about it was familiar, but the fog that surrounded everything except those sweeping wings, those huge teeth, the screams, was slowly drifting away into nothing. Feminine titters and whispered insults accompanied my stepping across what felt like carpet, then hard wood, then stone.They pushed me down stairs slick with mold and dripping water. I heard the sound of a door being unlocked, chains being rattled, and wondered if they'd taken me back to the jail, if the fragrance was only a dream. So little was solid in my mind, so much had changed that I doubted I could make any sense of it if I’d wanted to. I made a vague noise, a sort of whimper that only made them laugh.
“Are you sure he’s going to do what you want?”a gruff voice asked, not taking care where he was leading me. I stumbled and tried to grab for the wall. A strong arm held me up and let me regain my balance.
“If he doesn’t, I’m sure we can starve him enough so that he does.” He unlocked one of my wrists, then the other, then encased them in new metal, new and slick. “Let’s attach the wings now.” Wood raked along my back, along with leather that he strapped to my chest, ripping away the last vestiges of my shirt. He tied something else to my hands, then removed the bag from my head.
I blinked a few times in the dim light. There were three forms around me, the smaller of the three I recognized vaguely as the man who had liberated me. I couldn’t see their faces and only had a dim impression of where and what I was encased in.
“Did you get enough of a glimpse to find your way around?” he asked softly, coming closer. I backed away, only to hit the wall. He was going to hurt me, fangs teeth... I whimpered again. “Let’s just cover those pesky eyes, why don’t we?” he purred, and then tied a strip of velvet over my eyes. Everything went black, absolute and perfect. I raised my hands to try and scratch at them, but felt an unfamiliar weight. Further exploration revealed claws attached by rope to my wrists.
I heard them all leaving and threw myself at the doorway. Surely they couldn’t leave me here, like this? The chains on my wrists were attached to the wall and I fell on my face. And still all I could do was whimper, but this time it came out more like a growl. I should have screamed my head off at them, snarled my rage, but my voice was so weak.
“Don’t use it all up on me! Wait until we have customers!” he taunted before he locked the door. I crawled into a corner and cried, trying to hide from the view of the door.
It seemed like it was ages before I heard any footsteps outside. “Would you like a little glimpse of our very own demon?” he purred. There were lots of feminine titters and masculine whispers assuring that it couldn’t be that bad.“Amir, surely you’re just joking. Everyone knows demons don’t exist!” a man shouted from far away. I thought it sounded more like a cue for him to prove the speaker wrong than true skepticism. I clung to the walls, I didn’t want to know what was happening.
Someone banged on the door and hissed at me urgently. I cowered in the corner. “If you want to eat, you’ll put on a show!” he whispered harshly. Something about his tone of voice reminded me of that night, the woods, the creature following me. It didn’t take much to make me give in. I threw myself at the door, howling my head off and screaming. Nothing coherent. I heard lots of shrieks outside the door and men snapping at Amir that they hadn’t thought he was serious. I scratched at the floor and tried to pull the chains out from the wall.
But they had all gone away. Eventually the need to run subsided and I fell to the floor. Tears ran over my useless hands as I sobbed myself to sleep. It seemed that I’d traded one hell for another.
And he wasn’t going to save me.
“Shhh...drink this.” a soothing voice whispered as a hand guided my head towards some water. I lapped at it slowly while it was tipped towards my mouth. “I don’t know why he’s such a bastard. Everything’s about money to him.” It sounded like a woman’s voice.Eventually I had enough and pulled away, trying to look at her instinctively, though sight had been taken from me. “Oh, I’m sorry...I forgot you can’t see.” She tugged at the knot on the blindfold, but eventually gave up. “I’m sorry, Amir would kill me if I took it off. I’m Talena. Do you remember your name?” she asked slowly.
I coughed. Did I remember my name? Bits of memory came flashing back. “J...Jay.” I spat.
“Jay? I’m sorry you have to be here. The brothel’s not doing so well...Amir thought that if he had something else to attract customers it’d make business pick up.” She ran her hands through my hair gently. “I’m going to be the one that feeds you, so don’t worry about that. I know you’re sick.”
“Talena! Customer!” someone called from outside.
“Sorry, I’ve got to go. I’ll be back tomorrow.” she whispered, leaving me all alone with the darkness.
I let it all consume me.