Fake It-Part 2
BOBBY
It was a few weeks before I saw Jay again. That was more than I could have hoped for. I thought I’d never see him again. Or if I did, it would be after getting ambushed by a crowd of paparazzi.Still there was nothing.
From time to time I remembered what had happened, how his skin had felt, and deep down I almost wanted to do it again. Without the video camera.
It had taken me a few days to get the video exactly right. I had gone over it what seemed like a thousand times adjusting the sound, lighting, everything. I thought it was remarkable how easy it was to pretend that I wasn’t looking at myself but someone else.
The first time I had opened it up to work on it I couldn’t make it through more than a few minutes. It was too recent and I was still too emotionally involved. The dark lust that lurked in my eyes was so obvious even with the distance of time.
As I continued working with it I was able to watch it for longer and longer stretches until finally it didn’t bother me anymore. I had told Shane about it at the beginning and she hadn’t acted too disturbed. It helped that I had said nothing about her mindless flings. As long as she came home at night and used a condom I could live with it. It had to work both ways.
When I was finished, I let her watch it. She sat in front of the computer staring intently as Jay and I moved together. As things progressed her mouth slowly dropped open. After it ended it took a few moments before she would look at me. And then it was as if she’d never seen me before.
“Are you sure you’ve never done that before with him?”
“What?!” I had no idea what she was talking about.
She shrugged and looked back at the video. “It just looked almost like you’d done it before, that’s all.” Then she leaned over and kissed me. “It was hot though.”
“Is it believable?”
“Well, since you did have sex, of course.”
“I mean, does it look like a ...”
“Yes. You did a great job.” She kissed my cheek, then looked at me head-on. “Are you ready for what might happen if he gives it to someone?”
“I don’t think he will.”
“Still...I’d be prepared.”
I mailed it to him. Maybe I should have been more careful with it and thought longer about how much it would inevitably hurt Shane and the kids, but I didn’t think he would do anything with it.
A few days passed, then weeks. Nothing. I thought he’d decided to act like it never happened. Maybe it was for the best.
Still, every once and a while I would remember how it felt, the noises he made, his facial expressions, how good fucking him was. And I remembered how he had been in the shower. It was completely unnecessary. We had the video, the camera wasn’t in the bathroom, we had just been pretending anyway. And yet he had reached out for me, and I had wanted him. I suppose staying away from each other was for the best.
A month or so later we ran into each other at a party. I don’t really remember what it was for, maybe some album release, a new movie, or someone getting out of rehab. It was mostly has-beens and never-wases milling around in a barely lit room with strobe lights and watered down alcohol. I saw a few members of bands who hadn’t done anything noteworthy recently and nodded slightly in recognition. They did the same, but didn’t stop to talk. I couldn’t blame them.
Jay was over by the bar talking to a few scantily clad women who giggled fakely at whatever he said. He saw me and blanched. I nodded to him and smiled before going off to see if I could find anyone halfway interesting to talk to.
When everything started dying down a bit a few hours later I noticed him walking up to me. He was fully glammed up in a mesh shirt with a leather jacket and sunglasses. “Sorry I didn’t come over earlier, they wouldn’t let me walk away.” He sighed and shook his head.
“That’s okay. I probably would have done the same.” I took a sip of my drink and tried not to look at him too much. “Are things going better?”
“Pretty much the same. I’m growing to accept it though.”
There was an awkward silence. I couldn’t see his eyes so I didn’t know if he was even looking at me. Finally I cleared my throat. “So...um...did you get the package I sent you?”
He almost choked on his drink. “Yeah, I did. You did a good job.”
I got the sense that he wanted to say more, but wasn’t quite sure how to put it. I laughed nervously. “I guess we won’t be seeing it for a while then.”
“No, probably not.” He shrugged and took another swig. “Wouldn’t mind doing it again though.” The last part he said so quietly I wasn’t sure if I heard it right.
I started choking. Had he just fucking said what I thought he had? He patted my back, trying to help me catch my breath. “What?!” He wouldn’t meet my eyes and a blush crept up his cheeks.
“I had a good time. It’s been hard to stop thinking about it.” I still couldn’t tell if he was looking at me or not.
“I had fun too, but I thought it was a one time only thing, right?”
Jay sighed. “I guess what I’m saying is I want to do it again.” His eyes met mine, almost begging for me to say I wanted it too.
I forced myself to keep looking at him. In truth I’d enjoyed it too. Each sip of my drink made it that much easier to think about just telling him that.
He laughed nervously. “Obviously you don’t feel the same. Well, I’ll get going then.” I watched him start to walk away, then couldn’t bear it anymore. I grabbed his arm, forcing him to face me. After that everything was a blur.
I’m not sure how it happened, but soon we were in one of the bathrooms at the back of the club kissing each other as if our lives depended on it. I had locked the door behind us, hoping that nobody would need to use it until after we were done. It wasn’t like there wasn’t another one.
Jay grabbed me and pushed me up against the sink. My hands roamed all over his body, desperate for some skin on skin contact. Finally I was able to get one hand underneath his shirt, he gasped and moved towards me.
His mouth was warm and wet, with each touch he dissolved into low moans against my neck. Our kisses roamed all over exposed flesh. He helped me get up to sit on the counter. Of course, I wound up right in a wet spot of cold water, or at least I hoped that’s what it was.
“Shit.” I hissed against his ear.
“It’s just water.” He laughed at me.
“Yeah, well you didn’t just sit in it.” His hand reached between us and found the zipper to my pants. He pulled away a bit to have more room and my body trembled at the loss of contact.
It only lasted a moment. As soon as he had unzipped my pants he was back on me again. My head smacked up against the mirror and I was dangerously close to getting stuck in the sink, but all I cared about was the rising pressure in my groin.
Jay helped me move about so he could get my pants and boxers down. I wasn’t really sure what he was planning to do until he pulled a condom out of his pocket and put it on my cock. I unconsciously tightened my grip on his back, pulling him closer. My cock hardened as he touched it. I couldn’t stop moaning. The club was noisy, but I still didn’t want to have an audience.
Yet I couldn’t help gasping when he descended, his mouth warm around my cock. The sensation was somewhat dulled due to the condom, but as he moved his tongue my body caught up quickly.
I searched for something I could hold onto as he continued to suck and stroke my cock. Finally I settled for the lip of the counter, though that wasn’t very stable. He kept on licking it, I could feel myself growing harder and oh fuck it seemed all of my nerves were centered right on that spot.
It was hard to keep my head from hitting the mirror over and over as he changed positions. I was sure that someone outside must be listening to us and planning an elaborate form of blackmail. Still his tongue felt like heaven. If his hands hadn’t been holding me down I would have thrust into his mouth harder and faster until exploding. As it was I had to bite my hand to keep from crying out.
It seemed like hours before I finally came, but I’m sure it wasn’t all that long after we started.
I slumped against the mirror, my ass falling into the sink. He fell backward, wiping at his mouth. When I had recovered enough to move I threw the condom into the trash and straightened my clothes. I’m sure we still looked like we had been doing exactly what we had been doing.
Jay smiled at me as he pushed himself up off the floor. “That was fun.”
I was still catching my breath. “God, yes.” Someone banged on the door. “Shit!” I exchanged a worried look with him.
Eventually he shrugged. “Might as well face up to it.” While his voice sounded confident, he looked nervous as hell.
The woman, well girl actually, who had been banging on the door exchanged a knowing look with us as we exchanged places. “You know, if you have the good stuff the least you could do is share it!”
I laughed. I’m not sure if it was better to be thought a druggie than that we were having sex in the bathroom. She looked at us like we were crazy then shrugged and closed the door.
Jay was walking off already. I let him go, figuring it would attract less attention. The next time they came around with drinks I took one and found my way to a corner of the room. I was still somewhat caught up in half reliving what we had done. After I finished, I went outside to get my car.
He was outside as well, smoking a cigarette disinterestedly. We nodded at each other but didn’t say anything. I certainly didn’t expect it.
“Harder...” Jay gasped, pushing against me. He was so tight, I didn’t want to hurt him. It was all I could do to keep from losing myself completely in the feel of him around me.
We were in yet another scuzzy hotel room, one in a series of many. Over the past few months every two weeks or so we met at a different spot and fucked each other’s brains out for a few hours. So far we’d been lucky and nobody had recognized us. We took turns arranging things, coming up with a new alias each time. It probably would have been easier to just rent a house or something, but we never talked about it. That may have been tantamount to admitting that this wasn’t just a one time fling.
Shane knew that we were doing it, and I had her tacit approval. She just wanted me to not mention it to the kids, not like I would have anyway. Jay and I were as discrete as we could be, never meeting outside of the hotel, barely contacting each other beyond the absolute minimum.
It probably worked as an outlet for him. I knew he was frustrated with trying to promote the bands he’d signed and possibly making sure that Orgy was still somewhat together. I knew the last was a pipe dream, we were unlikely to function as a unit again, the others had their own projects and I was happy for them. My business wasn’t really taking off but it was more of a hobby anyway. Shane and I had enough money to do what we needed to do, anything we made would have just been an extra. Jay, I think, was trying to make a living. This was a way to let off steam.
We hadn’t even closed the door to the room completely before he was bent over the cheap table by the window yelling at me to go harder, faster. There wasn’t even time to get undressed, his pants were around his ankles. I grabbed his hips so hard I’m sure it had to hurt and fucked him into the table. He grabbed onto the edges and pushed back as much as he could. At first I had hesitated, but his taunts made me lose myself in the feel of him. It didn’t take long for both of us to orgasm.
He pulled his pants up and sank to the floor. After closing and locking the door, I handed him a lit cigarette and we sat there for a while smoking in silence. I concentrated on calming down, letting the smoke fill my lungs before exhaling. Jay looked as if he was considering something. He was frowning down at his hand on the floor. I wasn’t all that concerned, it often took him a while to actually meet my eyes after we’d done anything. I always assumed he was compartmentalizing me as fuck-buddy apart from me as friend. As long as it worked for him.
“Why do you keep coming to these places with me?” Jay said out of the blue. “You can’t be that interested in just having sex.” He put the glass ashtray from the table on the carpet and stabbed out his cigarette.
I wasn’t really sure what to say to that. These meetings weren’t my idea. In truth, I really didn’t know why I did it, any of it. I’m sure deep down it was a way to get back at Shane. But I couldn’t really tell him that. I sighed and lit another cigarette. “Why are you here? I’m sure there’s a shitload of other people you could be fucking right now.” My lips parted and I exhaled a cloud of smoke that obscured his face from view. I knew he still wasn’t looking at me. “Let’s face it. This is just stress relief. It doesn’t really mean anything. And it doesn’t have to.”
He nodded, slowly looking back up at me. “You’re right. I guess I just wanted to make sure you weren’t doing this out of pity.”
“Hell, if I was we probably still wouldn’t be doing it.” I put out my cigarette and flopped on the bed. It sagged somewhat in the middle and there were a few burn marks in the comforter, but it was fairly comfortable. The room consisted of the bed, the table, and two chairs that were slowly rusting away into nothing. When I had picked up the key the employee at the desk had mentioned darkly that a television would cost extra. There was a depressing bathroom right off the doorway that was full of suspicious stains and white towels that had long since turned grey. The ceiling above the bed had a grey tinge that probably reflected years and years of chain-smoking guests.
Jay finished his cigarette and laid down next to me. His skin still had a sheen of sweat from our earlier activities and his hair was slightly messed up. What little makeup he had been wearing I’m sure was smeared all over my face. Now that he was relaxed he looked so tired, almost defeated. I’m sure there was something else going on, some unnamed problem that he had to deal with on top of everything else. I realized I was staring and looked away. Now I really was starting to pity him. Shit. When I looked back he was watching me with an almost worried expression on his face. Hell, maybe he pitied me as well.
We laid there for a while before he moved his arm slowly towards me, as if afraid I might hurt him or push him away. I watched its progress for a few seconds then closed my eyes as his fingers met mine. I involuntarily shivered. Eventually I grabbed his hand, lacing our fingers together. He grunted when I pulled myself over on top of him, we were somewhat face to face.
“Can’t it just be about sex? Does it have to be something more?” I whispered.
“No, I guess it doesn’t.” I felt his hand touch the side of my face. Unconsciously I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes. It was so warm in the room, I don’t think it had air conditioning that worked, and his skin was so hot, I was burning alive. Each touch was a trail of molten lava across my skin.
Our conversation ended at that point. All communication between us was skin to skin, flesh to flesh. I don’t remember who started kissing who, but there was no holding back, we were kissing so hard it hurt and yet that was what we needed, I think. I nibbled at his neck and he bit at mine, leaving little red marks that would soon bruise and fade. We sucked on each other’s tongues, spreading warmth. He pushed me onto my side so I wasn’t crushing him. He had gotten so thin lately.
Kissing was nice, but there was only so much it could accomplish. We pulled apart after a few minutes of frantic kisses and started peeling off our clothes. As his shirt came up I saw that his hips were dotted with bruises. He noticed me staring and stopped. “Sorry,” I whispered. He shrugged and pulled his shirt off, then pushed the waistband of his pants down just enough to tease. He circled a bruise with his finger.
“I don’t know, I kind of like it.” On one level that disturbed me, and yet it was somewhat arousing to know that he had marks on his skin that were because of me. I found myself kissing the wounds, licking the discolored flesh. He shuddered beneath my lips. Soon that wasn’t enough, he and I had to be naked. In a frenzy of movement we were both naked and half-hard. In between kissing and undressing each other we pulled down the comforter and sheets...the bed was maybe marginally cleaner that anything else.
I pushed him down underneath me. Usually he wanted to be the one getting fucked, though we had tried it the other way on more than one occasion. I think he preferred pleasure laced with pain. That was fine with me.
Jay was still somewhat loose from earlier, but I wanted to make sure he was stretched enough before we fucked again. I spread a generous amount of lube on my fingers. At my touch he moaned in anticipation and pushed against my finger. As I slowly added more he grew louder, hissing my name with each stroke. When I started slowly pushing my fingers into him he grabbed onto my arm and dragged me down towards him. I quickened the pace, spreading the lube as much as I could.
Finally I put on the condom and entered him slowly. Jay groaned loudly as I started gently thrusting into him. He grabbed onto me as hard as he could and pulled me down on top of him. His legs slowly slid around me, giving me less room to maneuver and more time to destroy him. All the worry and concern that had shown on his face was gone, replaced with intense concentration and enjoyment.
We started at a pace that was just enough to tease, but not enough to get either of us off. I suppose I had never really watched him closely as we fucked before, so much of it was me staring at his back while we strove for climax. Tonight, with him face up and looking at me, it was almost as if it was the first time again. Most of the time he had his eyes closed, but when he opened them it was almost as if we had a connection.
As our pace quickened we reached for each other and kissed, slowly at first, then frantically as our release approached. In between kisses he whispered my name and hissed instructions to go harder, faster. I obliged as much as I could.
Finally I came, moaning his name. He soon followed, clutching my back so hard it hurt. We collapsed next to each other gasping for breath.
“That was good. I panted. He nodded. I threw out the condom.
After that I really didn’t want to move. Jay prodded me onto my side and looked at my back. It must have been bad because he blushed when he finally met my eyes. “Sorry.”
“It’s that bad?”
“Um...I think I might have broken skin.”
I shrugged. “It’ll heal.” I wasn’t sure how I was going to explain it to Shane, but that didn’t really matter so much. However I couldn’t just spend all day lying here with him. “I guess I should get cleaned up.”
The bathroom was cramped and slowly falling apart. Flicking the light switch only revealed that half the light bulbs were burn out, casting a faint glow into the darkened room. It was barely bigger than a closet. When I turned on the shower there was only an intermittent stream that sprayed out in all different directions. I stepped in and let it wash the day away.
JAY
I laid on the bed and listened to him in the shower. It was scary how much I had come to depend on these meetings. Maybe if I had had a steady girlfriend or someone to talk to most of the time it would have been different and the need to see him, to do this, wouldn’t have been at times almost all consuming. But these random assignations had become something I looked forward to, they weren’t wrapped up in a whole laundry list of stress and lowered expectations. It was just him, me, and maybe alcohol. No responsibilities, worries, or problems to deal with. Each time we met somewhere new it was almost a vacation from real life. It bothered me that I didn’t know why Bobby came here. I guess it didn’t really matter, as long as he kept coming.The room which had been stifling earlier was becoming colder. It would have been nice to just stay here for a few hours longer, hell, even days, but I had a few meetings to go to and an endless number of phone calls to make after that.
Bobby was standing right under the spray in the shower, letting water run down his face. He jumped as I slipped in beside him.
“Sorry.” I said quietly, moving into the corner. “I can go if you want.”
He turned and face me, smiling sadly. “No, it’s okay. I didn’t expect you to want to.” He wiped ineffectually at his chest with a washcloth. “Usually it takes you a while after we do anything before you even look at me.”
The tile was cool under my fingers, but soon warmed under my touch. I didn’t want to admit to him how much I needed this. Water beat down between us, I used it as an excuse not to talk to him. Bobby cocked his head and looked at me as if slowly coming to a realization. Fuck, if he was starting to fucking pity me, I’d leave right now. “I guess I just can’t look at you right after we fuck. It’s hard not to keep that separate from when we meet outside of here.” It was so hard to reconcile the Bobby that was in my band and I considered a friend with the Bobby that would meet me in hotels and fuck for hours, no questions asked.
Bobby stepped closer to me and grabbed my arms. His expression was so serious I couldn’t meet his eyes. If I could have, I would have tried to stop listening as well. “How many times do I have to tell you I want to do this?! I don’t have to think about what Shane’s doing when I’m with you. It’s nice to feel like she’s the one getting used instead of me all the time.” He kissed me harshly, pushing me back into the corner. I didn’t know how to react, but soon relaxed and kissed him back. He nibbled around my neck, it was hard to breathe.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered into his ear.
He held my face so I was forced to look at him. “It’s fine. Sometimes I feel the same way.” We kissed again, this time more gently, lingering kisses that melted away into nothing. I didn’t know if I could stand to be without this.
But it had to come to an end. The hot water ran out, there weren’t enough towels. Neither of us really looked at each other as we rushed to get dressed. It was his turn to pay and turn in the key, so he let me leave first.
When I finally looked at him as I was leaving he had an almost wistful expression on his face.
“See you next week?”
I smiled and nodded. “Sure, I’ll set it up.”
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