BOBBYHe sat at the table and stuffed his face full of all the dregs of the refrigerator. He had refused any “fancy” food...which turned out to mean anything that wasn’t a few days old. The smell of the cats mostly covered up his stench, but it was still obviously there...the smell of travel, dirt, pigeons and sweat. He was wearing about five jackets and a few shirts underneath. It was so warm outside, I wondered how he could stand it. When you’re homeless, are you automatically colder than everyone else?
He had left so long ago, left me alone with these people, dumped me without a care. I was just angry that I hadn’t had the chance to dump him first. We’d only fucked once...nothing special really. He viewed it as practice for the job that he wanted to get...rent-boy. I didn’t want to think about how he had made his way through the world now, did he still sell his body?
Jay was staring at him as if he was a god on earth. Sweat spilled down his face and his pupils were dilated oddly. It was because of him that we’d found Ryan. I hated him for that. I didn’t need any memories of a relationship that would have destroyed us both. But I couldn’t blame him. He was sick and delusional. Watched as his lips moved and he started mumbling something.
Because Jay was acting so oddly and almost worshiping Ryan, of course Amir had to join in. Ever since Ryan had left and all our ambitions went with him, Amir had been trying to latch on to Jay. First it was just little favors and extra attention, but it soon grew into a full-blown obsession. Paige had a spare set of keys to Jay’s apartment and Amir somehow found them and started to sneak in there while Jay was asleep and watch him. Luckily, or unluckily Jay woke up and found him there. Now we had to hide the keys. And, because Amir never took any personal responsibility for his cats, like feeding them...we hid the keys in the cat food jar. Anyway, Amir was sitting at the table staring at Jay staring at Ryan and smiling.
“So, where have you been?” Paige asked, shoving a bowl of chicken noodle soup at Jay. Jay didn’t look like he’d be able to eat anything if Ryan was in the same room.
“Around.” Ryan said. His voice was gruff and torn, as if he’d made it a daily practice of ripping his vocal chords to shreds. “Shouldn’t you take him to the hospital?” he asked, pointing at Jay with a spoon. Jay’s eyes narrowed and he smiled at Ryan. I figured that all he’d been able to catch was that Ryan was talking about him.
Paige sighed. “Last time we went to the hospital we had to wait five hours for them to tell us that there was nothing they could do and it wasn’t serious. We’re still paying it off because someone didn’t have any health insurance.”
Amir immediately whipped around from the stove and put his hands on his hips. “How was I supposed to know that it was only a superficial cut! It was bleeding a whole lot and I thought I was gonna die!” he screamed, jumping up and down. A few of the cats who had been rubbing against him ran into the other room, their claws skittering on the tile floor. He pulled up his shirt and pointed at a small little scar near his nipple. “Look at that! You can still see it!!!”
Paige closed his eyes and put his hand over them, shaking his head sadly. “Okay, okay, so it made a scar...but it only happened because you don’t trim the cats’ toenails.”
Ryan coughed and pushed his chair back. “As interesting as this conversation is, I think I’d better get going.” Everyone looked at me, well, actually, just Paige looked at me. Amir was busy trying to figure out how to straighten his shirt while still acting sexed up and Jay had his eyes closed and was just sitting there.
For a while I said nothing. I didn’t give a shit if he stayed or went...we were over. He’d made that quite clear. Not that I ever wanted him in the first place. It was more a relationship of convenience than anything else. “You can stay if you want. The couch is free, if you don’t mind about five million cats sleeping on it with you.” I said after a long pause.
Paige tapped Jay on the shoulder and Jay looked at him slowly. “You should get back to bed.” he said, helping Jay to his feet. Jay gave one last, mournful look at Ryan and then was propelled out the door.
Amir looked at me meaningfully. “I think Paige has a crush on Jay.” he said.
I tapped my finger on the fake marble counter-top and sighed. “Like you don’t?”
Ryan just sat there and silently observed. A part of me wondered where he really had been, but that part had died a long time ago and was just leaving messages on my soul’s answering machine.
AMIRWe all sleep in the same bed. Paige in the middle because, no matter how you put it, he’s the biggest. Bobby sleeps near the door, on the side that’s gradually compressing so that half the time he’s sleeping on the floor in the morning. I’ve got the side closest to the wall because I go to sleep early to keep my skin healthy and shiny. Well, I didn’t used to sleep on that side, but they caught me spying on Jay so now I have to crawl over both of them to reach the door. Oh well, most of the time I can pretend that it’s one of the cats.
Ryan was sleeping on the couch in the other room. I convinced him to take a shower after it seemed that no one else would. Lent him my toothbrush and towel too. I can’t understand why neither Paige or Bobby wanted to lend him theirs. It’s always up to little Amir to be the nice guy. Now Ryan’s wearing some of my clothes which are a bit too small for him and a bit too large for me. He smells better too...I helped him bleach his hair so that it looks nice and then cut it to a uniform length.
I sat near the wall and petted Mittens. He’s not my favorite, Amir Jr. is...but Amir Jr. is sleeping with Ryan tonight. Bobby and Paige don’t know the names of any of my cats, it’s frustrating when I’m trying to tell them about their exploits and all they do is give me confused looks and start counting how many we have on their hands. Can I help it if there’s about thirty? I mean...um...there might be thirty...um...it’s probably only ten.
Paige snorted and rolled over, his arm hugging Bobby closer to his chest. Bobby moved a bit but didn’t wake up. They do this every night and then conveniently forget about it in the morning. Someday I’m just going to make a lot of noise, wake them both up, and tell them to stop pretending and get together. Of course, if I did that, they’d probably kill me. And we can’t have that, can we?
They’re usually safe to crawl over when they’re that far asleep...so I pushed my blanket down and started to slowly make my way across the bed, avoiding their legs and bodies. Giving the excuse that I had to go to the bathroom would only result in them waiting for me to get back.
Finally my feet touched the ground and I stood. I avoided the two creaky spots in the floor and made my way to the other room. I knew where they kept the keys...sometimes Amir Jr. needed a snack and meat gave him gas. I wasn’t as completely irresponsible as they thought I was.
“What are you doing?” that raspy voice...not Paige or Bobby, they gave up smoking after they realized that eating was a bit more important.
I turned from on top of one of the chairs in the kitchen and stared at him lying on the couch. Amir Jr. had cuddled up on his feet and a few others were strewn about his body, cramming into all the warmth that he created. Ryan struggled to move them and stand up. “I was...just getting some food for the cats.”
He eyed me calmly. I had no idea what he had been through on the street. It had been so long since I’d seen him. The last time I think was the day after he told Bobby to fuck off. The day that he decided that his true calling had nothing to do with our band and music. He never defined what he thought he should do with his life, just that what we were thinking about doing wasn’t for him. So everyone thought that he was heartless for leaving and crushing our schemes, but I understood. We could have been big, but if that wasn’t what he wanted it wasn’t our place to force him into it. Bobby said that Ryan was probably going to go off and be a male prostitute or something, but I didn’t believe him. Now he was staring at me. I felt so naked.
“Are those the keys to Jay’s apartment?” he asked. I wondered how he knew, because I wasn’t holding them out of the jar or anything.
“Yeah...” I said.
“Can I have them for a second?” he asked.
“Sure.” Handed them to him. “Just don’t let him catch you looking in at him.”
“I won’t.” He smiled. “You wanna come too?”
“Really?!”
“Yeah...isn’t that what you were gonna do anyway?” he asked.
“Yeah. Usually I just watch him for a while, then he sneezes or something and then I come back over here.”
“Well, I don’t think it’ll be a problem this time.” he said, grinning.
PAIGE“Amir’s gone.” Bobby whispered, pushing my arm off of his chest. “I think we all know where he went.”
“Fuck.” I rolled over and onto Mittens? Or was it Buttons. Anyway, the little prick swatted at me and snarled. “God damn it! We’re getting rid of some of these cats!” I yelled. The neighbor upstairs pounded on the floor and yelled for me to shut up. I sighed.
Bobby pulled out his key ring and flipped through the keys. “I’ve got an extra set...let’s go.”
Didn’t wonder until long afterwards why he had made a copy of Jay’s keys.
JAYEverything was so hot and the room seemed like it was melting. Paige left me in my clothes, pulled the covers up over me and ran his hand through my hair once, cleaning the sweat off my forehead. He’s too nice to me...I take advantage of him far too often. The pillow felt like a cloud, my skin felt like it was ripping off...was I dying?
Heard something moving around...had one of the cats gotten in through the heat duct? It had happened before. Couldn’t bring myself to move and find the source. A footstep. Someone was standing in the doorway. It seemed I could see the air currents, oh gods, am I going totally insane? It was all hot and sticky and muggy and I could barely move to see who it was...It was just a shadow. I cursed Paige for closing the shades.
“Who’s there?” I croaked.
Someone’s hand covered my mouth. “It’s best if you don’t know...but you’ll like it.”
My tongue went out unbidden and caressed one of his fingers. I had no idea who it was. And some part of me liked it like that.