8. "Clotted"Emptied the vodka out in the sink and then put the empty bottle up to drain with the beer cans. Added up how much of a deposit I would be able to get if I lived in other states. It was something to do that wasn't thinking. I had called Paige soon after I got up, around one actually. I had long since given up getting up before noon. Paige had agreed to come over almost at once. I wondered at his enthusiasm. Why hadn't he figured it out yet? And, more to the point, why did I care if he found out?
Jay was still in bed. He had woken up and had an urgent need to vomit, but that was it. Perhaps he would be so out of it he wouldn't know what he was saying and thus actually TELL Paige this time. I doubted it. How long had it been before Shane told me she was leaving? How long before I put all the clues together and realized that she actually wanted to...
Knock on the door. I answered it. Paige was smiling nervously and sort of hopping. "Hi Bobby, how's everything going?" he asked. I heard a thump from the bedroom, probably Jay falling out of bed. Paige looked in that direction worriedly. "He's in there?" I nodded. He sighed and walked in to meet his destiny.I didn't want to stay, but I felt that I had to, to make sure that Jay really did tell Paige how he felt. So I laid down on the couch and tried to count how many cracks there were in the ceiling. I had gotten up to one hundred and fifty when Paige emerged, looking somewhat harried and uncomfortable. "Um...sorry I can't stay longer. See you." he said, then left. I stared at the bedroom door, which Paige had closed gently. Jay...
He was on the floor pretending that he hadn't fallen and smoking a cigarette with a quavering hand. His eyes were still the same shade of red from earlier, so I knew that he hadn't been crying. It seemed like he was trying to pretend that nothing had happened. "I told him. Happy?" he asked."Are you happy?"
He raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Oh yes, I'm insanely happy. This is the best day of my entire fucking life." Smoke curled up from his mouth. "Could you just leave me alone for a while?"
Kitchen again. Opened the drawer slowly, pretending that maybe I was just reaching for a spatula or something. Maybe my hands just happened to stray close to the scissors, maybe my fingers just happened to catch in one of the handles. And I just had to pull them out. Was it my fault if the scissors followed? Once I had them in my hands, they sure as hell weren't going back in the drawer.The somewhat smooth metal rubbed against itself and screeched quietly. I loved that sound, maybe I should suggest to Jay that that be on part of the next album. The metal was cold against my skin, and started to pinch as I ran it over the line. Closed my eyes in pleasure. This would be so beautiful.
Got down to work and took a piece of skin between the tips of the scissors. It had to be now, and it had to hurt. Sliced, maybe a bit deeper than I wanted. Screw that. Pushed as hard as I could, letting the blades meet. Instant success as the blood bubbled up. I sank down against the cupboards and smiled. Started to suck on the wounds. Metallic as always, sometimes I thought that it was from the scissors, that I had some inner link to them that slept inside me down in the blood.
Cut three more quickly, then lingered on the fifth, they were actually symmetrical this time. I smiled to myself. This was perfect.
Then someone grabbed my arm and sank down next to me. Lips descended and started lapping at the blood. My eyes opened to slits, oh fuck it was Jay. Who else could it have been? He smiled up at me from my arm and sighed. "I'm not mad at you Bobby." he whispered, then started nibbling at my neck. Oh fuck fuck fuck... I pushed him away.
"Jay, you really don't want to do this." I said.
He smiled to himself and licked my nose. I closed my eyes in shock and tried to move my hands to conceal my hardening cock. "Maybe you don't want to..." A superior look crossed his face for a moment. "I think I decided what I wanted a few minutes ago." he purred, his uninjured hand going to my crotch. I moaned pitifully. His lips moved to mine, pressing me against the cheap wood. Let him invade my mouth with his tongue, enjoying the differing textures. I wanted him so badly, it seemed like my skin was peeling away in my lust. Thought seemed so far away. Dimly I thought I heard my conscience saying that I should have listened more closely to what he was saying, but hormones took over.
Slammed him to the floor and he smiled through the pain. "Fuck me..." he whispered, trailing fingers over my back.
"I think you're wearing too much clothing for that." I said, starting to pull up his shirt carefully. He smiled drowsily and helped. Again, I marveled at the different colors that the human body could turn. Hundreds of shades of purple, brown, white... Knelt down and licked at his uncovered nipple, making him jerk in delight. Tasted sweat, blood, suffering, and a latent desire. Teased it until his eyes slid closed, his fingernails scratching down my back. I practically ripped off my shirt in desperation and then smashed our lips together again, struggling to keep from moving on the tiled floor. It couldn't have been comfortable for him, but he didn't say anything.
His eyes opened wider, I saw the lazy lust encased in them and wanted to let it loose. His hands went for the zipper to his jeans, but I got there first. Removed them carefully so that I wouldn't hurt him. But it seemed like he was beyond hurt, as he kicked them off impatiently and sat up a bit to help me off with mine. Face parallel to my cock, oh shit. He smiled up at me innocently, and then pulled down my boxers. I almost felt like covering myself, but he was leaning in to lick at my erection. Gasped as his hot tongue met my flesh, moaned as he slowly moved to sheath it with his mouth. Bit down on my lip, it felt so fucking good. Felt the familiar quiver that meant that he had better move his mouth unless he wanted it full of something that wasn't saliva. Instead he intensified his ministrations, deep-throating me as best he could. My hands went forward against my will and grabbed hold of his head, encouraging him. One last, strong lick and I was gone. Plunged into that room of pure hedonism again, collapsed back down onto the floor.
Finally was able to exert some control over my body again a few minutes later. He had managed to pull his boxers off and was sitting there waiting for me. His tongue lapped up the overflow greedily, and his eyes dwelled on my cock, which was starting to grow hard again. "You know you want to fuck me." he whispered.
"Are you sure?" His eyes shone dully in the half-light of the late afternoon.
"I don't say things that I don't mean." Small smile. "At least, not when I'm talking about sex." I stared at him incredulously. This was Jay and...he moved his legs slightly and I caught sight of just how desperate he was for release.
"I don't want to hurt you, I mean, more than you're hurting now."
"It's okay. I took the painkillers, I'm good." he said, tracing the bandage. I smiled to myself and crawled over to him.
"Then this shouldn't hurt." I said, pushing him down to the floor and biting on his nipple. He grinned up at me and then lightly grasped my cock. Instantly harder, instantly wanted to pound him into the floor. Innocent little smile and then his hand left it. I nibbled on his neck, letting my fingers go underneath him. A surprised outburst into my mouth as I let one of my fingers enter him. Kept on exploring until his fingers clenched onto my back and his eyes rolled back into his head. Gently eased in another finger until he was begging desperately for me to enter him. So I drew my fingers back and replaced them with something harder. His choked scream made me take it slower, ever mindful of the fact that his body seemed to be a gigantic bruise. I kissed his neck gently, trying to calm him down.
"Fuck..." he hissed, latching his legs behind me. He reached up and bit down on my lip, encouraging me to thrust. And I did, leisurely at first, then gradually picked up pace, losing myself in him, in the way that he destroyed me inside and out. So tight, so beautiful, my arm was still bleeding, his body was still hurting. Somehow we merged together in our pleasure and pain and transcended it all. He orgasmed first, then me. I pulled out gently and left him lying there and panting.
"See Bobby...that wasn't that hard..." he whispered, smiling to himself. Then everything came back to me and I huddled by the cupboards.