XIII.
Arthur was bleary eyed and glared at me accusingly in the morning. “Is she having the kid or what?” he grumbled. I busied myself putting the porridge on the table and pumping out more water for Jay. I needed to think up a good story, because it was obvious that the truth wasn’t going to work. Bobby was stoking the fire and yawning to himself. He stared at me intensely, shaking his head. Tempers were fragile, and we all eyed each other in suspicion.Jay had passed out around sunrise, but I knew it was only a matter of time before he woke up and the whole cycle started again.
“You know how pregnant women get fat, right?” I said, hoping that Arthur knew nothing of babies. He nodded “Well, um, that’s what’s happening. Her stomach is expanding to make room for the baby. It hurts a lot, obviously.”
“My mother never did anything like that when she had my sisters.”
“Ah, well, your mother...um...she wasn’t as skinny as Jay!” I said. “It really hurts to have that kind of thing happen when you aren’t very fat to begin with.” Bobby gave me a baleful look and shook his head. “Anyway, I better go and check on her before she wakes up and disturbs us all again.”
I ran up the stairs, but not fast enough to avoid hearing Arthur mutter to Bobby, “I’m starting to regret this...you’re not very good friends with them, are you?” Didn’t stay to listen to Bobby’s reply, because I could practically guess what it was going to be. He had never taken my side before with his mother, why would he take it with Arthur?
I pulled a rag out of my pocket and wet it in the water. Jay laid in front of me, his skin coated with white liquid, his eyes sunk deep into his face, and quivering lips that had not tasted any liquid that could satisfy them yet. Laid the rag on his forehead and he shivered, his hands reflexively reaching for mine. He didn’t open his eyes. “Jay, try to hang on. I know it’s hard. I know you feel guilty about us leaving the village, that you think it’s your fault.” He moaned a little and shook his head. “Yes you do. That’s why you’re like this now. You were just holding it all back earlier until you made sure that we would be okay...” Swallowed and went to open the window. He hissed and bit down on his lip, clenching his eyes closed.The sun hit my eyes and I closed them, savoring the smells of London. Smoke, burning meat and wood, feces from both animals and humans. Heard the various screams of the merchants in the streets, children playing, horses scurrying about. I didn’t want to look and see what my new home looked like. In truth, I missed the village with all my heart and it was hard to imagine what my life would be like without it...without Jay. Jay and Bobby were my only connections to the past. I sighed and let a lone tear dribble down my cheek. Jay, stupid stupid stupid... I swore I wouldn’t fall in love with him, but it seemed like when he touched my forehead...something happened, something that I tried to deny with all my will. Because, shit, I did care about him. And it seemed like he was throwing it all away. For what?
I turned and looked at him. Fuck, I couldn’t blame him for this. It wasn’t his fault. It was Bobby’s mother’s, Lord Ryan’s, Amir’s, Father Jonathan’s...mine. I hadn’t fought to save him, I hadn’t thrown myself in front of that crowd, I should have joined Jay with Father Jonathan, I should have been branded too. Then I would have a better idea of what he was going through, then I could...I shook my head. It was pointless to dwell on what I should have done. The point was that I had rescued him, and I had stayed with him. Now I just had to make him see that he needed to live for me.
His lips had lost most of their color, they appeared to float on a sea of foam. They still looked beautiful to me. I kissed him gently, and his tongue tried to push through my lips and meet mine. I pulled away before that happened, hoping that it would get some kind of reaction out of him. His head flopped back on the mattress and he just existed.
I turned his head gently and took a look at the brand. It was healing, or at least I thought it was. Found another rag and wet it, then placed it over the mark. His eyes shot open and he grabbed me, almost drawing blood with nails. “Shh shh shh.” I soothed, running my hands through his hair gently. For a few minutes he was quiet and didn’t move, just laid there and let me rock him. It couldn’t last. Heard the sound of grinding teeth as his eyes opened wide. Then he broke and started screaming again.
“Can’t you make her shut up!” Arthur yelled from downstairs. “I’m trying to buy some cloth for another trip!” I covered Jay’s mouth with my hand and managed not to scream when he bit down on it, definitely drawing blood.
Bobby ran into the room and pulled the door closed behind him. “Arthur’s really mad, I don’t know how much longer he’ll put up with this.” Then he noticed that Jay was drawing lots of blood. “SHIT! Why didn’t you just put some blanket in his mouth or something?” he screamed, running over to me.
After trying very hard to get Jay to let go, he finally was unmanned when we held his nose closed. Then we replaced my hand with a piece of fabric. My hand had a very attractive set of bite marks embedded in it. Bobby bound it expertly and shook his head. “Paige, I really don’t know if it’s such a good idea to keep him here with us.” he whispered. I looked at Jay and closed my eyes. I wasn’t going to just abandon him.
“Bobby, you know I’d never do that.” I said. Bobby nodded and came closer.
Jay was thrashing around in the bed, more sweat than I ever thought could come out of a person drizzling down his face. His skin was so hot, it flamed underneath my hand. Bobby touched his hand and then pulled back. “Fuck, you don’t think he has the Sweating Sickness, do you?” he asked.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “It’s just from the brand...”
“Do you think we should ask Arthur what to do?”
“After I just gave him all that crap about the baby growing?!” I said. Jay’s eyes slid closed and his tight grip on the mattress almost ripped the cover. Then they opened and focused on me, he wouldn’t look anywhere else, even when the pain drove him to clutching at his stomach, and I had to hold him down to keep him from falling on the floor and hurting himself even more. All through it I kept on with the cold water, hoping that he would show some improvement. The only response I got was a brief lapse in time between the violence. “No, I think he just needs something cold. That’s what broke my mother’s fever.”
“But Paige, your mother died!” Bobby exclaimed.
“I know.”