XI.
Light spewed in through the holes in the walls. I put my arm over my eyes and tried to pull the coarse blanket up. Something was holding it down. Shifted in annoyance, then felt the slack arm over my chest. Jay. I gently placed his arm on the bed and studied him. Was he really a demon? Demons couldn�t love, demons could only corrupt and pervert. Had Jay done that to me? It was true that I cared on some level about him, but I didn�t know if it was love. Continued to examine him.His hair stuck up in random spikes, well, not like mine didn�t, but his seemed more planned, like that was the way they were supposed to be. The sweat had collected at his temples and he twitched slightly every few minutes and whimpered. He was lying on the source of all his pain, I had no way of knowing exactly how painful that was. If it had been me...shuddered as I thought about it. Hot metal approaching my flesh, I cried when I burned my finger on the kettles at home. But a brand, I had no frame of reference. He was so remarkably silent about it.
Lips dry and cracking, yet he had drunk more than any of us. Fingers moved on the fabric, clenching and releasing. Then a slit of hazel. Eyes immediately unfocused as he bit on his lip and rolled onto his back. The mark was so fucking red. He touched it gingerly.
�Jay?� I asked softly. He looked at me slowly, as if he had forgotten that I was there. A seductive smile that descended into pain as he regarded me. �Come on, you need to get dressed.�
�Well, dress me then.� he said. He sat up demurely and cocked his head. �Or are you just admiring the view?� A small laugh that disappeared into the maw of pain. True, I was staring at his body, marveling at how fragile his skin looked, it seemed like if I only touched him he would bruise and scar. If I ran my fingernail along his flesh, a gash would follow. Were demons this fragile?
I laughed and got the chemise and gown from the floor. Hazel watched me intently, he was chewing on one finger and smiling slightly. But I knew that he was really doing it because the pain was getting hard to bear without a release.
The chemise slipped on easily and pooled at his torso, covering up his torment. The gown came next, a flood of brown. I helped him stand up and straighten out the wrinkles until he looked semi-passable. His eyes were full of restrained mischief. �What?� he asked.
�Nothing.�
�Come on, you were staring at me.�
I raised an eyebrow and shook my head. �Aren�t you flattering yourself?� He reached out and traced my jaw lightly, then rested his chin on my shoulder. I hugged him and let go as he winced and ran his hand through his hair.
�Maybe.� he said softly, in the tone of a naughty child. �Come on, I�ll bet that Bobby and Arthur are up.�
�You need the wimple.� I retrieved that from the floor and arranged it on his head. It was hard to see the old Jay in the constructed persona of the pregnant woman. His hands rubbed at his flat stomach and he sighed.
�You need to get dressed.� he said. I looked at him expectantly. The hands on his stomach tightened and he sank back down on the bed. �I don�t think I can help you though.�
�That�s fine Jay.� I pulled on the breeches and tunic quickly. �Are you up for breakfast?�
Eyes closed and he thought for a moment, his hands kneading at his stomach. �I...I�ll try.�
Breakfast was mush. Not something that ever made me feel like eating. Jay took one look and shook his head. The innkeeper�s wife smiled and held her arms out. �Come here! Have a seat! Have some mush! It�ll help your baby grow up big and strong!� she exclaimed. She hugged Jay roughly, brushing against his neck. His eyes widened in pain, but he didn�t do anything.She sat him next to Arthur, who immediately pinched his cheek and smiled cheerily. �Go ahead and tell them Bobby!� he exclaimed. I slid in next to Bobby and tried a spoonful of the mush. Ash, sawdust, small stones. Ideally, it was supposed to taste like paste. Jay�s eyes bugged out as Arthur spooned him a large bowl of it. He frantically exchanged a glance with me and shook his head. �What are you waiting for Bobby?� Bobby was smiling secretively and stuffing his face.
�Yeah, what�s the surprise?� I asked. Jay took an experimental bite and swallowed it almost immediately. His lips compressed to a firm line and he chugged down the glass of ale.
�Well, I told Arthur that we don�t really have any work, and he said that we could take care of his townhouse in London for him.� Bobby said.
Arthur put his hand over Jay�s and leered at him. �It�d be a treat to have a beauty such as you working in my house.� Jay stared at him coolly, then got up and ran outside.
The innkeeper�s wife smiled condescendingly and brought over another glass of ale. �I remember when I had my first boy. Threw up after every meal I did.� She busied herself by the fireplace. I put down my spoon and went outside to see where Jay had gone.
He was doubled over by the stump of a large tree and vomiting. His skin was ash grey and mottled with puddles of sweat. One hand firmly held onto the trunk of the tree, the other waved out in front of him in search of some support. I rushed to his side and grabbed that hand. His grip tightened to the point where I couldn�t really feel my hand anymore, but I wasn�t going to let him go. Finally he reached the point where it was just dry heaves and coughing spurts. I realized that he was crying.
�Jay, what�s wrong?!� I exclaimed. He shook his head and pushed me away weakly.
�Just...just leave me alone. Go off with Bobby and Arthur. I can�t go...I can�t...� he yelled, falling to his bottom in the leaves. His hands clutched his stomach in a desperate attempt to hold on to sanity. I tried to hold him, but he kept on pushing me away.
�Damn it! Just stay still! I�m not going to leave you, I already told you that I don�t think you�re a demon.� I snapped. He stopped rolling, but his hands stiffened. The wimple had fallen somewhat off, revealing his mussed sweaty hair. His pupils were dilated to different sizes and rivulets of clear liquid spilled down his cheeks. I didn�t know if it was tears or sweat. They all blended together in my vision. I approached him slowly, unsure if he actually trusted me enough. When I touched his forehead he closed his eyes and moaned, leaning into my hand. Skin cold and clammy, but he moved so that my hand trailed down to his neck. That was where the true fire was, that was where the sickness laid.
�Paige, please don�t leave. I...I haven�t had anyone actually care about me for a long time.� he muttered, twisting slightly. His eyes, when they opened them, pleaded for understanding.
�I already told you I wouldn�t. Don�t you believe me?� I teased, running my hand through his hair. He hissed and nodded.
�Paige, am I gonna die?� he whispered. His eyes were wide and innocent, so like my mother�s, so like death... Fuck. No, don�t ask me that, don�t ask me to answer that. There was no right answer either. Because I had seen people further gone with wound fever recover, and I had seen people with coughs die in a matter of days.
�Shhh...� I soothed.
�Damn Jay.� Bobby said behind me. �You look so fucked up.� I could have slapped him, but Jay said nothing.
�What are you out here for?� I snarled. He looked at me mournfully.
�I�m sorry. I just wanted to know if you wanted to look after Arthur�s house. He said that there aren�t very many jobs in London.� he said.
Jay licked his lips laboriously and made pitiful eyes at me. �We should do it. He won�t be there half the time. And it�s free room and board. Much better than any peasant could ask for.� he said, rubbing his forehead.
�You�re sure?� I asked. I was pretty sure he was just saying that because he thought he was going to die and I needed a place to stay.
He nodded and swallowed. Bobby stood and walked back to the inn, leaving us alone. I pulled Jay up into a hug. �Jay, no matter what, I love you. I won�t let you go without a fight. And you can�t just let go either.� I whispered vehemently. He shivered and clutched me frantically.
�I�m not a demon.� he muttered.
�Well, I�m not an angel.�