"Where are my pants?!"
"Where are your pants?! Where are my pants!"
There was a scuffle of clothing and a pair of footsteps rung outside the door. One of the two speakers squawked and leapt toward the bathroom with a rather loud,"Oh, sod it!", slamming the door shut just as the bedroom door opened.
A tall, imposing figure stood in the door way, frowning,"What's going on- Where are your pants?! If Lord,"the man's voice faltered at the word,"If Lord McKale were to see you nude in his...her...this room-" He stopped. To go on would mean more pronouns, and pronouns were decidedly awkward when speaking of 'Lord' McKale. Instead he puffed out his chest and squared his feet,"Explain yourself."
"I, well...you see,"the young man scuffed his feet,"That is to say-"
"I'm in here Jeffrey! Just send the lad off and I'll be with you in a moment."
The butler's gaze turned toward the bathroom door,"Indeed, miss-"
"Sir today, Jeffrey, if you don't mind."
"Very well, sir,"his eyes turned back to the boy, one brow arching.
The poor thing look positively flustered. He sqwuaked a little, ducking his head before a thought came to him. He tightened his jaw,"It's not as if you really know, anyway."
Jeffrey plucked a pair of trousers off the floor and handed them to the lad,"Indeed, sir. I will escort you to the door,"he paused, lifting his head so he could look down his rather ample nose,"Once you've got your pants on."
The lad shucked them on as quickly as he could and scurried out the door, Jeffrey at his heels. The door closed quietly behind them. There was silence for a few moments, before the bathroom entry creaked open. A head popped out, scanned the little room, then zipped toward the dresser in a hustle. There were several minutes spent looking through the clothes before the dresser was such, just as full as it had been before.
"Well bugger,"said McKale,"It appears I'll have to be a Miss today after all."
.:.:.::.:.:.:.
Miss McKale led herself into the kitchen of McKale manor (a rather small sort of building, for a manor, but that's what it was called, whether or no), ruffled her skirts about, and sat herself promptly at the head of the table.
Jeffrey appeared moments later with an arched brow,"Sir?"
"Miss today, Jeffrey. I've run out of suits. Perhaps you could do the wash this evening?"
"Indeed, Miss. I'll see to it."
"Ruddy way to start the day, isn't it?" McKale fumbled with her skirts. It was terribly hard to sit comfortably with such voluptuous material about one's waist. She wiggled a bit,"How about some breakfast?"
"Of course, Miss. Any requests?"
"I believe I'm in the mood for bangers and eggs, Jeffrey, old boy,"she tapped her chin, brow furrowed,"Perhaps some french toast as well."
Jeffrey's eyebrow's shot to his hairline,"Are you certain, miss?" McKale did not often indulge in sweet things; including such substances as syrup and cinnamon.
"A little can't hurt. No cinnamon, mind you."
"Very well, Miss."
"Any mail today, Jeffrey?"
The butler pointed to a parcel beside the cutting board, having been preoccupied with hunting for eggs and bangers. The fridge was, as per usual, a horrid mess.
McKale rose to her feet and snatched up the parcel, returning to the table before ripping off the paper. Cardboard box. Of course. She coughed, and Jeffrey handed her a knife without bothering to look. Slicing open the tape, she propped back the folds of cardboard and peered inside.
"Oh...oh my."
Jeffrey peered over his shoulder, beating the eggs. He watched his mistress pull a dangling gold object from the box. It took him a moment to decide it wasn't anything peculiar, just a pocket watch, but Miss McKale seemed to be entranced by it. With a rushed sort of squeak she dropped the watch on the table and dove back into the box. She pulled out a letter. It did not appear to have a name on it, but it did have a crest; done up in old fashioned wax, in such a manner that reminded Jeffrey of old medieval traditions. Miss McKale glanced quickly at her valet, before rushing up off the table and out of the room, pocket watch in hand.
"Half a minute, Jeffrey! I've a letter to read!"
Jeffrey shook his head and returned to the eggs. Such an excitable young lady...lad. Whichever.
.:.:.::.:.:.
McKale,
With due consideration I have decided to give to you the object of your request. It is, as you can see, in the form of a pocket watch. Please take note that the watch has four hands. To work it, align each hand (largest to smallest) with the numbers to set the preferred date. As you are certain to have noted, there is, on the back of the watch, a button. Once you have decided upon your preferred year, and set the time accordingly, and simply press the button to complete the action.
There are rules.
I. You do not choose the month or day. This will be in synch with the current month/day in which you use the device.
II. You should not stay for any longer than three months. Although I am not certain, having not stayed longer than a day or two myself, I believe you will become...stuck, or forgotten. No more than three months, the shorter the better.
III. Location follows the same rules a I
IV. You do not get this for free:
For such a commission, I will require something from you in turn. A few somethings, I believe.
Remember, although you know something about me I dislike, I also know something about you.
Here is what I need you to do....
.:.:.::.:.:.
"What ho, Jeffrey, old boy!" McKale skidded into the kitchen, skirts and hair askew. Her feet screeched against the linoleum floor, sticking fast. She gasped and fell forward, waving her arms about uselessly as she made her descent to the floor. Jeffrey dropped his frying pan with a bang and grabbed hold of her shoulders, heaving her upward. She flumped against him with a wild onslaught of giggles.
Jeffrey shook his head and set her back on her feet, dusting off her skirts as he did so,"I believe it would be best if you took to wearing socks, Miss."
McKale primped her hair a bit, catching her breath,"Not at all, Jeffrey. I would have fallen either way."
"Indeed, Miss,"he turned back to the skillet.
McKale cleared her throat and reached into her collar, producing a slip of rather old fashioned looking parchment,"I believe we're going to be taking a trip of sorts, Jeffrey." She toddled back to the table, straightening out the paper and smiling at it.
"Indeed?"
"Oh yes, Jeffrey, indeed! I've some errands to run. I believe we'll be gone for quite some time. You don't mind, do you old chap? Getting away from this old place, what? Let the dust settle a bit."
Jeffrey conveniently did not remark upon the fact that it was he who kept the dust from settling, but nodded his head. "Certainly not, Miss,"he produced a pair of plates from the cupboard and set them at either end of the table before spooning out eggs and sausages to both,"May I inquire as to where we might be going?"
"You certainly may, Jeffrey!" She folded the paper so the very end was sticking out, and flicked it across the table toward him.
Jeffrey peered down at it, brow furrowed,"It appears, Miss, that there are several places listed here."
"Quite right, Jeffrey."
"Some of which, Miss, have dates beside them."
"No fooling you, Jeffrey."
"Dates, I believe, Miss, that we have no chance at all in reaching."
"Haha!" McKale shucked back her chair and stood, grinning wildly,"Not a problem, Jeffrey, not a problem. I've got it all covered."
Jeffrey's brow quivered,"Indeed, Miss?"
McKale's grin turned into a smirk. She slipped back into her chair and laced her fingers together,"Quite, so, Jeffrey." Again, she reached into her bodice, this time revealing the pocket watch she'd only just run off with. "See this?" she said, reaching across the table to give her valet a better look,"This is a time travelling device."
Jeffrey's brow quivered again, a little more noticeably this time. It was clear to McKale that he was having a might bit of trouble believing her. Poor boy. She scooped up a mouthful of eggs and slid out of her chair once again, sidling up to Jeffrey with the watch in hand. She linked her arm through his (he had yet to bother with sitting down) and stuffed the paper back into her shirt. She twisted the watch's hands and flipped the object over. Her fingers lingered over the button on the back, and she glanced up at her valet.
Jeffrey's eyebrows had reached his hairline again, but he wasn't saying anything. McKale shrugged a bit, and stamped the button down.
Nothing happened.
"Well bugger!" McKale distangeled her arm. She shook the watch a couple times, frowning,"Sold me a bloody fake! Well we'll see if-"
At that point McKale was incapable of continuing with her mantra, or perhaps she was, but Jeffrey wouldn't be hearing the rest of it. It occurred to him that he should be worried.
After all, one's mistress (or master, whichever) did not often disappear right in front of their valet like that. Jeffrey blinked a great many times, rubbed his eyes, and blinked some more.
"Ah," said Jeffrey. McKale was back in the room. Just a trick of the light, then. No more sneaking scotch in the middle of the night. Wasn't doing his mind any good.
McKale let out a crow and fiddled about with the watch. She near leapt on Jeffrey, snatching up his arm again, and slammed the watch's button down.
"I say, Miss, what-" and at that point Jeffrey was no longer capable of speaking.
.:.:.::.:.:.
"Isn't it wonderful, Jeffrey!"
Ten minutes later, Jeffrey was still incapable of speaking. Quite the contrary, he felt as if all his insides had just been sucked out his body, and was trying quite hard to keep the contents of his stomach from doing just that.
"Miss,"his voice cracked on the word. He tried again,"Miss, if I may ask, where are we?"
All around them were fields, and endless stretch of golden grass that swayed softly in the faltering breeze. In the distance, the barest edge of smoke billowed up over a hill before dispersing into the clear blue skies. There was nothing but rolling moors from horizon to horizon, and a skinny dirt path that trailed between them like a meandering stream.
Quite frankly, thought Jeffrey, they were in the middle of bloody nowhere.
"I haven't a clue, Jeffrey, old boy," Miss McKale trotted up to him, lifted her skirts a bit so they didn't trail in the dust,"But that's not the important whatsit. When we are. Now, that's the thing we need to know!"
Jeffrey's brow arched, just a little,"When, Miss?"
She lifted the watch to her face,"Thirteen-oh-seven, I believe."
"If I may speak frankly, Miss, there is no thirteen-"
"No, no, Jeffrey,"she grinned and brushed against him, popping the watch up to his eyes,"Thirteen-oh-seven, the year!"
"The y- Miss!"
McKale had up and left Jeffrey's arm, racing off down the path toward the smoke,"Come along, Jeffrey, there's sights to be seen here!"
Jeffrey's eyes widened,"Miss! Miss I do not believe this is entirely a good idea."
But McKale would have none of it. She was going, and that was that, it seemed. Resigning to fate, Jeffrey took in a deep breath, and followed after her at a lope.
.:.:.::.:.:.
"I say, Miss, where are we headed?" Jeffrey was tired and breathing hard no. He was, by no means, out of shape, but running over hills was not the sort of activity a forty year-old man should partake in; most especially after such a queasy experience as....time travelling, if Miss McKale wasn't pulling his leg over this stunt. Although, Miss McKale had a habit of getting her facts wrong on occasion, so this mightn't be time travel at all, even if she was under the belief that it was.
"I haven't a clue Jeffrey," McKale wheezed as she spoke, clearly tuckered out as well,"But I certainly hope we get there soon. I'm famished!"
"I would be glad to make you a second breakfast, if you desire, Miss, as you were not given the chance to finish the first."
"Oh no, don't bother with that Jeffrey, old chap. Thirteen-oh-seven, Jeffrey! The people probably don't bother with cooking at all. Haha. Eat the meat right of the bone, what!"
"I see you've cheered up from this morning, Miss."
"I've forgotten all about it, Jeffrey,"she chortled, and the pair reached the top of one last hill, coming face to face with the billowing smoke.
Down below, eyes following the graceful slant of the hill, they came to find a village. It was not particularly large, just a round little alcove of adobes and the occasional cottage. There was a blazing fire on the far side of the tiny town, as tall as it was wide, where what had to be the entire population of the little thingummy was situated. All gathered about it like the who's in Suess on Christmas.
"Whoop! Perhaps they do cook after all, Jeffrey. Although I doubt you'll be needing to do any- oof."
Jeffrey had thrown his arm out in front of McKale rather forcefully. "I do not believe it would be wise to join them, Miss," he removed his arm slowly, but not before gently dragging her back a few steps.
"What ho! Why ever not, Jeffrey?"
"Because, Miss, I believe those are people they are burning, not bangers and eggs."
"Oh,"McKale scuffed her feet a bit,"Well that's not any good, is it, Jeffrey?"
"Not at all, Miss."
She plopped herself down on the ground, knees crooked so her skirts billowed about her ankles. She sucked in her bottom lip before digging out the parchment once again. Jeffrey waited behind her, silent, brow arched in such a way to denote curiosity.
"Miss?"
"Yes Jeffrey?"
"Is thirteen-oh-seven one of the dates written on that paper?" he paused,"Miss."
"Oh,"she squinted at the paper, and for the first time throughout the entire fiasco he realized she wasn't wearing her glasses. She rarely did, when she chose to be a miss rather than a sir. Said it wasn't suitable. "I believe it is, Jeffrey. Right-ho."
"Then I believe Miss, that if you are attempting to decipher which errand you must run here, you should do so in a more tardy manner."
"Is that so, Jeffrey?"
"Indeed, Miss. It appears the villagers have caught sight of us. I do not believe they are happy."
McKale peered around the edge of her paper,"Quite right, Jeffrey. Quite right."
Many of the lot had abandoned their post around the fire, and, upon seeing a pair of oddly glad intruders, turned their attention toward McKale and her manservant Jeffrey. They were still a bit far off, and one really couldn't tell if they were happy or not, but it was always best not to take chances.
"I believe a change in attire is required, Jeffrey,"said McKale, rising to her feet and slipping the letter back between (what might have been) her breasts. She sauntered over to the man and clutched his elbow, fiddling with the watch,"Then perhaps I can get this thingummy started." She twisted the knob, snapped the button down, and without even a flicker of light, they were gone.