Thursday, March 9th, 2006

They say that the closest a person can come to understanding what it really means to love God (without actually achieving that divine state) is to truly love another person. Body, mind, and soul. Well then in that case, of course it is a continual struggle to love a person, if loving God demands that of us to an immeasurably greater degree. Life isn't a box of chocolates, it's a dark forest filled with thorny roses -- if we're lucky, we'll find our way out into the brightness and tend to our wounds once we do. Most of us aren't...yet we're still surrounded by fleeting moments of beauty. The least we can do is to tenaciously hold on to those moments, lest they pass and all we're left with is the sharp evidence of our trials.

I am torn between the person that I was, the person I am, and the person I'm becoming. I believe in destiny and I believe you choose your own path -- you can lead a horse to water... -- only mine seems to be branching off and each one leads to a place I'm not sure I want to be. I felt satisfied with myself at one point, but I was lonely. I'm not lonely anymore (which is subtle and hard-won success)...yet ambition stirs me and I wonder whether I was destined for greatness or just to be able to recognize it as I contentedly watch it passing me by.

There is a danger in wanting too much and a sadness in looking back at too little and I will be happy (I think) if I end up somewhere in between.