because it's not where you go, it's how you feel for a moment in your life...
Date: February 28th 2004
Feeling...: like I've grown more in the past two weeks than I have for a long, long time
Listening to: the Montreal mix...over and over and over...
Excitement brewing over: being proactive about things. Travelling soon. Getting my license. Going to McMaster (I'll elaborate on all of these in a bit)
Concerned about: Nothing really. There are too many doors opening up right now to worry about the ones that are closing.
People/things that made me smile: listening to "Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel" and "September" and being overwhelmed by the memory of how it felt to be getting ready to go out dancing, carefree and just - plain - happy.
On My Mind:for the first time this weekend it really hit me that we're all growing up. It's hard to put into words but up until yesterday it felt as though I was an "adult" for legal purposes only. Now I'm beginning to realize that our childhood is no more. In just a matter of months I'm going to be moving out and that's as frightening as it is exhilarating.
Additional witty comments (heh heh heh): I feel like a different person since the last time I posted. In fact I feel like in the last two weeks, I've figured out a few things which make my last entry obsolete. I've made some decisions and I've come to some realizations and altogether I feel more at ease with myself than I have for a long, long time.

First I've very nearly decided that I'm going to McMaster in the fall. I'd applied half-heartedly, figuring it was better to have some kind of backup plan but knowing I'd get into Guelph and that I was going to end up there...but the more I've been hearing and finding out about McMaster, the more I feel like it's where I should be. I received my acceptance letter a couple of weeks ago and since then have spent hours looking into it and thinking about it, and on Monday my family and I are going in for a campus tour. Right now, it strikes me as being a better environment for the type of program - Business/Economics/PoliSci - I plan on pursuing...on top of that, I don't tend to make very many decisions based on intuition, but there are times when I just know what feels right and what doesn't; Guelph felt comfortable, probably because it was familiar. McMaster feels right.

The trip to Montreal gave me a feeling of independence and freedom I've never felt before but which realized I'd been craving for far too long. I don't have naive ideas about university being one big party, but I know I'm ready for it and Montreal gave me a little taste of what next year will be like. And besides all of that, I just needed to dance, and oh goodness, dance we did indeed...

Looking back just a week later I realize we couldn't have had a more perfect trip, especially the timing. Julia left us yesterday for Mexico, and it's possible she won't be returning for almost a year. I'm gonna miss her like crazy - we all will, I know - but it made it that much more fitting that we all went away and had so much fun, because who even knows when we'll all be together like that again. It was a perfect ending to that chapter of our lives, finding that piece of paradise that lasts forever...

appropriate mindset for a different age and time
Date: Thursday February 12th 2004
Feeling...: *sigh* see today's title...also very tired. I'm not made to be on my feet all day, I'm more delicate than that (heh heh heh)
Listening to: a 60's and 70's rock CD aaaaaall day at work. Nothing since I got home. Needed a break.
Excitement brewing over: ONE WEEK TILL MONTREAL!!!!!!!!!

...!!!!!!!!!!
Concerned about: some unexplained ("unexplained" or "inexplained"? you know what I mean) weightloss I've been experiencing. This is not my way of gloating to dieters..I'm genuinely concerned. And am eating plenty of chocolate mousse (hahaha chocolate *moose* � la Swedish Chef!!) in an effort to restore some *curvage*
People/things that made me smile: Colin's hair is getting scruffy again. I like scruffy hair.
New thing(s) I�ve learned: the difference between hand-knotted rugs and hand-tufted rugs is that knotted rugs are done one knot at a time (with an average of two to three hundred knots per square inch...) whereas tufted rugs are merely pieces of rug about two square inches in size which are joined together in the desired pattern. There. Now you can all go out and buy rugs with that helpful bit of product knowledge. (allow me to repeat myself...spent aaaaaall day at work today.)
On My Mind:Shaz brought an interesting point up: everyone's all global-warming-this and Kyoto-accord-that but how do we even know that the recent increase in temperatures has anything to do with human activity? Who's to say that this isn't a natural pattern of weather, that maybe three hundred or more years ago - long before anyone accurately documented temperatures - the exact same thing happened and then undid itself and the world didn't come to an end, contrary to what all the doomsday prophesies are forecasting...I'm not advocating polluting, not one bit. But let's not go nuts...
Additional witty comments (heh heh heh): Had a reminisce-ful day today. It started with waking up from a dream in which this guy I used to play baseball with when I was...six, I think...anyway of course we were older in the dream and he asked me out and all that cheese...it had that giddy feeling of being 14 and having the "guy of your dreams" buy you lunch at Pizza Pizza. I miss that. Then all throughout the day it seemed as though everywhere I turned there was someone there whom I knew from junior high or high school - examples: Alex MacMillan (and might I add, this is probably the third time I've seen him at random places in the past month, bringing the total number of times I've seen him during this past month with his MOM to: THREE! Maybe he got arrested and this is part of his sentence...judge: "spend time with your parents, you little scallywag!"); Alex Simpson (ex-boyfriend Jan's best friend for a while...seeing him made me chuckle cause he looked so much older, but I can still remember him singing some retarded song about Oktoberfest in grade 9...heh heh heh); and a few other people here and there from A.Y. Every person brought back little images of insignificant events - so insignificant I still remember them. I dunno. It all feels like ages ago. Possibly because I spent all of grade 12 waiting for grade 12 to be over, so all this stuff that's making me smile happened more than 2 1/2 years ago.

The classic rock CD we were playing at work made Jaqueline and Cyd start talking about trips to the beach when they were my age, the boys, the cars, everything. They can do that though, they're well beyond that. But I feel like I'm middle-aged and I'm looking back at all those crazy-fun moments and missing them and wanting to go back but of course you can't. Now is not my time. Fifteen has been my favourite year so far - but I have a feeling that the best ones are still hiding up my sleeve...

Date: Thursday, February 5th 2004
Just a quick note today...in an effort to give credit where it's due, I'd like to say "kudos" to Roxy for her brilliantly well-written rant on the issue of gay marriages. (click here to read it for yourself)

Happy Birthday Amaan :) (living it up in Cuba...*grumble*)
Date: Monday, February 2nd 2004
Feeling...: antsy. Just deposited a paycheck and realized I can rather easily afford the new pair of boots I've been coveting. Now if I could only go shopping...
Listening to: "Get Born", the new CD by Jet. Love their sound, it makes me want to get up and dance like a monkey heh heh heh
Excitement brewing over: Montreal in 17 days!!!
Concerned about: potentially getting sick in the next couple of days...It's all good if I get sick and then recover in time for Montreal but I'd rather not load up on Tylenol for Colds if I can help it..
People/things that made me smile: Brad Pitt was on a REALLY old episode of "Growing Pains" yesterday, playing Carol's would-be boyfriend except in the end she decided to stick with *Bobby*. I wonder, if she'd known just how HUGE he'd someday become, whether she still would have gone for Bobby's mullet and stonewashed jeans...yech
On My Mind:This whole keffafle over Justin and Janet Jackson's *peep show* is so silly. She can pose completely naked, seductively holding a pillow for decency's sake, for a billboard advertisement promoting her last album and that's alright with everybody. But the second she lets just that extra inch of skin show everyone's all aghast and tsk-tsk-ing...'cause it's such a big, shocking surprise that Janet Jackson has BOOBIES.
Additional witty comments (heh heh heh): Had a lark with my girls on Friday night...after going to see "Triplets of Belleville" (which was really good, by the way...the animation style reminded me of "Steamboat Mickey", and it was a nice change to watch an entire movie in which there were only two lines of dialogue..) they came over to my place and we went tobogganing at the Killer Hill (isn't that such a *pretty* name? :P ) It was the perfect night to go too cause the weather was mild and the snow was pretty fresh..but the kids at school had already gotten to it and built one heck of a bump. There's nothing like breaking your ass hitting a bump and then flying off the toboggan to roll down the rest of the hill...oh, what fun. :D

Saw "Meet Joe Black" for the first time on Saturday...It was pretty good, kinda long but idealistically romantic which is a good thing every now and then. I think I might've enjoyed it more had I watched it with someone else, or even by myself...it's not really a family kinda movie, you know? I can't take an emotional scene seriously with my mom going "tsk tsk tsk" in the background, my dad wanting to stop halfway to check the hockey score, and my sister analyzing on how unrealistic the whole thing was because "Joe Black" would've eventually given everything away with his cluelessness after the cheesy ending. I'm not a sappy fool, I know it's not realistic...but then neither was "Shakespeare in Love" which I saw by myself and decided was absolutely delicious, though perhaps only because of Joseph Fiennes (two words: oh. YUM.)