NEXT TIME

Look at me, look at me!
And what do you see?
I hope all you notice is this lying cheerful smile
I hope you cannot penetrate this mask

Please tell me that my hopes aren�t in vain
Tell me you cannot see my horrible pain
I�m hiding it for one stupid reason:
I don�t want you to see me crash and burn

I try to hold back these bitter tears
While I try not to give into my fears
My heart is fighting
But I doubt it�s to continue its monotone rhythm

I�m on my knees, everyone stares
Clutching at my chest, no one cares
The pain in unbearable!
I can�t believe this is happening again

Is it too late?
Tell me it isn�t so! I want to change my fate!
My breath comes in sharp gasps
As I struggle to my feet

Just another attack...
Control over these is what I lack
I take each step slowly
Leaning on the wall for support

Silent tears continue to fall
As I stagger down the endless hall
My legs give out, I fall to my knees once more
And I wonder...

Next time, will I be able to walk away?

- - - - -

Written in 2002-2003 about the panic attacks I used to get when too stressed.