CHAPTER 10

She keeps on asking, "Do you think it hurts much to die?" It�s hurting so much more to stay alive now; she�s gonna find out how much it hurts to die. She laced her perfume up with death, I feel it in my lungs, so I'll pull in the deepest breath and drop my head.

A tap on my shoulder jolted me away from the lyrics that were jotted haphazardly across the crinkled notebook paper. Hiro was standing behind me, his head now replacing the finger that had been on my shoulder seconds ago, curious lime eyes tracing over the words.

�Chloroform Perfume, right? Good song,� his soft voice said, a bit of a proud lit in it for recognizing the lyrics. Not that it was all that difficult, we had the words to thousands of songs, all stored away in our minds, ready to be belted out in a moment�s notice. An odd talent, I suppose, but one that comes in handy.

�Yeah, it was in among Akio�s things; along with a bunch of sketchbooks and torn out pages from notebooks. He collected some of the weirdest shit, I�ll tell you,� I replied, eyes tinkling. I wasn�t lying either. For an unknown reason, he had napkins from every diner we had ever stopped, each of them having a scribble dedicated to the name of said diner and a few words about that day. Were they memory devices, perhaps? Had be been able to look at each of these napkins, read his personal notes and remember every little detail of that day?

Sighing, I gave up on that train of thought. �Did you need something, Hiro-chan?� I asked, running a tired hand through my hair. It was a relief that it was still summer for another few weeks before school started up. I would be thrust head first into a series of art classes, all demanding masterpieces, which was something I just couldn�t do at the moment, or even attempt at. Everything that poured from my hand right now was violent and bloody, sexual and passionate all in the same breath.

My twin looked at me, his eyes widening as he suddenly remembered why he come over to me in the first place. Holding up a slim hand, he revealed that he had been hiding an envelope from me. And the postmark was from Texas. A letter from Lukas? After all this time?

I plucked the white envelope from Hiro�s hand; tearing open one side and sliding the letter out, letting the paper that had contained it fall to the floor without a second thought. It was a rather lengthy letter, five pages front and back filled with Lukas� flowing script. As I opened the tri-folded lined paper, a few photographs tumbled out onto the desk I was sitting at. Setting thePolaroid�s aside for the time being, I turned to the first page and began to read the letter aloud to my anxious twin.

�Dear Hiro and Kane,

I know I haven�t written since I left New York, and I�m sorry. Did you get my Christmas presents? I hope you liked them � you honestly have no idea how hard you are to buy for.�

At this, we both laughed, eyes dancing. We remembered Lukas� presents well, and had been quite pleased with the gifts. The blonde had given Hiro a beautiful laptop, complete with a CD and DVD burner, and an assortment of other goodies, including new calligraphy pens, elegant stationary and two embossed notebooks for �all the times you get bit in the ass by inspiration,� the card had read. And for me, Lukas had indulged in a handful of top quality sketchpads in varying sizes, accompanied by packages of studio colored pencils, markers and even a box of black pens specifically for inking art. In a large box, there were two matching kimonos, black silk interwoven with threads of red that shimmered when the wearer moved even in the slightest. A red phoenix was embroidered on the back, wings spreading out from the spine to the gentle curves of shoulders. The kimonos still hung in our closet, worn only once when we had gone to the cemetery earlier this summer to pay our respects to our missing parents and brother.

�A lot of things have changed, haven�t they? You two are in college now � and god be damned it was nearly impossible to drag your address out of your aunt, what a stingy bitch she can be! [insert random silly smiley drawing here] How�s dorm life treating you? Things are wonderful here in Texas, though I�m not sure you�re going to recognize me if we ever meet face-to-face again. Like I said, a lot of things have changed, and I�m not the same green-eyed blonde boy that the three of you grew up with.

Oddly enough, this is awkward for me to put on paper. Which is why I�ve included those photographs � hopefully they can explain everything for me. You�re both bright boys, and I know putting two and two together has never been a problem for you.�

I quirked an eyebrow, curious as to what Lukas was getting at. He was speaking in riddles, and at the moment it wasn�t adding up. Hiro looked just as puzzled, and reached for the photographs that were facedown on the walnut desk we had pilfered from Akio�s room. Turning them over with searching fingertips, we gasped.

Lukas really wasn�t the same, in obvious aspects. His blonde hair was still long and sinful, those citrine orbs full of mystery, but those were the only familiar things about the young man. Or shall I say, young woman? A beautiful yet low cut emerald green kimono top that crossed in the front accented the breast implants Lukas had gained. Except, his name was no longer Lukas, she was Lizzy and she was quite the eyeful. Low-rise jeans clung to Lizzy�s hips that had always held a seductive curve to them, even before the operation.

�Wow�� Hiro gasped, appreciative eyes gliding over the glossy photos. I couldn�t help but agree she was indeed breathtakingly gorgeous.

My eyes traveled back to the letter in my slightly trembling hands, skimming it quickly. Lizzy had gotten the operation done not long after making a home for herself in Texas, and had proudly entered college as a woman rather than the tainted young man she had once been. She admitted she would never forget Akio and all the things that we Mendego boys had taught her, but she had needed to put it behind her so she could move on with her life. She was now Lizzy Anderson, a brilliant nursing student who had top marks and already had a job at the nearby Children�s Hospital where she worked with children, all under eighteen, who had cancer. Having always been a year older then us twins meant this was her sophomore year in college instead of her freshman.

The rest of the long letter talked about how college life was treating the happy young woman, how different Texas was from New York, and how much she missed the twins. She wanted to see them soon, perhaps over Winter Break? I considered it, and thought it was a possibility � after all, Aunt Lillian would probably cover the expenses for Lizzy to come visit. It was almost surreal to see the letter signed with, �Love Always, Lizzy.� I couldn�t help but smile though, if this was what could make our childhood friend happy, who were we to deny her?

Lizzy�s pictures were put on the bulletin board above our shared bed, while the letter and envelope were tucked away in a desk drawer with what few letters we had stashed away. Now that the excitement of hearing from Lizzy was over, I returned to the notebook papers while Hiro set to arranging the pretty little trinkets we had acquired from our old house around the cozy dorm room.

Soon school started, and Hiro and I hardly saw each other save for the time we spent in bed together. My art classes kept me up late, as did the writing classes Hiro was enrolled in. He'd spend hours on the laptop Lizzy had given him for Christmas last year, typing for work and pleasure alike while sitting at the small table in the kitchen. I could be found in our bedroom slash living room, perched on the plush swivel chair "stolen" from Akio's room, my back and shoulders hunched as I put the art supplies from Lizzy to good work.

Weekends and the days we didn't have classes were dedicated to cleaning up the rest of the boxes from our August excursion, at least for the first two weeks. Anything that didn't hold any significance to us was given to the local thrift store, which totally made the couple who owned the small building incredbily happy, smiles that never faltered touching their wrinkled faces. Giving those boxes of various items away had filled us with a warmth that lingered, one that couldn't be mistaken for anything impure.

Checking the mail one afternoon revealed another letter from Lizzy, the envelope adorned with various sketches.

"Hiro and Kane,

I have some fantastic news! Once the school year ends this coming summer, I shall be leaving the grand ol' United States! I got accepted to be a part of group of doctors and nurses who will be traveling all over the globe. [insert happy face drawing here] It's not for oncology, but I've been having a feeling lately that working out of the States will do me some good, you know? Besides, I think I rather work in trauma cases, like in the emergency room. Amaya always used to tease me about my freakish reflexes and quick thinking skills, remember?"

I remembered, not that Hiro was around to remember with me, since he was sitting in a lecture hall across campus, ditching pen and paper notes in favor of a word processor and his laptop�s wireless keyboard that was often perched in his lap. Glancing at the paper before me again, I continued reading,

�It�s funny how different college is from high school, ne? The cliques aren�t really cliques, most everyone is friendly and there�s no judgment. I swear, no one�s figured out that I used to be, well, a guy, and everyone treats me sweetly. I have divulged my dirty little secret to one person down here, a close girlfriend of mine who understands completely. People suspect a relationship between us, since we�re pretty much inseparable (who does this remind me of�?), but it�s not like that. Not that anyone�s a bitch about it � I have a feeling we�d be accepted even if we were together. It�s a nice feeling, indescribable really.

Does anyone at Albany have a clue about you two? You were never very good at hiding it when you were younger� if you plan on keeping it a secret; I sure hope you�re a bit less public with your displays of affection, if you catch my drift.�

My soft laughter dissipates the sullen silence of the dorm, wishing Lizzy could only see us now. And while I�m wishing, I long to see Akio once more, and our parents. Would they accept Hiro and me? Since Dad had given up his alcoholic ways, I had a feeling he would be accepting if Mom hugged us close, kissed our foreheads and told us everything was okay; he never could win an argument against the headstrong Japanese woman.

Brushing thick midnight locks back from my face and tying them swiftly with one of the many elastic bands I kept around my right wrist, I glanced over the rest of what Lizzy had written. My classes were over for the day, so I figured I had some time before Hiro returned home to write her back.

Fingers quested for a pen, discovering one in the top drawer on the right hand side of the desk, some simple stationary being pulled out with it. Unlike when I drew, I sat up straight in the comfortable chair. And with a moment�s thought, I put the calligraphy pen to the paper, my hand naturally adapting to cursive as I poured my thoughts out on the thin parchment.

�Dear Lizzy��