Tuesday, April 6, 1999
Well, let's see, what's been happening for the last few weeks. For one, I'm sick again. I really hate being sick...I take my daily vitamins and extra vitamin C and still I have been sick 3 times this year! The second time only lasted a week, so it wasn't so bad, but I'm tired of having bronchitis! My Aunt Joan seems to think it's the fact that I don't eat right.....perhaps that could be the case!
My mom is doing well from her surgery. I think she's probably started physical therapy now. The surgery was more intense than they first thought so she had to stay over night at the hospital.
My mental health is doing fine -- a few times I have gotten a little down, but it in no way was like the way it was before I was on the prozac. The prozac gives me a little buffer zone to tolerate things better. I find that I still get a little down for no apparent reason, but I don't stay that way for very long. I don't know how long the doctor will have me on the prozac, but I'm a bit afraid to stop it. I definitely do not want to be in the position I was before going on it.
Wednesday, March 17, 1999
Wow -- it's been a while since I posted anything...life sure has been busy. School is keeping me extremely busy...we're in the last 6 weeks of classes. I'm taking Intro to Business and Intro to Computer Literacy. It's the Into to Business class that is keeping me busy with research and writing!
We just got our mid-terms back from my Business class and I made an "A", answered 46 out of 50 questions correctly! Yeah!
My mom is having surgery today on her shoulder today. She has torn tendons or something and it's same day surgery. I'm not completely worried, like my sister Penny is, but I will call her later and see how she's doing. My mom is tough! About 10 years or so ago (maybe not that long ago) she had a total knee construction surgery done. Also, she did it all without pain killers. The drugs made her sick to her stomach and she hated that feeling so she decided she'd rather feel the pain.
Monday, February 22, 1999
I'm just getting ready to go to bed. I've done something a little different to this page so that it won't go on forever and ever. The front page will be current entries (same month) and at the bottom there will be a link to past entries (Diary Archive).
I must go to bed now ---- I was hoping to go to bed early (ha, ha). I'm hoping to update this page some more this coming weekend!
Until next time, Live Long and Prosper!
Thursday, February 11, 1999
I'm sitting in class right now. I just finished a test and waiting for everyone else to finish.
I haven't had a lot of things to "rant" about lately. Life has been good, and it feels good not to feel bad. I've lost about 20 pounds since November. I'd like to lose another 60 though.
If you are a regular visitor to this page you will notice that I have changed the name of this page. I initially wanted a "rants and raves" thing -- however it has turned out more like a Diary. So I have changed the name. I must go read now....
Thursday, February 4, 1999
Well, I'm suffering from my third week of this lousy flu that has really taken over Tallahassee. I have not met a person yet that has not gotten this awful flu. But I'm definitely on the mend and hopefully in a week or two I'll be extremely healthy again.
This past week has been an extremely good week. I have been on a high from life this past month.
I'm sitting in class right now because I'm done with the exercises and waiting for 6:50 pm to come around so that I may go home and pay my cable bill.
I haven't had a lot to "rant" about, but I'm sure something will come up. Have a great week and weekend.
Wednesday, January 27, 1999
Well, after my great week, I got sick and had a lousy week after that. But I tried not to let it get me down. I just have to keep thinking that there will always be ups and downs in life and hopefully the downs won't keep you down for very long. But we need that balance in life, because if we didn't feel down, we wouldn't know to appreciate when life is good!
I've been trying to control my temper alot these past few weeks but it's been hard. One thing that makes me upset during the day is stupid crazy drivers. First there are the ones that pull out right in front of you and if that wasn't bad enough they then go real slow. That really gets me mad. Then there's the ones that are so anxious to get around you that they tailgate your car like crazy. That of course makes me want to slow down and make them simmer. Then they'll pass you and drive like crazy and speed on roads they should only be doing 35 MPH on. Then you get to a stop light and they're right there. They didn't get any further ahead of you than if they were to have stayed behind you. Also, whenever they do something stupid on the road, the cops are never around. Of course, the moment you accidentally go through a yellow light or make an improper lane change, the cops see you and stop you for it. I haven't been stopped in a long time for my driving, however there's people I see all the time that are stupid crazy drivers and they are endangering people's lives and the cops are never around.
I'm trying to control my anger in that respect but again, it's very hard. There's a book a friend of mine has read called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, and it's all small stuff". It's a great book and I recommend you read it. It will help you get another aspect on life and get you in control. Instead of life controling you.
That's all for now!
Saturday, January 16, 1999
Today is the first day in a long time that I've actually felt pretty good. I've been in a state of depression for a long time (long story - perhaps one day I'll share it). I didn't think it would ever end. I'd try to help myself by going to therapy and taking anti-depressants but it didn't work the first time so I quit. Then I found a really good counselor and he has helped me a lot to tackle issues of my past, my present and my future. It didn't get me out of the depression but it helped to share and to vent - like I'm doing now. For the longest time I felt as though I was in a hallway and it was completely black. There were no doors and there was a wall that I was stuck at looking at. I saw no future, I had no hopes and I had no goals. After crying my eyes out every day for a few weeks I decided it was time to get my life back into control so I started the drug treatment again and this time we started at the higher dosage and then after 6 weeks we doubled my medication. It took about 4 weeks to really feel this effect and now I can say things are finally happening for me and things are looking brighter. If you feel this way or know someone who feels this way they need to want to get better and if something their taking is not working or if their counselor is not helping, then switch. Change is good! As my counselor, Dave, told me the medicine starts to calm you down and gives you more of a buffer and tolerance for things. I now am going to night school. Majoring in Computer Science. I've started exercising and since I've been feeling better I haven't wanted to overeat or eat so much junk food (like chocolate...my biggest downfall). I've got some weight to lose because I had gained a bit with my depression. But I feel 1999 is going to be a good year and I WILL accomplish this. I really feel it this time. So don't waste your life...I'm now 33 and I feel like my 20's were wasted. I was just in a comatose state for a decade or so being what other people wanted me to be. I'm now ready to find the "real" Pam and explore her interests and her faults. Dave said it's like I'm a tree and my past I was in a wintery state....looking lifeless on the outside but the roots growing on the inside developing. Now I've reached Spring and I'm ready to bloom. The future is my Spring of Life! Having said all that I'll leave it at that...that was just something I wanted to say first off. I'm going to have dinner with some friends of mine tonight! One of the greatest gifts ever are friends! I'm a shy person and I know I probably cut myself off from people and look unapproachable at times, when in actuality I'm just a really shy person. I'm trying to take the initiative and make first contact with people. You never know how many potential friends you can get by doing that. Dave says that a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet.