1. Wear a top hat. 2. Throw popcorn in the air &yell, "It's snowing!" 3. Go, "Ooooh..." whenever anyone kisses. 4. Clap when the good guy gets killed. 5. Make a noise like you're passing gas, &go, "Ahhh..." 6. During the previews yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" 7. Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious yell, "Watch out!!" 8. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. 9. Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls toilet is flooding. 10. Yell out what is going to happen. 11. Tell the man next to you that you have diarrhea, &wink while smiling. 12. Wear a cape, &when it's your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman!! Hahaha!!" &run away. 13. Yell, "Fire!!" &moon the people going through the exit. 14. Tell people they cannot sit next to you, `coz your invisible friend already is. 15. Yell outloud, "Stop molesting me!" 16. Gently, very softly, place a single kernel of popcorn on the head of the person in front of you. 17. Scream out, "Hey, this isn't Bambi!!" 18. Stare at the person across the aisle from you, then quickly look back at the screen when they notice you, then stare at them again, when they look back at the screen. 19. See if you can get a moistened sweet to stick to the screen. 20. Yell to the projectionist, "Can you pause it? - I gotta pee!!
20 Things To Do In An Elevator
1. As the elevator rises/drops through each floor, scream the number of the floor out loudly as it lights up on the meter. 2. When the elevator begins motion, yell "We're gonna crash!!!" as loud as you can. 3. Ask another passenger, "How many people do you think have died on this thing?!?" 4. If they give you an answer, start banging on the door screaming "I don't want to die!!!" 5. If there is only one other passenger, move up very closely to him/her, leaving a lot of space in the rest of the elevator. 6. Stand in one of the corners staring at the wall, humming a tune loudly. 7. Stand at the door, and when people try to get in, stop them and say "Sorry, this elevator is for display only". 8. Wait until a man gets in, and say "See that guy that just got out?? He told me he just banged your wife!" 9. When someone is getting out and the door is closing, yell "Sir you dropped something". 10. Drop something on the floor, and when someone trys to pick it up for you, yell "You can't have it! it's mine!!!" 11. Lay on the ground with your pants off, and when someone is getting off, start screaming "rape!! rape!!" 12. Put a walkman with headphones on, and start singing a song at the top of your lungs beside the other passengers. 13. When a passenger of the opposite sex gets on, say "You know, we could have sex real quick and no one would know..." 14. Stand at the side of the door, and when passengers get on scream "Boo!!! oh..I thought you were someone else..." 15. When another passenger gets on, quickly sit on the ground cross-legged, screaming "You ain't taking me away again!! I'm staying riiiight here!!!" until they get back off on another floor. 16. When people get in, smile at them the whole time, ignoring them. 17. Stand at the door and when people leave, yell "Thank you, come again!" in Apu's accent. 18. When people get on, press all the buttons, and scream "We gonna go for a ride!!" in a hillbilly accent. 19. Sit in the corner and stare at someone until he/she leaves. 20. When people get on, pretend you are sleeping, and when the door shuts, yell "Awww, shit! not again" then pretend to fall asleep again.
10 Things That Piss Me Off
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? 2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick. 3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. 4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." F*ck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat? 5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? 6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid$7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at frikken ceiling up there. 7. The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either, Mr.Healey. You're blind for God's sake! 8. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy? 9. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. 10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole you f*cking pulled me over!