and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that any more. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't
cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs,even
though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her
real bad. I hope you will help me. You can help me if you mindlessly forward this
e-mail to everyone you know. Mindlessly forward it to people you don't
know, too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you mindlessly forward
this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA.
With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over
America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels
can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope,
and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the
doctors.The doctors could help me get better, then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base. Every time you mindlessly forward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. If you don't mindlessly forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean,heartlessbastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head.
She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden
stomach, she hopes you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever
in Hell. What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five
freakin' minutes to mindlessly forward this to all your friends so that they
can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy? Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty.
I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't
chew on me and try to bury its crap in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very
much.
Thank You, Billy "Smiles" Evans
(the boy with just a head, and a burlap sack for a body)
Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? Rats, there go the lights again... Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens! Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off! What's this doing here? That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?! I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses. Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us. Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right? Anyone see where I left that scalpel? OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature. Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card? Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough. She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!! Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing! FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
Research Requests Side Effects of Beer
Recent Medical Research Results Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing,and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.