A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless." Poof! He's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the genie says to the professor.
The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."
A DREADFUL FIGHT
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"
MOST ATRACTIVE WIVES
Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"
FRIEND FOR DINNER
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
IS THIS YOUR HUSBAND
After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the table beside the bed and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation."
WAS YOUR MOM DRUNK WHEN SHE NAMED YOU?:
Ramin R. Dixin
Harry Rump
Seymore Butts
Master Bates
Sharon Peters
I.P. Freely
Bigum Johnson
Miles Long
Backdoor Bobby
Johny Wideone
Openlip Oga
BRAND NAME CONDOMS& SLOGANS
m&m - Melts in your mouth not in your hand.
Reeses - Ones not enough.
Almond Joy/Mounds - Sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don't
Milkyway - Pleasure you can't measure
Hostess - where's the cream filling
Gatorade - is it in you
Mallo Cup - Whip Cream Center
Oh Henry - Loaded with Peanuts
Whoppers - Bite size malted milk balls
Lucky strike bubble gum - do we realy need to explain
tootsie pop - how many licks does it take to get to the center
secret - strong enough for a man made for a women
nike - just do it
Miller light - tasted great less filling
Wendys - Where's the beef
Maxwell House - Good to the last drop
Oscer Myer - Quality meat no fillers
Taco Bell - Think outside the bun
Cambells soup - Mm, mm, mm Good
Mc. Donalds - Im lovin it - We love to see you smile
Burger King - Have it your way
KFC - Finger lickin good
Energizer - it keeps going and going and going
Chevy - Like a rock
GMC - its not more than you need just more than your used too
