He had to get to that portal...he had too. The magic gateway that sat swirling at the far end of the cave was his one chance to get home. Hmmm...what an unusual thought he mused, for he really wasn't going home. His was destroyed by a cataclysmic explosion many years ago when he was but a child, and he and his younger brother were sent hurtling from the planet in escape ships. His ship had crashed here, the ancient planet of Grunack, while his brother's ship had made it's way safely to a planet called Earth. He had lived here among the native people for years, entrenching himself into their culture and learning their ways of combat, but never quite fitting in. Always, he wished to take flight and head across the stars to reunite with his younger sibling, and now it would seem he had his chance. An old woman who was part cleric and part charlatan had told him, "Take this ring, and seek out a cave in the side of Dyn-no-mite! mountain...there you will find that which you seek." At the time, he didn't know what the ring's signifigance was, however along the way he had happened upon a small village and immediately found himself being chased by the women of the village. Soon, he realized, he commanded the power that was...the pimp ring. Not letting this newfound and useful ability deter him, he managed to fend off the ladies and make his way steadily upward along the steep mountain cliffs. As soon as he had found the cave entrance he realized it was booby trapped, and so his next two hours were spent dodging traps that would frighten Indiana Jones.
Finally, he had reached the main chamber...and at the far end sat his prize. This was the only known portal to the Earth Realm, and he wasn't about to miss that flight. Cautiously, he made his way down and across the cavern when suddenly a hiss such as has never been heard before came from behind a cluster of boulders. Out peeked the head of a black dragon, sleek and cunning, yet possessing a menacing aura the likes of which stop men in their tracks. "Oh shit!" the Hobbit yelled as the serpentine dragon snaked it's way toward him. His mind raced...what to do? He thought of the pimp ring...it had worked on the village women, why not a dragon? Steadily, he pointed it toward the creature and exclaimed "Down hooker!" The dragon reared back angrily, seemingly unfazed but still pissed about the hooker comment, and breathed forth a wash of acid! Quickly the Hobbit jumped to his left, narrowly missing the acid as he scrambled behind a rock. "Damn, the ring didn't work. I guess I'm going to have to get physical with this critter." he said while watching the dragon trying to find him. As the black creature came past his hiding place, the Hobbit lept forward climbing on the dragon's back. The creature shrieked and thrashed about wildly trying to throw the Hobbit free, but it was too late...he had already put it in a standing suplex and sent it to the ground in a crushing heap. "Oh, you want some more?" the Hobbit yelled as he gave it a nasty looking elbow drop.
Just as he was beginning to apply the figure four leg-lock to the dragon, suddenly it spoke! "Alright man, damn! You can go through the portal..just let go of my legs. I don't know why you Hobbit's always gotta come up in here gettin' all violent and shit." it said in ebonics. "Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?" the Hobbit said, as he stood and helped the dragon up. Having taken care of the immediate threat, the Hobbit turned and ran toward the portal with dreams of Earth swimming through his head. As he jumped through, he was enveloped in bright white light. As the light faded, he looked around and saw stacks of canned goods and cereals. He was sitting in a wire basket on wheels of some sorts, with a rather hysterical blonde woman behind him. "What the hell are you doing in my cart!?" she cried. "Hell if I know!" the Hobbit replied as he jumped out and ran down the isle. Heading for the first major exit he saw, he ran outside into the bright sunlight and instantly became overcome with power he had never felt before. He felt stronger, invincible, faster...and more confused. "It's the yellow sun. It gives you powers we don't have since you're not from this world." a man sitting on a bench suddenly said. "What? Are you some kind of oracle or wiseman?" the Hobbit asked. "Naw..I used to have a roommate that acted the same way....what a freak." he stated. "Where is he now?" the Hobbit asked. The stranger gave him the address, and soon he was reunited with his long lost sibling. His brother dre proceeded to tell him about a sport in which he was making a difference in the world...paintball. Inspired, the Hobbit decided his destiny was to fight evil paintball alongside his brother, and make the world a better place for those who play. Armed with their trusty 'Mags, they set forth to vanquish evil for good!