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Omniauto
by p4g4n 3l3m3nt5

What do you do when it feels like you're the last person to care about you?
What do you do when nobody's with you, and you need a hand you can hold?
What do you do when everyone else wants you to get away from them?
What do you do when you'll love anyone, and nobody at all loves you?

How are we s'posed to win the war when we've already lost?
How are we s'posed to survive when we're already dead?
How are we s'posed to love when all we're gettin' is hate?
How are we s'posed to be real when we have to be so fake?

It's hard to make a sacrifice when you ain't got nothin' to lose.
But everybody has a little something - that someone else wants just because.
Get a little closer to me - you can have whatever you choose;
I don't care what happens to me as long as somebody else does.

What do you want me to do when you've got me so down?
What do you want me to say when you've got me so high?
What do you want me to think when you've got me so confused?
What do you want me to hope when you've got me ready to die?

How can you ask me to smile when you're sayin' goodbye?
How can you ask me to laugh when you're makin' me cry?
How can you ask me to come when you're pushin' me away?
How can you ask me to feel when you're given' me pain?

It's hard to make a sacrifice when you ain't got nothing to lose.
But everybody has a little something - that someone else wants just because.
Get a little closer to me - you can have whatever you choose;
I don't care what happens to me as long as somebody else does.

Commentary

Long as heck lines, abcb rhyme scheme. There was a very slow melody playing in my head to this song, and I actually imagined the lines sung by Shirley Manson of Garbage. Telling you that might, I suppose, lower your opinion of the piece, as saying things like that is very unprofessional. However, I'm not overly concerned, as I think this piece seems quite horrible without the music in mind. When I try to read it without any sense of melody or rhythm to it, I'm usually fairly disgusted with it.

Quite obviously, this piece was written as my comfort phase was getting into full swing. However, it should be noted that for quite some time, this would be the last official poem I wrote. All others for a few years would be very short, or fully intended as songs. On rare occassions, I still have slight dillusions of eventually putting some of my poems to music. Then I remind myself that the vocal styles I imagine for each one are drastically different, and I could only pull off perhps 2 of them.

The title, "Omniauto," is made from combining the respective Latin and Greek prefixes for "all" and "self." Early versions of the poem carried the subtitle, "All Alone," which was what this meant. The obvious sentiment of this poem is that I'm love-starved, and you can do whatever you want, just make me feel loved. It's very cute and sweet, I suppose, but also quite pathetic. I thought so back then, but simply didn't care. I didn't stay in that state for very long, as my self-esteem increased exponentially. However, far mor eimportantly is the fact that I began to feel that I couldn't truly love someone if I was willing to take anyone (one of my End of Evangelion realizations...). So, the emotions I felt at the time of this poem's writing were quickly destroyed, as I picked up my quest to decide what it really was that I wanted in a significant other.


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