The lemonade in my glass was a pale yellow colour.
The air was hot and sticky, if I ran a finger down my glass of home made lemonade; I could feel the little water particles collect there. I tried to smile; really I did, for my auntie and uncle. But I really didn�t feel like smiling or being happy, especially today.
I missed my daddy.
Yellow
I sat at one of the deck tables, staring into my glass, holding it with two hands. I didn�t want to look anywhere else, everyone else was smiling, and they had reasons to smile.
It was Andie�s birthday; she had a table of presents inside her house. My auntie had held my hand as we walked past it on our way in. She had smiled at our little gift, placing it among the larger gifts, but I knew she was like everyone else. The more presents you got the more love you and respect you got.
The sun had been bright and didn�t seem to dampen anyone�s mood but mine.
My auntie sat next to me, but she was talking to Gail and her sister Bessie, who sat opposite us. They were catching up with Bessie�s recent vacation; I didn�t really care to listen properly. My auntie would occasionally run her fingers through my hair; I would close my eyes each time and wish it was my daddy doing it.
My auntie didn�t want to be here anymore than I did. We came because it was the polite thing to do. She seemed to avoid looking at Gail at all times, a tight smile gracing her features when she did.
Yellow
The lemonade fizzled and the ice started to melt.
Alex and Lilly came running up to the table moments later. They were basically best friends, despite there age difference, anyone could see that. I glanced over at them as they stood in front of the women on the other side of the table. I hated them; they had happy carefree smiles plastered across their faces. I glared across at them, but they where to involved in them selves to spare me a simple hello.
I wasn�t old enough to be their friend, I was still a baby.
Yellow
I wish I was still a baby. I miss daddy, I want him back.
�We�re hungry ma.�
�Yeah staving, when�s uncle Pacey going to serve the food?�
I could hear my stomach start to make little noises, but I didn�t feel hungry. I felt to sick to think of eating anything. I glanced over to where my uncle stood, looking the part, as he grilled lunch. I frowned further when I saw Andie stand so close to him, her hand on his yellow shirt as she laughed at something he said. That alone made the whole sickness thing worse.
�I�m sure it won�t be long, guys.�
I saw my auntie look over in the direction, everyone was talking about, and she quickly turned back, like the sight of them so cozy had scolded her. She looked down at her white wine glass, before taking a healthy drink.
Maybe it had.
�Why don�t you guys take a dip in the creek, while you wait?�
Their eyes light up together, the way they do when its Christmas morning and you know Santa�s been. I tired to smile then, but it really wasn�t much of one. With out warning they were off again, running in the direction of the creek. I turned around just as they jumped into the water together, hand in hand.
Yellow
It was the colour of Lilly�s hair and the colour of Alex�s swimming trunks.
I hated yellow at that moment. Yellow was daddy�s favorite colour because it reminded him of my mother and he wasn�t here to enjoy it.
It didn�t make sense for him not to be here anymore.
It wasn�t fair and it defiantly wasn�t right.
�Foods ready.�
I couldn�t take it anymore.
Yellow
I was off running before anyone could stop me. I think they were too shocked, the words, �what the hell is she doing�, probably running through their minds but I didn�t care. Just like daddy didn�t care, that he left me. Just like my uncle didn�t care that my auntie was watching Andie touch him so closely. Just like my mother didn�t say goodbye. Just like I didn�t care anymore that I couldn�t swim as I jumped off the end of the jetty.
The cool water hit my sweaty skin immediately but it didn�t take the pain away. I didn�t want to feel anymore. I didn�t want to think.
Yellow
I didn�t want to think about the fact I wasn�t making any effort to move to the surface. I let the murky water surround me, coating me with the bubbles that rose around me and comforting me in a way I don�t think they even realized.
Yellow
I rocked back and forth, sinking deeper. The bubbles still rose.
I didn�t dare open my eyes.
I didn�t want to be alone and afraid.
I was cold, my clothes heavy, and my oxygen thin, but I didn�t move a muscle.
All I wanted to think about was the long green grasses, and the wide open skies above where daddy and I use to lie. All I wanted to see was the setting sun, the orange and yellows; the night sky with its silver moon and sparkling stars. All I want to smell was the summer breezes and my uncle�s pancakes.
But all I felt was alone and afraid.
All I could see was the darkness of the murky water surrounding me, controlling me, taking me deeper into its scary depths. All I felt was the coldness of the water making me shiver and freeze every muscle in my body. All I could taste was the creek water enter my mouth, making it harder to breath.
I didn�t want to be alone and afraid anymore.
Yellow
It was if I didn�t have anymore control over my body anymore, for one minute I was surrounded by the rising bubbles, the next I was yanked to the surface, by the waist.
For a moment I thought it was daddy. I wished it was daddy. I wanted it to be daddy. I wanted him to take the pain away, the sorrow, and the angry.
But when I met my uncle�s eyes, his wet face, his sad eyes shining, I knew he wasn�t going to come back to me no matter how much I wanted him to.
Everyone stood around us, watching waiting.
But nothing happened.
We just lay in the yellow sand, catching our own breaths.
I clutched at his yellow shirt, burying myself into his arms, still wishing he was daddy. His arms held me tight in a ball, rocking me back and forth.
I don�t remember if I cried or not for all the creek water that covered me but I knew my uncle did. His voice sounded so sad, like he was powerless to stop the pain he held there and to weak to fight it.
