“Why? So I can forgive my father and we hug and pretend nothing ever happened!” I stare up at Pacey, standing above me. His eyes shone sadness and regret, “Well I have news for you, it ain’t going to happen!” I turned back to watching the water. The wind brought coldness to my reddened cheeks from all the crying.
“You going to have to forgive him sometime!”
“He killed my sister Pacey, my only sister, that’s something I don’t have to forgive, okay!”
“Joey-”
“God ahhhhh, I am sick and tired of people telling me how I should act. It’s driving me up the wall and through the roof. I can’t stand it anymore!” I lean my elbows against the railing and cover my face with my hands and try to stop myself from crying more than I already had, “I thought you understood,” my voice shook as I spoke, “but I guess I was wrong!”
“What’s that suppose to mean?” He frowned further when I didn’t look at him.
“He doesn’t care that my sisters gone, he feels nothing. My mothers weak and he knows that. She can’t do anything right when he’s around because in some twisted way she still loves him.” I ignore his question completely because I'm not sure what I mean anymore.
“What about you?”
“I really wish he hadn’t come back, because it changes everything now!”
“Even us?” His question was small and I know he meant well, but did he really think it was the right thing to say. The guy was unbelievable; all he really thought about was him self.
“You really don’t understand do you?” I shook my head from side to side letting go of the railing, “I can’t believe you said that. I thought you were different, and I wanted, I don’t know what I wanted but I certain didn’t ask for this. You’re just like the rest of the male species in this world. You’re a jerk that only thinks about him self.” I started to walk away but he grabbed my arm.
“Joey wait-”
“Don’t touch me,” I pulled my arm roughly way from his grasp, “and please leave me alone.”
“I can’t do that Joey, not when you’re like this!”
“Well you going to have to because you’re the last person I want to talk to right now!” I started to walk away again, but he didn’t seem to get it, he just followed behind.
“Please don’t say that. I’m sorry for saying what I said it was a stupid thing to say,” I scoffed at the comment but he kept talking, “I didn’t mean to hurt you coz that’s the last thing I wanted to do.”
“Well news flash Pacey, you did!” I stopped and turned to glare at him.
“I know,” Pacey said softly, meeting my eyes, “Forgive me?”
I particular melted right there but I was still upset over everything.
“Do you know why I ran out this afternoon?” He shook his head as he silently reached up to brush a piece of hair out of my face and behind my ear. “I couldn’t breathe at the sight of my father just sitting there so peaceful and it scared me to pieces.” I could feel the tears coming as I sat down on the grass, knees to my chest.
“It’s okay to be scared,” he moved to sit beside me, nudging my shoulder with his so I would look at him.
“But I don’t want to be scared of him; I want to be able to tell him how much he fucked up our family and how much it still hurts to look at him!” I buried my face in my arms, wiping the tears away. I looked back at him, when he didn’t speak. He slowly smiled as our eyes met again, “It’s scary how alike our family problems are.” I smirked, “I mean they are major difference between our stories but the general concepts the same, don’t you reckon?”
“I suppose so,” I smiled, just looking at him made me instantly warm inside.
“When I have kids someday, they won’t know what pain is!” He shrugged looking out to the water, the sun was about to set over it, in a mass of colours.
“Me too,” I agreed as we sat and watched the sun set together in silence.
* * * * * *
I took the stairs one at a time, stopping at the top and turning to face Pacey as he slowly followed.
“Thanks for walking me home!” I smiled and he stopped a step down from me so that we were eye level.
“Your welcome,” he grinned, “I know how afraid of the dark you really are!”
“I am not,” I smirked, I just wanted to lean forward an inch and kiss him.
“I know I was just messing with you!”
“I know,” I bit my lip, wandering why he hadn’t kissed me already.
“So,” he trailed off, I think he didn’t want to leave me yet.
“So here we are,” I continued to grin as I broke eye contact with him to look around my front porch.
“Safe and sound,” He moved his eyes around the porch too, lingering on the front door a moment.
“Ar huh,” I mumbled with a smirk, catching his gaze again, “Any bets my mothers watching us right now.” The tip of my tongue poked between my teeth, I knew I was right.
“Maybe you should go in then?” My smile slowly began to fade at his suggestion.
“Do you want me to go in now?” I asked, not noticing my heart beat had started to beat heavily in my chest. He paused a moment searching my face for something, making me feel kind of stupid for asking such a silly question.
He slowly shook his head, leaning closer so his breath mingled with mine, “I think we should stop talking altogether, it only gets us in to trouble,” The last bit was murmured as his lips touched my softly in a sweet kiss that made me feel like I was floating.
“I think it’s when the talking stops that gets us into trouble!” I murmured back as our lips broke apart.
“I think I’m going to go before we get into more trouble then!” He brushed his lips against mine again, I signed.
“I thought you were going?” I questioned smiling into his mouth.
“I am, it’s just,” he mumbled into the kiss.
“Just?”
“You’re making it hard for me to leave when you kiss like that!” He rested his forehead against mine.
“Oh,” I half smiled up at him as he circled an arm around my waist bringing me evidently closer to him, “maybe I should go first then?”
“Okay, but one more kiss to tide me over,” I nodded before are lips connected again, sucking on his lower lip.
“Goodnight Pacey!” I closed my eyes as a pushed on his chest, so I could back away.
“Goodnight,” He smirked standing there helplessly until I had closed the door behind me. I leant against the door, shrugging at my mother as I spotted her in the kitchen, before heading to bed. God I miss him already.
