For life to mean something, do you have to be defined by the person your with or the job you have or how much money you make a year, those little things that don’t mean much if they don’t mean anything to you.
My life has always been a never-ending roller coaster that I can’t get off.
My Dad never treated me the same as everyone else. I was always the unwanted child, the mistake in his eyes. My mother, bless her soul, tried with all her heart to try and change him, but it never did happen. She wasted countless years trying to reason with him, but in the end she left him. She took me and only me to Capeside when I was 17 just about to start my final year; everyone else either had family or was off at college by then. I think it was the smartest thing she ever did, but at the time I begged and pleaded to stay in Florida. Florida was my home, the only place I had ever lived; all my life-long friends were there, family. It was hard to leave I remember it like it was yesterday.
“Do you really have to go?” I had bent down so I was eye level with my 5-year-old nephew, Ben. His blonde curls shone in the evening sun light, his blue eyes glistering with tears that were about to fall.
“I’m afraid so, buddy!” I could feel the lump in my thought grow a little more as I swallowed back my own tears. I hadn’t been away from my nephew for more than a week or two, since he was born, and I knew that I was going to miss him most of all. I pulled him into a hug as I picked him up. He buried his head into my shirt, holding my collar tight with his hand, “but you can come to Capeside and visit me all the time, you know!” I kissed the back of his head trying to comfort him, but knowing it wouldn’t.
“But it’s not the same thing!” He only mumbled into my shirt.
“I know!” I hugged him tighter as if it was going to be the last time I was going to see him.
“Gretchen, Pacey it’s time to hit the road!” my mother called from where she was at the car, still loading the last minute things, she had forgotten to pack.
“Coming mother,” Gretchen appeared at the front door, her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail that held back the free pieces of hair by the same sunglasses she had worn since the 5th grade, bright pink. She smiled at Ben and me, she loved her son dearly and knew that this was tearing him apart inside, “Leave my poor son alone Pacey, I’m sure you will see each other again soon!” She ripped him off my chest and he immediately took off into the house crying. I took a long moment to just look at Gretchen as she stood before me, golden curls shining like her smile, “California is going to miss you!” She whispered the hint of tears in her eyes.
“I’m going to miss it too!” I smiled in return. Gretchen and me were never up for public affection of any kind and it was the way it had always been.
“Looks like your all set!” Gretchen tried to make the silence less deafening, as she looked around at the car in the driveway.
“I wish I didn’t have to leave!”
“You know that’s not possible, Pacey. And look at it this way, you now have a place to go for your holidays or when it gets to tough to handle!” She actually did have a point there.
“I better go!” I whispered before glancing at the house once more that would be forever called my childhood home, and got into the car. As we pulled out of the driveway I waved at Gretchen that I knew was on the verge of tears as she stood in the middle of the yard. She waved back as we disappeared down the street heading North for little Capeside.
