By The Thread Stalker
How could Peeves know about this and not have told the whole school by now? I couldn�t believe my ears�but it�s perfectly true! Penshire Samuel Craft and Gryffindor Kristin Johnson are official. This reporter just happened to stumble upon their midnight meeting a few weeks ago and I could hardly believe what I heard and saw! Johnson and Craft, going steady! And not only that, but they shared an intimate moment or two as well� it was, I admit, mind blowing at the time.
And to think that our friendly castle poltergeist, Peeves, knew of this for quite some time! That is true too�Kristin said so herself in explaining why she had to tell her sister, a one Audrea Martin, about their relationship. Peeves spilled the beans� to Audrea, but not to anyone else. And thus I found it my duty to my fellow Hogwarts students to inform you of the situation so no one was left in the dark. Keep your eyes peeled for more information in the future, and look out for Samuel and Kristin in the halls!
By Kohlrabi
Rumor has it (and maybe even more than rumor!) that our beloved giant squid (christened Frankie by some), is going to be traded to China for some return to one of our students. Ariene Callahan of Ravenclaw has been seen sending out numerous owls to the far East, has been spending long hours observing the giant squid, and has even been seen engaged in a long, serious conversation with a Chinese wizard down by the lake just last week. It appears they have made some sort of deal in exchange for the squid� we are not sure at this time what Callahan is receiving as payment, but the intercepted owls make it clear that Chinese authorities will be stopping by in mid-June to �relocate� our friendly Frankie. This reporter begs you, fellow students, to put a stop to Callahan�s mad actions and take a stand to keep poor little Frankie safe at home!
By Bryony Casten
There is a rampant staff member in the Penshire common room. This �signature felon� has been fiddling with member�s sigs, and it�s about time somebody did something about it!
Signature editing started over a year ago in the Penshire common room when the staff members of the time challenged each other to a post-off. One staff member, whose name will be withheld, had the bright idea to use their moderator powers to edit the signature of the others to say things like �__ will win� and other such slanderous phrases.
Since then it�s occurred off and on, here and there, never anything serious. Recently we�ve had a few months break for it with no changing occurring at all. That was, until yesterday. Yesterday I laid eyes on my beloved signature, and what was that tiny text underneath my image? You guessed it. �Lover of surfing hippos. <3� Certainly not a sentence I would include in my signature under any circumstances (although, I will admit, I do have a soft spot for hippos of the surfing variety). With this discovery, I realized that we do, once again, have a rouge signature manipulator in our house.
It�s not only my signature that has been changed�Senior Prefect Samuel Craft was also seen sporting an extra line��I <3 Professor Lockhart.� This makes the puzzle even more interesting� because the obvious answer would be Professor Lockhart himself is the culprit, and yet he has not been seen in our common room for quite some time.
The situation explained, I am on a mission. This person must be found. If you have any knowledge of the identity behind this person, please contact me immediately.
By An Irish Know-It-All
It is a well-known fact that Professor Stephen O�Connell, Gryffindor Assistant Head of House and professor Wizarding Occupations, is an Irishman through and through�if nothing else his name, red hair, and freckled complexion should give that away. What is not quite a well-known fact, however, is that he is not only Irish, but is an Irish Leprechaun.
Yes�it�s true. Professor O�Connell isn�t quite human. Every night from midnight to three o�clock in the morning he turns into a little green man, complete with top-hat and black buckle shoes. The Anti-Lep Potion, which he takes every morning, keeps his true identity under the wraps, making him look like a normal person during the day� but we know the truth.
By The Janitor
Everyone at PAD�s Hogwarts should know about Zoey Taylor and Roger Davies by now. Even if Roger has been keeping himself under the radar lately, the fact (yes, I said fact), that Miss Taylor and Mr. Davies have shared more than a few private moments in the broom-closet is well known to most in the school. It hasn�t been brought up, recently, presumably because Zoey�s goats were all infected with gingivitis, and she spent all of her waking moments taking them back and forth to the goat-dentist.
But their gums have been looking better the past few weeks, and with their shiny teeth comes more free time for Miss Taylor� and the return of the Davies/Taylor partnership. Numerous students have approached me under promise of secrecy, each giving a detailed account of different encounters between the two lovebirds. Of course, the first thing they did was return to their broom closet, but since then Zoey and Roger have also been seen frequenting the Room of Requirement, the student Potions storage room, and even meeting for a secret rendezvous behind the statue right outside of Professor Dumbledore�s office! Talk about cheek!
By A Battle School Grad
Professor Tom Riddle has always reminded me of someone� since the day I�ve met him I�ve always had a different feeling about him, like he was a friend from the far past that had gotten a name change, a neighbor whose name I had never known, a personality figure I once knew well but had somehow forgotten over time. It wasn�t until last week that I realized once and for all who Professor Riddle reminded me of.
Peter Wiggin. Readers of Orson Scott Card novels know the character well�depending on how far into the series you�ve read. He is first introduced to use in Ender�s Game as the hero�s older brother, a mean-spirited, antagonistic older sibling who is undeniably brilliant but not quite hero material. This is not the Peter Wiggin I associate with Professor Tom�but rather, the Wiggin introduced to us in later books in the Shadow series. From Ender�s Game to Shadow of the Hegemon Peter develops into a strapping young man full of good ideas, witty remarks, and, more than anything else, ambition. He is seen no longer as the bad guy but simply as a little misunderstood in childhood� too smart for his own good, in a sense.
It is impossible to describe the character of Peter Wiggin in one Owl Gazette article, and yet those of you who know him must have recognized the similarities by now. So the question that I pose is�if Professor Tom Riddle is in fact the Hogwarts version of Peter Wiggin, what does that spell for the future of PAD�s Hogwarts? Wiggin manipulated the governments of the world with his writing� will Riddle be able to accomplish the same lofty goals? Wiggin became Hegemon of the World� does this, in fact, mean that, instead of Audrea or Zoey as future ruler of the world, it will in fact be Tom Riddle?
Only time will tell, but if my opinion is worth anything I believe that all eyes should be on Professor Riddle for the next few months. From what I have seen, he definitely has the ambition and willpower necessary to lead him in Peter Wiggin�s footsteps� and perhaps there is even more to it than that.
By Lima Bean
Recently Bryony Casten has been spotted consuming large amounts of discarded toe nail clippings by the dumpster. A few days ago, one brave student asked the barely-sane Bry why she was eating such a vulgar snack. She responded by spitting the clippings that she had in her mouth at the unlucky student. From now on we would like to advise any student who sees Bryony during this unusual habit to STAY AWAY until she is finished eating. If you get confronted by Bry while she is eating please call our hotline or visit us on the web at www.toenailsinthetummy.org.
By A Raven
Strange conversations happen in this common room. I was passing through the RCR to get to my dorm, and as I was about to come out I heard that a conversation was taking place. Someone was saying that Luna was talking the Giant Squid to the End Of Term Banquet! I know there is a joking rumor about her an the giant squid but they were completely serious...
Later Luna came to join them and confirmed the rumor saying the giant squid accepted her invitation. However, now she's asking Emily to the dance next. I heard it myself. Luna: "Okay. He's [referring to the squid] already accepted, by the way. And now I just need to ask Emmy. My two loves." All of a sudden Summer joins in questioning Luna because apparently she was suppose to be Luna's date instead. However, Summer is already going with Artemius!
I have no idea what is going on but one thing for sure, I am curious to know who Luna's date(s) shall be.
By The Muffin Detective
Keato Abbot, Penshire student, has been well-known for is love of the baked treat of goodness known as a �muffin.� In recent weeks, however, some students around the castle have informed me that they�re afraid his addiction is getting rather out of hand.
Abbot has started his own new line of homemade muffins, which he humbly calls �Keato Muffins.� This was all fine and dandy, as he gave them out for free around the halls or on the grounds when he saw people�it is normal for friends to share their cooking with others. Recently, however, he�s been exacting a hefty price for each muffin�over 5 galleons a muffin�and students are still buying them!
�I don�t even like them that much,� one student (who wishes to remain anonymous), told me. �But whenever I see him selling them I just get this weird feeling that I have to buy one and eat it.� This sensation is not limited to this one student, however. After questioning many who bought Keato�s muffins, they all claimed that they felt like an outside force was pushing them to buy and eat the baked good.
Abbot is currently under serious watch and is being considered for improper use of magic�although no one has ever heard of a spell that compels people to buy muffins, no doubt there is some variation out there, or Keato has created his own methods�it would be well worth it, considering the fortune he has made off them already! Only this is known for sure: whatever it is attracting people to his muffins, it certainly isn�t their taste!
By Zucchini
The word is out! Adrianna Reyes and Evan Murdoch are officially a couple! After going out on two dates already, they have found a liking for each other that is hard to hide. They have been seen holding hands, hugging, and frolicking through meadows together. The signs are pointing to a long relationship for these two lovie dovies!
By a Miscellaneous Raven
Luna has been saying how she loves the Giant Squid in the Black Lake: Squiddy. This has since been questioned, though. Luna brought Squiddy into the Ravenclaw Common Room one day and he asked Arya if she would like to dance with him. She told Squiddy that she would dance with him if he also danced with Luna. You might not think this is odd, but Squiddy asked who Luna was. Arya asked why Luna hadn't even introduced herself to her love and she doesn't even know herself. Now, we wonder why Luna always claimed that Squiddy was her lover....
By Nine-fingered Nancy
Penshire�s Senior Prefect has a new friend! Most students have fairly �normal� pets�an owl, a cat, maybe a toad or lizard here or there. But Samuel Craft thinks outside the box�he, in fact, has a pet badger. Yes, you heard right�a badger. It�s not the most friendly creature�rather, it has especially sharp teeth and a less-than docile nature. Sapphire Lyze, Penshire Prefect Assistant, was the most recent casualty of this fierce beast�she nearly lost a finger when trying to retrieve her quill from under her chair in the common room.
Penshire students have been constantly vigilant the past few weeks, making sure to stay far away from the �pet� whenever it is spotted. Many have asked Mr. Craft why he bought such an animal�his responses have always been ambiguous. Some people suspect he is merely holding onto it for a while before giving it as a present to someone in the Hufflepuff house (pity the person), while others think that Craft is in fact himself making a transfer over to Lockhart�s house.
Only time will tell how this story will turn out, but in the meantime� if you see an angry-looking badger around the castle, make sure to stay away!
By Caller Number 12
The hit summer show �So You Think You Can Dance� has been infiltrated. Hogwarts student Sapphire Lyze, well known for her talent in the performing arts, has decided to take her talents to the big stage. She auditioned for �So You Think You Can Dance� this winter under cover of darkness, telling no one of her secret escapade. The fact that she kept it a secret isn�t important, though�it�s why it was hidden.
Sapphire took to the stage with the intent to wow the judges and persuade them to put her on the show despite her young age (being only 13 years old). When the judges responded less than favorably, however, (I believe the direct quote from Nigel was, �Darling, go back to school and mature for five or ten or twelve years, then come back and we�ll talk�), Lyze attempted to bewitch the judges into accepting her.
Needless to say she was unsuccessful. The Ministry, upon hearing of her underage magic attempt, arrived personally on the scene and escorted her from the premises. My sources tell me she received nothing more than a stern talking to, as she was already heartbroken from the judges reactions.
By The Hogwarts Ringmaster
An anonymous source close to Riley Jake tipped me off yesterday to head down to the unused Charms classroom at five o�clock last Thursday, a time when most of the school was at dinner. Taking the tip (as I always do), I hid in a closet and watched as Slytherin student Riley Jake entered the room carrying a box full of colorful material in her arms. Placing the box down, she proceeded to deck herself out in an assortment of wild and ridiculous wares, looking like a mixture between a clown and a trapeze artist.
Which is apparently just the look she was going for, because from there she spent two hours practicing an assortment of tricks and gymnastics�something that could only be found in a circus. Once she finally left and I could make it out of my closet hiding space, I went back to the source and asked them what it was all about. They informed me that last month Riley joined a traveling circus and she would be performing with them this summer. She wanted to keep it a secret (for obvious reasons), but the truth is out now!
By A Legume Lover
Perhaps you�ve seen the peanuts around the castle. I know we in the Penshire Common Room have�we actually found a trail the other night leading straight from the Great Hall all the way up to our secret common room entrance! Of course, the first thing we did was swipe them away� but the next thing we did was head back down to the Great Hall and look for more peanut trails. Sure enough, we found five more�four leading to the entrances to what we presume are the other four common rooms (though, of course, we don�t know for sure, not being in those houses), and one that just ran randomly around the castle before turning around on itself and leading us back to where we started (we assumed this was the Paddington trail, and it got confused without knowing where the new CR is).
Ever since then there have been various peanut-trails around the castle� walking to the Art Club one day I found a trail of the tasty nuts leading from the club out to the Herbology classroom. A fellow student says she followed one from the Divination classroom to Professor Riddle�s office� and who knows how many more have popped up!
The main question is this: is it the castle itself leaving these peanut trails? (For we all know these walls do crazy things!) Is it the house elves? Or is it perhaps a student here� or even a professor? The only way to find out is to be observant� everyone should be on the lookout for people carrying large bags of peanuts or trails that pop out of nowhere. It�s the only way to solve the mystery!
By Bry Casten
After March 31st, the official last day to earn points for this term, the Writing Club will close down, being inaccessible to all students. Professor Dickinson did this last year as well, hiding the club to all eyes except her own. She claims that this is so she can get the points tallied up and re-organize, but is that really all that is happening behind the closed doors? Could there be something more?
Last year during the Writing and Poetry Club shut-down, students in the Annex Building reported strange noises coming from the club. �It is impossible to describe,� one source told me. �It definitely wasn�t human, whatever it was.� Multiple students reported seeing Professor Dickinson enter the locked door with large quantities of raw meat and pounds of asparagus. What could it have possibly been? And will she try it again this year? If you happen to pass by the club during its annual shut-down, listen for a few moments at the door and report any shady business you might witness.
By The Hogwarts Masseuse
Everyone knows that Professor Lockhart spends three hours every morning fixing his hair and checking on his appearance, another two after his lunch break, that he has his own personal beautician� all sorts of things. But very few people know about Professor Snape�s deep dark secret� and, surprisingly enough, it is quite something that most people would mistakenly associate with Professor Lockhart instead!
Professor Snape has his own secret Hogwarts spa. That�s right�on the fourth floor corridor, a few doors down from the Prefect�s Bathroom is a tapestry of an old witch weaving a basket. This is the entrance to Professor Snape�s secret spa. Numerous students have seen him enter the secret door and emerge hours later smelling of fresh lavender and looking quite clean indeed. One source even told me that he got a good look at his nails last potion class�and they were neatly trimmed and manicured. There are numerous other sources too lengthy to report in this article, but the truth is out�Professor Snape, despite trying to appear to be a greasy-haired grouch, does in fact have his soft side, and enjoys a day at his personal Hogwarts spa every now and then.