By Riley Jake
Yes, you read the title correctly. A few of the acclaimed Disney stars, Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, as well as Goofy, have all come forward and shared one startling fact about their past - they all attended Hogwarts during their youth. And indeed, if one were to look through the records of students that attended Hogwarts during the past hundred years, one would find their names written there. This reporter thought that it was simply a practical joke, however, upon closer observance, I found that Minnie Mouse is listed as a Hufflepuff, Mickey Mouse is listed as a Slytherin, Donald Duck is listed as a Gryffindor, and Goofy is listed as a Ravenclaw. Daisy Duck, was listed as the former caretaker for Hogwarts.
"Hogwarts was a great place," says Mickey, "I met a lot of great witches and wizards there, but I never felt as though the wizarding world was the best place for me, so I went on to work for a great wizard, Walt Disney. Acting was something that I had always loved, so I really enjoyed working for him."
Minnie Mouse had this to say: "Oh, I definitely agree. I loved Hufflepuff dearly, but I never thought that the wizarding world was right for me."
All the others seemed to share similar sentiments, especially Daisy Duck, who went on to curse the school
for "not giving her a chance", even though it was quite clear that she's a squib. All of them seem quite at home acting, and readily denied when this reporter asked them if any of them used magic anymore, which this reporter found incredibly suspicious.
By G. O. Fish
The Professors have been trying to keep this hush-hush, but to no avail� annoying, prodding students will always reign victorious! Here�s the scoop�on April 24, 2008 every single professor at Hogwarts will apparate out of Hogsmeade to the Durmstrang institution� while every Durmstrang teacher will come here! That�s right! The professors have been planning this swap for the past three months, and intended to play a sort of �practical joke� on the students.
Unfortunately for the professors, one of their own sold them out� but of course, I�d never give away my sources! You know who you are�thanks for the info! Students of Hogwarts�be prepared for anything, because no doubt the profs are still going to find some way to carry this out�
By An Anonymous Penshire
(Meant to be in fun ;))
It is rumored that Ravenclaw keeper used the Felix Fidelus potion during a recent match against Penshire. The Keeper Summer played one amazing game. Of course this potion is supposed to increase luck, so that is probably why she had such a good game. It couldn�t possibly be due to the fact that she was just a really great keeper and much better than Penshire�s keeper the fabulous Ava Black. No, the rumor says that Summer used the Potion so that has to be true. Fidelus Potion is illegal in all sporting events. So did she use it? No-one really knows but we do suspect it!
By Beonca Aims
I happened to be coming from the common room last Wednesday when I saw the Head of House for Hufflepuff leaving his common room and stopped to talk to him. Below is the following interview, and I must say I was very surprised by his demeanor.
BA: �Pardon me professor, you seem a bit down.�
PL: �Huh?
BA: �You look sort of blue, is something the matter?�
PL: �Oh that, I think I am depressed, but not ever feeling like that before, I�m not sure if it just might be something I ate.�
BA: �Have you eaten today?�
PL: �No.�
BA: �Then it can�t be that, right?�
PL: �Huh? What were we talking about? Did you want an autographed photo?�
BA: �Um, not really, so what makes you feel down?�
PL: �Feeling down? Me? Oh, yes, yes, now I remember, I think it is because I feel like I should be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, that�s what I was thinking.�
BA: �YOU? What would make you think that you�d be, um, ah�.good at it?�
PL: �Oh, all my experience, you know, I am pretty good with a wand and I have banished banshees and all.�
BA: �So we have been told, but sir, aren�t Banshees suppose to not be scary and are attached to old Irish families?�
PL: �What? Oh no dear, they are like the grim, got to rid the magical world of such terrible creatures, not good for the complexion.�
BA: �Grims and banshees are not good for the complexion?�
PL: �My dear child, who besides Snape looks good pale?�
BA: �Pale sir?�
PL: �Yes pale! I mean don�t people go pale when they see a banshee or grim? I am just trying to help by ridding the world of things that make people pale! Everyone should be a rosy tan complexion like me! See!� (At this point he cocks his head to the light and grins.)
BA: �Uh, yeah, you look rosy and tanned. But sir, is that a bottle tan or a real one?�
PL: �Real? Real? You see it don�t you, it�s real enough and you can have it too for 19 galleons a bottle, my own mixture and if you order today, I will throw in the bronzer.�
BA: �I think I�ll pass. I have to run, good luck with taking over DADA sir, I think you have a good case to plead to the Headmistress for taking the job over.� (At this point I try not to roll my eyes.)
So you see, some old Professor Lockhart, just a different day.
By Ava Black
On April 1st all the portraits at Hogwarts got together and decided to play a joke on students. Each portrait moved. It made most students confused and quite a few couldn�t find their way around the castle without the normal landmarks. Snickering could be heard for the entire day as the Portraits really found this whole mess amusing. Argus Filch went around reprimanding them and threatening to burn the entire lot. Upper classmen used it to steer helpless first years in the wrong directions. It was a topsy-turvy day for all!
By Ava Black
In an effort to update and stay with modern times, Head Mistress Alba Dumbledore had hired contractors to install Elevators. It will be a two part phase done on Summer break. The first part will be to remove the staircases. After that the elevators will be set up. It is still unclear how the �Castle� will react as it is said to be a living creature and quite capable of updating itself.
By Jenii Chang
Yes, I am quite sure I have my facts straight. I heard it directly from the source...kinda. What difference does it make? The fact remains that our wonderful, beloved headmistress is taking a whole year off. Yes, you read that correctly, a year. Why, you might ask. No one I questioned had all the facts, but everyone's best guess is that she's ready for some TLC. Rumor has it she's vacationing in Tahiti. She was quoted as saying she "Just had to get away from the craziness of Hogwarts. Honestly, who can be calm with so many students running aimlessly like hooligans? It's always 'PAD I need this...' and 'PAD I need that...' and I'm SICK OF IT!" There ya have it, folks. Our own headmistress is completely
fed-up...and perhaps having a mental breakdown. So now the question is, who's going to take her place while she takes some much needed alone time? The facts aren't clear, but I heard through the grape-vine that our substitute headmaster will be a rumored death eater, complete with a whip and chains. This is PAD's attempt to "teach respect and consequences of actions." Yikes. Remember all, you heard it here first.
By Ava Black
Everyone likes a little extra money. So you would think finding some extra money would be a great thing, right? Well, not if it is Fool's Gold. This type of gold is usually found somewhat hidden. You think you have really gotten something great. Then you take it to your dorm room and it sits there. You think of all the amazing things you can purchase with it. You don't dare take it to Gringotts because you love the gold and you don't want anyone to ask where you got it. Finally you decided to spend it and POOF!! It disintegrates!! Leaving you feeling sad and dreamless. This gold is found at Hogwarts. So if you find some gold I suggest leaving it. Only bad things can happen.
By Ava Black
Professor Snape has been a long time resident of the Dungeons. The House of Slytherin resided there since the beginning of Hogwarts. However, recently Professor Snape has pleaded with the Head Mistress to allow his house to move. He wants to be above ground. He is quoted to say, � Our house has a bad reputation of being dark, and moving us to a nice Common Room with windows will help reduce that myth.� It is unclear what the Pad will do about this issue as it has never come up before.
By Ava Black
Pad has hired Court Jesters to entertain students on April Fool�s Dinner. It has never been done before at Hogwarts and students are quite excited. The performers are set to arrive during the day to have plenty of time to set up their �show�. Then during the actual dinner meal they will perform for the students and staff.
By Elaine Xuayv
Yes, it is true. If you haven't already heard, last week, the astronomy tower was vandalized. As of now, the identities of the vandals are unknown, but the professors are still trying to figure out how a swamp and fireworks that won't stop going off made it up there. Some think that it's the work of rogue Gryffindors, but what Gryffindor would trash the classroom of their own Head of House? Gryffindors are oftentimes considered to not be the brightest, and even though that isn't true, none of them would do something like this. I, for one, will offer a reward of fifty galleons to anyone who can prove who the real vandals are here, because I, for one, don't like seeing the classroom of my HoH in ruin, and I don't think that anyone else would either.