| On March 7th, I found out I was pregnant with our second child, we were so excited, we didn't expect it to happen so soon after stopping the pill. Our first son Preston was going to be turning 2 soon, so they would only be 2 and a half years, apart, I had always wanted my children fairly close. Preston was so excited, and although we tried explaining it to him, he kept saying that he had a baby in his belly too, and was excited when we took him along to see the first ultrasounds. In my first 5 1/2 months everything looked perfect, and went the same as it had gone the first time. On July 2nd I went in for my doctors's appointment, I was 22 weeks and they said everything looked fine, but I hadn't had an ultrasound at 20 weeks for all the measurements of the baby and everything. So I asked for one and had it that afternoon. Thank god I did. I went home a little disappointed because we hadn't been able to tell the sex of the baby, but I was happy because to my knowledge everything was still okay. The next morning my doctor came to where I work,(I work in a restaurant and we weren't opening for another hour and a 1/2). All he told me was that the kidneys looked to big and they had set up an appointment for me right away in a larger hospital about 2 1/2 hours away. He said he wasn't sure what was wrong and in all the years of practice he had never seen anything like it. I didn't know what to do, I had no idea of how bad it was or if he would make it, all I knew is that if it was something serious they would be doing surgery on the baby while I was still pregnant. I left work and called my husband, actually I had my mother tell him, I couldn't talk without crying. Well a couple of days later we headed up to marshfield, with high hopes that everything was going to work out. I was in ultrasound for an hour and a half, with one nurse and a doctor and one other doctor examining the tapes. We went down to the OB/GYN's area and waited for the doctor. He came and led us into a room with a table and chairs, I knew then that there wasn't good news, I expected to go into an exam room. First he told us it was a boy, I was happy, I had wanted a another boy, then he said, I wish I could tell that nothing was wrong, but I can't. And I wish we could tell you that there was something we could do, but there isn't. I can't really remember the order of what he said after that because I completely broke down. I knew there was something wrong, but I wasn't ready to hear that I was never going to know my son. He said that there was a block past his bladder that kept the amniotic fluid from flowing through him back into the womb. So all the fluid that should have been on the outside of him was inside of him. This had destroyed his bladder, his kidneys, and his lungs had never developed because they didn't have any fluid in them to develop, it was all in his stomach, kidneys and bladder. He had a 100% mortality rate. They told me they could either induce my labor or I could wait and carry him to full term. At first I didn't know what to do, no matter what he wouldn't make it. If it would have been noticed earlier they could have done the surgery while I was pregnant and he would have been fine. I was in Arizona during my first trimester and I had an ultrasound at 17 weeks but the doctor didn't notice it. They said usually it becomes noticable around 15 or 16 weeks. I called my husband and told him and within 45 minutes he was on a plane headed home. We decided that we would go ahead and have him now because if I carried him full term he would have clubbed hands and feet, and smushed in face and hardly look like a normal baby. I knew that if he was going to look like that, then he would go through pain, I don't care what anyone says, In my heart, I knew he was going through pain, there was a pound of fluid in his little body and nothing to cushion him from mine. The doctor gave me the name of a hospital in Minnesota where I would have him. I called them and they asked how far along I was, I said 23 weeks, and she said we don't do abortions that late. I was in shock, he had never told me that it was an abortion clinic he was having me call. She said that due to the cicumstances they would do it, but we would have to pay $2000 cash up front and the whole process may take 2 or 3 days so we would have to get a hotel. They would start by placing sticks in my cervix to help my dialate, but after that I owuld have to sit in the waiting room because they had other patients coming. How could I sit and watch other women coming in to get abortions when their babies were probably fine, when I would give anything just to have my son? She said if the pain got to bad then they had a back room where I could go and be put on medication. I would deliver him there , but we would only get a short time with him, because it was a clinic, not a hospital. I asked, what happens if the inducing doesn't work? She said then they would have to go in and extract him, (meaning pulling him most of the way out and then putting a hole in the back of his head so that his skull would collapse and he would come out.) I said well I won't do that, if the inducing doesn't work I will leave, and she said that they wouldn't let me go without finishing the procedure. I told her I wouldn't due that I would carry him full term before I would pay someone to do that to him. So for the next couple of days I cried, not knowing what to do. Then my boss told me about their family doctor that had delivered there daughter's baby. He already knew the situation because my doctor had called him as soon as they saw something was wrong. I called him and told him what had happened when I called the clinic in Minnesota, and originally when I asked the other doctor how I would have him early, he led me to believe that I would have him at the hospital like a normal delivery. Well he said he would see what he could do, over the next two weeks, it had to be passed by the hospital board, the bishop, and other sisters involved with the hospital, and finally it had to be passed by the bishop's administration in Washington, and many others It was a catholic hospital and because he still had a beating heart, it had to be approved by many boards, but because of the fact that he had no chance what so ever of surviving, it was passed. I was induced Tuesday July 24th and our angel, Blake Thomas, was born on Wednesday July 25th at 3:32 p.m. He wieghed 2.2 lbs (a pound of it was fluid) His heart stopped beating at 5:15. We were able to hold him and spend time with him and all of our family was, there. It is hard for me though, becaue they gave me morphine to help the pain and it made me very tired and fuzzy headed so I can't remember a lot of it. Which has been very hard for me to deal with, because I only had one day with him, and I hardly remember it. I said that I didn't want any medicaation that would make me feel groggy. The thing I remember most is at 930 when we took him to the nursery, and I kissed him goodbye. Our son preston, who is 2 1/2, has been the one who has helped through this the most, and he doesn't even realize it. Blake's funeral was held on July 27th, and one of our very close friends, Lynn, gave the eulogy. Him and his wife Susie helped us so much through all of this and because of them we were able to have a proper service for him. If you guys read this, I can never tell you how thankful we are for everything. Many people tell me they may not have been able to make it through something like this and give me credit for what I did for Blake. But I don't feel that way, I just felt that by doing things they way we did I saved him three months of pain, which I would take on instead of him. But isn't that what any mother would do for their child? It has been three months now and it has gotten any easier to deal with, I don't know how long it will take, but it helps knowing that we have our own little angel watching out for us..... |
