John went back to Florida today. He announced his intention about two days ago, probably not out of the blue, but I wasn't really expecting it. He's been in Washington for about six months now without finding a steady job, he misses Florida, winter is coming, and I guess he has been too independent for too long to be comfortable in our culturally ambiguous group household. I'm surprised at how simply it was done. And I'm surprised that I'm not more worried about its consequences for my continuing to live here.

November 19, 1980

Excerpt from a letter to B.K.

     ... I am really interested in how people
     accommodate themselves to being invisible outlaws,
     and which of the arrangements that they make work
     in human terms ...

December 17, 1980

Herb is visiting, back from California. He came to the dojo last night to practice and he'll be spending the next few days with us. He's well, and having him here Sensei started talking and opened up a little further last night than I've ever heard him do before--or maybe it was just on a slightly different topic. I want to record one thing in particular that he said. I think I have the details right, but between my memory and his English, it is hard to be sure.

On April 10, 1963, Sensei was at his home in Tokyo. He says that night around 4:00AM, he had an experience of universal oneness much like the one that O-Sensei says marked the fulfillment of his early martial arts training, and the beginning of his real Aikido. As with his teacher, Sensei said there was a fading of his surroundings into a colored (purple? yellow?) haze, and a seeming expansion of his perceptions to include the "macro" and "micro" cosmos. He said that the experience manifested itself in his technique. After it, attacks against him seemed mired in mud; slow and easily avoided no matter their kind or number.

There was one other point he made, but I'm less clear on his exact meaning and I don't remember exactly where it came in his account. Sensei said/implied either: "I was feeling suicidal when this experience came upon me," or he said "I understood and was near to suicide after it."

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