Holden: If the buzz is any indicator, that movie's gonna make some huge bank.
Jay: What buzz?
Holden: The Internet buzz.
Jay: What the fuck is the Internet?
Alyssa Jones: Well, it was better than "Mallrats". At least Holden had the good sense to leave his name off of it.
Tricia Jones: Why didn't he option that comic about your "relationship?"
Alyssa Jones: Oh, "Chasing Amy?" That would never work as a movie.
Jay: Do they say who's fuckin' playing us in the movie?
Holden: No, but it's Miramax. So I'm sure it'll be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They put those guys in a bunch of movies.
Jay: Who?
Holden: You know, those kids from Good Will Hunting?
Jay: You mean that fuckin' movie with Mork from Ork in it?
Holden: Yeah, I wasn't a big fan either... but Affleck was the bomb in "Phantoms".
Brodie: Oh my God. Don't tell me you have no idea there's a movie being made of the comic you two were the basis for.
Jay: What? Since when?
Brodie: See, here's the pulse. And this is your finger, far away from the pulse, jammed straight up your ass. Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?
Justice: Hi, I'm Justice.
Jay: And I'm so fucking yours.
Jay: Oh, Hi, I'm Jay and this is my hetero-life-mate, Silent Bob.
Jay: Hey. Get the fuck off her. That's my ex-girlfriend's monkey.
Jay: Three days to stop that fucking movie from getting made. Come on, Silent Bob. We're going to Hollywood!
Whillenholly: I don't get out to the movies that much, but "Bluntman and Chronic" was blunt-tastic.
Randal Graves: That was definitely worse than "Clash of the Titans."
Dante Hicks: I can't believe Judi Dench played me.
Randal Graves: Remind me to renew that restraining order.
Dante Hicks: Why?
Randal Graves: Because I'm going to blast that flick on the internet tonight.
Holden: The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another.
Jay: Hey, wait a second! Aren't you the guy who fucked the pie!
Jason Biggs: You see! It's never "Hey! You're that guy from Loser" or "Hey you rocked in Boys and Girls." No, it always comes back to that fucking pie! I'm HAUNTED by it!
James Van Der Beek: You put your dick in a pie!
Jay: Fuck, fuck, fuck, / Mother, mother fuck, / Mother, mother fuck, fuck / Mother fuck, mother fuck, / Noich noich noich, / 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, / Noich, noich noich / Smokin' weed, smokin' wizz, / Doin' coke, drinkin' beers, / Drinkin' beers, beers, beers, / Rollin' fattys, smokin' blunts, / Who smokes the blunts? / We smoke the blunts. / Rollin' blunts and smokin'...
Teen #1: Uh, let me get a nickel bag.
Jay: [singing] / Fifteen bucks, little man, / Put that shit in my hand, / If that money doesn't show, / Then you owe me, owe me, owe, / My jungle love, yeah, / Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe, / I think I want to know ya, know ya, / Yeah, what?
Teen #2: What the hell are you singing?
Jay: You don't know "Jungle Love?" That shit is the mad notes. Written by God herself and sent down to the greatest band in the world: The mother-fucking Time.
Teen #1: You mean the guys in that Prince movie?
Silent Bob: Yeah, Purple Rain.
Teen #1: Man, that shit was so gay - fucking eighties style.
James Van Der Beek: You've got the wrong guys! Doesn't anyone watch the WB?
Jason Biggs: I'm a teen idol, dammit! Don't you recognize me? Look at me. I'm the pie fucker!!!
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Yeah, well. In prison, he'll be the pie.
Jay: Miramax? I thought they only did classy pictures, like "The Piano" and "The Crying Game".
Brodie: Yeah, but then they made "She's All That" and it went downhill from there.
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