"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!"
"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
"Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it!"
"The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese!"
"You're like a traffic ticket, uve got F-I-N-E written all over you!"
"Daddy's little girl! But not the girl that daddy knew, Daddy never had a clue!"
"Of course there's bears and of course there's deers...oh yeah, and of course there's Backstreet Boys, that big bunch of QUEERS!!!!"
"You're hotter than a menorah on Hanukah!"
"Honk if you love Britney Spears, then drive your car into the nearest tree!"
"If You Blame Others For Your Failures, Do you Credit Them For Your Achievements?"
"Friends are 4ever; Guys are whatever; When worst comes to worst; My girls come first!"
"You're as fake as press on nails."
"There is a total difference between me and you; I have skill and you have problems."
"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so why not get wasted and have the time of your life."
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
"Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure." THATS MY BOYS!
"If you're going to walk in front of me you better have a nice ass or get the h�ll out of my way!"
"I'm not smiling at you� I'm trying not to laugh."
"Did you hear what happened to my last boyfriend? No? Oh, good. That means they never found the body."
"No officer, there isn't any blood in my alcohol system!" Gonka?
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain."
"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank
robbery has just taken place."
"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were
running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache."
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other
one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks,
they are always locking three."
"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my
fishburger and I realize, Oh no....I could be eating a slow learner."
"March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like."
"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one."
"This is the time to remember Cause it will not last forever These are the days to hold on to Cause we won't although we'll want to This is the time And time is gonna change I know we gotta move some how but I don't wanna lose you now."
"To heck with politicaly correct."
"Looks like we're gonna have to use our brains." "Damn."
"Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking
"Occifer,I swear to drunk i'm not god!"
"The three words that can ruin a guy's life: 'Is it in?!'"
"Look if he forgets to call one day, no big deal; two days, its an oversight. Honey, he hasnt called u in three days, hes sleeping with somebody else."
"Prince Charmings a dick..bring on the toads."