"I have great faith in fools. Self-confidence my friends call it."
"I told him I loved him and the feelings were mutual...He loved himself too."
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
"When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better."
"Satan is a dork."
"If I had a ticket to heaven, but you didn't have one too, i'd tear my ticket to pieces, and go to hell with you!"
"We may act, look, and feel like idiots, but at least we're having fun in the process."
"Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door." HAHA JOE!
"You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you should never pick your friends nose."
"I think all the stars are salt, and God's gonna' eat us all."
"Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse."
"God, God, why did you put so many assholes in the world at the same time?"
"Guys are like lava lamps: good to look at, but not very bright."
"Knowledge pursues me, but I am faster."
"When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt! "
"Never knock on Death's door -- ring the doorbell and run. He hates that."
"College is a fountain of knowledge... and the students are there to drink."
"If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool."
"Not all men are fools, some of them are assholes."
"It's not the survival of the fittest, it's the survival of the slickest."
"Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"There are two times when to keep your mouth shut: When swimming and when angry."
"Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell."
"I'm not a bitch, I'm the bitch, and you're just pissed cuz I'm not your bitch."
"Algerbra, cafeteria food and infidelity, that's what high schools all about."
"If your job was as meaningless as a guidence counslers, you'd go crazy too."
"You couldn't ignore me if you tried."
"Me, an angel?"
"I fell off my pink cloud with a thud."
"My musical talent is less God given then taketh away."
"Procrastination is the art of living."
"Press any key. Where's the any key?"
"We're on a mission from God."
"It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes,it's dark, and we're wearing
sunglassses."
"The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get into Harvard."
"Carnies...you know, circus folk...smell like cabbage, small hands."
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
"Never underestimate the power of a Dark Clown!"
"Now why didn't I think of that when I was UNCONSCIENCE AND BLEEDING FROM THE HEAD!"
"Fate takes you only so far, once you get there it's up to you to make it happen."
"Hmm.. so this is where the children.. PaLEHeeEHeeEHeeEHeeay!!!!"-MST3K