This
issue of the OGT was paid for by advertising from the following
businesses:
Presence
334
George Street, Dunedin
471-9000,
www.dunedin-direct.co.nz/presence
Gabby
Morris, Dunedin First National Real Estate
284
Stuart Street, Dunedin
467-7277
(wk), 456-2566 (hm), 025-228-7900
R&R
Sport
70
Stuart Street
Dunedin
474-1211,
www.rrsport.co.nz
Anja
Klinkert Lawyer
83
Moray Place, 2nd Floor
477-7267
or 027-497-2337
Public
Health South
57
Hanover Street, Dunedin
474-1700
Mark
Bridgmount Optometrist
183
King Edward Street, South Dunedin
455-3459,
www.eyeballsdunedin.co.nz
Bodyworks
Club
284
Princes Street, Dunedin
477-8228
University
Book Shop
378
Great King Street, Dunedin
477-6976,
www.unibooks.co.nz
The
Bronx Bagel Co
134
Stuart Street, Dunedin
479-0209
Tracey
Crampton Smith, Celebrant & Counsellor
83
Moray Place, Dunedin
477-6931
The
Academy Cinema
50
Dundas Street, Dunedin
477-9830,
www.academycinema.co.nz
Liz
Holland, Coaching, Management & Supervision
476-1479,
[email protected]
www.lizholland.biz
Lesley
Hirst, Art By The Sea
7 Frances St
,
Broad
Bay
,
Dunedin
478-0073,
[email protected]
UniQ/FUNQ
[email protected],
479-5445, www.UniQ.ousa.org.nz
www.FUNQ.ousa.org.nz
Editorial
by
Tor Devereux, Editor
Happy
New Year and I hope that 2004 is treating you all well. We’ve actually
had a pretty decent summer so far this year in
Dunedin
(as those of you who haven’t been able to get away will know), although
this does have its down side if you’re the sort of person who likes to
run under sprinklers in the backyard or water your garden!
I
feel quite relieved as I sit at the computer writing this editorial
because it means that I’ve managed to get the editing and layout for
this issue of the OGT completed before the birth of our baby! With only a
few weeks to go, I’ve been getting anxious over the last couple of days
not so much about the birth itself but rather about whether or not I’d
have the paper ready for sending off to the printers before labour
started.
A
big welcome to all those returning to
Dunedin
and to all those for whom
Dunedin
is somewhere completely new. And a very warm welcome to any new OGT
readers – hope you enjoy the paper. The OGT is a community paper which
means that we rely on you – the community – to produce it, contribute
to it, read it, react to it, etc. If you would like to be involved with
the paper in any way, then please don’t hesitate to contact us. Also, if
you’re organising an event or a group, then please let us know so that
we can include information about it in the paper.
We
have something of a feature in this issue on the legal recognition of
same-sex relationships, including perspectives from the
UK
and the
USA
as well as
New
Zealand
.
In addition, a couple of local lesbian women have shared their wedding
ceremony with us and we have an interview with a local celebrant. A
contributor also shares a personal and extremely important story about
mental health, an issue that perhaps we as a community need to address
with more understanding and compassion. It’s a real privilege when
individuals tell their stories in such a public way and I’d like to
thank all those who have been willing to do so both here and in previous
issues.
2004
looks set to be another great year for the
Dunedin
queer community, our friends and supporters. As you’ll see from the
paper, there’s a wide range of groups (social, support, political,
spiritual, etc.) currently running in the city - please get involved if
you’re interested and/or would like to meet other people. And, FUNQ -
Dunedin
’s
queer disco - will also be running each month during the academic year.
Finally, just a bit of a plug for the businesses whose advertisements you
see in the OGT. The costs associated with producing the paper are covered
by the revenue we receive from these ads. Most of our advertisers are
ongoing and/or long-term advertisers; some of them are members of the
queer community and others are queer-friendly. So, when you read through
the paper, make a note of the advertisers and you may wish to support them
as they support us – and, if you do this, you may like to tell them why
you’ve chosen to give them your business.
I
hope you enjoy this issue of the OGT and that you have a great year!
Top
of the Page
Queer
Quiz
1. What was a fashion accessory worn by some men as a signal to others
they were gay during the early part of the 20th century?
2. Born Martha Jane Cannary on
May 1, 1852
, she was a heroine of the Wild West who usually
wore men’s clothes and was known for her sharp shooting skills. What
name was she known by, and what actress portrayed her in the 1953 film
about her life?
3. What openly gay actor starred in The Lord Of The Rings films
and was recently in
New Zealand
for the premiere in
Wellington
?
4. Which state in the
USA
recently ruled that there is no constitutional
reason why same-sex couples should not be allowed to marry?
5. What is the name of the gay actor who
played the gay Dr Geoff Greenlaw on
Shortland Street
before the character
was killed off towards the end of last year?
Top
of the Page
by
Miss Ruby
Hello Fabulous Sweeties,
Another year is over, didn’t it fly by in a flash; it’s
hard to keep one’s wig on when time’s going so fast. 2003 was a year
of excitement and entertainment with the FUNQ stage being lit up every
month with some fantastic shows. Thank you to all the darlings that
supported FUNQ with your help, shows and most of all attendance, for what
good is a show without an audience. Highlights for me were the fantastic
Slave Auction (ouch!), those gorgeous boys at Pacific Paradise (yum!), the
great costumes of M.A.S.H, Alex and Lisa as Mr/Ms Pride and, of course,
the sheer glamour of Sparkle.
2004 is gearing up to be just as exciting. FUNQ will be
bigger and better than ever kicking off on the 21st of
February, there will be a grander UniQ graduation float, Pride Week is
looking to take up a whole fortnight, and I even hear whispers of a new
bar, so all exciting things to look forward to - just about enough to turn
your corset inside out.
My trip to
France
has
been enlightening and very refreshing but I can’t wait to get back up on
that FUNQ stage once more. It seems like ages have passed since we were
all there together but not too long to go sweeties. I must say though
darlings it would be good to see some new faces on that stage, so if you
want to give it a go just let me know - the more Sisters of the Very
Sequin the better.
I hope your Christmas season was refreshing and
invigorating, just like that fabulous party I heard about at Shooters.
Well done to Alex and Andrea (we’ll miss you both). Well darling
sweeties I can’t wait to see you all on the 21st. Take care,
be aware, but mostly be queer.
Loving you all
Miss Ruby xxxx
Top
of the Page
Out
Takes Film Festival 2004
by
Tor Devereux
Plans are already well underway for the Out
Takes 2004, the annual gay and lesbian film festival that is now part of
the queer social calendar in
Dunedin
. Out Takes is
organised by the Wellington-based group Reel Queer Inc. with other
individuals at a local level who assist with things such as publicity.
Reel Queer has once again secured enough
funding from Creative New Zealand for 2004 to include
Dunedin
in its itinerary
without us having to apply locally for funds (which is what we did a few
years ago).
The Out Takes film festival that comes to
Dunedin
is something of a
mini festival compared to the much larger and grander affairs that happen
in
Wellington
and
Auckland
. However, a weekend
packed full of queer cinema is a wonderful thing to have in our city and I
would encourage you all to attend at least one film during the festival.
2004 marks the 10th anniversary of the film
festival and the fourth year that Out Takes has been to
Dunedin
. The May issue of
the Otago Gaily Times will contain more details about Out Takes and the
films themselves, but here's some early information:
The dates for Out Takes 2004 in
Dunedin
are
Thursday 10 June to
Sunday 13 June inclusive.
The dates for Out Takes 2004 in
Dunedin
are
Thursday 10
June to Sunday 13 June inclusive.
People can join Reel Queer's free mailing list
now to be sent an Out Takes programme when
it's ready. Go to www.outtakes.org.nz
to
complete the online form,
email [email protected]
or write to Reel
Queer Inc, PO Box 12-201,
Wellington
.
Reel Queer is still
accepting film and video submissions from filmmakers for Out Takes 2004 -
the deadline is
1 March 2004
(but late submissions from NZ filmmakers are
always considered).
Out Takes 2004 in
Dunedin
will take place at
the Academy Cinema (where it was last year) which is located at
50 Dundas Street
. In addition, if any
35mm films are included as part of Out Takes Dunedin, then these will be
screened at the
Otago
University
's Red Lecture
Theatre. (Programming decisions will be made in March.)
Once again we owe a very big "thank
you" to Gavin Hamilton and the Reel Queer team for all the work
they've already put into Out Takes 2004 and the hours that will go in
between now and when the festival actually happens. Reel Queer is a
non-profit community group and relies on local LGBT communities to support
Out Takes and get involved. If anyone would like to help out with Out
Takes Dunedin then please contact me (453-1108 or [email protected]).
Hope to see you at the movies in June!
by
Andrew Metcalfe
I’ve
been keeping an eye on what has been going on in
New
Zealand
with interest. The debates that
have been going on back home over the recognition of same-sex partnerships
and the place of gay people within religious organisations have been
mirrored to a certain extent here in
Britain
.
Recently
there has been a consultation process in
England
over same-sex partnership rights. With its own legal and parliamentary
system,
Scotland
has not been directly involved in this, but the Scottish Parliament has
asked the government at
Westminster
to take responsibility to legislate for same-sex couples’ partnership
rights. Also, there has been a great fuss over the past few months over
the proposed (and eventually failed) appointment of an openly gay Anglican
bishop in
England
,
and the success of a gay bishop’s appointment in
New
Hampshire
,
USA
.
For
both of these events an element of the church in
Britain
has decided to make a stand. One right-wing organisation called the
"Christian Institute" has been asking all its members to object
to any same-sex partnership right proposals "because holy matrimony
is not the same as a homosexual liaison. It is deeply offensive to
Christians to equate the two. Most married people will also object. 'Civil
partnerships' will enshrine a lie into law." With the second issue of
gay bishops, the Anglican Communion seems to have held together - but only
just.
Locally,
there have also been murmurings over sexuality in the (Presbyterian)
Church of Scotland. In a recent edition of the monthly Church of Scotland
magazine “Life and Work”, there was an article entitled “The Kirk
and Homosexuality - Where Do You Stand?” The content was very much what
you would expect. Most of the spokespeople quoted churned out the same
sanctimonious rubbish that gay and lesbian people have had to put up with
for years: “It’s not OK - it’s a sin … It is OK, but as long as
you don’t do anything about it … It’s OK to be sexual, but only
within marriage, and marriage can only be between a man and a woman …
The Bible says it’s not OK ... Nature decrees it unnatural” and so on.
I’m
afraid that the contents of this sort of article plus the “Christian
Institute” tirades make my blood boil. What is it that people get so
hung up about and what is so wrong? I have a loving relationship with my
partner. We have stuck to each other through thick and thin for nearly
four years now. We have both contributed to the lives of our churches and
communities. We have loved each other and those around us. Yet, somehow,
we are seen as “evil” and “wrong” by some because we choose to
love someone of the same gender. People who should know better want to
deny us basic human rights.
I wonder how some of these heterosexuals would feel if some
of their words were turned on them: “I don’t have a problem with
people who are heterosexual in orientation … I would hope that people of
a heterosexual orientation, who are not practising, would find the Church
a welcoming place to express their faith and be active in their Christian
faith.” How would they feel if they woke up tomorrow and found
themselves on the receiving end? Could they do it? Leave their
spouses/partners and deny a fundamental part of what it is for them to be
human? Until they grasp what they are asking, I’m not interested in what
they have to say to me.
Standing
where I stand, I am not evil or a monster. I am someone who has been on a
life and faith journey for over 40 years, and has discovered that God and
plenty of other people love me exactly as I am. And, in the ordinary,
human stuff that has to do with loving others and being loved, that’s
really all that matters.
Andrew is currently working in
Perthshire
,
Scotland
.
You can contact him by email on [email protected]
Top
of the Page
by Tony Weisstein &
Jerry White
Happy 2004! As you’re probably already sick of
hearing, it’s an election year in the U.S. which means that in 11
months’ time we’ll either be swearing in a new Democratic President or
facing another four years of everybody’s favourite George W. So what
topics are the candidates discussing? Well, to some extent it’s just
what you’d expect: the economy, the occupation of
Iraq
, the administration’s
successful effort to antagonize the entire world community. Important
issues all, but a new one has burst upon the scene: gay marriage.
The marriage debate has been simmering away quietly
since last June when the U.S. Supreme Court overturned state laws that
banned gay sex. The religious right was outraged, predicting that the
decision would lead to polygamy, incest and even to ceremonies affirming
gay and lesbian couples’ loving relationships. One Pennsylvania Senator
equated this last practice with bestiality, which confused a lot of people
- even if you could get an ostrich or walrus into the clerk’s office,
how would it sign the license? But despite such logistical snags, the
conservatives continued their merry little diatribe and everyone was
happy.
Then, in November, the highest court in
Massachusetts
ruled that the state
had no right to ban gay marriage. They gave the state legislature a
choice: either pass specific laws recognising such marriages within six
months, or else those marriages would simply become legal. Politically,
this was like pouring nitroglycerin on a wildfire. Right-wingers calmly
announced that the Apocalypse was upon us and that they would see us all
in hell before they would accept the court’s decision. State officials
started work on a compromise (read “sell-out”) to legalise civil
unions rather than actual marriage, but the right would have no part of it
and prepared a counter-proposal - a federal constitutional amendment that
explicitly restricts marriage to heterosexual couples. Such an amendment
has been introduced in Congress, and Bush has declared his support.
Legally, this approach doesn’t make much sense. The
1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) already limits the federal definition
of marriage to straight couples … so what’s the point of an amendment?
“We really, REALLY don’t recognise your marriage”? The right’s
urgency may actually be an admission that the gay equality movement is
pretty much unstoppable, and that at some point a
U.S.
federal court will
legalise gay marriage (probably 10-20 years after
New Zealand
takes the same step, as
usual). Time is not on their side. Their only hope is to put up enough
roadblocks now, while opposition to gay marriage is fairly strong,
to slow us down once public opinion turns further in our favour. So the
whole exercise is basically a waste of time from a policy standpoint.
Politically,
however, it’s another story. Many Americans are uncomfortable with the
idea of gay marriage, but even more uncomfortable with the right’s rabid
rhetoric. Bush, therefore, needs to appease the religious right while
still presenting himself as a moderate. This is a difficult balancing act,
but one at which he’s proven adept over the years (yes, he is actually
good at something). So far, both he and the Republican Party have vocally
supported the amendment but haven’t really put their full political
weight behind it. As a result, after several months of homophobic ranting,
the amendment’s sponsors will probably be forced to give up. The
Republican establishment may be cynical, railing against the gay community
for political gain, but I’ll give them this much - they’re certainly
consistent.
Top
of the Page
Moment
Of Revelations – Same-Sex Unions
By Sue Thompson (PFLAG)
Ten
years ago, before my husband Kevin and I knew much about the gay world, we
were at a party in
Montreal
.
It was not PC to speak English there, so we did our best with rusty high
school French, but did not cover ourselves in glory! It was tiring to try
so hard and yet to know we were hard work as guests! This was until we met
two lovely gay men who were not only happy to talk with us, but asked us
to visit them a few days later.
Neither
of us had visited anyone gay before, and we wondered what it would be
like. We did not know then that it would be the first of many such
encounters which would turn upside down everything we had ever heard about
same-sex partnerships.
They
welcomed us into their apartment with thoughtfully chosen gifts and
speaking English to put us at our ease. Conversation flowed as they served
us with a wonderful afternoon tea in a room overlooking the river. We came
away feeling relaxed and cared for with a warmth that felt like the love
of a long married couple.
In
the light of recent pronouncements from churches it is hard to exist in a
church community and yet have friends and family who are gay. Much of the
argument and violent language is based on the fear that if civil unions
between same-sex people were sanctioned, then this would threaten
marriage. I find this hard to understand.
There
simply would not be a flood of heterosexuals opting for same-sex
partnerships. Nor do I see that children would be harmed by the existence
of loving gay relationships. Marriage is far more under threat from other
directions, such as consumerism, economic difficulties, violence,
pornography and a lack of support from a community or extended family.
All
of us, whether gay or straight, are made in a magnificent variety of
shapes, colours, temperaments, talents and sexuality. All of us are made
to love and to be loved. Genuine human love can be a creative, enriching
and healing force in our lives. It tends to overflow, to welcome other
people and, consequently, it benefits the community.
I
would be celebrating (yes I’d even enrol in remedial French with
champagne thrown in!) if same-sex commitments were supported, rejoiced
over in the community and (probably long after I am dead!) even dignified
with a blessing.
Top
of the Page
NZ’s
Civil Union Bill
by Tor Devereux
Just as in
America
, the legal
recognition of same-sex relationships is likely to be a major social issue
debate in
New Zealand
during 2004 as the
Government has intimated that it will introduce the Civil Union Bill to
Parliament early this year. The Civil Union Bill will also be accompanied
by the Omnibus Bill which will amend all the laws that currently
discriminate on the basis of relationship status (e.g. by referring to
marriage). The Civil Union Bill will be non-discriminatory and, therefore,
available to both same-sex and opposite-sex couples, and it will provide
couples with all the same rights and responsibilities as marriage
currently does. So, why is the Government proposing Civil Union rather
than allowing same-sex couples to marry? This is, perhaps, one of the main
points of contention because although it will bestow rights and legal
recognition upon same-sex relationships, ultimately it still leaves
same-sex couples as less than equal to opposite-sex couples because
marriage remains inaccessible to us.
A couple of reasons that have been put forward
for this move are:
·
It would probably be
very difficult to get a majority of MPs to vote for gay marriage, whereas
they may vote for civil union because it doesn’t alter the marriage act
in any way.
·
Some couples (both
same-sex and opposite-sex) would like an option of relationship
recognition that is completely secular and not connected with some of the
more traditional, patriarchal aspects of marriage.
Once the Civil Union and Omnibus Bills have
been introduced to Parliament, public submissions will be called for. If
these Bills are to be passed, then it will be crucial that we support the
Bills actively by writing submissions and encouraging others to do so as
well. In addition to mobilising our own community we need to start
thinking about our straight friends and family members who may also be
willing to lend their support. What we need to do is to start talking with
people about how this legislation is important to us on a personal level
– that is, what it means for us not to have any legal security around
our relationships and why, therefore, Civil Union is crucial in order to
give us (and our children) some basic rights and protections. The Civil
Union Bill is likely to be a conscience vote for MPs, so it will also be
important for us to lobby them because we can be assured that those who
oppose this legislation will be doing that – and, believe it or not,
such lobbying can be extremely effective (as was proven with the
Prostitution Reform Bill).
The Dunedin Rainbow Labour Branch will be
involved with promoting the Civil Union legislation and informing the
local community about it, but we’ll only be successful if we liaise
effectively with other groups and networks in the queer community, so
we’ll be looking to work with all of you on this one. Once the Bills
have been introduced and timeframes announced, we hope to set up a public
meeting with Tim Barnett MP to outline the issues, answer questions,
strategise, etc.
Legislation and issues such as the legal
recognition of same-sex relationships are likely to bring out into the
open many points of view that are homophobic and downright unpleasant, but
they also provide the opportunity for us to come together as a community
and work in a unified way for positive change. Let’s hope that 2004
turns out to be the year when finally our relationships are recognised
under the law as being legitimate and, consequently, we as couples are
protected and given rights that opposite-sex couples simply take for
granted.
Top
of the Page
The
Incredibly True Story Of Two Girls Who Got “Married”1
by Ros MacGill & Nicola Brown
Once upon a time …
You know how it goes … A meets B, they get together, after a few lovely
days/months/years they sit in a restaurant somewhere and one or the other
proposes, the other accepts, they buy a house and get married. All very
run-of-the-mill. Happens all the time. The only slight difference with
this scenario was that both A and B were girls.
So the two happy princesses announced their engagement
People responded in various ways to the initial announcement. Some family
members were less than favourable initially – possibly the idea of a
wedding may have made the whole relationship seem like less of a
“phase”. Most people were incredibly supportive, but there were a few
variations on the “now why would you want to do that?” theme: Why
would you want to buy into the heterosexist institution of marriage? Why
make a song and dance about it? What’s wrong with carrying on exactly as
you are? Without feeling a particular need to answer any of these
questions, we were clear in our minds about what we were doing. We’d
been to six weddings in the time we’d been together, and sadly there
were no more glamorous nuptial invitations adorning our fridge, so we
thought the time had come to organise a wedding of our own. After seven
years together, we thought our relationship deserved a celebration. We
also wanted the opportunity to have as many friends and family in one
place as possible – hell, we wanted to throw a great big party.
Lastly, we needed some more stuff for our house. (Kidding! We actually did
consider having a gift-free wedding, but then we sobered up and the idea
passed, thank goodness.)
The inevitable dramas along the way
First dilemma: what to call this thing? People asked us what we were
doing about this time and time again. And it took us a while to resolve.
“Commitment ceremony” sounded too clinical and had far too many
syllables; “partnership ceremony” really didn’t cut the mustard;
“wedding” was the obvious choice and in the end that was what we went
with, as that was what it meant to us. One set of relatives sent a card
wishing us well for our “special service”, which sounded disturbingly
funereal. (We also suspect that the gift they sent came from the Fly Buys
catalogue, but there you go. Cheers Aunty Wilhelmena and Uncle Murgatroid.2)
So, knowing what to call the event, the preparations began. One of the
benefits of doing something like this is that there is no need to follow
any pre-determined formula. We did everything exactly as we wanted to,
taking what we liked from conventional weddings, while at the same time
throwing tradition to the wind. We found a number of great resources for
inspiration and ideas.3 Now one thing about arranging a great
big wedding is that you can’t help but require the services of other
people. We were a little uncertain as to how complete strangers would
respond to the idea that this was a wedding with two brides and no groom.
In the end we decided that the only approach was to be completely upfront
and, in fact, everyone responded remarkably well. One poor woman turned
the colour of beetroot when the full meaning apparently dawned on her, but
the majority of people did not even bat an eyelid. Actually the florist
had to bite her lip to stop herself from saying, “ch-ching!” as she
thought of the cost of not one but two bridal bouquets, and the dressmaker
was positively gleeful at the prospect of creating two wonderful bridal
outfits as well as kitting out three Best Women. The limousine guy, the
video guy, the caterers, the band - all brilliant. We’re happy to
recommend any of them, if anyone wants to know who they were. It was also
made possible by all our fantastic friends and family members who went way
beyond the call of duty to help out – it’s truly amazing how much
there is to do before a wedding. (If you ever find yourself with a
spare year on your hands, try organising a wedding – that will fill in
your time nicely.)
The big day finally arrived
The day dawned beautifully sunny – not something to be sneezed at in
Dunedin
(let’s have a round of applause for global
warming). Most things went according to plan and, even when they didn’t,
we had such a great time that we really didn’t care. As already
mentioned, we did things exactly as we liked. We had a three-part
celebration, in three different venues (becoming something of a tour of
historic
Dunedin
buildings). We had three Best Women, three Best
Children, a Best Dog and a Ring Bearer (originally the last two were meant
to be one and the same, but it was decided that Holly the Collie might
fold under the extreme ring-bearing pressure).
All those photos of costumes worn over the years to the Lesbian Ball
(what has happened to the social event of the year?) came in mighty
helpful as a way of letting people know where they were seated –
everyone had a little card with a photo of us in our stunning outfits,
letting them know which table was theirs. Our first dance was “She’s a
Lady” by Tom Jones and, even if we do say so ourselves, we brought the
house down with that one.
Ros’ mother reported happily to us that she had noticed the
photographer and choreographer (both male) becoming rather friendly and
leaving together – unbeknownst to her they were together before the
event as well, but full marks for noticing, all the same. Actually the
award for powers of observation would surely go to up-and-coming Queer
Eye for the Straight Guy presenter, three-year-old nephew Ben who,
five days after the event, was still able to specify (without any
assistance whatsoever) which bride wore each dress, shoes, necklace and
carried each bag. We were astounded – we weren’t that clear on the
details ourselves. Still, perhaps he wasn’t giving the actual words of
the service his full and undivided attention.
We did toy with the idea of inviting Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin
(who had come to town especially for the occasion) and Kath, Cal, Kim and
Bretty (from Kath and Kim – Kath and Cal’s wedding preparations
had us in hysterics, as they were almost identical to our own; actually
Sharon was also invited but she had put her back out so wouldn’t have
made it). In the end we decided that we were the real celebrities on the
day and we didn’t want to be outshone. Also, they would have upset the
seating plan.
As an aside
Many of our straight and well-educated guests were absolutely astounded
that gay marriage is not legal. They had assumed that it was by now, and
were very surprised when someone mentioned that it wasn’t. Interesting.
And they all lived happily ever after
In the end we had the most fabulous day. The only downside of an occasion
like this is the cost – it’s much like giving your wallets to the
dressmaker, jeweller, restaurateurs and wine store owners and saying,
“Here, you take whatever you want”. But that was minor in comparison
to the fun we had and all the gorgeous photos which we will, one day, get
around to putting in an album. More importantly, we’ve both found that
the whole process of “getting married” really has changed things for
us; there’s nothing like knowing that you’ve made a public declaration
of your feelings for, and commitment to, each other, with so many
important people there as witnesses.
We loved it all. We’d do it all again in a flash – and when it’s
legal, no doubt we will.
Notes:
1
Text surrounded by quotation marks should be interpreted as not
quite true - as in Dr “Evil” in Austin Powers.
2
Some names have been altered to protect the “innocent”.
3
Particularly helpful was The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay
Weddings by Tess Ayers and Paul Brown (1994), published by Harper San
Francisco. It is full of wonderful advice and humour (e.g., “The Bad
News: Because homophobia exists, not everyone you invite to your wedding
will come. The Good News: Because homophobia exists, not everyone you
invite to your wedding will come”).
Top of the Page
Thinking
Of A Ceremony?
by Barb Long
Progression of the Civil Union Bill and the
imminent birth of our baby prompted me to reflect on how I could
acknowledge and celebrate significant life events and meaning. I found it
really useful to catch up with Tracey Crampton Smith and learn more about
her work as a celebrant, life philosophies and options for ceremonies that
are meaningful and significant for individuals, couples, families and
friends.
What does a celebrant do?
A celebrant conducts rituals - rituals being
the focus point of what it is you might be doing whether it’s a birthday
celebration, a naming ceremony, a funeral or a commitment
ceremony/wedding. It becomes ritualized by words or actions that are
significant for those involved.
Why do you consider these
sorts of ceremonies to be important?
Because they provide an alternative to the
practices of the predominant Christian society that we live in and they
mean that you can be recognised.
What sort of things do
people need to think about when planning a ceremony and how do you help
with this?
In relation to commitment ceremonies there are
two types of ceremony really; one type is the more traditional based on
the church-type ceremony such as marriage and then there is the other type
of commitment ceremony, which I enjoy immensely. This enables the couple
to create a ceremony that is meaningful for them and their beliefs.
For planning any ceremony I create a vision
with the people involved by brainstorming and sharing ideas to come up
with the symbolism and what they want to happen in the ritual process.
Then I’ll go away and write it and give them a copy and they’ll play
with it and add bits/take bits out until it gets to be what it needs to
be. It’s incredibly exciting as you’re drawing out some consciousness
that has not otherwise been expressed. Then you start getting practical
about the venue, the action of exchange such as rings or for a naming
ceremony maybe the planting of a tree. For
Dunedin
you always need to
have a back up indoor venue option. Planning takes about five to six hours
in total; I usually interview the people for a couple of hours and then go
away with some ideas, write something up and then take that back. They sit
with this for a while and then we’ll meet again. For commitment
ceremonies I encourage the individuals to write their own vows and define
the action of exchange whether that be flowers, rings, a blessing from the
guests, etc.
Have people in the queer
community accessed you for ceremonies?
Yes - mostly the lesbian community rather than
the gay men, and mostly for commitment ceremonies and funerals for family
members. I work with all funeral directors although if you specifically
want to use me you need to ask.
How much notice do you need
to conduct a ceremony?
I actually enjoy not very much notice as
sometimes for people the timing just seems right then, so I don’t really
mind if people come and say I’m going to do this in two weeks or a
month, or if they give me only a week’s notice.
What made you become
involved in this sort of work?
I’d been in counselling for about 10 years
and as a community advocate for 20 years. My counselling tended to be with
people who had experienced childhood trauma based around violence and
abuse; there was a lot of stuff that I sat with and I became a secret
keeper in some ways in the intimacy of those people’s journeys. I got to
the point where I wanted to celebrate life as well so it was a natural
addition to counselling to start celebrant work.
I’ve identified myself quite
individualistically for the last 25 years in my spiritual context as
working with the Goddess in terms of the feminine divine. I enjoy rituals
and first experienced formulating public rituals by initiating Mid-Winter
Solstice eight years ago. That was my first endeavour to be public about
my ritual work. I’m now taking another step and being more overt about
my own pagan background and my role as a ritual maker.
How much does all this cost?
Celebrants nationally charge between $150 and
$300 per ceremony. I charge $200 to $250, but this is negotiable.
I left my conversation with Tracey feeling
reassured that when my partner and I take the time to acknowledge and
celebrate our relationship and the significance of our children in our
lives that she will walk alongside us in helping these ceremonies be
significant, personal and intimate. One of my concerns about having a
ritual was that some people in my circle of family and friends would be
uncomfortable with a non-traditional ceremony. I was reassured by
Tracey’s response to my apprehension in that those gathered as such
events are usually complimentary and accepting and make comments such as
“that was different but really meaningful”. So maybe it’s time to
cease worrying about what others may think and take the time to publicly
announce the amazing love and commitment I have for my partner and the
special and wonderful children we have sharing our lives with family and
friends witnessing what would otherwise be a private conversation.
Ten
Thousand Angels
by Jane E Libeau
Across
the red skies of night
I
see ten thousand angels fight
Against
a wind
A
brewing storm
Angels
wings are burnt and torn
A
raging fire from the earth did burst
Embraces
them with a torch of thirst
Rumbling
walls come crashing down
The
flightless angels made no sound
Ten
thousand more
Did
breast their sides
And
fight the beast
Who
would not subside
His
silent slumber of thousands of years
Was
energised through earthly fears
His
wielding weapon
Of
human doom
Had
lifted him from his fiery womb
The
angels harkened to the call
Of
mortal souls who began to fall
The
darkened forces have their rein
From
maddened creatures born to maim
This
was not a fight
To
tame the beast
Or
divert him from his earthy feast
The
lesson fought
Not
to save all men
But
bring celestial balance
If
they can.
Top
of the Page
Olivia by Olivia (Dorothy
Bussy)
First published in 1949 by The Hogarth Press
Out of print, but 3 copies available from the
Dunedin Public Library
Reviewed
by Sarah Noble
As you read this sentence I’d like you to
know that it is my umpteenth attempt to start off this quasi-review of Olivia
by Olivia. I have tried and failed miserably to find some suitable
review-starting words, and have concluded that the reason for this is my
own personal attachment to the book. Hence the "quasi". A review
would imply a somewhat critical evaluation of Olivia but this I’m
incapable of because, quite simply, I’m in love with it.
The title doesn’t give away much, and the
author wrote anonymously. She is now known to be Dorothy Bussy, née
Strachey - a member of the family whose members (Lytton Strachey in
particular) were both famous and infamous in the
Bloomsbury
circles of the 20s
and 30s. Olivia is Bussy’s only (albeit semi) fictional foray;
she was chiefly a French-English literary translator, of André Gide (with
whom she fell hopelessly and one-sidedly in love) in particular. But what
a foray. Olivia is a rather short and very sweet account of an
English girl - Olivia - sent to a school in Paris (Les Avons) run by two
women, Mlle Julie and her amie Mlle Cara. Olivia falls instantly
and desperately in love with the former, and as her time at school passes
we are witness to both her own encounters with the vivacious and beautiful
Julie, and Julie’s tumultuous relationship with Cara.
Olivia’s first love is an enchanting
experience to read, both tantalising and tragic - Julie is unattainable,
yet not entirely so, and the moments, however brief, which the two share
are something special. I won’t go much further - for a start, there
isn’t a whole lot of plot, and to carry on would oblige me to give away
more than I’d like; and besides, any more would just be gushing - apart
from falling in love with the story, Bussy makes it difficult not to fall
for Mlle Julie as well.
Olivia’s appeal doesn’t
exactly lie in its action but in its description of first and tentative
love - in this it acquits itself stunningly. However, there is interest to
be found in the background of the story. Because what makes it all the
better is that Olivia is a more or less true (as outlined in
“Olivia’s” introduction) account of Dorothy Bussy’s year at Les
Ruches, a small girls’ school on the outskirts of Paris. The school was
run by Marie Souvestre (Julie) and Catherine Dussaut (Cara) and - so
I’ve read - noted for its Sapphic atmosphere and seeming production of
women authors; others included a Romanian poet, Elena Vacarescu, and Paris
lesbian literary society queen Natalie Clifford Barney. As “Olivia”
herself says, her story’s “truth has been filtered, transposed, and,
maybe, superficially altered, as is inevitably the case with all
autobiographies”. Thus it is important - and wonderful - to realise
that, in its essentials, Olivia is not just based on, but rather is,
a year at Les Ruches - perhaps the most potentially true-to-life account
to have been written.
Olivia became a French
movie, filmed in 1951 by an all-female cast and a woman director
(Jacqueline Audry), and seems to have conveyed the feeling of the book
pretty successfully, in spite of attempts to make it seem as immoral and
sickening as possible. Widely banned, it was titled in
America
The Pit of
Loneliness, and promoted as "The secret of a woman's love-starved
soul in the daring drama of an unnatural love", a description totally
contradicted by the contents of the story. The censor’s rulings on the
film included the following note: "Eliminate in Reel 5D: Scene of
Miss Julie holding Olivia in close embrace and kissing her on the mouth.
Reason: Immoral, would tend to corrupt morals."
Nevertheless, Alison Hennegan of Gay News describes
the film as “an overpoweringly erotic piece of work” portraying the
“subtle and very potent ardour of Julie and Olivia”. And at the risk
of eliminating the need for this whole article, I can really think of no
better description than Hennegan's of the magic of Olivia. It may
not quite present a challenge to The Price of Salt’s claim as the
first lesbian novel with a happy ending, but in its lack of guilt and
alienation, and in its charming descriptions of love, desire and devotion
it certainly distinguishes itself as a jewel of lesbian literature.
Top
of the Page
Make
Yourself Comfortable On The Pink Sofa
If you have been surfing on the net for
lesbian action of late you are likely to have come across The Pink Sofa
website, a meeting place for lesbians looking for love, friendship or just
a place to go online. Since its launch in
New Zealand
in July 2003, The
Pink Sofa has grown into the most popular online lesbian community in the
country.
The site is the brainchild of 36 year old Liz
James who wanted an easier way to meet new friends and find out about
lesbian events. The internet seemed the perfect means of getting up to
date information and the opportunity to get in touch with other lesbians.
Without any previous experience in IT or running her own business, Liz set
about filling what she saw as a gap in the internet market.
She describes the site as “not an online
dating site but more a meeting place”, many of the subscribers seeking
new friends New Zealand-wide or within their own region. With chat rooms,
forums, personals and much more, The Pink Sofa provides a safe,
comfortable and friendly environment to make new friends. Lesbian owned
and lesbian run, the site offers friendly and efficient customer services
in the form of Urszula, Liz’s partner. The Pink Sofa’s personal touch
and integrity have inspired a loyalty from its members that is rare for an
online community.
Since its humble beginnings The Pink Sofa has
gone from strength to strength with news of “Pink Sofa” gatherings and
events reaching the office on a regular basis. Testimonials of members who
have found the site an invaluable source of support, community and, of
course, love can be read on the site itself. So, if you’re looking to
make new friends or find that special woman, check out The Pink Sofa
website at http://www.thepinksofa.co.nz. If you are organising an event in
the near future, get in touch with the site at [email protected] and
you can get free Pink Sofa fridge magnets to give away at your event.
Top
of the Page
Queer
Youth Hui
by John Broadbent
Our road trip to the Hui in
Wellington
in December started on a Friday morning at
6am
. We loaded up the car with all our gear and hit the
road to Picton to catch the lynx to
Wellington
. Once in
Wellington
we headed straight to Capital House where we were
staying and were the Hui was. We met Amy Donovan (the Health Promoter for
Out There, a national queer youth project between the NZ AIDS Foundation
and Rainbow Youth), got our room keys and went about meeting all the other
people attending the Hui.
On Saturday the Hui started at
9am
with a karakia and then we went right into the workshops. The day was a
high information intake day of workshops that covered topics such as
cultural differences, transgender issues, disabilities, funding,
boundaries and supervision. The workshops allowed everyone to have input
and to share their past experiences. Throughout the day we did a lot of
socialising and networking which also continued during the meals and the
social events in the evening. On Sunday we said goodbye to everyone and
headed home. The trip back to
Dunedin
was pretty quiet, but it gave us some time to
reflect on Pride Dunedin Youth’s year and on what had happened at the
Hui.
If you would like to know more about our trip, the Hui itself, or Pride
Dunedin Youth and what it has to offer then please contact us on
[email protected] or
PO Box 1382
,
Dunedin
.
The Pride Dunedin Youth Management Team would like to thank the following
people for supporting our attendance at the queer youth development Hui:
·
Amy Donovan for
organising the Hui, the funding for transport, accommodation and food.
·
The Mayor of
Dunedin Sukhi Turner for her kind donation from her Mayor’s
Discretionary Fund towards petrol.
·
Mr and Mrs
Broadbent for letting us stay with them in Picton.
·
John for
organising our trip and driving to and from the Hui.
Top of the Page
Friendship
Is Priceless
by Stephanie
There are some things that cannot be overcome with wealth, success or
achievement. There are some things that can creep up upon one’s self
like a silent fog in the night, tightening its grip in the face of
fragility. Sometimes one can have the chance of all life has to offer and
yet still feel a loneliness from a self generated feeling of shame,
misunderstanding and prejudice from living within an ill educated society.
As 2003 draws to a close I look to the fog that has engulfed my life this
year and wonder just how many others there are in the GLT community who
are lost within it as well. Are we talking once again about individual
sexuality feelings here that I have written about before? Or are we
talking about something far more common, but perhaps something with just
as much social stigma surrounding it?
Earlier this year permission was granted for me to stay in this beautiful
land in my now 3 year young de-facto relationship. It took such immense
pressure off me but also left me vulnerable to the crisis that was waiting
in the wings. A short while after the joyous news I started displaying
symptoms that were concerning to my partner, to say the least, and she
felt convinced of a particular diagnosis that fitted the medical traits
that I displayed.
I have battled in past decades, like many others, with ups, downs and
every which-way feelings that have been put down over the decades to many
things inclusive of depression, drink and, of course, my transsexualism. I
have taken tablets in every colour of the rainbow to combat a GP diagnosed
“bout of depression” or perhaps a lifestyle cause of stress, and yet
still remained as turbulent as ever. And here I was, once again,
fluctuating on a very tempestuous sea of emotions feeling confused,
frustrated and totally at a loss. How on earth could I have felt like I
did having achieved sooooo much, living in the most beautiful paradise
setting of Otago, and especially being in a very fulfilling relationship
with someone whom I know loves me dearly and cares for me with such
dedicated passion? To my partner it was blatantly obvious that I had
became irrational, irritable, moody, happy, sad, distant, frustrated,
confused, weepy, unreal, and many more things all mixed in together as
this mental fog tightened its grip on my world. And as for myself? ...
Well I was totally oblivious to it all.
My partner took me to the doctor, along with her medical suspicions. The
GP had previous notions about this and so very much echoed my partner’s
suspected diagnosis. Medication was prescribed immediately along with a
label that I felt was correct for the first time in my life. For the first
week I was on cloud nine, totally spaced out, but with a feeling of mental
calmness for the very first time in my life. Gone was the static and gone
was the garbage in my mind that feels like 1001 radio stations
broadcasting simultaneously. For the very first time I felt a mental
serenity and an ability to concentrate on one thing at a time and on the
things that mattered most.
After a while I returned to my design work and found that I had focus and
concentration like never before. Over the following months I did some
wonderfully creative, in depth work and things started flowing as I had
always wanted. However, four months later I found myself in the depths of
a friend's problems that I sincerely thought I could assist with. She
turned to me and I tried to help her through a very difficult trauma in
her life, but I was immediately derailed because of my own problems.
Totally oblivious once again to it all, I was plunged even deeper into a
fluctuating despair that was extremely worrying for my partner this time
around. Four weeks later she took me out and had a heart to heart with me
on our local beach and told me with loving concern exactly what was
happening. She described in graphic detail everything that was going on
and said that if I didn’t pull myself together I would end up in
hospital. I felt her words cut through me like a knife and felt such
shock. I saw the light of it all for the first time. It slowly became
apparent to me like an unfolding book and I felt such an acute realisation
that day as to my state of mind. It was a turning point for me that day on
the beach. The words of concerned support from my partner saved me just in
time from the brink of oblivion. It was so emotionally good that day to
feel the warm sun on my skin, the sand between my toes and the sea lulling
my mind, like an old friend.
Along with the start of recovery came the realisation of my self imposed
isolation. I felt an internal need to reach out so my partner took me to
the community camp weekend for a few hours on the Saturday. It perhaps may
sound so trivial to some reading this article, the feeling of belonging,
of friendship and of a homecoming. But coupled with my fluctuating
emotions it all overwhelmed me totally after so long out of the GLT
community when we drove into the Aramoana camp.
I found that in my loneliness, isolation and despair from within my mind
a hug and a kiss from much missed friends meant so very much and I felt a
strong kindred bond that Saturday. I was up front with people there and
admitted to friends my recent diagnosis. I wanted to give them an insight
as to why I “might” have acted out of character, why I might have
acted impetuous or insensitive at any time in my past - not for any sort
of absolution, but for education. In my eyes, a good education leads to a
better understanding that helps both parties and certainly breaks down
barriers. I experienced many emotions at the camp within a short space of
time that were way out of the “normal” range, but it just felt so
damned good to be with friends I hadn’t seen for such a long time.
I have felt a need to be myself recently, to be open and honest with
myself and with the world. I'm tired of feeling that I have to hide myself
away for one reason or another. This is life, this is me and I’m forever
learning more about myself as each day passes. Early 2003 I felt a need to
search a faith I felt was there inside of me. My partner and I had heard
mention of Glenhaven and their open welcome towards the GLT community and
so we started attending the church there. For me the six months that I
have attended has been a period of self discovery. We have both been
sincerely welcomed by the congregation and I have had so many personal
emotions in that time and I feel closer to God in that church than I’ve
ever done before. The air is vibrant there with a unity of pure loving
goodness and the people of Glenaven have become a very important part of
my life. I was baptised at Glenaven just recently and it was such a
fantastically wonderfully loving day and, just like my friends at
Aramoana, the congregation have become a family to me as well. My Sunday
morning worship at Glenaven is not just about my spiritual well being, but
it is also about my mental well being and healing, and that for me is
definitely good news!
I still have a way to go to find my particular mental stability after a
very rocky year, but my medications are being tweaked and reviewed and I
remain optimistically positive that very soon I will able to function once
again with inner peace and harmony and strive forward with the hopes and
dreams that I have left in life.
But as I draw my article here to a close I cannot help but wonder just
how many other people there are within our GLT community who are suffering
Bipolar Disorder [aka Manic Depression] along with all of the chaotic
mental nightmares this disorder inflicts upon the sufferer. Perhaps there
are people in Otago who aren’t so lucky to have a loving partner to
support them? Perhaps there are people who haven’t yet realised what
exactly is going on in their own personal turmoil? Do “YOU” know of
anyone in crisis? Does this society of ours need a better understanding of
mental health issues? And just how can our GLT community better support
those within its midst who suffer a variety of different conditions?
A very happy new year to you all,
Stephanie
Addendum
It is with such sadness and an extremely heavy heart that I have to say
that my friend mentioned in the article above whom I “tried” to help,
who also had Bipolar Disorder like myself, succumbed to a terrible despair
and committed suicide 3 days ago. A very lonely death, and yet just
another statistic in
New Zealand
to this chaotic disorder.
She has touched many, many lives with goodness in the past few years and
there are many this week who are devastated by her death. I for
one am
left with an empty feeling deep within my soul that feels as if my heart
has been ripped from within me. I miss her desperately and I'm in a
personal turmoil again with my Bipolar.
Could “I” have done more? Could “we” have done more? Can “we”
do more in the future for others in the GLT community ?
IN FONDEST MEMORY OF HER LIFE -14/12/2003
Census
2006: Once Again We Won’t Be Counted
by Tor Devereux
Early in 2003 Statistics New Zealand called
for submissions regarding the questions that should be included in the
2006 Census. At the same time they also published a document entitled
“2006 Census: Preliminary Views On Content” which provided information
about the purpose and use of census data and outlined some of their
thoughts about the inclusion or exclusion of various questions.
The issue of a question about sexual
orientation had been raised and discussed since the last census, but
Statistics NZ claimed in this document that they were not in favour of
including such a question in the next census - an interesting position to
take before even hearing what different groups in the community thought
about this via the public submission process!
Various organisations didn’t let this stand
by Statistics NZ deter them, though, and a number of submissions
supporting the inclusion of a question about sexual orientation were
received, including submissions from national groups such as the NZ AIDS
Foundation, the Rainbow Sector Council of the Labour Party and Family
Planning. (The Dunedin Rainbow Labour Branch also sent in a submission in
support of such a question.)
Some of the reasons for wanting to ask a
question about how people identify in regard to sexual orientation include
the following:
·
To provide appropriate services and funding for our
community.
·
To develop policies that include lesbian, gay and
bisexual people as a population.
·
To collect data about the size and make-up of our
population.
We also need to have available accurate
information about our community because currently data about a section of
our community (same-sex couples) is being extrapolated from the last
census even though no direct questions were actually asked! Now I’m not
a statistician, but that doesn’t sound like a particularly rigorous way
to collect and use information and, therefore, may mean that inaccurate
figures are being used to make decisions about policies and/or funding
that affect groups within our community.
Anyway, in October last year, Statistics NZ
announced their decision about the 2006 Census and, to cut to the chase,
they decided not to include a question about sexual orientation.
They had to admit, though, that there were enough submissions supporting
this question to warrant setting up focus groups to gauge the
“acceptability” of such a question. The result from these groups was
that the majority of people would accept or “begrudgingly accept” such
a question, and they believed that the census was the most appropriate way
to collect this data. Surely such a response would have convinced
Statistics NZ to have included a sexual orientation question? Well,
apparently not!
Those in the focus groups most in favour of a
question about sexual orientation were young, middle-aged, liberal and/or
gay or lesbian. Those least in favour were older, lived in rural areas,
had religious affiliations or were Pacific people.
So, what reasons did Statistics NZ provide for
deciding to exclude a sexual orientation question? Here are some of them:
·
No submissions supporting the inclusion of a
question about sexual orientation were received from government
departments.
·
Statistics NZ already has difficulty getting
adequate information from those who were least accepting of such a
question (people who were older, lived in rural areas, had religious
affiliations or were Pacific people). Apparently Statistics NZ classes
some of these groups as “key policy interest groups” and, therefore,
the inference is that they didn’t want to further alienate them – but
it would seem that it’s okay to disregard the lesbian, gay and bisexual
community and continue to render us invisible!
·
Concerns about the accuracy of the data collected.
Statistics NZ also commented that no other
country includes a sexual orientation question in their national census!
The census only happens every 5 years so
following 2006 the next one won’t occur until 2011 at which time we will
need to be very organised in our attempts to be included in the overall
picture of this country’s population.
Homophobia
Alive & Well In
New
Zealand
by Tor Devereux
I suspect that many New Zealanders believe
that this country is pretty laid back, liberal and tolerant – and this
is probably fairly true if you’re white, middle-class and heterosexual.
However, many instances during 2003 showed us that
New Zealand
society is still not
quite as accepting of difference and diversity as we may like to think.
This was especially true for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender
community.
One thing that really struck me during the
past year was that public homophobia is still very much alive and well in
our country – in fact, one might almost go as far as to say that at
times it seemed to be thriving. For a period of time there seemed to be
one example after another where homophobic incidents occurred in a very
public arena with little or no outcry apart from our own media. I was left
wondering when we would reach the point where homophobic comments or acts
would solicit outrage from the public in general – that is, they would
be regarded as totally unacceptable by people who are not part of the LGBT
community.
During the year we witnessed this in relation
to race when Paul Holmes made his now infamous “cheeky darkie”
comment. There was immediate and far-reaching condemnation of his remarks
from a wide range of New Zealanders, including those who are not part of
minority racial groups. This indicated that a broad spectrum of
New Zealand
society is no longer
willing to tolerate racist comments and will speak out against them when
they occur.
However, we are yet to reach a similar place
in regard to comments about sexual orientation. In fact, homophobic
comments and innuendo were used in various arenas last year and justified
as being comical, satirical or ironic, and we, as members of the group who
were being denigrated, were told that we needed to get a sense of humour
and get over it when (or if) we complained.
Here are some examples of what I’m talking
about that occurred in the later half of last year:
·
In October Peter Brown (deputy leader of NZ First)
questioned in Parliament whether it was acceptable to have a chief censor
who’s gay because his morals and values would be different than those of
the “average”, straight New Zealander.
·
Fagg’s Coffee created billboard and magazine ads
that read “Not as Ponsonby as the name suggests. Fagg’s – the great
straight coffee”. Fagg’s refused to accept that their advertisement
intended to make any reference to the queer community and that it was
simply inferring that Fagg’s is an unpretentious coffee for ordinary New
Zealanders. (Apparently the word “straight” can mean the opposite of
“pretentious”.) Despite complaints the Advertising Standards Authority
decided that this ad was not a gay slur in any way, the complaints were
rejected and the ads were allowed to continue to be used.
·
Not long after this incident a Speight’s billboard
ad appeared in Ponsonby which featured the two Speight’s southern men
with one saying “Interesting part of town” and the other replying
“Keep yer back to the billboard, boy”. This was interpreted by some
people within our community as a reference to the stereotypical view of
gay men as sexual predators. Speight’s denied that there were any
anti-gay connotations intended with this advertisement, but to their
credit when they did receive some negative feedback they removed the ad.
·
Radio Pacific host Mark Bennett went on the rampage
against our community on several occasions. In October he claimed that
having appointed a LGBT liaison officer in
Waikato
the police should
now also appoint liaison officers for homophobics and necrophiliacs. He
also went on to rant and rave about how advantageous it was to be gay or
lesbian under the current government commenting that “there are enormous
economic benefits under Labour to being a gay”. Then in December he
announced, completely incorrectly, that the taxpayer had footed the bill
for a cocktail party held for Sir Ian McKellan and, when it was pointed
out to him that this allegation was wrong and that the event was funded by
the organisation that ran it (GAP in Wellington) and ticket sales, he then
continued his attack by comparing gays to terrorists and petty criminals.
·
Paul Holmes didn’t limit his unnecessary comments
to ones about race and gender (referring to women journalists as
“bitchy”), but also apparently made reference a couple of weeks
earlier on his TV show to “vicious faggots”. I say apparently because
unlike his racist and sexist comments this one didn’t hit the mainstream
media and so I didn’t hear it for myself repeated on the TV or radio
news.
·
Mike King also decided that homophobia was good
material for jokes on his show (which were defended as satire), but
interestingly didn’t find it quite so funny when Eating Media Lunch made
his penchant for making fun of the queer community the butt of a joke.
·
Destiny Television, a programme run by the
fundamentalist Destiny Church and fronted by senior pastor Brian Tamaki,
produced and screened six episodes about the evils of homosexuality. The
Broadcasting Standards Authority upheld several complaints against these
episodes and has ordered TVNZ to review its policy of appraising
programmes prior to broadcasting them. However, the episodes still
screened and TVNZ presumably believed at the time that it was okay for
this to happen.
·
And, of course, the Maxim Institute provided lots of
reading material for us about the evils of prostitution, legal recognition
of same-sex unions and rights for same-sex parents, as well as the general
demise of the family and society as we know it - which, apparently, we
have a lot to do with. This group is well resourced (both in terms of
financial and human resources with several people employed as
researchers/writers) and very organised when it comes to fighting proposed
bills such as the Prostitution Reform Bill.
Perhaps such incidents have always happened
but I simply haven’t been aware of them, or perhaps the attacks are
increasing as the LGBT community comes more into the spotlight with bills
and legal reviews that take us into account and “dare” to treat us as
equal, functioning and contributing members of society. I’ve never
really understood how granting people freedoms and rights inhibits or
threatens the freedoms and rights of others, but I guess it all comes down
to power and control and not wanting the current balance of one’s world
view upset in any way.
I dream of a society where LGBT people not
only have equal rights under the law, but where we're also accepted by the
general public. I’m not naïve enough to think that everyone will
embrace us with open arms because I realise that there will always be
people who for religious or other reasons are unwilling to accept people
who are different or don’t abide by their values/morals. However, it
would be wonderful to reach a point in this country where there is some
outcry from Joe and Jane Bloggs when homophobia rears its ugly head in the
public domain.
So, how should we as LGBT people respond to
all this? Should we simply ignore it? Should we complain to the
appropriate bodies? I personally believe that making our voices heard is
important, but it also takes a lot of time and energy and, as we’ve
seen, such complaints are all too often not upheld anyway. Perhaps what we
can take from all of this are some valuable lessons and we can realise
that we can no longer be complacent if we want to gain acceptance both
legally and socially.
We need to be willing to point out the impact
that homophobic comments and actions have on us as individuals, as
families and as a community – and this can happen at a very local and
personal level. We need to seek support from outside the LGBT community
from our family members, friends, co-workers, the people we play sports
with, etc. so that they understand what it means not to have equal rights.
But perhaps most importantly of all, we need to learn to work together as
a community for common goals, to respect one another and celebrate the
victories when they occur.
Complaints about the content of television or
radio programmes can be made to the Broadcasting Standards Authority (for
more details: www.bas.govt.nz
PO Box 9213
,
Wellington
).
Complaints about ads can be made to the
Advertising Standards Complaints Board ([email protected]
PO Box 10675
,
Wellington
).
PFLAG
(Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) has an office. Here
are the details:
1st
floor, 326 Moray Place, Dunedin (within the offices of the Dunedin
Methodist Mission)
Office
telephone: 477-2000
Help
line: 025-686-9304
Email:
[email protected]
Postal
address: PO Box 5266, Dunedin
Hours:
10am to 2pm on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays
Top
of the Page
by
Tor Devereux
The
Dunedin Rainbow Labour Branch is a local branch of the Labour Party
dedicated to working on issues that affect the lesbian, gay, bisexual and
transgender community. We have been in existence since the end of 2002 so
we’re a relatively new group, but there are other Rainbow Labour
Branches around the country. During the last year we became involved in a
number of different issues and we wrote several submissions. The last
thing that we did in 2003 was to speak to the Justice and Electoral Select
Committee (via video conference) on the written submission we sent in
about the Care of Children Bill.
The big issue for us to tackle in 2004 will be the Civil Union Bill (see
separate article on page 6 for more details) and we look forward to
promoting this very important piece of legislation to the LGBT community
and the local Dunedin community in general, and to encouraging people to
actively support it.
The
Dunedin Rainbow Labour Branch meets on the 1st Wednesday of the
month at
7:30pm
at Kirkland Chambers,
83 Moray Place
(2nd floor).
Anyone is welcome to come to our meetings – you don’t have to be a
member already. Or, alternatively, if you'd like to support our Rainbow
Labour Branch and keep informed about what's happening politically and
what we're doing, then you can become a member and receive all the
information without attending meetings or being actively involved. This
option may also suit people who live out of
Dunedin
.
For
more information about the Dunedin Rainbow Labour Branch or becoming a
member contact Tor on [email protected]
or 453-1108.
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UniQ
Otago
UniQ Office Open
Last
year’s UniQ Otago Coordinator, Nathan Brown, has returned to
Dunedin
after a summer holiday
in
Sydney
to take up the role
again for 2004.
On
his return, Nathan says, “When I took the job in late 2002 I had firmly
indicated I would only be available for one year. However in September I
reviewed that and decided I would apply for a second go. A significant
factor was that the coordination of FUNQ is now separated from the UniQ
role. I found that last year FUNQ was the main reason I was often doing 30
hours a week instead of 20. But, it was all just so much fun and highly
rewarding, the best job I can think of while studying really so that’s
why I am doing it again.”
FUNQ
is set to launch the year with a huge party featuring, believe it or not, The
Phoenix Foundation at Re:Fuel on Saturday February 21. The role of
FUNQ Coordinator has proven difficult to fill. However, Nathan confirms
that Daniel Cook, a FUNQ regular and key OUSA Social Activities volunteer,
will oversee at least the launch with several others having just recently
shown interest in the position after that.
In
his plans for UniQ this year, Nathan hopes to steer the service into the
political frontier. “This year is going to be big on the political front
with the proposed Civil Union legislation generating a swell of opposition
from conservative religious groups. I think students, queer students, have
a traditional obligation to be very vocal in promoting this legislation.
That is the card I intend to play, though at the end of the day the
direction of UniQ will be decided within the forum of the UniQ Collective,
which will convene for the first time in late February."
As
in previous years, UniQ will be operating the Queer Tent on the Union Lawn
over Orientation Week. Plus we hope to have our websites up and running in
time for the launch of FUNQ and the start of the academic year, fingers
crossed. People will also begin to see our new anti-homophobia posters
with our new look logo around campus and the city after Orientation Week
is over.
UniQ
Peer Support
The
UniQ Office continues to provide confidential peer support for students
wanting to talk to someone about any concerns they may have regarding
their sexuality. If you would like to talk to someone who is around your
own age and who has experienced similar concerns in the past, UniQ has a
network of people, male and female, available to listen and be of support.
We can also provide information about what other support options are
available around
Dunedin
. Contact UniQ either
via email on [email protected] or phone the UniQ Desk on 479-5445.
… And Loving It!
This
year will see the distribution of a set of three anti-homophobia posters
developed by UniQ last year that aim to promote acceptance to
heterosexuals and engender pride among queer students and residents living
in Dunedin, while also promoting and creating awareness of UniQ and FUNQ.
The
concept for the posters is based around images of real life queer students
doing typical Scarfie activities – supermarket shopping, studying in the
library and going out. The captions read “On a budget in
Dunedin
… and loving it!”
“Studying in
Dunedin
… and loving it!”
and “OUT in
Dunedin
… and loving it!”
“Most
anti-homophobia posters are generic and not specific in location. It is
felt that this campaign will be harder hitting for
Dunedin
viewers, especially
students, as it addresses them directly and depicts queer people doing
things that are not so far removed from their own experiences,” says
Nathan.
There
will be more about the posters in the next issue of the OGT. In the
meantime, please contact Nathan at UniQ if you'd like any more
information.
Top
of the Page
Church
Welcome For Gay & Lesbian Students
Glenaven is a
Methodist
Church
with an ecumenical congregation and a special
ministry to the gay and lesbian community.
A brunch celebrating the start of the student year will be held on Sunday
7 March starting at
10.30am
. Join us for a late breakfast or early lunch with singing and dialogue.
Make new friends. You don't have to be a Methodist. Even if you don't
think of yourself as Christian you can belong and be valued.
Come along any Sunday morning. We have coffee and cookies from
10.40am
and our service is from
11am
to
12pm
. You'll find Glenaven in
Chambers Street
, just two blocks along
North Road
from the Garden's supermarket.
You'll be glad you came!
Top of the Page
To
Tell Or Not To Tell – Coming Out To Family
by Barb Long
Coming Out to parents and family can be a terrifying process. In part, it
is about us valuing and acknowledging ourselves and sharing something very
personal with significant people in our lives. It is a time when you could
become closer and more attached as a family, but it also carries the risk
of rejection and pain.
Coming Out is also about others. This is a time when family who may have
"seen the signs" but ignored them must admit their
child’s/sibling’s sexual orientation to themselves. Just as most of us
have gone through a process and may have taken some time to accept our
sexuality, our families also need this time.
Some families may be shocked when their child/sibling says they're gay,
lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Some may react in ways that hurt, such
as crying, getting angry, blaming themselves for doing something wrong to
make you this way, calling it a sin or insisting it's a phase. Others may
be totally supportive and relieved that you have finally shared this
information with them.
Some suggestions that may make it easier to come out to your family are:
·
Pick a good time. Don't Come Out in an argument, or at a time when you feel angry or
resentful. Consider what other stuff may be happening in your family that
may impact on their response.
·
Be prepared by
making sure you have support from friends and/or other family members who
know that you are going to Come Out to significant people in your life.
Also consider whether or not you’re financially independent and, if
living at home, have somewhere else to stay should their response be to
ask/tell you to leave.
·
Remember it takes time. Your family may go through periods of rejection,
acceptance and then rejection again before they come to accept you for who
you are and understand something of what it means to be queer. If you are
Coming Out to them, you've had more time to deal with this than they have.
·
Be prepared to teach. Explain that your sexual orientation is a part of
you and you can't control it any more than they can control their sexual
orientation. Being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender isn't their
“fault” and does not result from something they did “wrong”.
·
Explain why you
are telling them and why it is important that you share it with them. Also
tell them that you are not alone, and that you have
gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender friends for support too. Sometimes
parents react with worry about their children; they know it is an unfair
world out there. Assure them that while you know there is discrimination,
you stick up for yourself and can handle what comes to you as a result of
your decision to be who you are.
·
Encourage them
to seek support and Come Out as well. Suggest that they share this
information with a friend; you needed to Come Out to others for support,
and they will need to do this too. Provide them with the PFLAG contact
details (see the article below and the PFLAG listing on page 12), give
them suggestions for books to read such as Invisible Families by
Terry Stewart, or leave them a copy of the OGT.
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of the Page
PFLAG
Encouraged, And Encourages You!
PFLAG South ended its fourth year on a high with a very convivial
"indoor barbecue" at Waitati, and was hugely ENCOURAGED by news
that we had received a Certificate of Merit in the Trustpower-Dunedin City
Community Awards 2003. The framed document now hangs proudly on our office
wall. To be affirmed in this manner really does validate the efforts of
our hard working and very dedicated volunteers.
More good news came in the form of a cheque from COGS which will
contribute substantially towards our office and stationery expenses. It
has enabled the executive to proceed with the planned purchase of a
computer which will make the time our volunteers spend in our office a
great deal more productive.
Projects for 2004 include a follow-up to our successful distribution of
Doctors' Kits and we will be exploring ways of making our leaflets for
young people available in Otago secondary schools. We hope to work with
Pride Dunedin Youth on this programme. It promises to be another
interesting year. If you think you or a family member would like to assist
with our work please contact us or come along to a meeting.
This is the beginning of the student year with the seemingly
ever-increasing influx of excited, fresh faced, keenly anticipating and
yes, perhaps, slightly intimated young people thronging our beautiful
campus here in Dunedin. PFLAG extends a special welcome to all GLBT
students. We in the South get inquiries during the year, via our website,
from students in other parts of NZ asking if there is a PFLAG branch in
their home town or city. This is often because the young person is
searching for resources and help for their parents whom they are planning,
or have just "come out" to. It is sometimes easier to come out
after leaving home. The help of other parents and the sharing of
experiences can be an enormous help for those who feel isolated by the
revelation. The good news for Otago students is that here in
Dunedin
, young people have all the resources of a very
diverse and friendly group which makes up PFLAG and meets monthly.
Remember PFLAG is first and foremost a support for Parents, Friends and
Families of Gays and Lesbians and ENCOURAGES the support and involvement
of all the gay community! See you there! Meet new people! Make a
difference! Be encouraged!
Top of the Page
W.A.Q.D.
W.A.Q.D, founded in 2002, is a Dunedin-based community group for queer
women (lesbian, bisexual, questioning) and their friends. Basically our
aim is to provide a safe space for queer women in the community to hang
out, have fun and meet new people. Weekly social lunches will be run in
the Women’s Room on Campus (times to be arranged for an early March
start).
We also arrange fun activities such as picnics, movies, beach trips, café
hopping and whatever else you want! For example, last year (2003)
we had many video and pool evenings, arranged social soccer and softball
teams and even went on an island retreat! We are particularly keen to
provide events where children (and dogs!) can come along and have fun too.
W.A.Q.D is closely linked with UniQ (University Queers on Campus) and
will provide continued support for the UniQ collective in making campus
and the community an active and fun place!
If you’re interested, contact Becky at [email protected]
, visit the website at www.waqd.netfirms.com
or leave a message addressed to W.A.Q.D. c/o Nathan (UniQ Coordinator) at
OUSA,
PO Box 1436
,
Cumberland
St,
Dunedin
, Phone (03) 479-5445.
We look forward to seeing you in 2004!
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of the Page
NZAF
South - Te Toka
NZAF
South - Te Toka in Christchurch provides the following services:
·
Information
on HIV and AIDS.
·
Free
and anonymous counselling and HIV antibody testing for people who might be
at risk of HIV infection.
·
Individual
counselling and support for people living with HIV and people living with
AIDS.
·
Support
and counselling for families and friends of people living with HIV and
AIDS.
·
Assistance
with maintaining safer sex and drug use.
·
Sexual
health counselling for men who have sex with men.
Appointments
are recommended and are available Monday to Friday between 9am and 5pm,
and Tuesday evenings between 5pm and 8pm.
CONTACT
DETAILS:
NZAF
South - Te Toka
269
Hereford Street, PO Box 13-618, Christchurch
Phone:
03-379-1953, Fax: 03-365-2477, E-mail: [email protected]
Top
of the Page
The Rainbow Families group exists for all
those in the queer community who have, want or are trying to have children
to get together for support and social activities. The group meets on the
first Saturday of each month. Below are listed the events that have been
planned for the next few months.
For
more information about the Rainbow Families group, contact Barb on
453-1108 or [email protected]
or Jacinda on 471-9495. And, if you have any
suggestions for activities for the Rainbow Families group, then please let
Barb or Jacinda know!
Saturday March 6
Marlow
Park
(
Dinosaur
Park
) & St Kilda
Beach - meet at the whale at
Marlow
Park
(
John Wilson Drive
) at
2:30pm
. We can play at the playground and then walk up to
the beach (provided the weather's okay).
Saturday April 3
Easter Egg Hunt - starting at
2:30pm
. Please RSVP by March 29 to find out the venue and so that we ensure that there
are enough eggs for all the children, and bring some finger food to share.
Saturday May 1
Moana Pool - meet in the foyer at
2:30pm
. Afterwards we may head to a café in town for a cup of coffee.
Rainbow
Families Books
by Tor Devereux & Barb Long
We
know that it’s important for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender
people to have access to positive images of themselves in all sorts of
areas of life including cultural outlets such as books, films, television,
art, etc. So too is it important for members of rainbow families (families
that include parents who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender) to
have access to images that reflect our realities in ways that are
affirming and “normalising”.
An
excellent source of such images are books that incorporate rainbow
families in them or that deal with issues related to rainbow families. The
rainbow family element in these books may either be the main focus of the
story, or simply the back-drop for the story.
It’s
encouraging to see that the number of “rainbow family books” available
for both younger and older children is ever-increasing, and that now
there’s actually quite a selection to choose from (if you’re overseas
or willing to order over the internet). In order to get an idea of the
range of literary resources now available for children in rainbow families
we would recommend that you check out the web page of Two Lives
(www.twolives.com) which is “the online home of Two Lives Publishing and
a complete resource center for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered
parents and their children". The mission of Two Lives is "to
publish quality books for children in alternative families and to provide
information to the LGBT family community through our web site”.
Two
Lives is an American organisation and, therefore, the exchange rate and
postage makes purchases of the books they have on offer a somewhat
expensive exercise. However, it’s a great site to visit to find out just
what is being published, and we should point out that some of the titles
listed here are now available within
New Zealand
. In addition, there are
numerous links here to a whole range of other websites that provide
information and support for rainbow families.
The
following titles for young children can be purchased from the Women’s
Bookshop in
Auckland
(www.womensbookshop.co.nz, 09-376-4399,
105 Ponsonby Rd
,
Auckland
,
[email protected]) and we personally recommend them. These titles
may also be available from local book shops or they may be willing to get
them in so give them a call and ask (if you want to save on the postage
from
Auckland
).
ABC: A Family Alphabet Book and
123: A Family Counting Book
by
Bobbie Combs
Two wonderfully illustrated books that celebrate
alternative families with two mums or two dads while teaching children the
alphabet and to count. The families depicted here also include other
diversity issues in addition to sexual orientation such as race and
disability.
Going To Fair Day and My House
by
Brenna and Vicki Harding
These two books by an Australian woman and her
daughter include a rainbow family - a girl and her two mums. They are
quite simple and matter-of-fact stories and thereby emphasise the
existence of such a family as something completely ordinary.
Who’s In A Family?
by
Robert Skutch
This
is a delightful book that describes a huge variety of families, including
both human and animal. The human ones include those with one parent,
separated parents, grandparents caring for children during the day,
parents with different coloured skin, gay and lesbian parents, etc. The
main message here is that the people who make up your family are the
people who love you the most.
Remember,
though, that these sorts of books are not only appropriate for children in
rainbow families themselves, but that they can also play a vital role in
educating other children, their parents and all those involved with caring
for children about the diversity of family structures that exist in New
Zealand today.
Hopefully
this will assist with the further acceptance and inclusion of our families
within
New Zealand
society in general. So,
you might like to consider suggesting that your local pre-school, day
care, kindergarten, library etc. purchase some of them.
Finally,
if anyone would like to look at the books mentioned above, then please
contact us (453-1108 or [email protected])
and we'd be happy to show you our copies.
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Sex
On The Beach
by
Grant
What is it with sand, surf and sex, our fascination with carnal pleasures
and the sea? There is so much gay literature based around this topic, from
stories of boyhood discovery in the dunes to mass orgies under the palms
at some tropical paradise. Well I had the pleasure to spend a week at one
of
New Zealand
’s most popular gay beaches a year ago, and I
wasn’t disappointed. Even with the popularity of the internet and more
sex on site venues popping up every day, there’s something very natural
about getting naked in nature.
Urititi (and no that’s not a rude word) is the name of the camping
ground an hour north of Auckland and twenty minutes away from Whangarea,
that happens to host a very large proportion of queer revellers around the
Christmas - New Year period right through to February, and it was here I
spent my week after Christmas of 2002.
Heading off from Auckland in a beat up station wagon I’d acquired for
my time up there (Auckland is a horrible place to be without wheels), a
good friend and I were off on an adventure to find this fabled wonderland
of bronzed bodies, beach parties and queer freedom. Well, after six hours
in traffic and having taken a four hour shortcut we arrived at our
destination just as they were locking the gates.
A few kms north of the turnoff to Waipu, and very easy to miss, is a
little drive leading to Urititi. And what is Urititi? Well not very much
actually - a large paddock with a dune between it and the beach crammed
full of tents and cars, and no hot water (yes, help us, no hot showers
unless you packed one of those little solar numbers). The most basic of
camping grounds that’s what Urititi is. But what it lacks in amenities
it sure makes up for in location; literally two hundred metres and
you’re in the sea and on one of the longest most golden beaches this
fair country has to offer.
Well back to the story. Having come totally prepared my friend and I had
a small tent, one sleeping bag, a very small sleeping mat and enough
toiletries to rival Arthur Barnett’s, but what were we to care – after
all we were in the fabulous hot north. Well, after one of the coldest
nights on record in Urititi and one of the most unpleasant nights of my
life (I gave up the half sleeping bag and retreated to the car and covered
myself in every article of clothing I had brought which wasn’t a lot), I
lay there in the car in anticipation of the sun rising and just as it did
along came a blanket of cloud. I was almost ready to throw one tent and
all in it into the back of the station wagon and go back to Auckland
(especially since the previous night, before retiring, I’d gone
exploring down the beach and found nobody, not even a gay crab).
Well after a quick and heated trip into Whangarea (thankfully the beat up
station wagon had a good heater) and after eggs benedict in a café, we
had defrosted. So we ventured back to Urititi to evaluate. The day had
improved so it was off to the beach. Now not all parts of the beach are
equal. As you wander onto the beach you’ll notice that to your left
it’s packed with mum, dad and the kids and to your right there’s not a
lot happening, but look further to the right and you’ll notice people
again. This is the clothing optional part of the beach and the further you
go the more optional it gets.
So, of course, my friend and I headed right, and right we were. It
wasn’t long before we came across those that had misplaced their
clothing; friendly waves and smiles greeted us as we walked along. Oh
there look a group of guys and, hearing the odd “darling” and
“sweetie”, it didn’t take us long to discover that we were home.
Stay tuned for the next part of the tale in the following issue of the
OGT.
Congratulations
PFLAG!
Towards
the end of 2003 PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
South was recognised for all the wonderful work they do in the Dunedin
community by being awarded a Certificate of Merit in the TrustPower
Dunedin City Community Awards.
PFLAG
also recently received a grant which has enabled them to have a computer
in their office which will be a wonderful resource for them.
PFLAG
started in
Dunedin
nearly five years ago and has achieved a remarkable amount in that time.
The time, energy and commitment that this group has provided to supporting
individuals, families and the queer community is outstanding and we trust
that 2004 will see PFLAG continue to flourish.
Keep
up the great work!
Top
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Queer
Quiz Answers
1. A red tie
2. Calamity Jane, Doris Day
3. Sir Ian McKellan
4.
Massachusetts
5. Andrew Laing
Top
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