-11/3/00
A Challenge for Slim Shady
-11/12/00
ULTIMATUM
-11/26/00
Slim Shady, you tell it like it is.
You have the balls to say what others
don't want to admit even exists.
But you have no originality, no beauty.
Your rhymes are lyrical in the same degree
that Al Gore has personality.
Your words are blunt and to the point,
since you expend no energy on fluff,
but your words are not of quality
and will only last as long as this generation
rebels against true musical standards.
Slim Shady, you imagine yourself an original,
the singular focal point of the universe,
but you don't care. Or so you say.
For you there are no bounds,
no limits to conform to,
no souls to impress.
Yet you, with your preached hatred,
have captured the adoration of
thousands of imitating fans.
I ask, would you still be making music
if nobody was listening?
I dare you to say what you have to say
with a lyrical air and some wit.
For then your words will have more impact
on those who actually listen.
Slim Shady, you are a scavenger,
picking at the refuge of today's youth,
searching for those who would pay
to have you scream at them.
So would the real Slim Shady please stand up
and take my challenge like a real man?
The light in my eyes isn't all reflection;
part is the flames of deep anger.
Never before have I felt such hatred,
such a negative passion for someone I know.
Operating against my better judgement,
I've kept it all inside for years
on the off chance that you might change.
I've given you hints to no avail.
I've tried to be a good friend,
but you just don't seem to care.
I've talked with you about everything,
hoping to spark your interest,
but it often seems as if you're not there.
Can we see eye-to-eye on anything?
No, we don't argue;
we're too polite for that.
You don't return my calls
even when you say you will. (You LIE!)
You respond to e-mails with minimal typing,
as if I'm not important enough for complete sentences.
Whenever I corner you into talking with me,
you give me the same overused responses:
"I'm too busy" or "I'm too tired." (Bah!)
I remembered YOUR birthday,
even though you insisted you didn't care,
while you got mad at another guy
for forgetting you on the same day!
(Somehow I don't understand your logic.)
You say you want to do something,
then you don't even make an effort.
I have always considered myself a tolerant man,
but this, like everything, has a limit,
and YOU are INTOLERABLE!
I don't deserve this Democrat waffling,
White man forked-tongue speaking,
Two-faced blatant lying!
Do you think I can't handle honesty?
So now I present you with an ultimatum,
a last chance to redeem yourself:
Act however you want;
be whoever you want to be;
just show me some respect and honesty.
Maybe the error is mine,
rooted in the assumption that we were friends.
If we are friends, say so,
and start acting like it!
If not, just tell me and I'll be on my way.
Just don't play these immature games,
or I might just have to act on my wrath.
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