.THE
MATRIX : BACKSTREET STYLE * PAGE 5.
NICK:
Wowzers, that was weird...
AJ: Holy crap! Where's Korpheus?!?!
BRIAN: No!! There must've been a glitch in the Batrix!
AJ: Holy shit! That means he's been captured or something!
NICK: Uh oh. What do we do?
BRIAN: First we hafta find him.
AJ: I'll locate him. [DOES A BUNCHA DANCING AROUND ON A BIG KEYBOARD]
Look! I found him!
NICK: Wow, how'd you do that? [STARTS DANCING ON THE BIG KEYBOARD TOO]
AJ: NO! NO!!! Stop that man!
NICK: Wowie!! This is funnnn!!!
AJ: AHhhhhH!!! [PUSHES NICK OFF]
NICK: [POUT] And I was having fun.
AJ: I've lost him!! [GROANS]
BRIAN: Look Ank! The computer printed out a report for us!
AJ: Oh baby I love this thing. [KISSES THE COMPUTER] You're sooo gooooodddd.
Now what does it say? [GRABS THE PAPER FROM BRIAN AND SCANS IT] Holy
shmamoley!
NICK: [PRANCING AROUND ON THE GIANT KEYBOARD AGAIN] Lookie meeee!! I
can dance!!
AJ: Neo, we need your help.
NICK: Oh boy!! Do I get to be the superactionhero now?!
BRIAN: Yeap.
NICK: Oh boy oh boy!!!! Yipeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! [STARTS SKIPPING AROUND
THE ROOM] What do I do?!?! What do I do?!?!
BRIAN: You gotta rescue Korpheus. He's been captured by Evil Agent Howard.
NICK: Oh NO! Not [DUN DUN DUN DUN] Evil Agent Howard!
BRIAN: I'm afraid so.
AJ: You gotta do it man. I dunno how, but you gotta.
NICK: Okay dudes, you got it! I, NICKOLAS GENE CARTER, am gonna save
the day! I need joysticks, lotsa joysticks.
AJ: You got it. [BRINGS UP A JOYSTICK STORAGE THINGIE]
NICK: [LOADS UP WITH JOYSTICKS] I need a supercool costume.
AJ: You got that too. [LOADS UP A MICROPHONE, SUNGLASSES, TRENCHCOAT,
GEL, BLACK LEATHER PANTS, TIGHT BLACK TANK TOP, AND BOOTS]
NICK: [PUTS ALL THE CLOTHING ON, PUTS THE MICROPHONE IN HIS POCKET,
AND GELS HIS HAIR, WHICH HAS GROWN BACK BY NOW, INTO A SHORT SPIKEY
DO] [FACES BRIAN AND SAYS IN A DEEP VOICE:] Let's go.
[BY
NOW DUDE2 HAS FAINTED OFF CAMERA AND DUDES 1 & 3 HAS TO COVER FOR
HER]
AJ:
I'm sending you in. Good luck.
[NICK
AND BRINITY ARE TRANSPORTED INTO EVIL AGENT HOWARD'S EVIL AGENT LAIR]
[THEY CLICK INTO THE EVIL AGENT LAIR AND SEES ONE OF THE SECURITY GUARDS]
SECURITY GUARD: Hello, and welcome to HOWIEDOIT Electronics. Please
give us anything that might make us richer by stealing your ideas.
NICK: Whatever. [SNEER]
BRIAN: Yeah, what he said. [SMILES CHEESILY]
[THE SECURITY GUARD IS CONFUSED]
SECURITY GUARD: I'll repeat it....
NICK: No need to. [OPENS UP HIS TRENCHCOAT - JOYSTICKS ARE EVERYWHERE]
SECURITY GUARD; Holy shabeeeeeep.
NICK: [WHIPS OUT ONE OF THE JOYSTICKS AND STARTS PLAYING WITH IT]
[THE SECURITY GUARD MOVES AROUND ACCORDING TO NICK'S CONTROLS]
[LARGER THAN LIFE INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND]
NICK: [DOES THE SCREAM IN THE BEGINNING INSTEAD OF AJ] Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahaaaa!!!!
What does THIS button do??!?! [PRESSES BUTTONS] [THE SECURITY GUARD
STARTS JUMPING UP AND DOWN WHILE SWINGING HIS HANDS AROUND] Hahahaha!
This is fun!! Hahahahaha!
BRIAN: Let's go Neo.
NICK: Okay. [GIVES THE BUTTON ONE LAST PUSH AND THE SECURITY GUARD FLOPS
UP AND DOWN, FRIED] [NICK THROWS THE JOYSTICK BEHIND HIM AND WALKS ON
WITH BRIAN] We gotta find Korpheus.... we gotta find the secret passageways.
BRIAN: How bout that one? [POINTS TO A DOOR MARKED 'SECRET PASSAGEWAY
- DO NOT ENTER']
NICK: Okay let's go. [RUNS INTO THE DOOR TO TRY TO GET IT OPEN] [IT
DOESN'T OPEN] [TRIES KICKING IT] [IT DOESN'T OPEN] It won't open!!
BRIAN: It's okay Neo... let's try this... [TURNS THE DOORKNOB]
NICK: Oh, that might work.
[THEY ENTER THE SECRET PASSAGEWAY]
NICK: [TURNS AROUND] SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! [PUTS A FINGER TO HIS LIPS]
BRIAN: [WHISPERS] Yeah Neo I know that already.
NICK: Do you still need to call me Neo? We're not in the Batrix anymore.
BRIAN: Okay fine Nickolas. I'll call you Nickolas.
NICK: Okay. [WALKS DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS]
BRIAN: [FOLLOWS] Do you see anything Nickolas?
NICK: Nope, not yet.
BRIAN: Okay.
NICK: Wowzers! Brian... I see something...
BRIAN: What do you see?
NICK: I see... pigs.
BRIAN: Pigs?
NICK: No wait.. they're little girls... dressed up as pigs.
BRIAN: You mean girls in pig costumes? Strange.
NICK: Yeah... And I see a forklift.
BRIAN: Really.....
NICK: Yea... And I see a big tall guy strapped to it.
BRIAN: You mean Korpheus?
NICK: Yeah, him.
BRIAN: Good job Nickolas!!! You found him!
NICK: Yeah, and I see Evil Agent Howard.
BRIAN: You gotta go attack him somehow.
NICK: Oh no! I think he saw us!! [DUCKS AND HIDES BEHIND BRIAN] Save
me Brian! Save me!!!
BRIAN: Hush Nickolas! Stop making noise! He'll see us for sure!
NICK: WAahh!!! I'm scared! Why'd I even agree to come on this trip?!?!
Whyeee Whyee Tell me Whhyyyyy!!
BRIAN: SHUT UP NICKOLAS!!!
[HOWARD'S NECK CREAKS TOWARD BRIAN AND NICK] [HE DOES THAT EVIL STARE
AND WINKS]
BRIAN: [FREEZES AND HIS EYES BUG OUT] Ahhh!!! He's spotted us!! Run
Nick run!!!!
NICK: [FROZEN IN HIS SPOT AND BRIAN CAN'T GET PAST HIM]
BRIAN: Nick. [SHOVES NICK] Move. [SHOVE] NICK!!! [SHOVE SHOVE SHOVE]
MOVE YOUR BIG BUTT!!! [KICK SHOVE KICK PUNCH] MOVE NICK MOVE!!
[HOWARD'S SHOES CLICK ACROSS THE FLOOR] [SCARY MUSIC STARTS PLAYING
IN THE BACKGROUND]
BRIAN: [LOOKS BACK AND SEES HOWARD CLOSING IN ON HIM] AHHH!!!! NICK!!!!!!
MOVEEEEEEE NOW!!!!! [SHOVE SHOVE SHOVE]
NICK: [STILL FROZEN IN HIS SPOT, STARING AT HOWARD WITH BIG EYES, HIS
MOUTH HANGING OPEN AND A BLANK EXPRESSION]
BRIAN: NIIIICKKKKKKOOOLAASSSS GENEEEE CARTERRRR!!!!!!!! [TRIES SLAPPING
NICK'S FACE BUT REALIZES THAT HE'S TOO SHORT TO DO SO SO INSTEAD HE
SLAPS HIS CHEST] WAKE UP!!!! DAMN YOU!!!
NICK: [SNAPS AWAKE] HOLY SHIT!!!!!! BRIAN! You just said the D WORD!!!!
BRIAN: [FREEZES] Oh. My. Gosh. [DROPS TO HIS KNEES AND STARTS PRAYING
FOR FORGIVENESS]
NICK: [WATCHES HOWARD ADVANCE CLOSER AND CLOSER] Hey Brian.... while
you're down there praying.... why don't you ask for a little help from
Howard too eh?
BRIAN: MOVE YOUR BUTT AND WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE!
NICK: Uhh... Brian.... too late. [SCREAMS AS BRIAN GETS PICKED UP BY
HOWARD AND CARRIED AWAY] Brian!!! Come back!!!
HOWARD: Muahahahhaa!!! I have Brian and you can do nothing to stop me!
[BRIAN IS SLUNG OVER HIS SHOULDER, AND HE'S KICKING AND PUNCHING HOWARD
WITH HIS FISTS]
NICK: Brian! No! Come back! I'll get you evil Howard!!! [CHASES AFTER
HOWARD AND JUMPS ON HIS BACK AND TRIES TO BITE HIS EARS] RAAAARRR!!!!
[BITE BITE BITE]
HOWARD: OWWWW YOU EVIL LITTLE CRITTER!!!
continue
to page 6