manda . r a i // the matrix : backstreet style

THE MATRIX : BACKSTREET STYLE

One fine day in the middle of the night, er, wrong start... one fine glorious day, the Backstreet Boys turn off their microphones and sigh.

Nick: Sigh
Brian: Sigh in the name of the Holy Lord.
Kevin: S....i......g......h....
Howard: Sigh.... and stuff like that.... *wink* *wink*
AJ: Sigh, I need to get another tattoo.

They were all bored from singing "Quit Playing Games With My Heart" for the ninety-seventh time and decided to take a break.

Nick: [He's been thinking very very very hard for the past few minutes, the suddenly NICK's face lights up with a bright idea] I wanna be a superactionhero!
Kevin: Be... quiet... Nick... you can't be an.... action... hero...
Howard: Sure he can and stuff if he wants to be! *wink*
Brian: According to the Bible, you should always strive for what you want to achieve, as long as it is in the name of the Lord.
AJ: Ya think this heart tattoo would look better or this spikey one? [AJ holds up pictures of two tattoos, One is a big heart with a lot of little hearts in a swirly heart design, the other one is an armband of spiked thorns or something]
Kevin: Don't you think.......
AJ: Think what?
Kevin: you have enough......
AJ: Enough of what?
Kevin: Hush! And let me...finish.....
AJ: Sure dude.
Kevin: Don't you think you have enough...... [KEVIN searches for the right word]..... tattoos?
AJ: Naw dude, you can never have enough tattoos. [KEVIN shrugs]
Nick: Yea Yea, who cares, I have like six tattoos already, I'm turning into the next AJ! Ain't I cool?!
Kevin: No... you're not.
AJ: Yea, you biter.
Nick: Yea yea whatever. Anyways, I wanna be a superactionhero!
Howard: Hey Nicky lookie it's a newspaper. [HOWARD picks up a newspaper lying on a table nearby]
Nick: Yea yea Howard, who cares? Anyways, as I was saying, I wanna be a superactionhero!
Kevin: We already know that by now Nick.....
Howard: Wowzers! Look! Haircuts at 50% off!
Kevin: That's lovely Howie.
Howard: We should bring you there Kevin!
Kevin: [Glares at HOWARD] Look.... who's talking.... Howie.
Howard: Hey dude, you know, I was just kidding and stuff like that. *wink* *wink*
AJ: Maybe you should go see an eye doctor for 50% off Howie, get that wink of yours fixed.
Howard: Oh goodness AJ, hush! *wink*
Nick: Ya'll be quiet! I wanna be a superactionhero!!
Brian: [Drops down on his knees and starts praying] Oh dear Lord Almighty up above, please make Nick stop saying he wants to be a superactionhero! Please grant his wish or else we may never have peace. Amen.
Nick: I wanna be a superactionhero!!! [NICK starts whining] I wanna be a SUPERACTIONHERO!! [NICK starts stomping his feet] I wanna be a suuuppeeerrrraccctiiooooonnnheroooooo!!! I wanna be...
AJ: [Slaps Nick upside the head] Shaddup, you're ruining my concentration.
Nick: Owww... concentration on what? [NICK rubs his head in pain]
AJ: On which tattoo I should get of course.
Nick: Who cares?
AJ: [Slaps Nick upside the head again] I do.
Nick: Okay okay okay.... I wanna be a superactionhero!!
Brian: [Drops to the floor again in prayer for Nick to stop]
Howard: Hey Nick... look they're looking for someone to be a superactionhero for this new movie coming out. Lookit, the ad's right here in the newspaper.
Nick: [His eyes bulge out wide] Really???!!!! WOW!!! Lemme see!!!
Howard: Lookit, right here.
Brian: Praise the Lord!!!! [Drops on his knees again for a prayer of thanks]
Nick: Heey lookit Kevin!! They're looking for a superactionhero!
Kevin: Good
Nick: Lookie!! Auditions are this afternoon! Let's go okay okay okay? [NICK jumps up and down in excitement]
Kevin: I..... dunno about this....
Brian: Let him go! let him go!! Hey Nick I'll be your sidekick!
Nick: Oh boy! That'd be great! Can we go Kevin please please please?
Kevin: Well.... since.... my cousin... Brian...that's my cousin... wants to go... I suppose we can go too.
Nick: Oh boy! Oh boy!!! You're the greatest Kevin! I'll even forgive you for burning my favorite beanie baby!
Kevin: That's... nice... where is this thing anyways?
Howard: Humm... they're holding auditions in San Jose... a Crow Lane.
Nick: Wowzers, let's go right now! [NICK jumps around the room in delight]

So, that very afternoon on that glorious day, the Backstreet Boys pack up their suitcases and catch a bus to go all the way to San Jose for the superactionhero audition. They had to travel on a bus because Nick wanted to practice his superactionhero flying stance... he hung on to the back of the bus with his bedsheet tucked around his shoulders as a cape, and "flew".

Kevin: Someone... make him... stop...
Howard: Hey Nick! Wanna come back inside? [HOWARD knocks on the back window]
Nick: [His face is being pulled back (like in cartoons and stuff like that) from the speed of the bus and he's hanging on really tight, but he's "flying" alright] Noooooo.....
Howard: Okay then Nick, then you stay out there and fly! *wink* *wink*

Many hours pass, and they finally arrive at their audition place, which is of course the Dude's house.

[NICK Gets off the back of the bus, his face is like temporarily pulled back, his hair is messed up, and he has a bright yellow 'cape' around his shoulders, but he still looks hecka hot]
Nick: I, superactionhero Nick, am here to take over the world!
Brian: And I, superactionherosidekick Brian, am here to assist superactionhero Nick in taking over the world! [They stand next to each other and point at the sky]
Nick: Dun dun dun dun!! [Hums superactionhero theme song type of thing]
Kevin: Let's just.... get this over with... shall we?
AJ: Ya think they do tattoos here?
Kevin: Who knows... knock AJ...

AJ steps up to the door and knocks three times............ no one answers.... he tries again....
Kevin: Oh look, too bad.... no one's home.... let's go now....
Nick: Nooo!! NOoOOoOO!!! [STARTS POUTING AND WHINING] They can't be not home! I'm s'posed to be the superactionhero!!! NoooOOo!!!

The boys stand in shock as they hear a very big [THUD] come from inside the house.

Kevin: Hello? Hello? Anybody home? I don't think anyone's there Nick... no diggity...

The boys stand in shock again as they hear another very big [THUD] come from inside the house.

Brian: Do you think that is the work of the devil? [Hides behind KEVIN]
Kevin: There's nothing..... to be afraid of .... my cousin.... [KEVIN walks up to the doorbell and rings it]

Suddenly the door opens, and two dudes are standing there.

Dude1: Duuuuuuudeee!!! I knew it was them!! He said 'no diggity'!!!
Dude2: DUUUUUUUUUDDDEEEE!!! I know!!! Nick pouted!!! I can tell!!!
[They look at each other] DUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[An honorable dude comes walking up behind them]
Dude3: DUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! [Points at them]

The DUDES don't know what to do, after all, it's the BACKSTREET BOYS standing on their doorstep!

Dude1: [Whisper] What do we do dude?
Dude2: I dunno.
Kevin: Hello..... we're here to... well, Nick, why don't you... tell them? [KEVIN pushes NICK forward]
Nick: Okay okay! Hi! My name is NICK and I will ALways love you!!
Kevin: [Slaps forehead] No.... Nick... don't tell them that... tell them what you're here for.
Nick: Oh yea! I'm here to auction to be a superactionhero!
Kevin: He means... audition...
Nick: Yea yea! That's what I mean! [BEAMS] See see? I've got my cape and everything already!

Dude2: [Looks at Dude1 and Dude3 and whispers] We're gonna have a lot of work to do.
Dude1: Yea dude.
Dude2: Dude, okay, we'll let you audition. But ALL of you are gonna hafta audition because ya'll here.
AJ: Ya got any tattoos?
Dude2: Yea... I think we've got some temporary Power Ranger tattoos...
AJ: Awesome! I've never had any of those before!
Dude2: Yeah, okay, anyways, come in!

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