| Welcome to the... 2004 JANNY AWARDS! |
| I'm very excited to be hosting the second annual Jannies! It has been a funny year, and determining these winners was not easy! Therefore, please sit back, relax, and enjoy as I begin the show, and remember: it's all in good fun! |
| First category is "Randomness." The winners in this category were chosen based on the degree of randomness in the quote. And the winners are: Most Random Male: MR. JON T! "Basically, if you were a computer part, you'd be my motherboard, cause I can't run without you. Thank you." "If I could get my right hip to pop right now, I'd PROBABLY have an orgasm." Most Random Female: MS. LISA T! "There's a girl...who wants to be a bullfighter...but she lives in Oshkosh, Wisconsin." "Andy Dick is MY nemesis!" Most Random IM Funny: MS. KIRSTEN E! Kirsten: jeff hoffman appreciates anything with a vagina Kirsten: would you buy a cd by an artist, "DJ Liquid" entitled "Electoacidfunk"? Most Random Funny By A Stranger: MR. and MRS. DISNEY WORLD TOURIST! "How about LIV Tyler? Is she there?" - Man to his wife after her description of Rockin' Rollercoaster and Steven Tyler being there "You're going to get even whiter than you already are!" - Man's wife to me commenting on my color after Rockin' Rollercoaster and getting on Tower of Terror _________________________________________________ The next category is "Most Visually Creative." These winner were chosen based on how descriptive their quotes were. The images they depicted were the basis of the laughter that followed. And the Jannies go to... Most Visually Creative Funny Male: MR. DAVID B! David: haha, in art today, one of my boys decided to make a giant penis for the paper meche eagle for our school!and then later on today, we had family life, where the boys got to see and hear about the PENIS and TESTICLES and noctournal emissions. what a fun, raunchy day. let's just say, it would have been a HAPPY eagle, had it gotten put on. just what every parent wants to see...a letter explaining what you did, with the words "i'm sorry" and "penis" in the same sentence. Most Visually Creative Funny Female: MS. RIMA K! �You could hire midgets, and they can wear little hats and you can put chips and salsa in them and they can walk around!� "I�m going to marry a black, half Muslim woman and we�re going to live together first and I�m going to carry her baby before we get married.� ____________________________________________________ Next we visit the cutest funnies on the list. These winners were chosen because of their humor and also the degree of cuteness that accompanied their funnies. And the winners are... Cutest Funny: MR. JASON H! "Joe Mama, paging Joe Mama." "What is this dog from? I don't recognize him." (Jan) "101 Non-Dalmations?" and MR. JEFF H! "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this bag is not a toy." ____________________________________________________ Many times, it is not a single quote that produces the most laughter, but a series of events. There are actually two sets of winners in this category! And they are... Best Combination Funny: MS. JAN K and MS. RIMA K! �Ooh! Can I throw your bachelorette party?!� � Rima �Yes, but you know the rules!� � Jan �Yes, I�m well aware of the bachelorette party restrictions.� � Rima �And no penis-shaped items either.� � Jan �NO PENIS-SHAPED ITEMS?! What kind of bachelorette party is this? I�ll just get guys with mullets to walk around!� � Rima �And he�s good with kids.� � Jan, about Matthew Maconahey �I know! He�s so cute!� � Rima �And he plays the bongos naked!� � Jan �And he has the nicest ass!� � Rima <Pause> �When did you see his ass?� � Jan �When did he play the bongos naked?� � Rima �That�ll put some�� � Rima �Hair on your chest?� � Jan �Well, yeah, it�s Lebanese, and we ARE a hairy flock.� � Rima <Laughter> �I�ve gotta write that down!� � Jan �I�m glad the hair of my people makes the funny list.� � Rima and MS. JAN K and MS. SARA G! �I feel like he�s a pussy in bed. �I�m gonna mop the floor with ya, Seacrest.�� � Jan �As long as he doesn�t say �Seacrest OUT� when he�s done.� � Sara �Ryan Seacrest�s orgasm���.after the break. Or like, �14 million people voted��� � Jan �Just seeing her online makes me BURN with anger.� � Jan �That�s not what the burning is, Jan.� � Sara "Actually, you came up last night." - Jan "Wait, is this a good story or a bad story?" - Sara "I don't know, you listen and decide. We were leaving the bar..." - Jan "OH! Of course I came up then!" - Sara "�And it smelled like urine." � Jan _____________________________________________________ The next bunch of Jannies are appropriately titled the "WHAT?!", "Coke-through-the-nose", "I-don't-want-to-know", "Oh-my-God-I-actually-know-this-person", and "Sounds-sexual-but-isn't" Awards. These particular funnies were so much in a league of their own that they deserved their own categories. And here are the winners... The WHAT?! Award: MS. SARA G! <RING> �Hello?� � Jan �HAMBURGERRRRRRRRR!� � Sara The Coke-through-the-nose Award: MS. SARA G! "And I saw a headless German Shepard on the side of the road!" - Jan "Was it running?!" � Sara The I-don't-want-to-know Award: MR. JASON H! "She's over there lapping up his piss!" The Oh-my-God-I-actually-know-this-person Award: MS. LISA T! "Ohh, it's M-to-the-atchbox Twenty!" The Sounds-sexual-but-isn't Funny: MRS. JILL D. and MRS. VICKI H! "Do I pull the long one or the short one?" - Vicki "Don't even go there, Vicki." - Jill ____________________________________________________ To be unintentionally funny is an accomplishment that many of the people on the list have achieved. However, there were two people who stood out the most in this particular category. And they are... Most Unintentional Funnies Male: MR MARTY K �I was trying to get rid of the pile of cinder blocks from the back yard. So I took two blocks a day to school and piled them in the parking lot. I didn�t tell anyone. And then another teacher asked me how he could build this shelving unit in his shed, so I encouraged him to take the blocks from the parking lot, still not telling him that they were mine!� � Marty �I didn�t want to take the WHOLE box of paper, so I took a ream every other day until I had taken the whole box�don�t tell anybody.� � Marty Most Unintentional Funnies Female: MRS LINDA K! �Trivet. What a southern frog says. Trivet, trivet, trivet. No wait. Who says T�s instead of R�s? Oriental frogs!� � Linda �That�s what your generation has become; unsociable, straightlaced, poopheads!� � Linda ____________________________________________________ The next two Jannies go to a couple of people who add color and life to the funny list. They may not have the most funnies on the list, but their small contributions produced big laughs... Honorable Mention Male: MR. EVAN K! "When the aliens come, you'll be glad I left them out!" (About glasses of water) Honorable Mention Female: MS. LORI D! �That cheerleader is ugly!� � Kirsten, during the Superbowl �They probably auditioned them from the neck down.� � Jan �Yeah, it�s like, put a bag on their heads and see how they bounce�that�s how you auditioned me, right honey?� � Lori to Evan _____________________________________________________ There are only three more awards left, but they are all big ones! These next two earmark the Male and Female who made the most appearances on the list for 2003-2004. Not surprisingly, both the Male and Female winners are repeat winners from last year! And the Jannies go to... Funniest Male: MR. DAVID B! Funniest Female: MS. SARA G! ________________________________________________________________________________ Last but certainly not least we come to the award given to the person who has surpassed all others on the list for the year. This person has once again dominated this category with 44 appearances. This year's prestigious GOLDEN JANNY award goes to... MS. SARA G! And there you have it Ladies and Gentlemen! The 2004 JANNY AWARDS! I hope that you had as much fun reading them as I had typing them! Special THANK YOU's go out to all the participants of the 2003-2004 Funny List! You are ALL funny, or you wouldn't have made the list! Don't forget that I am ALWAYS on the lookout for the next FUNNY! So keep the humor coming, and keep me tea-kettlin'! |
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| Are you down because you didn't make the list or get an award? DON'T BE! THE 2004-2005 FUNNY LIST HAS ALREADY BEGUN! That gives you a WHOLE other year to sharpen your wit and humor! |
| Wanna see who made the list but didn't win an award? Check out the entire 03-04 list HERE! |
| Tired and want to go HOME? That's okay! Thanks for coming! Drive safely! |