MOST RANDOM MALE
MR. JEFFREY H!
Blondie: Sorry
Blondie: Jason needed to switch over for a sec
MetalnG: yea, i bet he did
MetalnG: now you're pregnant, i'm lonely, and no one has even thought about the impact this'll have on global warming
MOST RANDOM FEMALE:
MS. RIMA K!
�How much were my Luscious Latkes?�
�Hello? Lebanon?�
�They�re back with the beer.� � Jan
�Oh, Lebanon.� � Rima
MOST VISUALLY CREATIVE MALE:
MR. JASON H!
�That�s when the Merc was so great. When you lost radio reception, just step on the break or push the button to roll up the already-closed windows, and your reception came back! It was like those buttons completed the charge and made the whole car an antenna!�
MOST VISUALLY CREATIVE FEMALE:
MS. RIMA K!
Rima9: and it does not look like dutch boy for 2 reasons: 1) you don't have bangs 2)it doesn't do the poof thing at the bottom like it used to ... the bangs are the real kicker.... thank god for the 2 of us that those went out of style... remember my long bangs that i used to curl under, and then at church once they caught on fire from the candle...
Rima9: yeah, it's safer without them
Rima9: so, yes, verdict on the haircut = cute!
BEST DUO FUNNIES
MS. JAN H
and
MS. SARA G!
Whodinky: HEMP good, HERP bad
Blondie6: it's like the new age Tarzan
Whodinky: hahaha.
Blondie6: He'd be like, from the ghetto and swing around on fire escapes instead of vines
Blondie6: and his name would be T'rzan
Whodinky: dude, you gotta add a y.
Whodinky: Ty'rzan
Blondie6: Me bust cap in ass.
Whodinky: and his girl would be Jynee
Whodinky: pronounced "jane"
Whodinky2: Alright, this one just baffles me:
Whodinky2: Job Description: K-9 CARE STAFF F/T 8am-12 & 3-6pm Various duties, cust contact Cassio Kennels 426-2881 lvMsg
Whodinky2: Now...K-9 implies humans and schools, right? WHAT THE HELL is the kennel part about then?
Whodinky2: I'm SO confused.
Blondie6: OKay first of all,
Blondie6: K-9 means like, canine
Blondie6: not, Kindergarten thru ninth grade
Blondie6: hence the kennel part
Whodinky2: HAHAHAHAHA
Whodinky2: OH MY GOD
Whodinky2: i'm DYING
Whodinky2: i am laughing SO hard.
Blondie6: i was like, is she for REAL?
Whodinky2: no, no i seriously was.
Whodinky2: HAHAHAHA
Whodinky2: it didn't even OCCUR to me.
Whodinky2: i'm SOOOO blonde.
BEST TRIO FUNNIES:
MS. JAN H,
MR. JASON H,
and
MR. DAVID B!
�A blind man and a Mormon walk into a bar�� � Jan
�Ouch�� � Jason
�Sounds like my high school.� � Dave
�Your high school was full of blind people and Mormons?� � Jan
�In a bar?� � Jason
�Yeah, you know, we hit the bar pretty hard back then.� � Dave
�Why would they roast Pamela Anderson?� � Jan
�Cause she said yes, or cause Comedy Central needed to show more boobs.� � Jason
�A little from column A�� � Dave
�A little from column double-D.� � Jason
�You and your sailor mouths. Such a bad influence.� � Dave
�That�s what you get for messing with us Hoffman�s!� � Jan
�We make your mouth dirty.� � Jason
�I love you Chris, but you�ve got to show me more than that�like your DICK!� � Jan, jokingabout American Idol contestant to get a reaction
<GASP> - Dave and Jason
�She�s wearing her come and do me boots.� � Jan, about Katharine McPhee
�Fuck me boots.� � Jason
�Whatever, I prefer do me. It�s less crass.� � Jan
�Okay SAILOR!� � Jason and Dave
THE WHAT?! AWARD
MR. JEFFREY H!
"If I could lick my junk, I'd be doing it all the time!"
THE I DON'T WANT TO KNOW AWARD
MS. SARA G!
"The father of the groom, he's perfectly acceptable for a romantic entanglement, but not the groom himself."
�I�d bend over for a turkey leg.�
THE OH MY GOD THIS PERSON ACTUALLY SAID THIS AWARD MALE
MR. DAVID B!
"She's hugging her celery...she's a 'stalker'!"
THE OH MY GOD THIS PERSON ACTUALLY SAID THIS AWARD FEMALE
MS. LISA T!
�It�s time to make the tissue dance, lady.� � Lisa
�What?� � Jason
�Put a little boogie in it.� � Lisa
THE GOOD LORD! AWARD
MR. JEFFREY H!
�By law I get to do you now that he�s out of the country.� � Jeff
�Can you stop? You make me wanna jam a knife in my urethra.� � Jeff
�Earmuffs.� � Jeff, to Jan, who obliges.
<Farts>
�There�s greatness, and then there�s�� � Jeff
�Jeff?� � Sara, sarcastically
�No�there�s greatness, then Oprah, THEN Jeff.� � Jeff
THE NOT SURE HOW TO RESPOND TO THIS AWARD
MS. SARA G!
�If we were on this couch for the rest of time, I would close my eyes and plug my ears and let you have sex next to me.� � Sara
�Uhh�thank you???� � Jan
�For the rest of my life, whenever I picture Jason wearing clothes�as opposed to the times I picture him naked�� � Sara
�I can�t wait to see how this sentence ends�� � Jan
Whodinky2: i would have been good at a conjugal visit!
Whodinky2: for the record.
Blondie6: I don't believe that's an argument I'm prepared to have with you
�That kid is WAY too big to be in a stroller. She�s like 14. It�s like, �Mom, can you stop? I have to change my tampon.��
Whodinky2: yeah, until his talk when he was talking about messing up mice for science.
Whodinky2: i mean, that's fine, better that than orphans, but i didn't need to see the retarded mice.
Whodinky2: it was over for us then.
Whodinky2: I couldn't get past him touching mice all day. He'd come home, want some play, and then I'd be like, "oh no, get your micey hands away from my va-jay-jay."
THE SOUNDS SEXUAL BUT ISN'T AWARD
MR. JASON H!
"And just with the back of my hands, I'm going to rub your balls."
(Imitating airport security after being frisked)
THE HUH? AWARD
MR. DAVID B!
�We got more peanut butter than�George Washington Carver!� � Jan
�You got the hiccups more than�.George Washington Carver�considering he�s dead.� � Dave
THE YOU HAD TO BE THERE AWARD
ALL MY GIRLS IN BOSTON LAST YEAR!
Here's a sampling:
�Well, the world is our oyster, Jan!� � Rima
�I was Bob Dole for Halloween!� � Jenny
�I�m hungry.� � Jan
<Cue Rima leaping out of bed>
�Oh my gosh! You just said you�re hungry in MY house?! Lebanese senses are kicking in! Somewhere, my mother has a twinge down her spine and she doesn�t know why!� � Rima
<Cue Jenny stumbling around the corner and glaring at Jan>
�Are you TRYING to be quiet?!� � Jenny
�Wow, this is like a high school sleepover, except we�re grown ups!� � Jenny
�I�m trying to work on �Just because you suck at work, doesn�t mean you suck at life.�� � Jenny
�That�s awesome! I had to squat in the middle of a bush!� � Rima, about peeing at the beach
�Did you all have fun last night?� � Rima
�Yeah, but I�m afraid I�ll never be the same again!� � Amanda, rubbing her legs
�Are you still wearing your party ring?� � Jenny
�Yeah, but the party�s over!� � Amanda, seeing that the ring cut her finger
�On ER once, when someone couldn�t stop hiccupping, they had HIV.� � Amanda, to Jenny who had the hiccups
<Cough, cough>
�I think I just threw up a little...� � Amanda
�That little piggy ain�t goin� to market.� � Jan after putting her stool down on her own toe
(For the rest of the Boston Funnies, check out the whole list!)
THE ONE-LINER AWARD
MS. SARA G!
�He FLUFFED my dress before I walked down the aisle!� � Jan, about the limo driver
�I won�t tell you what he did under MY dress before the wedding.� � Sara
�She picked up a random trick-or-treater.� � Dave
�That�s how I get all my men.� � Sara
�She was so excited to see me, she peed on the floor.� � Jan
�You should have seen what I did to the couch when you walked in.� � Sara
�If you�re going to abuse me, at least Donkey punch me.�
MS. ABBY B!
MS. AMANDA N!
MS. CANDICE B!
MR. CHRISTOPHER K!
MR. DAVID B!
MS. DENISE G!
MR. JASON H!
MR. JEFFREY H!
MS. JENNY C!
MS. JESSICA P!
MS. KATHERINE H!
MS. LAUREN K!
MS. LINDA K!
MS. LISA T!
MR. MARTIN K!
MR. NICHOLAS K!
MS. RIMA K!
MS. SARA G!
LET'S GIVE THEM ALL A HAND!
-------------------------------->
The top 3 awards for the 2005-2006 Funny List! Not surprising, they are all repeat winners!
This year's
FUNNIEST MALE
is...
MR. DAVID B!
This year's
FUNNIEST FEMALE
is...
MS. SARA G!
The prestigious GOLDEN JANNY award goes to...
MS. SARA G
with 61 appearances!
Unbelievable! This is Ms. Sara G's 4th consecutive win of the Golden Janny!
The 2005-2006 Funny List Awards! It's been a great year for laughs! So be sure to check back in for updates, and try not to laugh and drive on your way home! Goodnight!
DON'T!
The 2006-2007 Funny List has already started!
Check out the full 2005-2006 Funny List!
@ 2006 JanHo Productions.