What a year!
�It�s hot in here.� � Dave
�That�s cause you�re here.� � Jan
<cue Dave rubbing his nipples and making a sizzle sound>
�I don�t know why my nipple would be scorching�� � Dave
�Did you just say �Oh Wesson Oil�?� � Dave, to Jan
�Yes the world renowned Rubber Nipple.� � Dave
�I can shoot aliens til the crows come home!� � Jason
�You sound like you got one hand on your balls over there!� � Dave, to Jason singing soprano on Kokomo
<cue Jason flailing his legs and grabbing himself>
�Wahoo!� � Jason
�My new band�s name is M. Potence.� - Dave
�He coulda popped a cap in your ass.� � Sara
�Wait, HE coulda popped a cap in my ass, or I coulda popped a cap in HIS ass?�- Jan
�Either way.� � Sara
�Oh my God, you will never guess what he told Jason.� � Jan
�He revealed he purchased a bride via mail order catalogue?� � Sara
�Anywhere I can see where I vomited in a bush, I can�t take seriously.� � Sara
�Well, that eliminates most of the eastern seaboard.� - Jan
�We got more peanut butter than�George Washington Carver!� � Jan
�You got the hiccups more than�.George Washington Carver�considering he�s dead.� � Dave
�Well, the world is our oyster, Jan!� � Rima
�I was Bob Dole for Halloween!� � Jenny
�I�m hungry.� � Jan
<Cue Rima leaping out of bed>
�Oh my gosh! You just said you�re hungry in MY house?! Lebanese senses are kicking in! Somewhere, my mother has a twinge down her spine and she doesn�t know why!� � Rima
<Cue Jenny stumbling around the corner and glaring at Jan>
�Are you TRYING to be quiet?!� � Jenny
�Wow, this is like a high school sleepover, except we�re grown ups!� � Jenny
�How much were my Luscious Latkes?� � Rima
�I�m trying to work on �Just because you suck at work, doesn�t mean you suck at life.�� � Jenny
�That�s awesome! I had to squat in the middle of a bush!� � Rima, about peeing at the beach
�Did you all have fun last night?� � Rima
�Yeah, but I�m afraid I�ll never be the same again!� � Amanda, rubbing her legs
�Are you still wearing your party ring?� � Jenny
�Yeah, but the party�s over!� � Amanda, seeing that the ring cut her finger
�On ER once, when someone couldn�t stop hiccupping, they had HIV.� � Amanda, to Jenny who had the hiccups
<Cough, cough>
�I think I just threw up a little...� � Amanda
�That little piggy ain�t goin� to market.� � Jan after putting her stool down on her own toe
�Hello? Lebanon?� � Rima, testing the microphone for karaoke
�It�s like rabies and west nile rolled into one!� � Amanda, about the ugly bat creature
�We harmony good!� � Amanda, to Jan
�Oops�both hands are busy.� � Katie
�I think I bit my tongue.� � Katie
�No, that�s a herp from kissing all those guys last night.� � Amanda
�I mean people, there�s gotta be a happy medium!� � Amanda, about toilet paper
�Ooh Tanzania? Like the Tazmanian Devil?� � Amanda, about boy selling water to raise money for a trip to Tanzania.
�Tan-za-NIA.�- Jan
�Oh shit.� � Amanda, walking away
�At least you didn�t get a phone call asking you what fellatio meant.� � Jan
�Oh God, that�s the best!� � Amanda
�On my trip to Boston, all I got was Gonnorhea.� � Amanda
�This business card makes you sound like you stand in the street, wearing an orange vest, and holding a sign cause she�s �Assistant Traffic Manager.� � Jan, about Jenny
�Yes, but she�s ASSISTANT Traffic Manager, so�� � Rima
�She doesn�t hold the sign!� � Rima and Jan together
�I have a forest in my pants!� � Jenny, after being covered in splinters
�They�re back with the beer.� � Jan
�Oh, Lebanon.� � Rima
�The father of the groom, he�s perfectly acceptable for a romantic entanglement, but not the groom himself.� � Sara
�I got you a present today!� � Jan
�What is it?� � Sara
�You�ll just have to wait until you get here!� � Jan
�Okay, so if I see someone standing in the airport with a giant dildo, I�ll know it�s from you.� � Sara
�I mean, he�s horny and weird, but he wouldn�t molest a 3 year old.� � Jan
�Watch what you pull when you get the garter!� � Jan
*Sara wipes up spilled Arbor Mist with Jan�s purse when no one�s looking
�SARA!� � Jan, catching her
Blondie6133: I'm scared that I will die
MetalnGuns: you're not gonna die
Blondie6133: People keep saying that, but how do you know?!
MetalnGuns: well i hooked up w/ the grim reaper's sister the other day, and she said you were fine
Whodinky2: you looked SOOOOO amazing on your wedding day
Whodinky2: you were actually glowing.
Whodinky2: but i know that's just cause i felt your boobs in the chapel
Hallmark e-card from Sara:
That�s not just your meds messing with you, you�re actually looking at Metro Bee getting kinky with a lightning bug. I guess the moral of the story is, if you want to get better fast, take it up the�
Love, Me
Mtchbx20terp: like 2 peas in a pid
Mtchbx20terp: pod!
Jenny1281: I think it would be funny if in your profile where you say I love my husband Jason, if husband was really a link to a site with pictures of naked guys
�Why would they roast Pamela Anderson?� � Jan
�Cause she said yes, or cause Comedy Central needed to show more boobs.� � Jason
�A little from column A�� � Dave
�A little from column double-D.� � Jason
�How could I be Boy George for Halloween?� � Sara
�Some eyeliner, some braids, and a hat.� � Jan
�And a giant�schlong�� � Sara
�I live with my job. That�s probably how Laura Bush feels. Except I probably have a lot more going on in my mind.� � Sara
�God, me and Kelly in the same state�I know what Jan�ll be thinking about later�� � Sara
�You know how David and Scott are best friends, then Scott moves away, starts listening to country music, and subsequently shoots himself in the head?� � Sara, about 90210
�Yeah�� - Jan
�Do you SEE the similarities?! HELLO!� � Sara
�I�m not even drunk and I�m like, this guy�s fuckin� hilarious!� � Sara
�I�m more of a cross-stitch kinda girl.� � Sara
�You and your sailor mouths. Such a bad influence.� � Dave
�That�s what you get for messing with us Hoffman�s!� � Jan
�We make your mouth dirty.� � Jason
�I have a nosey run!� � Jan, confused
�It�s karma.� � Dave
�Karma chameleon�� � Jason, singing
HAWAIIAN FUNNIES!
�Look, it�s a doggy! Rolling around on the grass�playing with himself.� � Jan, getting disgusted.
�Look, it�s Janny! Rolling around on the seat�playing with herself.� � Jason, being funny
�The Jewish hotel is hopping!� � Jason
�Ohhhh, the Harry�� � Jan, remembering the name
�Silver�stein�baum�whatever.� � Jason
�You�re funny.� � Jan
�Yeah, but I�m your husband, I don�t get written down.� � Jason
�You never want me to write down what you say!�- Jan
�That�s because it�s usually about your�genitalia.� � Jason
�That�s when the Merc was so great. When you lost radio reception, just step on the break or push the button to roll up the already-closed windows, and your reception came back! It was like those buttons completed the charge and made the whole car an antenna!� � Jason
Rima9: and it does not look like dutch boy for 2 reasons: 1) you don't have bangs 2)it doesn't do the poof thing at the bottom like it used to ... the bangs are the real kicker.... thank god for the 2 of us that those went out of style... remember my long bangs that i used to curl under, and then at church once they caught on fire from the candle...
Rima9: yeah, it's safer without them
Rima9: so, yes, verdict on the haircut = cute!
Whodinky2: and i was like, "Yeah, and one was with Jeff about beer, so that wasn't any good, and no one EVER knows what jan and i are talking about."
Blondie6133: that's true, but that's almost a good thing
Blondie6133: nothing incriminating
Whodinky2: for real.
Blondie6133: like, I could type
Blondie6133: Beetle Bailey likes pygmies
Blondie6133: and you'd know it meant I�m making baked ziti for dinner
Blondie6133: but the average person, the "layman" as it were, would be confused
Whodinky2: hahaha, i was thinking more along the lines of "I bet Laura Bush and Sam Waterson have some ROCKIN' sexual relations."
Whodinky2: and you'd get it.
Blondie6133: and vomit shortly after
Whodinky2: yeah, i can usually picture ANYONE doing it, but not them.
Blondie6133: haha
Whodinky2: OH NO! I hope this doesn't mean i'm losing that too!
Whodinky2: no more binge drinking, no more random hookups, and no more lude sex comments?!
Whodinky2: who am I!?!?!?!
Blondie6133: losing...your uncanny ability to tell what kind of sex any two random people are having?
Whodinky2: YES
�Once you go brown, you never go down.� � Jason
�Put it in my pie�in my mother fuckin� pie.� � Jason, during Trivial Pursuit
�The Discovery Channel is here taping the teachers at Staples�<in Australian accent> Watch as the teachers gather around�� � Dave
�What do you call the lightweight, synthetic material used in bulletproof vests?� � Jan, playing a game
�Tampons? Hey, it absorbs shit, doesn�t it?� � Dave
�Would you like me to eat your mole?� � Jan, after Dave spells �mole� out with alphabet cookies
�Now take my�� � Dave changes the �m� to a �p� to spell �pole�
�He should get that shit removed. It might be melanoooooooooma.� � Dave
�Anus noggin.� � Dave�s version of �butthead�
�Pass or die, we�ll get Diddy to come in.� � Dave
�By law I get to do you now that he�s out of the country.� � Jeff
�I�m very comfortable with having a vagina.� � Sara
�She�s hugging her celery�she�s a �stalker�.� � Dave
�Oooooh!� � Jan
�You gotta poo?� � Jeff
�I used to hate Special K, now I just hope he dies.� � Jeff
�I would have rather been puking for the last 35 minutes. It would have been more fun.� � Jeff about the pep rally
�Shut the fuck up!� � Random dude yelling at Tracy Morgan
�Faggot.� � Jeff
�What�d you call me?� � Jan
�Claggot.� � Jeff
�If I did this for an hour everyday, I�d be�Kate Moss.� � Jan, about stepping
�Doing cocaine and losing all your endorsements?� � Abby
�See? You mumble! I can�t understand what you�re saying!� � Jan, to Jason
�There�s an Indian chief 100 miles away who can hear me perfectly.�- Jason
�Yeah, with his ear pressed against the ground!� � Jan
�Brian�s blending into the wall. I can�t see him anymore.� � Andy, making fun of Brian�s �Garden State�-like shirt
�I�m embarrassed that he�s alive.� � Dave Will about Brian
�Jason�s blending into the wall�and by Jason, I mean Brian.� � Drunk Andy
�You�re not gonna blow up MY house!� � Andy, to Mike Bani while playing beer pong
�How do you mosh to Green Day?� � Dave
�If you�re high enough, you can mosh to�� - Jan
�Barbara Streisand.� � Dave
�Can you stop? You make me wanna jam a knife in my urethra.� � Jeff
�Can we GO? My B.A.C�s going down!� � Jeff, about Jan�s slow driving
�At least I let him cop a feel before he went to prison.� � Sara
�Earmuffs.� � Jeff, to Jan, who obliges.
<Farts>
�If I could lick my junk, I�d be doing it all the time!� � Jeff
�I would love a pat on the head after a big dump, but noooo�I get handed a plunger and scolded.� � Dave
Whodinky2: HEMP good, HERP bad
Blondie6133: it's like the new age Tarzan
Whodinky2: hahaha.
Blondie6133: He'd be like, from the ghetto and swing around on fire escapes instead of vines
Blondie6133: and his name would be T'rzan
Whodinky2: dude, you gotta add a y.
Whodinky2: Ty'rzan
Blondie6133: Me bust cap in ass.
Whodinky2: and his girl would be Jynee
hodinky2: pronounced "jane"
Blondie6133: Haha
�Maui, stop! That�s not polite! Women of culture don�t DO that!� � my mom to the dog after Maui sniffed her butt.
�With a trunk like that you didn�t know? Gives new meaning to up your butt!� � My mom after I sat on a stuffed elephant
�You know that underneath this sarcastic exterior, I�m a shell of a person who cries at everything.� � Sara
MetalnGuns: has it sunk in yet?
Blondie6133: has what?
MetalnGuns: that you're now related to a hot piece of ass like me
Whodinky2: Alright, this one just baffles me:
Whodinky2: Job Description: K-9 CARE STAFF F/T 8am-12 & 3-6pm Various duties, cust contact Cassio Kennels 426-2881 lvMsg
Whodinky2: Now...K-9 implies humans and schools, right? WHAT THE HELL is the kennel part about then?
Whodinky2: I'm SO confused.
Blondie6133: OKay first of all,
Blondie6133: K-9 means like, canine
Blondie6133: not, Kindergarten thru ninth grade
Blondie6133: hence the kennel part
Whodinky2: HAHAHAHAHA
Whodinky2: OH MY GOD
Whodinky2: i'm DYING
Whodinky2: i am laughing SO hard.
Blondie6133: i was like, is she for REAL?
Whodinky2: no, no i seriously was.
Whodinky2: HAHAHAHA
Whodinky2: it didn't even OCCUR to me.
Whodinky2: i'm SOOOO blonde.
Whodinky2: unfortunately i only wear t-shirts that are about sex, breasts or ireland.
Blondie6133: there's a quote.
�Hotties!� � Sara, about middle-aged men in liquor store
�He FLUFFED my dress before I walked down the aisle!� � Jan, about the limo driver
�I won�t tell you what he did under MY dress before the wedding.� � Sara
�She picked up a random trick-or-treater.� � Dave
�That�s how I get all my men.� � Sara
�Pippi Shortcomings.�- Dave, about picture of Jan with one braid in and one braid out.
�Whattya say, guys? Two moms? Pretty cool, huh? Four breasts, two vaginas, a whole lotta blonde.� � Sara, to Simba and Maui
�Me gusta tu penga.� � Lauren
�Topanga? What the hell does she have to do with this?� � Sara
�I see London, I see frack, I see Lauren�s booty crack!� � Jan
�She called you Johnny Tremain! You�re gonna burn your hand on some shit!� � Jeff
�No, I like �Midnight Story��no wait, what�s it called? Oh, �Weekend Update�!� � Jan
�She was so excited to see me, she peed on the floor.� � Jan
�You should have seen what I did to the couch when you walked in.� � Sara
�Oooh, big deal, you felt Sara�s bra when the lights went out.� � Jan, mockingly to Jason about the strip editing incident
�She got me something for before, during, and after the honeymoon.� � Jan
�So, like, a chastity belt, lingerie, and a pregnancy test?� � Sara
�Conversations between Jason and Jeff are surprisingly dirty.� � Sara
�Dirty?� � Jan
�Yeah, not like, ya know, �Breasts��� � Sara
�What happens in puppy class, stays in puppy class.� � Sara
�She�s got a mullet forming.� � Jan, about Maui
�Business up front, party in the back. Buy her a baseball cap that says, �Git�er done.�� � Alvin, puppy trainer
�I hate Detroit. I could take a crap on the side of the road and you could look at it and it�d be like going to Detroit.� � Sara
�If you�re going to abuse me, at least Donkey punch me.� � Sara
�You go, dog.� � Sara as dog is taking Detroit-sized crap on the side of the road.
�Damn you�oh, what�s his name? The guy with the skinny arms that was married to Angelina Jolie?� � Jan
�I�m a single pelagic with a wiener!� � Jeff
<sigh>� �I love me�� � Jeff
�I�d bend over for a turkey leg.� � Sara
�I bet his hands are rough.� � Jan
�Mmmmmm.� � Sara
�It got dark, I go to cross the road. Then I hear clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop coming right at me. Do they have lights? No. Do they have horns? No. Did the horse neigh at me? NO!� � Dave, about being almost killed by a horse and buggy
�No one is going to wear your wedding dress but you and your child�and we�ll love him anyway.� � Sara
�If we were on this couch for the rest of time, I would close my eyes and plug my ears and let you have sex next to me.� � Sara
�Uhh�thank you???� � Jan
�Sara + calzone = love.� � Sara
�Now come the days of the king.� � Gandolf
�I guess I won�t be going on vacation as planned. Must call travel agent and cancel cruise.� � Sara, as Aragorn
�For the rest of my life, whenever I picture Jason wearing clothes�as opposed to the times I picture him naked�� � Sara
�I can�t wait to see how this sentence ends�� � Jan
�The Enquirer�s headline will be like, �Maryland Football Player Impregnates Waitress at Cornerstone with Turtle.� � Dave
�Fear my turtle.� � Jason
�We have these big dinners�we call them banquets.� � Jason
�Bridgette Nielsen walks in and I thought she was a gay man!� � Julia, about her celebrity sightings in LA
"Please, I'm Russian and British. Pale people with cool accents!" - Jan
"Then how did you become so UNcool?" - Jess
"How do they pack all this goodness into one bar?!" - Denise, about the Take 5 bar
�I think I need to remove my monkey.� - Denise
Whodinky2: i would have been good at a conjugal visit!
Whodinky2: for the record.
Blondie6133: I don't believe that's an argument I'm prepared to have with you
�Wait wait, they have to have a license to wax your vagina, but to play with it, they just have to be going to prison?� � Jan, to Sara
�Dunloggin! I love that name! It sounds like a hick on a computer. �I dun loggin!�� � Jessica, about Dunloggin Middle School
�There�s greatness, and then there�s�� � Jeff
�Jeff?� � Sara, sarcastically
�No�there�s greatness, then Oprah, THEN Jeff.� � Jeff
Auto response from Blondie6133: Ya'll people needs to change ya'lls away messages more frequently.
Whodinky2: You need to get in your car right now and drive north.
Whodinky2: "Ya'll" TWICE in the same sentence? Dear God, Janice. Run, don't walk towards a Yankee will you?
Blondie: well I put him down as a joke, and I thought Jason was going to fall over when he saw it
Whodinky: no!
Whodinky: he can't come.
Whodinky: because I want to win the ugly elf contest.
Whodinky: and if HE'S there.
Whodinky: it's over.
Whodinky: costume or no costume.
Whodinky: he's our winner.
Blondie: and by 'winner' we mean giant 'loser'
Whodinky: and by "giant" you mean "tiny."
�Guess who Julie Andrews said would be a great Maria if they ever remade The Sound of Music? Cameron Diaz!?� � Jan
�Like, the girl from Full House?� � Jason
�Noo..that�s Candace Cameron.� � Jan
Blondie: They finally got engaged yesterday
<Two different IM conversations resulted in two different, but similar, responses>
Rima: did they make an agreement that he would get to pounce other guys on the side?
Whodinky: and he STILL doesn't give it to other men?
Blondie: I think you both make the funny list
Whodinky: for our font?
Whodinky: oh for the gay jokes.
Whodinky: DUH.
Whodinky: i'm blonde.:-P
�I�ve been out of college too long, I need a campus tour. I see Byrd and I�m like, �Oh my God, is that Biopsych?!� First of all, I went to WAY more football games than I ever did classes in Biopsych.� � Sara
�I feel like he uses the same chord progression in every song he does!� � Jan, about Santana
�He is a musical genius. Don�t talk about Santana that way!� � Jason, defensive.
�That�s the Kochanov way. Once you�re out the door, you�re fair game to talk about.� � Nick
�What team am I on?� � Alex
�Team G for Get outta here.� � Nick
�What team am I on?� � Alex
�No teams, you�re on your own. If you can�t hold your own, you�re out.� � Nick
�Wall Street is powerful.� � Chris.
�So�s your mom.� � Nick
�Yeah, I just gotta #2 here real quick.� � Nick
�You better squeeze it out quick.� � Lauren
�Pinch it out, Nick.� � Chris
�Right now, my stomach is sitting on my thighs, so I can�t think about food.� � Lauren
�What will you have in it?� � Mom, to Nick about his coffee
�Some Southern Comfort.� � Chris
�She hit him pretty hard.� � Nick
�How hard, Nick? Show me.� � Chris
<Nick hits him>
�Ooooh that was NOT a love tap.� � Chris
�Not a tap of love, no.� � Nick
�We have Helen Keller�� � Nick
�SHE�S WEIRD! BLIND AND DEAF! That�s HAUTING!� � Lauren
�And now we�ll never be able to go cause New Orleans is junk now.� � Chris, about Mardi Gras
�It must have been�the camel toe.� � Dave, to Celine Dion song, �It Must Have Been the Mistletoe.�
�Kiss me under the camel toe�smoochy smoochy under the cootchy.� � Dave
�I hate to say the three little words I told you I would say when this finally happened to you.� � Jan
�I love you?� � Sara
�You got the I part right.� � Jan
�I told you so is FOUR words, Jan.� � Sara
�It�s worth at least face value.� � Jan, about music box that plays the wrong song
�If not less!� � Dave
�If I go to Australia, I�d probably stand out more.� � Jan
�Janaroo!� � Dave
�Orville Redenbacher�s a douche bag.� � Sara
�Then after the 7th book�� � Dave, talking to Jason about Narnia Series as Jan and Sara overhear
�Michael Jackson comes.� � Sara
<Minutes later, their conversation has shifted to computers.>
�Then after the 7th computer�Michael Jackson comes.� � Sara
�Estes.� � Jason, reading the side of a truck
�Testes.� � Dave
�Testes landscaping.� � Jason
�Paris Hilton has a new fragrance.� � Jan
�It smells like cunt.� � Sara
�I�m very sensitive when I think people are gonna kick me in the nuts.� � Jason
�That kid is WAY too big to be in a stroller. She�s like 14. It�s like, �Mom, can you stop? I have to change my tampon.�� � Sara
�Excuse me waiter and/or waitress.� � Sara
�Gavin Doosler was there.� � Jan
�Signing autographs?!� � Dave
Blondie: it's gonna be FUN
Blondie: and even numbers are always best
Mtchbx: 3 and 3 in a room i assume
Blondie: right
Blondie: they're best for rides and stuff
Mtchbx: true
Mtchbx: and hookin up!
Mtchbx: and by hookin up, i mean putting clothes on hangers and whatnot
Blondie: Sorry
Blondie: Jason needed to switch over for a sec
Metaln: yea, i bet he did
Metaln: now you're pregnant, i'm lonely, and no one has even thought about the impact this'll have on global warming
Mtchbx: dude, I am so under-represented on the funny list. It's like i'm a black man in congress...an asian on television...or a Jew at the HoneyHam company! I just don't get it! Ehh...some things just aren't meant to be.
Metaln: hi chica
Blondie: Hey buddy
Metaln: how are you
Blondie: sleepy
Blondie: you?
Metaln: rockin out w/ my weenie out
Blondie: typical Wed night for you, huh?
Metaln: hell yea
Blondie: was yo mama happy?
Metaln: yea, i think she'll be more happy when it's all official
Blondie: as will you I'm sure
Metaln: yes ma'am
Metaln: and then somebody owes me celebratory sex
Blondie: I hope not your mom
abby: wait!!! i've got a joke for you!!
abby: i just found it online
abby: what happens when you put the batteries in backwards in the energizer bunny??
abby: he keeps coming... and coming.. and coming........
abby: that may not cheer up your life, but just know that i love you!
blondie: I say that with LUV
Whodinky: i know you do, stacey mcgill
blondie: does that make you Claudia?
Whodinky: NEVER
Whodinky: EVER
Whodinky: i did NOT like her
blondie: who did you totally want to be?
blondie: I wanted to be Dawn
Whodinky: i waffled between stacey and kristy
�I�d like to go to Spain and practica my espanol. Donde esta el bano, BITCH!� � Dave
�No, that�s who you�ll run into in the hall later.� � Sara
�That�s a delayed reaction. It�s like, everyone�s thinking about taxes, and Jan�s still laughing.� � Sara
�Tell me the song, and I�ll show you my thong.� � Sara
�I walked into a web�a web of LIES!� � Dave, in front of the Air and Space Museum
�She droppin� a deuce?� � Dave, about Lisa taking longer in the bathroom
�DAVE!� � Jan
�In a museum!� � Dave
�Now, WHY would you ride one of those, unless you WANT people to make fun of you?!� � Jan, about man on unicycle on the Mall in DC
�He�s just tryin� to get from A to B, Jan.� � Lisa
�It�s time to make the tissue dance, lady.� � Lisa
�What?� � Jason
�Put a little boogie in it.� � Lisa
�Damn you, Frank Duffy, and your stupid kid!� � Sara
�If she HAD been in that movie, I�d be rooting for Jack Nicholson and that axe.� � Sara, about Shelly Long and �The Shining�
�How did they EVEN meet? Does he GO to UPN parties?� � Sara, about Quentin Tarantino dating Shar Jackson
�Everyday is Hannukah in Hell.� � Dave
�How was Barry?� � Ryan Seacrest
�He was so good in bed�oh wait!� � Jan, as American Idol contestant answering
�Looks like we made it!� � Jan, singing and thrusting
�Simba, you�re my boyfriend.� � Sara
�Eh, you say that to anyone who puts their head in your crotch.� � Jan
�You know what made me latch? Laugh?� � Jan, misspeaking
�Crotchski?� � Sara
�I didn�t google my humps, I was too busy googling the Babysitters Club.� � Sara
�She was a hottie.� � Jeff
�Compared to what?� � Sara
�I dunno, a raccoon?� � Jeff
�And just with the back of my hands, I�m going to rub your balls.� � Jason, as airport security
�Why does he have to shout into the phone?� � Jan, about Jeff
�Because Danny�s Jewish?�- Sara
�Please, we were in Hawaii on our honeymoon and we shopped at Kmart, and ate sandwiches from Safeway for dinner.� � Jan
�Nothing but the finest for my bride!� � Jason
�I love you Chris, but you�ve got to show me more than that�like your DICK!� � Jan, about American Idol contestant
<GASP> - Dave and Jason
�Maybe she done got kicked by a mule.� � Dave
�What did Tumnus eat? Tea and cakes?� � Jan
�And whatever that British Surprise stuff is.� � Dave
�Turkish Delight?� �Jan
�Whatever.� � Dave
�He like, dumped his last boyfriend because he was terminally ill�no offence.� � Jan, to Sara
�She looks like a withdrawn sack!� � Dave, about Star Jones
�I dunno, Jan. I might �cop a �tude and walk.� � Dave
�Here I am, 57. I feel like a ketchup bottle.� � Dad
<DRAMATIC GASP>
�When does the funny list end?!� � Dave
�I�m a fucking moron!� � Jan
�When�d the navy pull in?� � Jason
�Mr. Bunge�s school of hard knocks.� � Jason, about Dave yelling at his students
�Jason Hoffman�s school of hard barks.� � Jan, about Jason yelling at the puppies
�So they can have a silent wedding?� � Dave, about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise
�She�s wearing her come and do me boots.� � Jan, about Katharine McPhee
�Fuck me boots.� � Jason
�Whatever, I prefer do me. It�s less crass.� � Jan
�Okay SAILOR!� � Jason and Dave
Whodinky: yeah, until his talk when he was talking about messing up mice for science.
Whodinky: i mean, that's fine, better that than orphans, but i didn't need to see the retarded mice.
Whodinky: it was over for us then.
Whodinky: I couldn't get past him touching mice all day. He'd come home, want some play, and then I'd be like, "oh no, get your micey hands away from my va-jay-jay."
Auto response from blondie6133: I wish the Lebanese were invading Maryland...;-)
Rima9: don't worry!
Rima9: one day they will!
Rima9: and then you'll be sorry you ever wished it!
blondie6: You'll always be my spice :-)
blondie6: Leba-spice
Rima9: that's the best kind
Rima9: except it gives you gas
Rima9: only down side
