�It�s not just about how to boink.� � Alex, on the Kama Sutra
�Is it tan with stains, and smells like broccoli?� � Lauren, about the random carpet she found in her car
�It was like my body was saying �Fuck you for piercing my muscle!�� � Lauren, about her tongue ring
�Laura Bush had bad teeth?� � Lauren
�You know what�s a funny word? Diphthong.� � Jessica, in a moment of complete silence
�What do I look like, London Bridge?� � Anne
�Do you not remember freshman year? Is it a blur of smoke and empty vodka bottles?� � Jan
�No, that was sophomore year.� � Anne
�I pass out the balls.� � Jess, on her job
�Supertrucker.� � Anne
�That�s the first time I�ve ever said �your mom� without making a joke.� � Adam
�Hey, if I had a stripper�s body, I would consider doing it.� � Katie
�No, your name is too long to hyphenate. Unless his name was Woo.� � Sara G
�Kochanov-Woo!� � Jan
�I�m the town biotch.� � Joey
�It�s really all about the backstory.� � Sara G, on Trading Spaces
�Wyn? It sounds like people just can�t pronounce Lynn.� � Jess, on Amy-Wyn Pastor
�I put Freaking Goat.� � Jason�s answer in Scattergories
�We are playing again and again, damnit, until I am a Jedi Master!� � Jason
�Sara, it�s your turn.� � Jan, while playing Star Wars Life
�Holla!� � Sara
�I�m gonna have to have a deadbolt on the garage.� � Sara, about our Children of the Corn
�I feel like a lot happened between here and here.� � Sara, looking at Jason�s �evolution�
�Honey, your nose is peeling.� � Jan
�From what?� (Checking) �Oh, it�s Lemonade.� (Licks finger) � Jason
�I wanna be a cowboy, Janny!� � Sara, singing
�What are you doing, Acura?� � Jan, to other car
�He�s being accurate.� � Sara
�It�s not like Our Lady of Darth Vader! �Our Father�� <hohhhhh>� � Sara
�We could, like, BE Nelson.� � Sara, about me and her singing harmony
�It could have been worse, the cat could have been nuzzling the blanket, and suckling on your breast.� � Jason
Kirsten426: i'm so tired of being on my hands and knees
Kirsten426: So yesterday... I thought of you as I was having lunch... I was outside, looking at the grassy hill before me and I saw a squirrel shaking violently
Kirsten426: I thought... Oh my God! A squirrel seizure!
Kirsten426: Then I saw that there was another squirrel underneath him! And I got really pissed off... it was squirrel sex! And while I was genuinely concerned, the little bastard was having the time of his life!
Kirsten426: But then for some reason... I couldn't stop watching! It was like I was in a trance
Kirsten426: I wonder if that makes me a voyeur
Kirsten426: Anyway... I'm not sure why squirrel sex made me think of you
Kirsten426: It's like the fuck tales... instead of the duck tales....
Kirsten426: yeah it was funny
Hunter5643: jan, you would look hot in a hugo with rust on it, no hubcaps, two spare tires, a bad muffler, and a gold chain lisense plate. :-*
NMGLT: Jan=Cool
Adam=I miss Jan
MetalnGuns: Jeff = loves Jan
�How do you spell �illegible�?� � Akin
�What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing�you already told her twice!� � Chris
�See that�s what happens when you join the band. Not only do you walk in step, but you talk in step.� � Phil
�Where do you live, Threatmaker? 123 Vicious street�� � Chris
�What�s your name? Ted. Ted Threatmaker.� � Chris
�What does the caller smell like?� � Melissa
Kirsten426: done jerkin your chicken yet?
Kirsten426: whoops wrong window
� I don�t know, I�ve never been a dead man.� � Sara
�She ended up, like, having shrimp, or something.� � Jan
�Yeah, except lobsters don�t have shrimp.� - Sara
�Well, whatever they have!� - Jan
�Lobsters?� � Sara
�Yeah, but there was a word for them!� - Jan
�Baby lobsters?� � Sara
�I am 115% sure he is not in my room right now.� � Jan, about Jason
�Yeah, but it�s the other 11 and � % that worries me.� � Sara
�So, like, what, 126.5%?!� � Jan
�Because I�m much more poetic, and more beautifuler.� � Sara, about Jason
�Stand and Deliver: a movie about organ transplants.� � Sara
�Isn�t it about a teacher?� - Jan
�Yeah, but de LIVER, get it?� � Sara
�I didn�t think it was possible, but I just drooled celery.� � Sara
�Close damnit!� � Jan, to her computer
�What, my legs? Not gonna happen.� � Sara
�Sara!� � Jan
�You want me.� � Sara
�Taste of Thai can TASTE MY VAGINA!� - Sara
�Why it gotta be a GAYrantee? Why can�t it be a STRAIGHTrantee, or a BIrantree�no no no�� � Sara
Hunter5643: yeah. make a left at the happy tree which is after the family of squirrels frolicking through the meadows
Kirsten426: THAT WOULD BE ORGASMIC!
Kirsten426: i mean...good
�I almost killed a squirrel the other day.� � Liz
�I want one of those.� � Amy
�First of all, get a breath mint�� � Blair, discussing a nasty club guy
�We�re opening a checking account, we�re not building a space shuttle.� � Bank guy to Heather in heavy Indian accent
�She gets mad when I say tinkie!� � Liz, about Jan
�I touch my stuff, that�s it.� � Amy, about metro riding
<everyone laughs, Jan writes it down, but screws up the quote and writes:
�I touch myself, it�s great.�>
�It comes every three to six minutes.� � Amy
�Do I look worried?� � Jan
�You�re shaking inside!� � Heather
�Should I bring Teddy in case we have to spend the night?� � Heather
�Um, okay.� � Jan
<Heather shoves her teddy bear into her purse>
Hunter5643: and the first thing i clicked on took me to a "fantasy" website with some guy licking some lady's...well...you know
Hunter5643: no prob! we accomodate, and approximate, as well as coordinate
Hunter5643: i don't know...jessie jacksonate
Kirsten426: so what have you been up to
Blondie6133: wporking and homeworking
Kirsten426: wporking... never heard of that one
Kirsten426: must be a strange combo of work and pork
Kirsten426: are you beating a pig?
Kirsten426: did you know they make clear bandaids now?
Kirsten426: yeah�they call it "tape"
�My windshield is cracked.� � Jennifer (roommate)
�I bet you they was fighting and someone fell on it.� � Stephanie
�I may be a dork, but you�re crazy.� � Melissa
�Now you don�t want my nuggets.� � Jason
�I always want your nuggets.� � Jan
�Just put your fingers in there and lick it!� � Dave, about sweet & sour sauce
�Look Jan, it�s our bank!� � Dave
�Oww owwwwwwwwww!� � Jan
�Come on, Chevy Chase! Don�t let me down!� � Jason
�Who�s the one with the pottymouth?� � Jan
�Mrs�Shit?� � Jason
�You got a clubbing shirt? Here, here�s one�we�ll club you for wearing it.� � Dave
�Look Jan, it�s Jesus!� � Dave
�Oh God!�Oh God!� � Jan
�SKEE ball!� � Dave, scaring the crap out of Jan
�Is that a dolphin hanging between your breasts, or are you just happy to see us?� � Jason to Jan
�If it sweetens the deal�� � Jan
�It seals the deal.� � Dave
�No, he�s actually going to tell them I�m a lush.� � Dad
"This guy's mulatto! I'm on my way back!" - Megan
"I'm a dipper, I dip all the flavors." - Megan
"If you pay rent in a roll of ones, something's wrong." - Drew
"Well, I'm still wet." - Janny
"I'm not drunk." � Janny
�It has been so long since I peed in a pool�� - Drew
"I think I just started flirting with your roommate by accident." - Megan
"He reminds me of Vanilla Ice." � Nik, about Jeff
"Jan, take your clothes off Goddamnit." - Megan
"I bet her and Ahmad had GREAT sex." - Sara (on the Rashaads)
"Maybe, if I'm lucky, I can get a threesome going." � Nik, about his hands
"Nik, your hands are small." - Sara
"I know, they make my penis look bigger." - Nik
"Jason, I love you very much, I was not trying to have sex with your brother." - Jan
�Frat boys, you know, they don�t care what they eat. They�re probably very constipated.� � Dionne
�She burps like a fat, alcoholic, southern truck driver.� � Sara
�I think I want to name my dog Meatball.� - Jan
�I wish I could be Edward Scissorhands for just one day.� � Sara
�You realize that I wouldn�t be your friend anymore, and no one would shake your hand.� � Jan
�He doesn�t have scissors on BOTH hands�does he?� � Sara
�Dude, I love that Medieval shit.� � Sara
�I�m a little bit sarcastic.� � Sara
�And I�m a little bit Rock and Roll.� � Jan
�Oh stop it Janny!� � Sara
�We�re like the Mormon Jannernacle Choir.� � Sara
�If you ever call me and tell me you gave oral sex to an alien, I�ll have to hang up.� � Sara
�Uh, are we talking space alien, or if someone crossed the border and I thought he was hot, I could go down on him?� � Jan, monotonous
�Speak now or forever hold your�FUCKERFUCKERVAGINACUNT!� � Sara
�You know who else I like who never got much play? Potsy from Happy Days.� � Sara
JWong037: so i get a slutty kochanov for my troubles? hahahah
Blondie6133: Slutty Kochanov - sounds like a mixed drink
�Your head, this hole. Do the math. Please speak up.� � Melissa
�If I went in there with a Twinkie�� � Chris, about feeding the horses
�It wouldn�t be good for him.� � Melissa
�What are you talking about?! The cream filling?! That�s pure energy!� � Chris
�I think there�s a stain on my pants.� � Julie
�Like, spaghetti, or sperm?� � Josh
�Did I tell you my condom story?� � Sara
�Oh, that you found one?� � Jan
�Inside you�a week later�?� � Josh
�Here, pretend you�re having sex with me.� � Sara, to Jan
�You know what I want to be when I grow up? A metermaid.� � Drew
�Whoa! It went down there! It IS a magnet!� � Kirsten about her pool noodle being naughty
�Who needs a man when you�ve got one of these!� � Kirs, about the noodle again
�I know! I�m a GIRL and I can�t stop staring at them!� � Kirs, about a girl�s breasts
�(Pointing at me) J���(points to self) K is the next letter�� � Kirs, pointing out our similarities
AsianTERP: if i didn't know i had balls i'd think i was a woman
�And he smells good too�Like fresh Newports.� � Dionne
�Now Chris is my sugar daddy � Com�ere honey!� � Dionne
�I hope they both end up in a big ball of hurt.� � Sara
�Jaaaan.� � Jason
�What�s wrong?� � Jan
�I got more e-mail about animal porn!� � Jason
�Some people might think it�s cool to see a giant lizard coming toward them�NOT ME!� � Sara
�WHY?!� � Sara, in Jewish mother accent
�I just almost called them the Hoffbagels, and I don�t know why.� � Sara
�We�re rowdy, we�re rough, we wilt when it�s hot�� � Sara
TrojanLAX35: it sucks godzilla's weenie
�I wish my stomach looked like that.� � Katie
�I don�t, cause I wanna eat me some yellow cupcakes.� � Lauren
�Probably an ad for her one woman show.� � Lisa, about Bea Arthur
�It�s not the Vagina Monologues, is it?� � Anne
Ohhhhhh, I want to be on Unsolved Mysteries!� � Nancy
�Fork you!� � Jess
�Is that Bush? I think he has Rosecea!� � Dionne
�How does Ethiopia even HAVE cuisine?� � Sara, about an Ethiopian restaurant
�It�s like, mashed reeds, and�� � Jan
�AIR?!� � Sara
�Brown water?� � Jan
�And AIR?! U.S. care packages are dropped onto your plate?!� � Sara
�I�m gonna open a lesbian club and name it Paradykes. � Sara
�Take me down to Paradyke City�� � Jan
�Where the�grass is green and�the�girls grab titties?� � Sara
�It�s like my leg is crop circles. I AM SIGNS!� � Sara
�Hannah Hoffman � not a Jew.� � Jan
�It�s like the USPS � it�s all about the delivery.� � Sara
�Did you know that Tom Cruise�s real name is Thomas Mayopather.� � Sara
�MAYOPATHER?! What a horrible last name!� � Jan
�Yeah, like, would someone �path the mayo�.� � Sara
�Say, �Bitch, munch on my box.�� � Sara
MetalnGuns: i'll come and we can do it and you can call me jason, i wont be offended
�You can stay with Jan, Jan has men over all the time.� � Chris
�What?! I get bent over all the time?!� � Jan
�Just keep tonguing him, you�ll know him soon.� � Dave, about mullet man Jan stuck her tongue out at
��Wild women don�t get the blues�� and a man is driving�wait, is it a man?� � Jan
�It�s Pat!� � Jason
�Girl, you ugly!� � Jason
�I�m a big shark�AHMP!� � Dave, eating goldfish
�Dot.com, oh YEAH!� � Dave, thrusting
�C�mon Terps, keep them movin� right backwards! Oh God, I�m a hick!� � Dave, yelling at the game
HJA SKATE: VinDAtuba: Hiya- my name is Vin and I'm 22/m and I would love to chat. I found your profile and you sound REALLY cool-- anyone that can participate in an activity as difficult as lifeguarding has to be cool! I'm about 5'8" and I weigh about 160 lbs; I have blond hair and VERY deep royal blue eyes that you could get lost in and a fair build, along with a rather decent tan- do you like?
Hunter5643: i'm sure jason will appreciate the new found veluptuousness
Hunter5643: i will take over the list! Jan's boobs are GREAT!
�Did you just step on Teddy?� � Jan, about her bear
�Yeah�I like how he feels on my feet.� � Heather
AsianTERP: advanced rear-entry?
AsianTERP: i read advanced re-entry
AsianTERP: like it was the space shuttle or something
AsianTERP: i couldn't get a hunny i knew or something
AsianTERP: like you or something
AsianTERP: but no
AsianTERP: i get the hairiest ass alive
~~Wong in reference to Nik being in his Econ class
Hunter5643: i'm sure he misses you too pumpkin tits
�Have you been fondled by a headless horseman?� � Spencer, in reference to the Pumpkin Tits comment
Whodinky2: "Jaaaaaaaason the ho man, was a jolly happy soul, with a palm pilot and a full time job, and two eyes made out of...molecules??"
Whodinky2: You're going to be Ms. K and I'm going to be Smelly Sara the Homeless Woman with the pet cat who has rabies.
Whodinky2: i keep hoping i see dr. crain or mitsue in the linguistics department.
Blondie6133: Why would you WANT that?
Whodinky2: so i could call you, we could tie them up, and i could poop in their mouths.
Blondie6133: so what do YOU think of Ben and JLo?
lakochano: i think i'm happy because he doesn't just go for tall, skinny, blondes. :-) he likes some ass, and he likes people of all cultures. :-)
"I'm gonna get some wine coolers...ohh, then the pumpkins will really look like crap..." � Mom, about carving pumpkins while intoxicated
"Ooh, I hate him! Talk about pumpkin head!" - Mom
"MOM!" - Me
"I'm in Halloween mode!" � Mom, about Conan O'Brien hosting the Emmy's
Whodinky2: You know what I want to be when I grow up?
Whodinky2: Mrs. Conan O'Brien...
Blondie6133: but your children would have such big heads that your vagina would NEVER bounce back!
�She wants YOU more then she wants HIM probably!� � Heather to Jan
�Telling ME not to worry is like telling an�elephant not to�douse�itself�with water�from its trunk�� � Jan
�Did she look like she�s always looked?� � Jan
�Large and in charge with a big bag of food?� � Sara
�Let�s get medieval, medieval�� � Sara, to the tune of Let�s Get Physical
�His hands need work, but he�s got great foot.� � Abby, about Carlos
�I look like shit hit me twice and then clubbed me over the head with his own foot!� � Jan
�There have been cases of Malaria in the area.� � Sara
HALONOIR: btw i really hope i didnt actually get you sick. if i did i apologize. and i hope you know that our tv is the size of an acorn so its probably good youre taping it :-)
Blondie6133: Ahahaha, first of all, if you did get me sick, then we'll just have to stop making out. Second, an acorn?!
Blondie6133: LMAO!
HALONOIR: lol :-)
HALONOIR: but jan, i dont want to stop making out with you
Blondie6133: we must, for the good of our bowels
Sarbear1681: oh my god. i cannot stop itching. i have a diseases.
�Who shat in HER breakfast?� � Sara, about Lauren
�I�d call that ring camel toe and rod.� � Spencer about a very phallic wedding ring
�Teachers are nothing more than frustrated actors.� � Dad
�Roy�Sigmund�� � Jason
�Sigfried.� � Jan
�Close.� � Jason
�What�s that expression? Be quiet or I�ll�put you in a trash can?� � Virginia
�Satchel to handbag, Satchel to handbag�� � Sara
�Sara = Funny = Gunny = Money = Honey = Bunny.� � Sara
�The conversation I took part in was in Gym. I said why are we playing hockey it�s not for black people then Jewel started laughing and I said what a black person look like what a stick what a blade, like be bout to hurt somebody.� � Journal entry from my middle school
�All they be doing is shootin�. I can hear that in my neighborhood.� � Student at my middle school about the military show field trip
�Yes, because if you lose your head, you�re missing something.� � Jan, calling for a unison �DUH!�
beepsNrays: convents are convenient places for desperate guys to find desperate ladies
beepsNrays: :-D
beepsNrays: see what the world would miss out on if you were headless??!!
CornE95: i am not a proponent of that away message >:o
Blondie6133: BOO!
CornE95: for obvious reasons!!!
Blondie6133: well I like it
CornE95: oh its funny
CornE95: but im getting the shaft by a headless bear
CornE95: i am a changed man... no longer a list virgin!!!
�Have you used the new self-check out lanes at Giant? It�s funny when you buy fruit or produce. It shouts everything. It�s like, �Weigh your BOSK PEARS.� Or �Move your BOSK PEARS��it�s a good thing it doesn�t shout everything�like, �Move your TROJAN CONDOMS!� � Amy
�What was that kid�s name? Axelfuck or something?� � Amy (the name is Adam Axelrod)
Whodinky2: Me and my Satchel and Jan and her Ho...
Whodinky2: Just settled down for a long winters nap??
�I think I�d be a Republican if I wasn�t such a damn hippy.� � Eric
�Guess what I�m going to be teaching?� � Jan, meaning what grade
�English??� � Rima, seriously, sounding surprised
�That�s like going up to an 80yr old man and saying, �Hey let�s go ride a roller coaster!�� � Liz Kenny
�How is that ANYTHING like it?� � Jan
�Cause you�re never gonna get an 80 yr old man on a roller coaster.� � Liz
�You might as well get a lion to go after her�why get the sniper out of jail?� � Liz Kenny
�We�re TERDS � Teachers and Nerds!� � Kirsten
�No no, YOU�RE Terds�we�re still Nerds.� � Liz Kenny to Kirsten and Leteef about herself and Jan
�General funny�hehe�yes sir!� � Kirsten, saluting