Yes, you are all just THAT funny...
Whodinky2: Janny, get your groove back.
"I think just the fact that I GO to Marist gives me a 90% chance of being infected with something. It's like, 'Yay, I got into Marist!...and I have this weird itch...'" - Brian Trible, on the rampant VD at Marist
"Exactly how does one shizzy their nizzy?" - Jason
"Like this�" - Kirsten, rubbing her nipples
"I'm the Ho b/c I likes me some booty!" - Jason
KUCHI3: I was making a new apron for myself and decided I'm an asshole�who cares what my apron looks like.
"If you're from Antigua, would you call yourself an Antiguan?" - Jan
"Or an antique�" - Amy
"Yes, that was my only ethics dilemma EVER, but you should see how it's rotting away at my soul." - Rima
"If you and Jason had a kid, it would come out with a halo on it!" - Jan, to Rima, about Rima and Jason being the most moral people she knows
"I should have slapped myself across the face and sent myself to Afghanistan!" - Rima
"Jan said if I had a baby, it would come out with a halo on due to my�my�" - Rima
"Virginity?" - her roommate Kelly
"NO! MY MORALITY!" - Rima
HJASKATE: Which is worse, being the bad one or buttsex?
Whodinky2: buttsex
Whodinky2: definitely buttsex
Whodinky2: bad can be good, but buttsex�no no�
Whodinky2: like YOU drank when you were 17.
Whodinky2: my flat white ass.
Whodinky2: i didn't want to activate my kidnap the baby and move to iceland plan.
Whodinky2: it is a hoffman and needs to be in good capable hands
Whodinky2: vagina humor?
Whodinky2: it's not christmas until i have a baby jesus to wave in front of the jew.
Whodinky2: I'm going to stand over her bed with him and go, "Messiah, son of god, messiah, son of god."
Blondie6133: what do they call you?
JasonUMCP: for some weird reason I still don't understand, they call me 'JBass' and then plug it into everything they can.... "Obi Wan KaJBass", "JBass and the Argonauts", "Teenage Mutant Ninja JBasses", ...
leafhobbes: any second 7 hot men are gonna knock on our door and ask me if i wanna go play football
leafhobbes: I wish
Whodinky2: do you think it'd be funny if i put up an away message that said, "I'm doing your boyfriend too, and guess what? I'm better you fucking slut."
Whodinky2: okay, you realize you're basically marrying ross, right?
Blondie6133: man I love talking to you, you make my night
Whodinky2: and i don't even have to give you head.
Whodinky2: damn
Whodinky2: little british children freak me out.
Whodinky2: can you even IMAGINE waking up one morning and having a boner from morning wood?
Whodinky2: first of all i HATE the word boner.
Whodinky2: dude, you're marrying obwanflyguyjhoyoyo
�This looks different than mine.� � Jason, about the Candyland board
�That�s because it�s in ENGLISH not in GERMAN!� � Sara
�This is the simplest game!� � Jason, about Candyland
�Well, it doesn�t say ages 3-6 for nothing!� � Sara
�My kids are gonna look like this.� � Sara, about the kids on the Candyland board
�Especially if you mate with a blonde fairy boy.� � Jason
�I don�t want to be JUST like Jan�� � Sara
�I want to be King Candy!� � Sara
�Oh crap�� � Jason, about landing on the same square as Sara
�It�s not like we�re ACTUALLY standing there together!� � Sara
�I�d be outta school so fast, my ass would become my face!� � Sara, if she was ever arrested for pot
�Heath Ledger in the bathtub! Heath Ledger in the bathtub!� � Sara, about the mirror in Beauty and the Beast showing you anything you ask to see
�I saw Sponge Bob Square Pants at Giant today�except, it was a woman.� � Sara
�Sponge Bob Square Tits?� � Jan
Whodinky2: I'm thinking my thesis should be:
Whodinky2: Film, phlegm, what's the difference?
Whodinky2: okay, you know how when you're typing a url in and it pops up halfway through if you've been there before?
Whodinky2: well it just did that with LaTrobe University; Borchardt Library, Bundoora.
Whodinky2: WHO'S BEEN THERE?!
Rima926: stop apologizing to me or i'm going to kill you
LTrain581: damn you....AND the horse you rode in on..
Whodinky2: well if it makes you feel better, i'm wearing my sparkley snowflake thong.
Whodinky2: "Ain't no problem with nuclear war..." SURE!! Let's do it.
Whodinky2: Psych442: The Psychology of Child Molesters...
Whodinky2: i'm THIS close to wearing a crown and a robe to class.
Whodinky2: yeah, my brain works frighteningly fast sometimes...
Whodinky2: too bad it can't do math.
Blondie6133: the next Will Hunting
Whodinky2: Will Saracasticing...
�My specific yearbook was upside down and backwards�it was like the final FUCK YOU to Amy Ruppel.� � Amy
�I�m a losa, you�re a losa, we�re a losa, Shoe City.� - Amy, to the tune of that annoying commercial
�Dude, his penis has been IN her colon for Christ�s sake!� � Sara, causing Jan to pull over to laugh
�I do NOT have chemistry with people!� � Sara, defiantly
Whodinky2: "I just picture it with Fucktrick and Millhouse."
Whodinky2: cause it's like "What does she picture?" and then Smooooooooke and beaded doors
Whodinky2: i don't let tomatos in my mouth, why would i let them in my ass?
Whodinky2: that's my rule.
Whodinky2: if it doesn't go in my mouth, sure as shit it's not goin' in my ass.
Whodinky2: Okay, it smells like dog poop in here, so i smelled BOTH my shoes, nothin'.
Whodinky2: maybe it's my feet?
Whodinky2: oh god, what if my deodorant isn't working!?!?!?!??!?!?!!
Whodinky2: Let me be a black man, and grab your hand...
Whodinky2: and YES, my nipples ARE hard.;-)
Whodinky2: yeah, but i WANTED to hear voices that care.
Whodinky2: fuck, i just put that in writing, didn't i?
Trae328: So i suggest, no matter how bad things seem, DON'T be a drunken whore
Trae328: I was just almost eaten by a really big spider on my chair
Blondie6133: what did you play?
Whodinky2: Sunday Bloody Sunday
Whodinky2: I had gotten my period that weekend
Whodinky2: i mean, i WOULD marry you, but you need to get the sexin' somewhere else.
Whodinky2: this pump is CLOSED
�Satyre/satyr � � goat, � man = satire related to goatishness� � excerpt from Brook�s notes
Sarbear1681: Mario Lopez is a fucking loser.
Blondie6133: he'd end up whittling gnomes out of pine while rocking in a barkalounger
Whodinky2: i just am sitting here naked.
Whodinky2: well i am wearing a sparkley holiday thong.
Blondie6133: at least you were quoted!
KUCHI3: and tarred and feathered and run out of town!!!!!
�Never let a fire crotch cut your hair.� � Sara, about my haircut freshman year
�What is it, lesbian day? Have you seen all the dykey women running around? Maybe it�s God�s way of telling me to cut my hair off�and eat some pussy.� � Sara
�The pecker to pussy ratio is excellent.� � Sara, referring to the amount of guys/girls at the bars over break
�I have to be in one of those evil flying contraptions soon.� � Sara, about a plane
�Guess what he gave her.� � Jan
�Buttsex?� � Sara
�That�s not the answer to every question!� � Jan
�But it�s the solution to every problem!� � Sara, jokingly
�My computer IS my sexual activity.� � Sara
�I always practice safe sex.� � Jan
�I always use a mouse pad.� � Sara (In reference to a computer expo commercial)
�Do you ever hum to the microwave?� � Sara, randomly
�Hey Marylou, why so blue? Hey Brad, why so sad?� � Radio commercial
�Why so gay, Ray?� � Sara
�Will you start calling me Gumba Sary?� � Sara, randomly
�Somebody�s got a bit of a jones for Ruppee.� � Sara (I don�t really remember the reference�)
�I hate how the Pepsi buildings are right in front of you and then they�re not there anymore�(Jan looks around, we�re no where near the Pepsi buildings)�not right now, but in general.� � Sara
�Know what�s never been done?� � Jan, referring to a movie idea
�Balki?� � Lisa
�I think I have to stalk Topher Grace.� � Lisa, randomly
�I did it! It worked! No toilet paper!� � Lisa, referring to getting the paper to flush on my broken toilet, but confusing my mother instead
�I think they sky starts when your feet ain�t on the ground no more.� � Lisa
�There�s nothing mysterious about me. Would it bother you if I changed my name? Got a P.O. Box? Started answering the personals?� � Mom
�Black man down!� � Lisa, during the Peach bowl
�O�Shit�like O�Toole!� � Jenny
�I did not become a lush whore!� � Jan
�Just the whore!� � Lisa and Amanda, simultaneously
�Mario�ll be like �Let�s watch a movie� and I go �Big Trouble Little China?!?!� � Jessica
�I never realized how gay and high pitched that man�s voice is. �Shut up�wanna meet me for drinks later?�� � Jessica, about elevator man in Speed
�That woman�s like �I am a Chinese mouse.�� � Jessica, about woman in Speed
�He�s gonna pork�er!� � Jessica, about Sandra and Keanu in Speed.
�She thinks it�s a pole! I meant to say she thinks it�s a man�� � Lisa
�That looks like a man in a woman suit!� � Lisa
�Oh man�whatta flamer.� � Jan, sighing, about Elton John
�Look I�m in a gang!�<silence> No? I�ll put it down.� � Lisa, with one leg of her pants rolled up
�Guardian�of TIME.� � Jan, sinisterly
�They are so NOT singing. It�s like seven big black ladies!� � Lisa, about the Lubbock Babes
�We had him before�I had boobs!� � Jan, about her dog
�Do you think he got beat up when he went back to the �hood? I mean, he played kind of a candy ass.� � Lisa, about Waldo from Family Matters
�Listen Preachy Preacherson, shut the hell up!� � Lisa
�I�m an excellent driver�ex-excellent driver�five�five�� � Jessica, imitating Rain Man
�I read about a woman with a tumor wrapped around her whole body.� � Jessica
�Was it a snake?� � Autumn
�I always pictured you with a poindexter�do you get that a lot?� � Autumn, to Jan
�Is a poindexter just glasses?� � Jessica
�No, it�s like with sweater vests and�well, have you ever seen Ten Things I Hate About You?� � Autumn
�BOGEY LOWENSTEIN?! YOU PICTURED ME WITH BOGEY LOWENSTEIN?!� � Jan, appalled
�No!�An attractive one.� � Autumn.
SpecialAngel81: that would be fun though
SpecialAngel81: you know, see like 25 guys dropping down in formation
singing jailhouse rock
SpecialAngel81: it would be like vegas without wayne Newton
(About Flying Elvi)
Whodinky2: I think I want to marry a rodeo cowboy.
Whodinky2: or God.
Whodinky2: tall, bald, and i always stick my tongue out when i go in for a
move...
Whodinky2: i really want to learn how to blow glass.
Whodinky2: just so i can give jason something blown every year.
Whodinky2: Ho, You have until July to propose, or you will be getting blown glass for
every gift from now until the end of time. - Anon.
Whodinky2: Ho Bag, Propose or glass is the only thing that'll be blown, if you know what
i mean. - Anon
Whodinky2: Well, basically, Mommy, the peas are here, but they need to be over here...
BionicJan: Guess what Jason got for Christmas
Whodinky2: glass blown christmas stockings?
Whodinky2: NO YOU'RE A FLIPPIN' FAIRY, JASON!
Whodinky2: i'm pmsing like a rabid dog on estrogen pills
HJASKATE: you know what kinda disturbes me...
HJASKATE: baths
HJASKATE: i feel like everytime lisa tells me she is taking a bath...she's
saying to me...i'm going to lay around naked in water for an hour...i dont
know....i guess i'm just weird...but it disturbs me
HJASKATE: baths, arent just for reasons related to hygiene
HJASKATE: really the purpose is to lay around naked
�I�d like to thank my kid for getting the FUCK out of me�� � Sara�s acceptance speech
�What, Gettysburg II, The North Rises Again?� � Sara
�It�s be cool if Jack Nicholson was my dad. Think of parent-teacher conferences��Whatta ya mean she�s getting a C?�� � Sara, imitating Nicholson
"She better not get it on with my elf!" - Sara
"There's a sentence you don't hear everyday." - Jan
"So an elf, a dwarf, and a man walk into a bar..." - Sara and Jan
"Phenomenon..." - Jan
"Dum da da-da da-da..." � Sara
�What are they DOING up there?!� � Jan, about the people upstairs making noise for several days in a row
�They�re arranging their palace of love�� � Jason
�God bless her wrinkly little soul!� � Sara, about Mother Theresa
�Screw you all, I like Folgers.� � Amy
Whodinky2: I just picture him exploding and being like, "WE WILL NOT WING IT!! WE WILL NOT BE WINGING ANYTHING!! HOFFMANS DO NOT WING!!"
Whodinky2: yeah, and i feel like I don't want to be the reason you have to answer the question, "Mommy, is Daddy crazy?"
�What, do you think that if you push it harder, it�ll come faster?� � Jan, to Sara about the elevator
�Bratwurst and condoms and milk, oh my!� � Sara
�Man, this gets all the snot outta your nose!� � Amy, washing her hair upside down in the tub
Whodinky2: i'll make up a poem about my neck.
Whodinky2: and recite it
Whodinky2: what rhymes with giraffe?
LTrain581: EW...okay..sad thing is that if i wanted to dance I would probably look like her....
(In reference to Ms. Lippy from Billy Madison)
�It smells�like a nursing home!� � Heather
�I just found out that I have a male sex organ in my mouth!� � Jan, about her huge tonsils resembling testicles.
Blondie6133: yes yes, my tonsils have gone down a lot. They were huge, they were touching!
Blondie6133: They looked like testicles!
LTrain581: ew!
LTrain581: that's just naaaasty
Blondie6133: thank you Austin
LTrain581: no problem
LTrain581: testi-throat
�How can you swallow? How can you breathe? HOW CAN YOU LIVE?!� � Sara, increasingly dramatic about Jan�s tonsil size
Whodinky2: i don't type-rap for just anyone.
"I was about to say, if you ever take me to McDonalds and tell me you had sex with him, I swear, I will pound a wall." - Jan
�A rabbit�s head in a box. That�s what I�ll get. With a note that says �Good Riddance� or �You�re Next�.� � Mike, about the gift he will receive when leaving this placement
�Dude, my Care Bear has ghetto booty.� � Sara
�Was there hootin� and hollerin�?� � Lauren
�Oh yeah�� � Jan
�Yeah, you gotta BPA.� � Lauren
�Huh?� � Jan
�Black People Audience.� � Lauren, in reference to the rowdy crowd at my middle school�s assembly
�He got a fucked up grill.� � Lauren, about 50 Cent
�Fug?� � Mom
�No, fucked up grill.� � Laur
�Yeah, FUG.� � Mom
<Whole family singing Happy Birthday to my dad>
�Why is HE singing?� � Lauren, about my dad
�Are you Mitsue, or are you my ass crack?� � Sara, in reference to our Linguistics TA who couldn�t tell us apart and would say, �Are you Sara, or Janice?�
�Do you like apples? Do you like applesauce?� � Liz
SpecialAngel81: and what the crap was up with the chelsea clinton comment?
Blondie6133: dude, I dunno
Blondie6133: but I was offended
SpecialAngel81: i would be too
SpecialAngel81: that was like when the clawed snaggle toothed lunch lady told me i looked like monica lewinski
ARJC24: i treat you like gold
ARJC24: actually platnum
Blondie6133: you can't even SPELL Platinum, how can you possibly treat me that way?
ARJC24: i do. remember I will always say this till the day I die, I am the nicest guy in the world
Blondie6133: WHAT world?
Blondie6133: Mc World?
�I mean come on! She almost slept with�Oh�� � Jan, to Sara, after realizing who she was talking about
Whodinky2: Guess who I ran into today
Blondie6133: Mr. Belding?
Whodinky2: Not as cool
Blondie6133: Screech?
Whodinky2: Close
Blondie6133: _______?
Whodinky2: YES!
AmPita2001: My gran's not like that, though. She uses phrases like, "Damn, he's as useless as tits on a bull!"
AmPita2001: *jerk-off motions*
Blondie6133: *psycho big huge knife motion*
AmPita2001: *Ree Ree Ree Ree song*
AmPita2001: Y'know, the Psycho song...
Blondie6133: guys who use that excuse are just pussys who can't see a good thing when it smacks them in the face, stomps on their foot, and bites their penis.
AmPita2001: He's like, "Wanna come over and have a cram session?" And I was like, "Excuse me, what are we cramming, and where?"
AmPita2001: Castrations all around!
Blondie6133: Chris needs to stuff a drum stick up his ass, and David...well...ever heard the expression "Take a long walk off a short peer"
AmPita2001: lol, short peer? Like, a midget friend?
AmPita2001: My GYN always tries to check my butt, and I beg her not to.
AmPita2001: Perhaps that was too much information.
Blondie6133: WHAT ARE SEAGULLS DOING OUTSIDE NOW?!
Whodinky2: breeding?
AmPita2001: (Hahaha, I just typed humple)
Blondie6133: humple...it's like, a quick hump
Blondie6133: a little hump
AmPita2001: Like a morsel of humping...just small humping. A humple.
Blondie6133: that's what sex is all about - a series of terrific humples
AmPita2001: But just one humple isn't enough.
AmPita2001: Once you humple...
AmPita2001: You can't...
Blondie6133: pumple?
Blondie6133: which could ALSO be sexual
Blondie6133: humple leads to pumple
AmPita2001: lol, oh yes it could!
Blondie6133: which leads to orgumple
Blondie6133: other wise known as climumple
AmPita2001: lol, my favorite part!
AmPita2001: Ohhh, sorry honey, I commumpled on your sheets...
Blondie6133: LMAO! I was trying to make it something like, "ejaculumple"
�I can�t wait to see what our kids look like.� � Sara
�YOUS and MINES?� � Jan
�NO! You and Jason�s and mine and sperm donor #23763.� � Sara
LTrain581: dammit, i just wanna see a guy dressed up like a mouse! is that too much to ask for?!?!
LTrain581: i wish i could fly...like peter pan i mean
LTrain581: i don't wanna have wings..they look like they would get in the way of sitting down
LTrain581: i think it would be cool to be like...daydreaming in class and not realize that your floating in the middle of the room until the teacher yells at you or you bump your head on the wall
�Is there a red thing dangling out of me?� � Jan, about her key chain
Blondie6133: i guarantee Jason had a large one
Blondie6133: HAT a large HAT
Blondie6133: it's so much bigger than buttsex
(Taken out of context)
Blondie6133: i smell pot
Whodinky2: is cyrus there?
�So what does that mean �carousing until the second cock?�� � Jan, to a student reading �Macbeth�
�Chillin�?� � Student