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1 2 3 4 09.21.08 i'm not so sure sweet is the sight of the room - window opened by candlelight...how would you know? cold winter on the shore... and that's why i'm wondering why you had to tell me what's going on in your head, what's wrong. come around to another time when you don't have to run...and when he said he wants somebody else i hope you know that's he doesn't mean you, and when he breaks down and makes a sound you'll never hear him the way that i do. and when he says he wants someone to love i hope you know that he doesn't mean you, and when he breaks down and lets you down....i hope i know that he... i don't know. we're going to. i don't know what means to me. and you don't know what means to you no - over now... and you really didn't know..... 1:18 am 07.09.08 i'm overjoyed and i'm over loved and feeling lucky like a little girl who's hiding under covers and looking to discover any way to play the part inside her darkened cave. the meaning of life it starts at the nightlight - close your eyes and hope to see mine. i've seen a thousand things in one place but i stopped my counting when i saw your face. erasing memory i feel as though i've never seen a face before until i saw your eyes smiling back at me through my tears - i've been counting all these years. now suddenly the thousand things i've seen were nothing more than dreams of you and me you and me quietly at a stand still, fortunately you will kiss me and i'll kiss you back. fact of the matter of is that i don't know what the latter is - that i always wanted to kiss you but i always wanted to run from you because i always wanted to miss you and that i've always wanted to come for you so... how do you do? current obsessions: -kathy reichs -katy perry -crystal lite -degrassi junior high and degrassi high -freecell -vincent d'onofrio -peaches -american apparel -maps 9:47 pm 06.11.08 feel my breath on your neck, can’t believe i’m right behind you just enough mystery to keep it exciting. i'm the person that you always ever wanted to be current obsessions: -x-weighted -ken follett -h2o -euro2008 -gavin degraw -boycotts -sex and the city -rittersport -ifr -sushi 9:19 pm 04.01.08 don’t say that you know me, you never knew the first thing at all - still you should have told me...took everything, selling it off. these holes in your stories, as many as there’s holes in the wall. you told me that you like the old me because the new me is telling you i refuse to fit into this lame idea you’ve always had for me. i don’t want to be what you want me to be. i hear you complaining because i’m not the same but i won’t be missing the place that i came. i know that it’s risky but all bets are off. this is my life, so whatever the cost, if i’m lost, would you hold it against me and make me pay for every step of the way? don't worry, it's okay i know that you’ve already told me you don’t like the new me at all. you told me that you miss the old me and that i couldn’t be happy at all. i’m not going to be what you want me to be. i know that you’ve already told me you don’t like the new me at all. you told me that you used to know me - you really never knew me at all. but change is a good thing. i see for myself change is a good thing i'm alright. 10:14 pm 02.20.08 would you mind if i hurt you? understand that i need to - i wish that i had other choices than to harm the one i love. what have you done? i know i’d better stop trying - you know that there’s no denying i won’t show mercy on you now. it’s over now. i’ve been waiting for someone like you but now you are slipping away would you mind if i killed you? would you mind if i tried to? you have turned into my worst enemy. why does fate make us suffer? there’s a curse between us, between me and you i remember what you used to be 4:20 am 02.14.08 i've spent my whole life surrounded and i've spent my whole life alone. i wonder why i never wonder why the easiest things are so hard such a long day - i don't even remember how it all started i hold the whole world accused - i've only got myself to blame enjoying the progress throughout the day. envious - this was supposed to be over, done, done and done and done. personal preference should have solved everything. but of course not. sideways glances, side-by-side whispers and the truth going 'no no no' i just want, i just want love. i just want something - something for nothing i don't know if the end can come fast enough....but i absolutely don't want it to end i'm a beggar and i'm a chooser, i'm accused, i'm an accuser...but nothing's unconditional. i want to smash circles. it mocks me endlessly i need to clean current obsessions: -slice -chocolate covered almonds -salad -triathlons -copious amounts of sleep -hazel eyes -the return of my watch -not-so-awkward silence -body butter -new jeans -reading -body combat 7:53 pm 02.12.08 as you sleep i sleep too under the stars in the living room 9:32 pm 12.16.07  a torontonian will wait 45 minutes inside for a streetcar for a 3 minute ride. a prairie person will get ticked off after 5 minutes and walk the 10 minutes in the snow.  a torontonian will wait for YOU to get out of the way on the 4 inch path of packed down snow. a prairie person will suck it up and walk in the snowbank when encountering someone coming towards them.  a torontonian will walk slow, arms out, trying to balance on previously mentioned 4 inch path. a prairie person will get ticked off and speed-walk through knee-deep snow to get around the slow torontonian  a torontonian will either wear cute boots with little heels (because, come on now, they're BOOTS!), or those huge, white, eskimo arctic boots at the first sign of snow. a prairie person just wears regular shoes with a decent grip so they won't wipe out  a torontonian will still go out for starbucks even in a blizzard. A prairie person will just make do with the "arabian's best" no name brand coffee they have stashed under the sink.  a torontonian will admit defeat and hunker down for a day and let the snow do it's own thing. a prairie person will be stupid enough to go to the harbourfront and take pictures.  it's about time it felt like winter i still don't know where we stand. 6:49 pm 12.02.07 i feel i want to hold you, want to tell you that you'll be alright. sang this song today, it's recalling your pictures all in my mind although we're getting old now my old friends are going to leave me and die - i'm helpless. it's going to get us before we get this. i want to kiss you goodbye i miss you now i want to pull it off of your finger and smash it until there's nothing left except you and me. 10:29 pm 11.16.07 i still remember how you looked this afternoon - there was only you. you said it was just like a full moon, blood beats faster in our veins. our fingers, they almost touched. you should have asked me for it, i would have been brave. how could i say no? and our love could have soared over playgrounds and rooftops. now every park bench screams your name. i kept your tie. i'd have gone wherever you wanted and on that teacher's training day we wrote our names on every train, laughed at the people off to work. so monochrome and so lukewarm. i could feel our days where becoming night, i could feel your heart beating across the grass. we should have run. i should have kissed you by the water circles come and go. these games have to stop. where did today come from? what is this surreal world i have suddenly stepped into? if i eat any more cake, i will throw up i tried to give you up, but i'm addicted current obsessions: -lr at 6pm -bc at 6am -fuzzy socks -clean laundry -waffles -saskatoon berries -the amazing race -sleep -george -6 gauge plugs -awkward silence -chocolate covered jujubes i just can't stop, it just won't go away 9:33 pm 11.12.07 we live on jet planes and so many faces i don't know the names - so many friends now and none of them mine, forgotten as soon as we meet all of these moments are lost in time so many voices but nothing is there...the ghost of you asking me why did i leave? i lose your hand through the waves that small circle, surrounded by two smaller circles - it mocks me. i fire back with a small circle with four squares. two can play at this game. 10:03 pm 11.04.07 every morning i wake up and you are home but in your eyes i see that i'm alone. you've left me with your body in my arms but i can't feel you anymore you are gone i can touch your skin but you aren't there. frustration burns in me, it's more than i can bear. i want to take you in my fists and squeeze the life back into you but there is nothing i can do. you've slipped away like a fistful of sand. i am staring straight into your eyes you never turn away or tell me lies but you are with some other girl while i am lying next to you and there is nothing i can do, you are gone what exactly did that small circle mean? 9:44 pm 10.21.07 everytime you come around there's a bouquet for me. a corsage of promises and i am pinned like a butterfly on a card. i'm naked and i'm scarred and you're so perfect to me. violent ties with hands like a steeple, tell me lies with a tongue like a needle. i let the words shot down my throat, face like an iron fist that i can never resist save your pity party for someone who cares i learn the words of wisdom from your tyrant mouth. i'm stuck just like a pig roasting in your eyes - i'll believe anything that you want. you gotta teach me how to live because you make me want to die just give me a straight answer you took it all, now you're all i've got the awkward ah-ha moment. why am i alright with your bad habits? i will let it slide, i don't mind there's noises in my head, just noises in my head. if i could i'd drown them all out, i'd bury all of these noises from your tyrant mouth i can't wait you're just a noise in my head i can't believe the opportunity presented itself and i walked away. literally. walked away i'll drown you out and i'll bury all the noises from your hateful little mouth i will become your worst nightmare. i'm not going to make this easy for you. you're making it hard for yourself and i'm just going to make it even worse all i ask is that you bring me a cup of coffee first thing in the morning 2:43 pm 10.08.07 going for a record of how many episodes of criminal intent in a row i can watch PSTAR vs. vincent d'onofrio. good reason for the one, but instant gratification with the other  i am becoming everything you want to be 12:48 pm 10.06.07 that was awesome 9:30 pm 03.02.06 at each moment, your soul is growing. or vanishing at every moment, you are dying 10:25 pm 02.28.06 stanford: before i tell you, you have to promise not to judge carrie: do i judge? stanford: we all judge. that's our hobby. some people do arts and crafts; we judge. 9:34 pm 01.17.06 why does death from above 1979 make me want to get naked and dance around the house? 10:45 pm 01.10.06 this kinda creeped me out 10:19 pm |