As you can see, it's been about 13 days since my last journal. There really hasn't been time, nor want to post. So much has happened, I'm not sure where to begin. I guess, the front will work. :)!

On Thursday, November 14th, at approximatley 6:25 p.m., my car was rear ended by a Toyota Tacoma. I've always heard the traffic reporters say that, "Blue Lights Mesmorize" and apparently it is true. There was already a wreck on the road in the center lane and I think the guy that hit me was more concerned with it than the flow of traffic, for when he turned around....there I was. I know he tried to stop because I heard his squeeling tires, it just wasn't fast enough. I looked in to the rearview mirror and I know I tensed up and then he hit me. I don't think any amusement park ride has EVER thrown me like that. We exchanged info and I went about my merry way. My car is crunched in the back, although not as bad as it could be. The horror with the insurance company has just started and I do mean horror. As of today (Sunday), his insurance company, Geico, has not tried to contact me, though I have contacted them on four seperate occasions. The guy that hit me has not called in the accident and because of this, they won't fix my car. He has 30 days to call it in, so I could be sitting here with a trunk that won't close for a little less that 3 more weeks. They also have not gotten a copy of the police report, so I had to. An in Tennessee, any time you have wreck, you have to file an SR-21 (proof of Insurance) with the state within 20 days of the accident. My insurance company will file it for me, but only after Geico sends them notice of the accident. So I had to go do that too, because if you don't file it, you're license will be suspended. I am mostly pissed at the guy because I have a gut feeling that he has no intention of fixing his car, therefore he hasn't called his insurance. I called and left him a message at home on Friday mid-day and he still has not returned my call. I'm getting a sneaking suspision that he's gonna dodge me. Oh well, that is what insurance companies and lawyers are for.:

On Sunday, the 17th, my sister's mother-in-law finally succumbed to her illness (renal failure from Diabetes basically) and died at her home. I was really upset about the way all of it happened (she had decided to quit her dialysis) and was and still am shocked that it's happened at all. I was worried about my sister's husband, as he has not been in a really good frame of mind for quite some time. I was sure it would push him over the edge. I was suprised though, at the funeral he seemed very at ease. Maybe it's almost a relief for it to be over and to know that she's no longer in pain. I don't know really. At any rate, the funeral was nice and Ms. Carol looked very pretty (although not herself) and she was able to be buried in a pink dress, which is what she requested.

At the funeral, several people commented on my weight loss and how good I looked. After the funeral at work, several people commented on it as well. Everyone can tell but me :). I didn't make my goal though. I had wanted to make my 10% goal by Friday the 15th, but it did not happen. My back was hurting and I was sure it was from the wreck, but come to find out, my monthly was here. I started on Sunday and had water weight with that. I'm happy to report that today, Sunday the 24th, I have not only reached 31 pounds, but also have lost 10% of my body weight (weight when I first started). I'm so proud of myself and in awe of my dedication. I really didn't know if I could stick to this or not, and I have. I think that tells me that I was finally ready to take the plunge and to live a healthier life. Oh what a healthier life it is :). God has blessed me.

Well, it's Monday. Wooo hoo!

I think the worst of the PMS is over now. I have decided that if it's really bad again next month, I'm going to make an appointment with my doctor to talk about it. I've heard that some women experience really bad PMS, over and beyond what it should be, so it's possible I have it. Also, there's the "hibernation syndrome" thing. Basically, that normally happens to people who have WLS. About three to four weeks in to it, their body figures out that something is wrong. So, in an effort to "survive", you get more sluggish, more emotional and your body might try and trick you in to eating by making you crave certain foods. The sluggish and emotional are definitly me, the craving isn't. Oh well, it seems to be better now, so I'm counting my blessings. Which, of course if it is PMS, that means Aunt Flo is on her way :)..lol. Most people wouldn't be happy about it, but I am. It means that the PMS is over and will stay gone for at least three weeks, right?!!!

I've made a goal finally. I've decided that I would like to have lost 45 pounds by January 1, 2003. I think it's attainable and worth working towards. We'll see :)

I'm off to bed, I'm a tired lil' doggie. I couldn't sleep last night so didn't go to bed till after midnight...and I'm feelin it.

Thank god for weekends. I'm not sure I have ever wanted a weekend to come so badly. This week so sucked a big ass. Between just regular PMS crap and the rest of the shit, I'd just had enought. I'm also now fighting with a good friend (I think). You know what, I don't even care, that's how icked out right now.  

So, I taped Oprah this week when she had the obesity show on. What can I say, I'm floored. I think Oprah is a bitch now. Who did she show for her "if they can do it, you can do it" portion? Carnie Fuckin Wilson. Carnie Wilson had money lose weight for her. Don't get me wrong, I understand that it still takes work, even if you have the surgery, but come on. Did Carnie Wilson get up at 5 a.m. to exercise, even though her feet were killing her? Did Carnie Wilson bike for 50 minutes, even though she was sweating and her thigh muscles were killing her? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Carnie had surgery that cut her stomach down to the size of my palm and now has to eat like a bird. It just can't be that healthy. They had all these women on who were anywhere from 350 to 450 pounds. Oprah just insisted that they had issues. Helloooo Oprah, not all of us were abused or neglected and eat to control our pain. Some of us just ate too much and didn't exercise. Bottom line. I was really disappointed in the show. Oh, and they intereviewed people on the street to find out what they thought about obese people. Of course, the ones they show all say how sad they are for us, or how disgusted they were. Well they can all crawl up in my ass for all I care. Even if I gave one good damn about what they thought, I still think they should get their heads outta their asses. I mean, they see hundreds of faces a day and of all those folks, they have to stop and take time to think about the fat person they just saw. Maybe they need to stop thinking about the size of my ass or what I'm eating and get a life instead!!!!

All I can say is whatever..lol

An btw...idiots suck ass. That's all I have to say on that subject right now.

You know, I hate days like this.  It's rained all day (not to mention that it's Election Day and that is ALL that is on the television tonight) and I'm feeling like I might be in a bit of a funk.  You know, the kind where all that will satisfy you is to have a good cry, or at least you think (I tried, didn't work).  

I think that PMS is looming on the horizon, I think.  Well, actually I'm pretty sure.  I started last month (yes, I know you're just dying to hear about my menstrual cycle..lol) on the 12th of last month, so that would be a week from today..so yeah, PMS is here and it's my good good friend right now :)

I'm trying to fight the urge to dive headfirst in to a vat of chocolate...or kill someone. Either way, I think I'd be just as happy :)

Oh, and p.s....Couscous rules the fuckin house!  I just can't get enough of it!

Whew.  Whew again. This little doggy is worn out!

At first I wanted to gush about the walk today, but I guess I should talk about yesterday first instead.  Yesterday, Marianne and I went to Metro Center, where the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure was to be had the next day. Creatures of habit that we are, we wanted to check to see the course first and get familiar with the area.  We got there in time to see the Titans off for their game they are having today (Sunday), but decided against trying to walk the course there.  Instead, we drove on to our regular spot and walked that.  Well, it became obvious quickly that my problem had not helped itself along (feet) since we hadn't been walking (haven't park walked in about 3 weeks due to vacation and we walked with a video once) and there was no way in hell I was going to be able to walk the 5k.  I know that sounds funky, trust me.  I wanted to walk those 3 miles, but I accepted my limitations on Saturday night, decided to either do the 1 mile or volunteer.  The most important thing I could do for the cause was what I had done already, which was donate money in order to fund more research for breast cancer. Everything else was extra.  My friend James had already said he would be more than happy to walk with her for the 3 miles (being in mucho better shape that she or I) so I felt a little better about it.

So, we get there bright and early Sunday morning around 7:15 so James can register (she and I had pre-registered) and mulled about in the 40 degree cold and tried to warm up.  They had lots of booths and freebies around as well as hot hot coffee :) I had a bagel, a cup of hot chocolate and wandered till almost race time. We got up to the start line early and chatted a bit with other people (even saw a few people we knew), then the gun went off and so did we.  I had heard that things like this (walks) have a tendency to "carry" you with them and it did.  The crowds momentum kept us walking faster than we normally do.  We normally do about a 20 minute mile and today it was a flat 15.  I'm not too worried with the 20 minute mile thing by the way, since my gig is/will be to bicycle....anyhoo, there were a few times I almost got emotional. I saw several women with signs on their back that said "In memory of: Me!" and thought that was so great, I just wanted to cry.  I saw lots of survivors there as well as families of survivors and victims (James, there walking in memory of his mother Debbie, whom he lost to cancer back in 1999) and was proud to be part of something so good for the soul.

After we left there and dropped James off, Marianne and I went on to breakfast at Shoney's and then to the grocery store. By then, the mile we'd walked Saturday, combined with today's (probably) mile mulling around and then mile walk, then mile mulling more and back to the car had finally started working me :). My legs were starting to get stiff.  We finished it off by walking some more at the grocery! lol  I came home, napped and I'm a little sore now, but I'm sure it will be gone by tomorrow.

All in all, a good day was had by all.  There was one weird but cool thing that happened.  This morning, I had gone to get signs to put on your back as to who you were walking for. I picked up two pink papers, one for James and one for me.   I quickly wrote on mine that I was walking for everyone :). James wrote that he was walking for his mom.  Later at Shoney's, Marianne was saying how she was going to give hers to the girl she was walking for, a girl who she worked with who developed breast cancer while pregnant at 27 (I think she's 31 now).  I said that I didn't know what I was going to do with mine, probably store it in a scrap book of sorts. Any way, she held her sign up and her sign said "In Celebration Of".  I noticed that James' sign had said "In Memory Of".  I wondered what mine said. Sure enough, I got in the car and mine said "In Celebration Of" .  The strange part is that I had just picked those up at random, not noticing they even said two different things.. An James got the right one anyway. I know, stupid, but I think it was a strange coincidence.  I told him later today that I thought it was a sign his mom was there walking with us. He agreed. :)

November 1st, 2002

Not a bad day today at all....Work was good because it was Friday :).  The day was a little hectic I think, but that was normal, it was our month end.  I didn't wake up on time (been having trouble getting up early since vacation) but I did find something out with my cycling tonight.  If I read while I am doing it, the time seems to fly by. I was perusing my Self magazine and when I looked up, I had already gone 20 minutes on the bike.  That was cool as hell!  So I kept reading and when I finished (all sweaty...lol) I had biked 50 minutes. That's the longest I've gone so far and now that I know I can go that far, I'll try my best to keep it up to that level.  It's probably my stamina more than anything else..I started out at 20-25 minutes and then to 35 or 40..so, I'm just moving along.  

I tell you one thing..I really like the way your muscles feel after you've been working them for 30 minutes or more. They really start to feel defined and working like a machine, it's like I can feel the heat coming off of them.  I dig it :)

Oh, and by the way...I lost the vacation creep up..lol..back down those 4 pounds. Woo hoo!