It's been a while since I posted. I haven't been feeling exactly like doing it as of late. Honestly, I haven't felt like doing much of anything :(.

At my doctors appointment, we decided to up the dosage of my Sarafem. I took it for about a week after and I just can't take it anymore. I almost feel like it's making me feel worse, if that is possible. So, I stopped taking it alltogether. This may prove to be a bad move on my part, but something had to give. I felt better not taking it!

My father goes to the transplant doctor this week to be evaluated and I finally (how many months later!?!?!?!?!!?!) get to take my car in to the shop to be fixed. I'm glad that is out of the way and I'll be glad to know where we stand with my father.

Work still stucks...and I'm looking for a new job. I had two calls this past week and one interview. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, yet trying not to get my hopes up. But...I know how I am ..and will probably be down more when and if they don't call me.

Well, it's time for me to get off here. Lots to do..little time to do it..same ol' same ol'! __________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I go to the doctor tomorrow to discuss if I think the Sarafem is working. I can't tell. It's been too much of a rollercoaster this past month to tell for sure.

I'm thinking I might ask her to up the dosage to 20mg instead of 10. We'll see what she thinks. I'm also going to ask her about my rotator cuff. There has GOT to be something than can do about that. I'm sure that it's stress aggrivated. I can't have that :(

On a side note. Only 8.5 more pounds until I go get my hair done. I'm treating myself at 50 pounds loss to a professional cut and dye job (I think) at a really cool place here called Trim. Very cool and hip. It's a gift to myself..I deserve it :)

I haven't posted all week. I haven't done much of anything all week to tell ya the truth.

Monday was ok...My mom an dad went to see the new doctor. He talked with them and went over my dad's file. He has referred them to Vanderbilt to the Hepatologist there to be evaulated for transplant. My father is very ill. There's not much more I can say about it than that right now. I am still processing the information to some extent. My mom has cried on the phone with my just about every time I have talked to her this week and I'm staying strong for her and not crying. I just can't do it. After we talk and I'm alone at night, I do cry. I get angry...mostly at God and I know that is something I need to come to terms with. By no means is this a death sentence for my dad, but as the doctor said..he is very very serious.

Thursday morning it began to snow and my boss wouldn't let us go home. By 10:30 he finally relented and I began the trek home. Normally speaking, I get home in 30 minutes or so...it's only a 13 mile drive. On Thursday, I left at 10:30 and didn't get home until 4. There was major traffic gridlock all over the city because of the suprise snow that hit and because there is no easy, flat way for me to get home, it was all I could do to make it home in one piece. I was so scared many times and thought I would spend the night in my car because there was no way in hell my little car was going to make it down/up a hill of that size. But I did...and it took forever. My body was so tried from the extreme emotions of it all that I conked out early.

My boss calls Friday and tells my manager that we have to work Saturday to make up for Friday. I told her NO. I would be docked for the day but I sure as hell wasn't getting out in that mess again...we'll see Monday what happens.

I decided early on in the week to make this week exercise free. I still ate right, which is most important to me..but I didn't even try to move. I just needed a break. So I took one. I'm gonna weigh in tomorrow and see if there as any damage to report :)

So, operation "Look for a new J O B" has officially begun. I am going to put all my energy that I can in to finding a new one. I can't take the boss anymore..I have too much personal life stress to have to deal with him and his attitudes. I just can't do it anymore..after 4 LONG years. Wish me luck.xoxo

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The weekend is here again. Yay.

This week has been a strange one. Work has sucked (duh), I got to meet the new baby (see December 31st entry) and loved on her a bit. My boss is a total dick. D...I...C....K. End of story. Still not a lot of word on my fathers illness, although he did get his medical file for the new doctor on Monday...and his old doctor was going to refer him at his next visit to a Hepatologist (sp?)...a doctor who specializes in the liver. It's all up in the air right now..your mind will wander with the possibilites. I'll almost be relieved to hear what the diagnosis is..so I can stop letting my mind run wild.

I haven't been as motivated this week as usual. I've done very little exercising (maybe an hour total for the entire week). I have all but stopped lifting weights entirely due to my arm hurting (rotator cuff) and am not planning on starting again until after I see my own doctor on the 21st. If she tells me that my pain is stress related (as I have a feeling it is), the search for a new job is on. No amount of money is worth my physical well-being and if my father is as sick as (or sicker than) we believe he is, I can't handle any stress that is fixable. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

I don't have a lot to write about right now. So I'll close for now. I'm going out with a friend to a blues bar tonight so that should be fun. Ta ta for now :)

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Thank goodness for Saturday.

I'm so glad this week is over. Thursday and Friday at work were a bunch of ca-ca. My boss had his panties on his head many times...found out later why---his wife is expecting....again. They have two boys already and the second one jus turned 1 in August...he had said before he didn't want any more children. Guess that's just tough now..lol

Yesterday at work I had a serious episode with my arm. I haven't posted about this before, but I have problems with my right shoulder. I think that it is the way I sleep at night and it's in the rotator cuff. I dunno...All I know is that at one point yesterday...I was crying. It so felt like someone was trying to pull my arm out of its socket. I went down to the physical therapy lady downstairs and she gave me a hot thing to put on it. I think that and the Alieve I took made it go back to normal. I'm still favoring it a bit today, so I need to stay off the pc :)

This really sucks now, as I was planning on starting Body For Life on Sunday. Yes, I am going to give Bill Phillips and his program a shot. I think the reason I like it so is because the emphasis is on fat loss and muscle mass...not weight loss. I think that rocks the house....Also, because of the amazing transformation that Robyn has had with it (check out here October 2001-January 2002 archives for info) I thought it might be worth a shot. However, since the arm problem yesterday came up..I think it might behoove me not to do that. The program has a pretty rigorous weight lifting thing...and I don't think I can with this bum shoulder. :(

On the body front...got a nice compliment yesterday from a co-worker who hasn't seen me in forever. She and I talked for a while about how I was doing it and she congratulated me. I am still blown away that I have kept this up for almost 5 months ! ! ! ! I never knew I had the "juice". :)

P.S.....watched Monsters, Inc. I really liked it :)

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Now that I've had time to be in the new year a little while, I thought I'd go ahead and post my first journal entry for 2003.

I didn't make the goal I set (45 pounds by New Years), but that's ok.  I did wake up this morning to 273.5 so it's still good.  I will be starting off 2003 a whole hell of a lot healthier than 2002.  Let's just hope that it continues on.  

I don't do resolutions (as previously posted) so I don't have any good list of wants to speak about.  I just hope it's a better year than last and I'm here to enjoy it.  'Nuff said.

I have a lot to do today for a day off. I told my sister that I would come over and either walk at the park or if it is raining, watch Monsters, Inc.  I really wanna watch the movie, but I so hate getting ready and going over there..lol..Guess I'll always have a lazy streak in me :)

School starts next week...eeegh.  I hope I do better this semester than I have in the past two.  I can't wait for summer semester, as I'm finally taking a whole one off (although I hardly think I worked very hard in the fall).  I just need a break from it..I've been going basically non-stop for 2 years now and that doesn't include the 2 years prior to that I went non-stop for nothing.  I enjoy learning and I want that education...but I would prefer to not think about it :P

So anyhoo...this is me, signing off for the first official entry of 2003.  Rock on-----> :)

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