Oh it's Monday again. :::::sticks out tounge and gives all a raspberry:::::

I had a good Easter. I didn't go to church (my mom and sister did), but I did have a visit with the family. My dad is going out of town this week and my mother is worried sick. She's so afraid he isn't going to keep up with his meds that she asked the pharmacist to give her several bottles (for cough syrups and the like) so that she could put one of his meds (it's a liquid) in to individual bottles for him to take with each meal. He CAN NOT miss one, or he's gonna have problems. Well, he could probably miss one..but you get the drill. I say, "The man is 56 years old...give him a break". She means well, she loves him and god bless her, she takes good care of him.

I believe the anorexic from Friday's post is history. Her parents were supposed to be in this weekend, but they didn't talk to any of the GM's while they were here. We have a way in our software to see when people checked in to use the clubs and she hasn't since the 16th (which was the date that one of the GM's talked to her----told her she had a problem, which she denied). We think she may be slipping in...coming in when other people are coming in too--slipping past the front desk staff and doing her own thing. I don't know what is going to come of it, but I fear that she's going to be taking her back to back high intensity classes and drop out from a heart attack. Some of our staff has seen her out at GNC (General Nutrition Centers) and she goes in three or four times a day to weigh herself. She also buys high quantities of different fat burners (which are probably really wanking out her heart) and things like that. I feel sorry for her, she's in total denial. I hope something good comes of it.

Speaking of weight control and the like....I'm not doing too well myself. I was sick all last week with bronchitis and did not work out. Every time I let my heart rate get going..start to breathe heavy--I would cough like no other. So I decided to give it a rest, let my body heal and then come back this week. Well, in the interim I think I ate a little worse than usual and gained a pound or two. Oh well, no big deal. I would like to get back on track this week, even if I ease in to it. Just gotta give up some of that chocolate! I've been eating chocolate like it's going out of style...part of which is due to PMS, the other is because of stress. I'm stressed out about work and school and life in general. Kinda feelin' a little blue latley, but that's ok....This too shall pass!

This is a secret posting....live from work---where the bosses are out of town and the inmates are running the asylum...

Yes, as reported the boss men are out of town for Easter and we're all here having lots of fun and doing very little work. 'Tis a Good Friday indeed.

That was until...I read the Yahoo newstory on the starving anmials in the zoo in Baghdad. First and foremost let me say that I am a serious animal lover. I would not only risk my life but the lives of many humans if it meant an animal would be safe in the process. Granted, I have zero problem chowing down on chicken, tuna or the occasional cow ass--but I really get wanked when animals are hurt. I rank them up their with children in their ability to defend themselves from animals (like we humans). To think these poor animals are starving to death made me want to bawl like a baby...I hate it. I saw pictures of these lions and tigers who were so malnourished that you could see their bones poking out. Truly horrified about it all...thank goodness the Kuwaiti's are sending a truckload of food for them. I hope it get's there fast. :(

On a staving note---let me tell you about one of our customers here. She is obviously anorexic (I work in a health club). She comes in here wearing a heavy coat and it's 70 degrees outside. Her bones are poking out all over. It's very sad. She's 27 years old--and looks 40. Several of the GM (general managers) have talked to her. She doesn't think she has a problem (of course). She is starting to get beligerant because she's getting stopped. She goes from club to club (there are 4) and takes back to back aerobic classes. It's really a sad situation. Part of us wants to cancel her membership to keep her from coming in and taking all the classes---but then again, the other part wants her to keep coming in so we can maybe help her and try to get through to her. My take on all of it?: She has a problem--a mental one. No matter what we say or do--she thinks what she is doing is either ok or beyond her power to fight. She will continue to do what she wants to do for as long as she can--if it is what she wants to do. She is like anyone else with an addiction. At some point you have to exercise tough love and say, "You are going to die if you continue..if that's what you want to do then so be it..I wash my hands of it. Know that I don't agree with what you are doing, but you are a grown up and therefore are responsible for your actions."

Thankfully one of the GM's have talked to her parents (they live in Atlanta) and they are coming in this weekend. Apparently she has had a lifelong problem with this, in and out of treatment. Maybe they can help her--maybe she will slip through the cracks. I know one thing---Food is a fight for lots of people.

Monday....ick

Well, let me start off with some good news. My father is officially listed on with UNOS which is the United Network for Organ Sharing. Now the real wait starts. I'm so glad that we at least know we are at the jumping off point, if that makes sense. As you may have (or may not have) read in previous journal entries, my father is in end-stage liver failure. Basically, whenever your body is overweight for a long period of time, sometimes the liver will develop fatty deposits on it. Over time these deposits start to damage the liver in the same way that chirrosis does..well, it it is chirrosis...only most folks assosicate that with drinking. At any rate, the end result is liver failure, so organ transplant is the only way. It's funny, a year ago I wouldn't have had an opinion on organ donation...and now, it's the only way my father will survive...:(

I'm feeling quite moody lately. I'm sure it has to do with one of our coworkers leaving....and not only leaving, but leaving us with mucho crap. Thankfully his replacement is fantastic. I just love her to death. She's very cool, seems to fit in to the mix just wonderfully and seems to be able to take stress very easily. I have my fingers crossed :)

An not only am I moody, but also a little sick. I think my allergies are rioting and it's manifesting itself in to a nasty little cough..I've made up my mind to quit smoking (after 10 + looooooong years) and tomorrow is day one. Let's just hope I don't eat everything in site to compensate :)

Wish me luck!

xoxoxo

As you can see (or may not see) I have added some photo's. I really wanted to showcase my new 'do....It took a few weeks for me to get used to it, but I think I can dig it.

Marianne and I went biking this afternoon for the first time together. Whoa nelly. My ass hurts :)..lol..That's ok though. All those times I thought I was "Lance Armstrong-ing" it was nothing compared to actually hauling my 260 pound ass around on a real bike. It was fun though, aside from the hurting hiney :)

I went out last night to see my friend Matthew's band play. I've been three times now and I still don't really understand what's going on. Their band (which I will showcase at some point...just not now) is like nothing I've ever ever ever heard before. I love Matthew to death and I want him to live his dream (if that does in fact include being a mega rockstar--which he could, because he is THAT cute) but I just don't see it with this band. Actually, everyone in the band is great----except for the lead singer. He picks on Matthew a lot because Mattie is just so much younger than the rest of them (Mattie is 22 and these other guys are in their mid to late 30's). I'm sure he'd call it gentle ribbing, but I think it sucks. Oh well, Matthew is a phenomenal bass player and will go far...with or without them.

I think one of the reasons I like going (albeit selfish and twisted)is because Matthew always comments on how nice I look and congratulates me on doing so well with my plan. He is the ONLY ONLY ONLY person who I can get compliments from and enjoy them...anyone else does it (outside of family) and I get this weird feeling about it. I'm working out the psychology on that--why I don't deal well with compliments in general and why I don't deal especially well with weight loss comments. Just Friday a guy at work I haven't seen in forever stopped by me and said, "God...have you lost weight?". The best way I can describe it (and yes, you may call me crazy) is that in my mind I think "the smaller I get, the more people see me". I know, I'm insane and I have issues. Gimme a break. I'm sure I'm not the only person who has lost some poundage and felt that way. I know anyone who comments does mean it as a compliment...I just need to get over myself. Back to Matthew--I think it doesn't bother me because I do and always have thought of him as such a genuine person. He is so extremely nice, meets no strangers and is very cool...So glad to have him in my world :) xxoxo

I wanted to come up with some neat joke to play..but then I thought, who is actually reading this that it would matter???

So here it is, April 1---2003.  As promised, a nice long journal entry to make up for me basically ignoring most of of March.

Let's see....job front. Still dislike it most days. Have looked and thought I had some promising leads...only to find out that they aren't interested. Well, I never really find out, they never call..so I can only assume..lol

My father had his three day evaluation to determine where he will be placed on the transplant list. We should know this week where things stand. I'll update that soon.  He's doing ok, given the circumstances.  He's not up to par, he's tired a lot and gets tired more easily, but all in all his spirits are up which is what is most important. My mom is doing better with it too..which takes a huge load off my mind.

Excersize wise...it's going. I'm not nearly as gung-ho as I was but I'm still trucking along.  I haven't gained any weight, but I'm losing slowly. I'm ok with that. My eating habits have changed for good, which was the most important thing to me and I feel like I'm more active as a whole.

As of this morning, I'm officially down 50 pounds. I still can't believe I've done it, but I have. 

I bought a bicycle. I haven't gotten a chance to really ride it yet, as the seat is too high for me. I'm going on my first real bike ride this weekend. I'll let ya know how it goes. I didn't have to spend too much either. I bought a Huffy, even though the weight range is only tested to 250, I figured that I wasn't ready to plunk down 300 for a bike. I only paid 79...and I'm ok with that. We'll see!