August 8, 2001 It's so beautiful today! Last night we had thunder and lightning storm and I'm scared to death of them! Anyway, me and Jamie were arguing last night and he knows how scared I am of these storms and he told me that where I don't care about his feelings then not to cuddle up against him! Mean or what! I do care about his feelings and I told him that, it really upset me when he said those words. I did send out my film today! =) It should be back sometime this month...I hope! =\ I had the weirdest dream last night. I had the baby but it wasn't a baby anymore she was like 4 years old! (Don't ask) It was extremely weird! She had my hair but I hate to say this but it was an ugly child. (no kiding) If only I could record my dreams and show you what it was all about. SCARY! I was feeding her with a bottle (even though she was way too old for a bottle) Anyway, I put the bottle in her mouth and then the next time I looked it was in her belly button! I don't know what was going on there. LoL Most of my dreams freak the crap out of me! I got such a long way to go yet for this pregnancy. My brother is really excited about it and can't wait until I have the baby. My sister is the most excited because this will be her first time as an aunt. She made me an aunt so I'm returning the favour. Even though I didn't plan this pregnancy. She was youger than me when she had her first child. Then two years later she had another one! I already explained to Jamie that I didn't want anymore children after this one. About my sister she can be a real b*t*h sometimes, though. Her daughter is a real brat and she wont listen to a word you say not even her own mother. If you tell her to stop doing something she'll say "You're not my mother",. I love children but she is not one of my fave child! She was really getting to me...I know she is only a kid but anyway I told her that if she didn't stop acting the way she was she wouldn't be liked by other children. Melinda heard me and said, "Amanda you won't be able to raise a kid you'll have to give it to me to raise for you.", I was so mad at what she siad tears were coming to my eyes. Jamie was sitting beside me and you could see the anger in his eyes. All I said back was if she wasn't so sassy and talk back all the time I would have no problem with her. I felt like telling her the reason why she's like that is because you paid too much attention to Alana when she was born and not enough to Gage! And that's why Gage does the things he does, because he craves for attention! He's not a problem child you the parents are the dammmmmnn problem! If any of you have seen this happen to someone it you know what I mean. They do the stupidest things for attention and they end up in trouble. No child should have to go through that. I will always love Gage more than Alana. Some of you may think I'm cruel, but Gage is never told he is loved and Alana always is. When I see him I pay more attention to him than anyone. I love him just like he was my own son! Ok I know I shouldn't judge anyone else's parenting skills when I'm not quite a parent yet myself, but if you believe in leaving a kid up in his room for a week, only allowed to come down for breakfast, dinner, supper and bed lunch during the hot summer than I don't know what kind of parent you are. When they get older and look at what kind of childhood they had all they are going to remember is being up in there room most of the time, it might lead them to suicide. And that's what I'm most scared of! I lost my father to suicide and it's an awful thing. You wonder what you did wrong or what you said that day. You go through that day so much that it almost drives you insane! My father was mentally ill and I believe he's in a better place now where he can relax and know he is loved. Even though he was loved here he was never meant for earth. He couldn't handle it here. He was on pills for most of his life and then the last going off they took him off of them. It was actually their fault that he commited suicide! He didn't know what to do without the medication so that's why he did what he did. What they should've done, as they did before, was put him in the mental hospital so he could get used to being off the pills and he could of been watched!! Well that's my entry and I can't write anymore things like this just really get me down so I'm signing off. *^*Hugs*^*

August 14, 2001 It's been awhile since I decided to write anything here. I'm a pregnant woman! Sitting in this uncomfortable chair and trying to express myself it's kinda hard. lol Well my mom went on her vaction and will be back tomorrow afternoon. I miss her! =( I'm really close to my mother she not only my mother she's my best friend. Jamie asked me if I missed her yesterday and I almost started to cry! lol She's gonna bring home some KFC! Yum Yum! I can't get enough of that sh!t! lol Just incase you are wondering we have no fast food places down here. I know that's sad! No McD's nothing!!! It really sucks...I feel like I'm on the moon now that I'm away from Port Hawkesbury. I lived right beside KFC, McD's, Subway, Dairy Queen and all that stuff. Just naming all of those fast food places makes my mouth water! lol Speaking about fast food I wonder what I can make that's fast and easy on the tummy...hmm...I'm having a problem with heartburn. If I eat something spicey and I lay down I get a major heartburn. I never had heartburn before now and I always wondered why they call it heartburn when it has nothing to do with your heart. Well I know now...it feels like your heart is burning through your chest...man does this suck. If you never had heartburn then you are lucky! Today just for something to do I wanted to weigh myself. I haven't checked my weight for about 2 weeks. Well was that a big no no! lol I gained ten pounds in 2 weeks. Isn't that amazing! lol I can't see my feet at all, I could at least see my toes before. But they are now no longer existing to me. lol Oh my but isn't pregnancy grand! Anybody that anwsers yes to that question is lying...lol No it's not that bad...I'm just making it a whole lot worse then it is...which I do to everything. =) I'm really sick of this layout...I'm gonna do something way different something that takes time and patience which I don't have at the moment. lol =) Well that's it for today...Buh bye! HUGZ!!!!!!

August 16, 2001 What a boring sh!tty day! Jamie is cranky and he's making me really mad and I feel like telling him off. Oh my, I have to make a doctors appointment tomorrow. I have to go have a pee test done too this month. I get one done every month. God that's a pain! I also gotta go for a sugar test at the end of the month...WHOOPIE! They are either making you pee in a cup or they are sticking you with needles. Getting my blood taking makes me so weezzeeeee. Well anyway this weekend should be interesting there is actually something going on in this damn town! I was in town tonight and there were no one around as usual. BORING!!! I got an ice cream and of course I got it all of me...like always!!! God you would swear I was born a pig. Well my mother is home now and I her boyfriend is really getting on my nerves! I wasn't in a good mood all day and when he bugs me about it it makes it twice as worse! It all started when I had an ache in my side...and I found it hard to walk down the hallway. He makes me so mad at times all he does is watch t.v and it's mostly sports. God I wish sports would just go away for at least a month! If it not baseball it's golf or football. Thank God the hockey playoffs are gone! I'm really cranky so I'm gonna go eat something. lol No wonder I weigh so much now eh?! Well I'm off...buh bye! Hugz

August 19, 2001 Yeah well not much to write here but I'm gonna write whatever is on my mind. Today was a hot and boring day. I wasn't feeling good at all when I woke up. I ate alittle and got a glass of water but that didn't help any. Of course my mother had to make my favorite dish. Stew....ahh I love that stuff I can't get enough of it. And of course I ate two plates of that. I could hardly walk down to my room. I was soooo uncomfortable because my stomach was so full. I decided I would go to sleep for awhile. Jamie wanted me to go in and visit his parents but I was in no shape to go visiting. So he left...he must of told his mother that I wasn't feeling that well because she called me tonight to ask how I was doing. She's always worrying. But she's so sweet! =) I'm hoping that tomorrow I'll get a call that my film is developed!!!! I just hope they all came out. We had alittle accident while we were moving. Somebody spilled the bottle of vingar all over my camera...that's why I'm getting a new one. I still have to send for a new one yet. Jamie is gonna pay for it. It's part of my birthday present. Well if he wasn't gonna get it my mother was. Now that he's getting the camera she has no idea what to get...and neither do I. She keeps on asking me...but I have everything I need. I'm getting sick of my maternity clothes though...but no much sense in getting any of those because I'm not planning on having anymore children. Anyways...time to get to bed. Night! *^*Hugs*^*

August 24, 2001 I know it's been awhile since I wrote anything, but I haven't been on the net for the longest time. Well I just finished cleaning up my room. God it was in some mess. I was in to Jamie's parents and they had a play pen for when the baby gets older...so we picked that up. It's a real nice one too. But I have so much baby stuff in my room I have to put all of it in the camper. I have two strollers, a play pen, two garabge bags of baby clothes, and two bags full of baby toys. And in my room I have the crib and car seat. There was just too much stuff to keep in this room. OoO my Jamie will soon be out fishin' on the boat. He'll be gone for a whole week. =( The money is really good though...so I shouldn't complain! But I'm gonna miss him like crazy because we are never away from each other! Well I got my pictures developed but I still have to scan them...I will do that tomorrow. Soooo I will have them on the page tomorrow night. Well I don't have anything to say. So I'm signing off. *^*HuGs*^*

August 27, 2001 God the air is getting chilly. Summer is almost over, hard to believe! I only went swimming once during the whole summer and that was only a week or so ago. Anyway, some sad news today my Great Aunt passed away today. I didn't know her but it's still upseting. Well I was checking my guestbook entries and I motice this "ummm you passed this time" I had no idea what the hell they were talking about so I went to the website and it's about fakers on the net. Pretty bad I have someone watching my page to say that I'm a fake or not!? What is up with that! As far as I'm concerned I don't need to pass anything because I know the truth and I state the truth. Maybe there are people that say they are pregnant and they're not. But what if you accuse someone for being a fake and they're not that would really hurt. I don't think anyone has a right to say someone is a fake. That is the rudest thing I've seen, and they have the nerve to sign our guestbook and tell me that. OoO get a life! What do they do look and judge teen pregnancy pages!? OoO kiss my behind! If you are reading this I don't give a sweet sh!t! Well that's my beef for the day. I formated my computer and I forgot to save stuff on my rewriteable cd...so the new layout went bye bye! =( So I'll have to start all over again. Which really sucks because I had it almost done! God I'm really stupid! =) Well that's about it for today. *^*Hugz*^*

August 30, 2001 Sorry that I haven't been keeping the journal up that well but I was really busy working on the layout. Even though I still not crazy over it. =( I'm in a really cranky mood...like always! Gesh you can tell I'm related to the Boudreau's (really moody people)! Me and Jamie just got back from his parents. His brother bill is taking off to go back to school in Antigonish. We weren't sure if we were going to go because my mother was taking nap and we sold our ol' piece of crap lol So we just took it without asking...but she understood. She had a long day and I didn't want to wake her up just to tell her that I wanted to borrow the car for 2 hours. Anyway, I went to the doctor yesterday...*whoopie* Just the same stuff blood pressure, weight, heart beat(baby) and he also checked my ankles for swelling. Everything is great...so no worries about that. Tomorrow I go for my sugar test and to get my blood cell count...I had getting my blood taken...UGH!!!! I get sooo weak I thought I was going to pass out the last time because I had nothing to eat and the blood just wouldn't come out so she was moving the needle around while putting pressure on my arm...WELL I was about to pass out. I hope she doesn't do that this time...she's married to my first cousin...so I know her really well...she is nice...when she wants to be. Well I gotta go my show is on...Whose Line Is Anyway? lol Hugs!