Sept 20: "Oh bite me!"
Sept 6: "You're a coupon"
August 17: "My spoon is too big!"
July 28: "I had to break the chocolate"
July 11: "I put bacon bits on it"
July 4: "Man, I'm so po!"
June 26: "Is that legal moustache wax"
June 10: "He's about as sharp as a marble."
May 29: "This isn't my nose, it's a false one."
May 23: "It was just milk! Just bloody milk!"
May 20: "Whoa, whoa, hang on. I gave you one of the ones with silverware in it."
May 10: "Let's do this like Brutus"
April 28: "Honey, go wait in the car"
April 26: "Why is my butt crinkle-ing?"
April 20: "The reign of Sweety-Katz is ending!"
April 18: "that funky coolidge"
April 14: "Is that your eyeball on my dress?"
April 8: "Thanks for stopping by you guys, thanks for breaking my cow lamp."
April 5: "Ashley's a lucky girl to have you." "Who?"
March 29: "So... I've heard good things about conversation."
March 25: "What officer? I'm not allowed to hit children? What kind of ridiculous law is that?"
March 20: "It's a very useful pants retaining device"
March 17: "It looks like your wrist is exploding"
March 12: "The sheer amount of bread product in my stomach"
March 8: "I was born to ankle dance!"
March 3: "Will you sign my juggling ball?"
Feb 26: "The sooner you realize I'm a genius, the better off we'll both be."
Feb 23: "The Newfs, who says that?"
Feb 17: "Just because there is a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score."
Feb 12: "A very merry unbirthday to you, to YOU, a very merry unbirthday to you, to ME!"
Jan 31: "do you know who is a lot like the derivative of e to the x, that morgan character. never derivating, or integrating."
Jan 27: "Are you ashamed to be fake going-out with me?"
Jan 23: "It was an absolute panic!"
Jan 21: "Shootin' it all over the dresser!"
Jan 15: "The problem with leading is that every step you take is another step into the great abyss of emptiness that is life"
Jan 11: "I am Wassim and I am sexy- oh.. thanks"
Jan 6: "AND a donut"
Jan 2: "Giant eye, giant eye, guy doing this"
Dec 30: "It IS spotless"
Dec 26: "I'm outta control! And that's a wrap!"
Dec 21: "It's an apostrophe!"
Dec 19: "I am a bell"
Dec 9: "I'm here to tell you that you're stylish"
Dec 6: "Somebody get this dead body off the stage!"
Dec 1: "I hear CS is the slackest program this side of Arts."
Nov 27: "you're like one over zero to me; it just does not compute."
Nov 23: "My parents always give me... trouble about that"
Nov 19: "it's like chinese karaoke"
Nov 15: "You didn't hear what I said, did you?"
Nov 11: "No. I think I'll kill you."
Nov 4: "hey guys, I'm smoking Jenny's butt!"
Oct 29: "I don't like food anymore"
Oct 26: "great, um, maybe you could read mine"
Oct 22: "Some moron probably thought that tape was structural"
Oct 17: "You don't mind the unexpected- as long as you know what it is."
Oct 12: "I'm a snow beast"
Oct 11: "Ronald Reagan? The actor??! Who's vice president? Jerry Lewis?"
Oct 8: "Just because you can't express your feelings in words doesn't make them any less valuable." "I express my emotions through mathematical equations."
Oct 2: "Danger Danger! High Voltage!!!"
Oct 1: "I'm a tree"
Sept 30: "good chord progressions come from knowledge, great chord progressions happen by accident."
Sept 28: "I had af rined wonce who thought whta sopoons were the drevil."
Sept 25: "I work out"
Sept 24: "yes mr. x"
Sept 20: "fat kid on a rock!"
Sept 19: "to eat or not to eat, that's indigestion"
Sept 13: "Sometimes, when my cat's happy..."
Sept 7: "Your mom's a ballot box."
Aug 28: "Michael Jackson's calling for our doctor."
blue= every day quote
green= improv quote
seafoam= quote from a play
red= movie or t.v. quote
orange= internet quote
silver= song quote
beige= famous quote or quote from elsewhere
old quotes of the day
the best of "quotes of the day"