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3 Ways To Be Cool
By: Sarah Kosmin
So, you want to be cool? Here's a 3 step program to be
one of the coolest in your school! Just listen very
carefully…
Step 1: Look around your school and see what the most
coolest kids are wearing….Hot Topic, of course! You
must go out and buy every single piece of clothing from
Hot Topic or you just won't be cool. The worst you can
ever do is wear some clothes from some store no one's
ever heard of. You must look like an outcast even though
everyone looks exactly like one another. Grab the New
Found Glory and Good Charlotte t-shirts before they're
gone. You must have the coolest, hottest MTV bands of the
moment. Don't even bother listening to the bands on your
t-shirts, only poseurs do that! Moving on to…
Step 2: After you've shopped at your local Hot Topic you
gotta stop by your local skate shop. Buy the most
expensive skateboard they have. You'll get total respect
and honor from your peers on having an absolute awesome
'sk8board'. Why buy a cheap skateboard when you can brag
about how much money you had to buy your awesome
expensive one, only cheapskates would do that. Oh, and
you must remember to get your cool Vans shoes. And I know
what you're thinking - Don't I need to learn how to
skateboard? No, of course not! Just holding a skateboard
will convince the cool kids that you're a 'sk8rboi' (or
sk8rgrl). Remember: You gotta look the look…
Step 3: Now that you've got your cool supplies, you must
move on to the next step. Tell everyone about how you
bought the new Avril CD and how completely awesome it is.
Go around school bragging to people (who you probably
don't remember the names of cuz you forgot their names
while transforming to your new, improved cool self.) how
cool you are cuz you hang out with all the cool kids. It
doesn't matter if the cool kids don't ever talk to you,
the losers won't even notice, so lie as often as you can.
Only poseurs tell the truth and you don't want to be a
poseur do you? If you absolutely feel it's necessary,
follow the cool kids around, but remember to keep behind
them, you don't want to seem like a stalker. Stalkers
aren't cool. Make sure to sit at the cool kids table at
lunch. They might not talk to you in the beginning but
when it gets to the end of lunch, they'll be telling you
to throw their lunches out. This is a complete honor, as
you get up and throw out their trash you'll be like one
of them. After lunch they will forget all about you but
at least you were cool that one moment.
Now, if you've completed these steps right, you will be
on your way to be a total cool kid! Don't let the screams
of "Poseur!" in the hallway get to you. You
know that you're not cuz after all, you read this article
and this article is all you need to be cool.
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