so, why am i starting again to try and create another world?

well i guess, it's just that sometimes... reality sucks.

and on a day like today, where i don't have to go to work or study or taking up those training stuff, all i want to do was to stay in my room, stay out of the sun -well i never particularly like to be tanned, even in winter sun-, writing, drinking my 8 glasses of water -one thing that melv constantly fusses about-, and listening to Adam Levine yelling...

"Is there anyone out there cuz it's gettin harder and harder to breathe..."

one trivial fact i learn in my life is that big and important stuff always choose the worst timing to come into your life... and what even worse, they usually arrive at just about the same time.
at least, that's what happening right now.
with design deadlines coming up, the preschool opening date is literally hanging above my head- ready to fall -not to mention teachers trainings, schedules, accountings, programs for the next one year, toddlers toys seminars- and well... the show on august 6...

this afternoon, i just stood in front of the administrator's desk, listening to one of the girl canceling her participation in the show. which means... there's going to be one vacancy. deep deep inside, i knew i wanted to take her place. in fact, i've wanted to take parts since the first time i heard opportunity knocked. i mean, this was not an offer that you hear everyday. especially when you're a newbie in the business.

the typical me would practically jump at it right away, the hell with doubts, i know i can do it. i mean, how hard could it be? especially when it was my own decision, i'd undoubtedly do my best. but somehow... i was rather insecure today and decided to leave even before she finished talking.

sometimes i wish i had some kind of a fairy godmother (no, not prince charming's outrageous mother), or at least, someone handy to stand by me all the time, whom i can ask for advice anytime about anything. or at least, kick me derrière whenever i start doubting myself.
oh well.

today's mood: been addicted to potter/malfoy fanfics for a couple days.

ok, come to think of it... honestly, after you read today's note, how old do i sound? probably thirteen going on thirty-one...

do you believe that some people already have ideas and judgments about you in their heads before they even meet you! (let alone know you...) and worse, they hold on tight to their shallow ideas, even after knowing the real you...
gosh, if only all shallow guys were good looking... at least they may still serve a purpose.

another thing in mind, what should you do if you hear a marriage proposal from people other than your spouse (who's kind of unlikely to do so)?

half portion of Italian creamy mushroom soup and a portion of spaghettini with salmon a la panna (worth about $20), eaten as dinner did NOT add any weight to your frame... (twenty bucks = no significant fat contents)

while one A&W chicken sandwich and one piece of fried chicken wings eaten as breakfast (yep, it's $4) added three pounds (one and a half kilos) to my weight... (fat IS dirt-cheap... isn't it?)

no, I'm not being materialistic, it's only a matter of fact...
oh right, am I starting to sound like Bridget Jones?

chasing the deadline on lotus project, client getting uneasy from day to day...

preschool awaits for finishing touch, not to mention human resource, inventory, programs, aargh...!!!

fashion exam approaching... ugh...

um, melv's mom's bday round the corner...