ANALVERSARIES AND BIRTHDAYS 

BIRTHDAY SONG # 1
Melody - Happy Birthday to You

Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, you asshole,
Happy birthday, fuck you.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
______

BIRTHDAY SONG # 2
Melody - Happy Birthday to You

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
You look like a hasher,
And you smell like one too.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
______

BIRTHDAY SONG # 3
Melody – Happy Birthday to You
Contributed by Mudrock, Las Vegas HHH

May you live one hundred years
May you drink one million beers
Get plastered you bastard
Happy Birthday to you.
______

BIRTHDAY SONG # 4
Melody - Here's to _____, He's a Blue
Composed by Flying Booger for Scratch 'n' Sniff's 30th

Here's to (name), she's true blue,
It's her birthday, boo hoo hoo,
She is (age) if she's a day,
Wishes she were younger,
But there's no way!
Drink it down, down, down . . .
______

BIRTHDAY SONG # 5
Melody - Oliver!
Composed by Bach 'n' Forth, Palm Beach HHH, in honor of Shortcake's 50th; included here on the off-chance it can be adapted for other hashers' birthdays

You're 50 years old, Shortcakes.
You've finally reached half of a century.
We hope you've got what it takes . . . to stay . . . a-live till you're 51!

Maybe it's time to take some respite from these trashing days; the end of your hashing days is near . . .
Let's hope the Chester the Molester doesn't kill you first with that home-brew shit he calls beer!

You're 50 years old, Shortcakes.
Here's wishing you lots of luck . . .
And hoping that the future holds in store for you . . . 50 more years to fuck!
 ______

BIRTHDAY SONG # 6
Melody - The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You
Contributed by Zippy

Your day of birth is now upon you,
You're older by one day,
Your day of birth is now upon you,
And now you're gonna pay,
The Hash is gonna lay it on you,
You dirty bastard (bitchin') hound,
Your day of birth is now upon you,
Drink it down, down down down down
 ______

BIRTHDAY SONG # 7
Melody - Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-Te-Aay
Contributed by Nose Candy

This is your birthday song,
It isn't very long . . .

Drink it down, down, down . . .

DOWN-DOWN DITTIES & HASH RITUALS

A,B,C,D,E,F,G
Melody - Alphabet Song
By Fuk Stik & Flying Booger

A, B, C, D, E, F, G,
Won't you sing a song with me?

Grab a beer and raise your cup,
Lose that hat cuz it's bad luck,

And when we say to drink it down,
Finish that beer and make a crown.

H, I, J, K, L-M-N-O-P.
Better get ready 'cause the beer's flowin' free.

Fill your vessel to the brim,
Don't you wish you had some quim,

Raise your beer mug to your lips,
Get ready to take some dainty sips.

Q, R, S and T-U-V, W and X-Y-Z,
Now you're ready to make whoopee,

Just remember this or you are dead,
Never never ever say head (oh, shit)

Head?  Who said head?  I'll take some of that, etc . . .


AUNT I HIGH
Melody – High Hopes
Contributed by Cannibis Licked Her, California Larrikins HHH

Just what makes my little old aunt?
Think she can smoke that cannabis plant.
Everyone knows an aunt, can't, smoke a cannabis plant
But she has High Hopes
Yes she getting High - folks
So close your eyes before - my Aunt
Drops Her Pants.
Drink it down, down, down . . .


AUTOHASH SONG
Melody - Dear Lord, Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes-Benz (Janis Joplin)
By Flying Booger
(used to honor autohashers)

Dear Lord, won't you give me a ride to the beer,
My friends are all drinking, and I'm stuck out here,
I'll ride in a Chevy, a Ford or a truck,
If you drive me there I'll throw in a down, down, down, down . . .


BATTLE HYMN OF THE HASHER
Melody – Battle Hymn of the Republic
Composed by Splat, East Bay HHH

His eyes have seen the horror of the steepness of the trail,
His ears have heard the whining of the whinging Hashers’ tale,
His lips have felt the passing of this nation's finest ale,
This Hasher's done it all!

CHORUS:
Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager!
Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager!
Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager!
Now drink it down, down, down!

(for wearers of new shoes)
His feet will feel the dampness of the clean footware he's worn
His soul will sense the shame and wish that he had not been born
All of him will suffer pain like shiggy's sharpest thorn
This Hasher's worn new shoes!


THE BEERY BUNCH
Melody - Brady Bunch Theme
By Koresh, Las Vegas HHH

Here's the story,
Of a thirsty hasher,
Who was running at the back of a  pack.
Every bad trail that there was,
Well he found it.
He must have ran for miles!

It's the story,
Of some sacred nectar,
That was chilling with a mind of it's own.
It was one beer,
Sitting in the cooler,
Yet it still had no foam.

'Till the circle,
When the hasher met the nectar.
And he knewwww it just couldn't stick around.
That's when his shorts went down around his ankles
And the beer became a down down down down down!

A down down down!
A down down down!
That's the waaaaayyyyyyy it became a down down down!


CIRCLE UP CALL
Melody – Unknown
Contributed by Mu-Sick

Now that the trail is done,
Let’s circle up for some fun,
And then we’ll drink and drink,
And then we’ll drink some more.
 
Then the hares we’ll hail,
For running their fucking trail,
And then they’ll drink and drink,
And then they’ll drink some more.

And when the circle’s done,
We’ll drink to the setting sun,
And then we’ll drink,
Throw up,
Pass Out,
Wake Up,
And then we’ll drink some more.


DIXIE
Melody - Dixie
By Chimp Pimp, Osan Bulgogi HHH

I wish I was in Dixie,
Hooray! Hooray!
'Cause she's so fuckin' hot!


DOES A HASHER?
Melody - Do Your Balls Hang Low?

Does a hasher like to walk,
Does a hasher like to run,
Does a hasher like to be where they're having all the fun?
Can he drink a 12-ounce beer,
While his friends all sing and cheer,
Now your time has come.
So drink it down, down, down . . .


DOWN DOWN DOWN YOUR BEER
Melody – Row Row Row Your Boat
Composed by Arabian Goggler

Down Down Down your beer,
To pay for your crime.
Quit complaining about the taste,
There's no sperm this time.


DOWN DOWN DITTY
Composed by Cockshot, Corpus Christi HHH

Put it to your lips
Give the Mug a tip
Don’t just take a sip
Drink it down, down ,down . . . 


DUMB SHIT
Melody - Refrain from Music Man
By Black Flag, Aloha HHH, Hawaii (good song for violators)

Dumb, dumb, dumb shit,
Dumb shit, dumb shit,
Dumb, dumb, dumb shit,
Dumb, dumb, dumb . . .


FAREWELL SONG
Melody - Auld Lang Syne
Composed by Flying Booger in December 1994, on the departure of Down, Under, and family, included here because it's simple and can easily be changed to fit the names of your own departing hashers

Here's to Down and Under,
And Slinky, and Blue Hawaii,
Who leave us for Australia,
We'll miss you very much.
Drink it down, down, down . . .


HARE TOAST
By Guamarhea Balls, Corpus Christi Bay Area Larrikins HHH

Here's to the Hounds with their ten-minute clock,
Here's to the Hasher with the twelve-inch cock.
Here's to the Hash House with honor and grace,
Here's to the Harriette with her puss on my face.
Here's to the Trail as shitty as can be,
Here's to the Hares whose asses you'll see!


HARRIER TAUNT
Melody – I Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Weiner
Contributed by Little Red Pipe Rider, Oklahoma City HHH

Oh we wish he wasn't hung like a mosquito,
Tiny's what he truly seems to be-e-e,
For if he wasn't hung like a mosquito,
He'd surely get a lot more play from me!!


HARRIETTE TAUNT
Melody – I Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Weiner
By Sniff This, Tornado Alley HHH

Oh they wish they were a hasher with a wiener,
That is what they'd truly like to be.
For if they were a hasher with a wiener,
They wouldn't have to stop and squat to pee.


HASH HOUSE HARRIERS
Melody - Addams Family Theme

Their drinking is compulsive and
Their running is convulsive,
They're morally repulsive,
The Hash House Harriers.

CHORUS:
Da da da da (snap fingers twice)
Da da da da (snap fingers twice)
Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da

Their flatulence is rude and
Their genitals protrude when
They're running in the nude in
The Hash House Harriers.

They're always shiggy tracking
From constantly bush-whacking,
Intelligence they're lacking,
The Hash House Harriers.

Da da da da, Down Down, etc . . .


HASHIN' BREW
Melody - That Good Old Mountain Dew
By Seldom Comes

They call it that good ole' hashin' brew, brew, brew,
And them that refuse it are few,
You'll hush up yur mug,
When you down-down yur jug,
Of that good ole' hashin' brew.

Chug it down, down, down . . .


HER LEFT TIT
Melody - My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

Her left tit hangs down to her belly,
Her right tit hangs down to her knee.
If her left tit did equal her right tit,
She'd get lots of weenie from me.
Drink it down, down, down . . .


HERE'S TO ________ (BASIC DOWN-DOWN SONG)     
Melody - Itself
______

VERSION # 1
Here's to         ,
He's true blue, (he's a blue)
He's a Hasher,
Through and through,
He's a pisspot, (he's an asshole)
So they say,
Tried to go to heaven, (he'll never get to heaven)
But he went the other way, (in a long, long way)
So drink it down, down, down  . . .
______

VERSION # 2
Here's to         ,
She's a damn fine gal,
Here's to         ,
She's a damn fine gal,
So drink, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug,
chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug,
Here's to         ,
She's a horse's ass.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, etc . . .


HERE'S TO BROTHER/SISTER HASHER
Melody - Ach, Du Lieber Augustin
Contributed by Zippy, Pike's Peak H4

Here's to brother (sister) hasher,
Bother hasher, brother hasher,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

He's happy, he's jolly,
He's fucked up by golly,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

So drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

Variation:
Here's to Brother Johnny, brother Johnny, brother Johnny,
Here's to brother Johnny who's with us tonight.
He beats it, he eats it, he often mistreats it,
Here's to Brother Johnny who's with us tonight.


HE'S A HASHER, HE'S OKAY
Melody - Lumberjack Song (Monty Python)

He's a hasher, he's okay,
Works all day, comes out to play,
Drinks it down without complaint,
Or he wears it well.
Drink it!
Wear it!
Drink it!
Wear it!
etc . . .


HE'S THE MEANEST
Melody - Itself (similar to Okinawa HHH melody)

He's the meanest,
He sucks the horse's penis,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.

All he does is pound it,
Ever since he found it,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.

He's always pissing on us,
He's rotten and dishonest,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.
So drink it down, down, down . . .

Variation:
She's superior,
She's got class,
She's superior,
She's a horse's ass.
Drink it down, down, down . . .

Another Variation:
Hurrah for (name),
Hurrah at last,
Hurrah for (name),
He's the horse’s arse.
Don't be mistaken,
Don't be mislead,
He's not the horse’s arse,
He's the horse’s head.


HE WANKS HIS CRANK
Melody - Itself
By Mud Fucker, Bay City HHH

He wanks his crank in the morning
He wanks his crank in the night
He wanks his crank with his left hand
and he cleans it up with his right.

So drink it down, down, down . . .


HIS ONE-SKIN
Melody - My Bonnie Lies Over the  Ocean

His one skin hangs down to his two skin,
His two skin hangs down to his three,
His three skin hangs down to his foreskin,
His foreskin hangs down to his knee.
Drink it down, down, down . . .

OPTIONAL VERSES:
Roll back, roll back,
Roll back his foreskin for him, for him.
Roll back, roll back,
Please roll back his foreskin for him.

His body lies over the ocean,
His body lies over the sea,
His father lies over his mother,
And that's how they created him.


IF YOUR BOYFRIEND TASTES LIKE SHIT
Melody – If You’re Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands

If your boyfriend tastes like shit, turn him over,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, turn him over,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he's probably pushing it,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, turn him over.

Alternate version:
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, turn him over,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, turn him over,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, it's a log, not his dick,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, turn him over.


IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND TASTES LIKE SHIT
Melody – If You’re Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands

If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn her over,
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn her over,
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, its her asshole not her clit,
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn her over.


INTERNATIONAL HASH HYMN
Melody - Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
Note: gestures accompany words

I looked over Jordan and what did I see,
Coming for to carry me home,
A band of angels coming after me,
Coming for to carry me home.

CHORUS:
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home.

I'm sometimes up and sometimes down,
Comin' for to carry me home,
But still my soul feels heavenly bound.
Comin' for to carry me home.

If you get there before I do,
Coming for to carry me home,
Tell all my friends that I'm coming too,
Coming for to carry me home.
(repeat with variations: humming and motions only, silence and motions only, double-time)


IT’S A SMALL DICK
Melody - It's a Small World
Contributed by Hazukashii

Well it isn't long and it isn't thick,
It gets hard too slow and it cums too quick,
It gets lost in her twat,
But it's all that he's got,
It's a small, small, dick.
It's a small dick after all,
It's a small dick after all,
Always limp from alcohol,
It's a small, small, dick!


LOVE ME TENDER
Melody - Love Me Tender
By Nipple Me Elmo

Love me tender, love me sweet
Wrap your lips around my meat Watch me smile and watch me grin
As the cum rolls down, down, down, down, down etc . . .


MASTURBATION
Melody - Alouette
By Smoking Wiener, Rocket Shitty HHH

(Song to a male)
 
Masturbation, he loves masturbation
Masturbation, it's what he loves to do
First he'll use his right hand
Then he'll use his left hand
Right hand
Left hand
Right hand
Left hand
Masturbation, it's what he'd rather do.
So drink it down down down down . . .
 
(Song to a female)
 
Masturbation, we love masturbation
Masturbation, it's what we love to do
First we'll use our right hand
Then we'll use our left hand
Right hand
Left hand
Right hand
Left hand
Masturbation, while thinking about you.
So drink it down down down down . . .


MEET THE HASHERS
Melody - Flintstones Theme
     
Hashers, meet the hashers,
They're the biggest drunks in history,
From Las Vegas, N-V (or your favorite town),
They're the leaders in debauchery.
Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years,
Watch them as they down a lot of beers,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down.


MISTER BLUE BALLS
Melody - Zip-a-dee-do-dah
By Yank My Wad, Charleston HHH (a good song for calling the hares to the ice)

Zip-a-dee-do-dah, zip-a-dee-day,
My oh my, what a miserable lay.
Haring is great but, beerings the best,
Time for your down-down, put the ice on the chest.

Slap your ass cheeks 'round that ice hole, it's a fact, it's irrefutable, it's cold right on your pubicals.

Zip-a-dee-do-dah, zip-a-dee-day,
Down-downs are better than your miserable lay.

Mr. Blue Balls formed an icicle
He's all cold and furry too, better find something to screw

Oh zip-a-dee-do-dah, zip-a-dee-day,
Hope you like ice, 'cause that's where you'll stay.


MOSHI MOSHI ANO NE
Melody – London Bridge is Falling Down
Contributed by John Patrick
Note: this song is used when hashers make or take cell phone calls in the circle

Moshi moshi,
Ano ne,
Ano ne, ano ne,
Moshi Moshi,
Ano ne,
Asshole desu ka.
Drink It Down Down Down . . .

English translation:

Hello (answering phone),
ummm
ummm, ummm
Hello,
ummm
Are you an asshole?
Drink it Down Down Down . . .


NO BLOW SONG
Melody - Looney Tunes Theme
Composed by Flying Booger
Used for honoring hashers who have forgotten their whistles

You seem somewhat forgetful,
Remind you?  Maybe this'll,
Next time you come, don't be so dumb,
Just bring your fucking whistle!


OH, HASHSHIT BOY
Melody - Danny Boy
By Pillsbury Blow Boy, Long Beach HHH

Oh, Hashshit Boy, the trail, the trail is calling,
From check to check, you'll stumble through with pride.
The beer's all gone, but harriettes are bawling,
"Fuck me, fuck me, oh, fuck me deep inside.
And come on me, if you won't come inside me.
Just stick it in and we will go to town.
And if I cum, then I will do my specialty,
Oh, Hashshit Boy, oh Hashshit, I will go
down-down-down . . ."


PISS OFF, YA WANK
Melody - Auld Lang Syne

Piss off, ya wank, piss off, ya wank,
Piss off, ya wank, piss off,
Piss off, ya wank, piss off, ya wank,
Piss off, ya wank, piss off.


RETURNER'S SONG
Melody - It's a Small World After All
By Pillsbury Blow Boy, Long Beach HHH

They've returned to us, some from far away,
Some fucking excuse, each of them did say,
As we listen to it,
We know they're full of shit,
They are assholes, after all.

They are assholes, after all,
They are assholes, after all,
They are assholes, after all,
Fuck you all, assholes.

Drink it down, down, down, down . . . etc.


SALUTATIONS
Melody - ???

We call upon __________
To give us a song.
So sing, you fucker, sing!
And if you don't sing
You can show us your schwing.
We don't want to see your moldy old schwing!
So sing, you fucker, SING!


SHIGGY SOGGY
Melody - Zicky Zacky
By Greatful Head and Purple Helmet, Bay City HHH

Shiggy Soggy,
Shiggy Soggy,
ON-ON-ON!

Shiggy Soggy,
Shiggy Soggy,
ON-ON-ON!

Drink it down, down, down . . .


SHORT HYMN
Melody - Amen

(with reverence)
Hymn, hymn, (Her, her,)
Fuck him . . . (Fuck her . . .)


SHORTCUTTER'S SONG
Melody - Suicide is Painless (from the movie M.A.S.H.)
By Gopher

Through a hungover fog I see,
Visions of a hash to be.
The on-in site comes clear to me,
I'll run straight there whit childish glee.
'cause

Shortcutters are shameless
The on-in site they hope they'll guess
but they come in dead last usually
I ran through a BT today
To catch the hares I hoped and prayed.
The bastards went the other way
and I came in last, what's left to say
But

Shortcutters are shameless,
The on-in site we hope we'll guess
but we come in dead last usually
Now all these beers have slowed me down,
and made my belly full and round
shortcutting's the path I've found
so sing a song and I'll drink it down!
'cause

Shortcutters are shameless
The on-in site I hoped I'd guess
but I came in dead last as you see
and you can short cut with me if you please


SING, SING A SONG
Melody - Same (the Carpenters)
By Smoking Wiener, Rocket Shitty HHH

Sing, sing a song,
Sing out bawdy,
Sing out strong,
Sing of good trails not bad,
Sing of happy not sad.

Sing, sing a song,
Make it simple to last,
The whole hash long,
Don't worry that it's not,
Clean enough for little ones'
Ears to hear,
Just sing, sing a song.

Sing, sing a song,
Let the circle sing along,
Sing of sex there could be,
Sing for you and for me.

Sing, sing a song,
Make it simple to last,
The whole hash long,
Don't worry that it's not,
Clean enough for little ones'
Ears to hear,
Just sing, sing a song.
So drink it down down down, etc.


SING A SONG OF SIX CHECKS
Melody – Sing a Song of Six Pence
Composed by Splat, East Bay HHH

Sing a song of six checks,
A pocket full of flour,
Four-and-twenty hashers,
Hashing for an hour.
And when they found the beer check,
There wasn't any there.
All agreed to go On-In
And lynch that goddamn hare!


SOLDIER SONG
Melody - Itself

Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be,
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee,
For cunt, for cunt, to fight for my country,
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
A soldier I will be.

Drink it down, down, down . . .


SOUND OF HASHERS
Melody - Do, Re, Mi (Sound of Music)

Give (name) a beer, a really big beer,
We will watch him drink it down.
Girls, you know if he drinks it all,
He will never get it up.
Oh, the stories sad to tell,
It picked up and then it fell.
You would die if you could see,
(name), slap his tiny wee-wee.


THANK GOD SHE FINALLY SHUT UP
Melody - Looney Tunes Theme
Contributed by the Agana HHH (Guam), an excellent down-down song for harriettes

Thank God she finally shut up,
She's always fuckin' bitchin',
Now drink your beer, get out of here,
Get back into the kitchen!
 

THE HASHER PUKES TONIGHT (SHORT VERSION)
Melody – The Lion Sleeps Tonight
Composed by Splat, East Bay HHH

Short version (suitable for down-downs):
In the gutter, the slimy gutter, the Hasher pukes tonight.
In the gutter, the slimy gutter, the Hasher pukes tonight.
CHORUS:
Ooo weee ooo ooo weee ooo ooo ooo, drink it down down down!
Ooo weee ooo ooo weee ooo ooo ooo, drink it down down down!


THERE WAS A LITTLE BIRD
Melody - Itself

There was a little bird,
No bigger than a turd,
A-sittin' on a telephone pole.
He ruffled up his neck,
And shit about a peck,
He puckered up his little asshole.
(point at violators): Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
He puckered up his little asshole.


THEY OUGHT TO BE PUBLICLY PISSED ON
Melody - My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

They ought to be publicly pissed on,
They ought to be publicly shot,
They ought to be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot,
Drink it down, down, down . . .


THIS HASHER’S BEEN WANKING OFF AGAIN
Melody – When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again
Composed by Splat, East Bay HHH

This Hasher's been whacking off again, hurrah, hurrah!
This Hasher's been whacking off again, hurrah, hurrah!
This Hasher's been whacking off again,
So give him a drink or he'll start it again,
And we'll keep him busy,
Drinking it down, down, down!


THIS IS YOUR DOWN-DOWN SONG
Melody - Ta-Rah-Rah-Boom Te-Ay
Contributed by Nose Candy, Las Vegas HHH

This is your Down-Down song,
It isn't very long. . . .


THE TIRED HASHER
Melody – Itsy Bitsy Spider
Composed by Splat, East Bay HHH

The tired (name hash) Hasher,
Went trudging up the hill,
Stopped at the Beer Check,
And there he drank his fill,
And when the trail was over,
His shoes were muddy brown.
Though he was drunk already,
He had to drink it down, down, down, down . . .


VIAGRA
Melody - Do, Re, Mi (Sound of Music)
Contributed by Slimie Limie, Kobe HHH, Japan

Give ______ some pills, the famous 'V',
We will watch him eat 'em down.
Boys, you know if he takes them all,
Tonight he'll never get to sleep.
Oh, the story fun to tell,
How, it rose and never fell.
Girls, you'd laugh if you could see,
______ beat his rock-hard wee-wee wee wee wee wee wee.
Drink it down down down down.


VIRGIN SERENADE
Melody - Ball of Ballyknure
Composed by Dr D, Ft Eustis HHH

Four and twenty (or however many there are) virgins,
Came out to this old hash,
And when the hash was over,
There were four and twenty less.

CHORUS:
Singing, balls to your partner,
Arse against the wall.
If ye canna get laid at this old hash
Ye'll never get laid at all.

OPTIONAL VERSES:
This fine young virgin SHE was there,
She had drank a bit too much,
Showing us her titties,
But sayin' we couldna touch.

This cocky virgin HE was there,
Drinking Old Milwaukee's Best,
Showing the girls his tiny dick,
The girls they weren't impressed.

This other virgin SHE was there,
Talkin' 'bout givin' head,
But when it came to swallowin',
She would spit instead.

This other virgin HE was there,
Askin' 'bout toe sucks,
The harriettes frowned and then they said,
"What do you want for three bucks?"

The other virgin SHE was there,
Givin' us all a great view,
While dancing on the table,
She said she'd do the crew.

This other virgin HE was there,
Getting drunk as he could be,
And by the time the circle broke up,
He'd pissed a gallon of pee.

This fine young virgin SHE was there,
With legs all firm and tan,
Her shorts rode up her ass so tight,
They squeaked whenever she ran.


VISITOR'S SONG
Melody - Underdog Theme
By Hazukashii, Samurai HHH

SONGMASTER:
There's no need to fear!

PACK:
We've got lots of beer!

When visitors in this hash appear,
And pay five bucks to drink our beer,
And offend all those who see or hear,
The cry goes out both far and near to,
DRINK IT DOWN
Drink it down
DRINK IT DOWN
Drink it down,
Speed of lightening, roar of thunder,
Chug it down, or show us Chunder,
Drink it down. . . . .

OPTIONAL SECOND VERSE:
When in this world the Hash Trash reads,
Of those who think they've come to breed,
And steal hash things from those who need,
The call goes out with blinding speed to,
DRINK IT DOWN,
Drink it down,
DRINK IT DOWN,
Drink it down,
Speed of lightening, roar of thunder,
Chug it down, or show us Chunder,
Drink it down. . . . .


WEDDING SONG
Melody - Amazing Grace
Written by Sauer Krotch for the Orlando Hash wedding of Wild Oats and Oatmeal; should be adaptable for others

Today we wed to (name) to (name),
We heard them say "I do."
Give it your best, for the next forty years,
But first drink down your beers.


WE'RE HERE BECAUSE . . .
Melody - Auld Lang Syne

We're here because we're here,
Because we're here,
Because we're here,
We're here because we're here,
Because we're here,
Because we're here . . .


WE'VE GOT VIRGINS
Melody - Frere Jacques
By Mud Fucker and Greatful Head, Bay City HHH

We've got virgins,
We've got virgins,
At our hash,
At our hash,
Gonna get'em drunked up,
Gonna get'em fucked up,
Down the hatch,
Up the ass,

So drink it down, down, down . . .


WHAT A WANK
Melody - William Tell Overture

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, wank, wank.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, wank, wank . . .

Alternates:

Get a life, get a life, get a life, life, life . . .

What a fuck, what a fuck, what a fuck you are . . .


WHERE WERE YOU LAST WEEK?
Melody - Where Oh Where Were You Last Night (from Hee Haw)
by Preparation H, Ft Eustis HHH

Where, Oh Where were you last week?
Why did you make us hash all alone?

You Fat Lazy Bastards, You weren't even here.
So we fucked all the virgins and drank all the Beer.

Down, Down, Drink it all Down
Drink it all Down, Drink all of that Beer

You Fat Lazy Bastards, You weren't even here.
So we fucked all the virgins and drank all the Beer.

Drink it down, down, down, down . . .


WHY ARE WE WAITING?
Melody - Come Let Us Adore Him

Why are we waiting,
Could be fornicating (masturbating, etc),
Oh, why are we waiting,
So fucking long, etc . . .


WHY WAS HE BORN SO BEAUTIFUL?
Melody - Itself

Why was he born so beautiful?
Why was he born at all?
He's no fuckin' use to anyone,
He's no bloody use at all.

They say he's a joy to his mother,
But he's a pain in the asshole to me,

He's fresh as a daisy,
He drives me crazy,

So drink it down, down, down . . .


WHY WAS SHE BORN A BITCH?
Melody - 1st verse: Itself
2nd verse: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

Why was she born so beautiful?
Why was she born a bitch?
She's no bloody use to anyone,
She's only got one tit.

She ought to be publicly pissed on,
She ought to be publicly shot,
She ought to be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.

So drink it down, down, down . . .


YOU ARE OUR ______
Melody - You Are My Sunshine
Contributed by Slimie Limie, Kobe HHH, Japan

You are our _______, our only ______,
You make us happy when skies are bleak.
You'll never know ______, how much we like you,
Please keep coming to Hash ev'ry week.

Drink it down, down, down . . .


YOU’RE STUPID, YOU’RE STUPID
Melody – Chant
Composed by Yorkie Porkie, City HHH

You're stupid, you're stupid
You're really fucking dumb
If it wasn't for your mother
You'd be a stain of cum!


ZICKY-ZACKY
The purpose of the zicky-zacky chant is to point out breaches in circle etiquette - members of the circle surround the offender and repeat chant loudly:

Zicky-zacky,  zicky-zacky,
Hoy,  Hoy,  Hoy!
Zicky-zacky,  zicky-zacky,
Hoy,  Hoy,  Hoy!
Zicky-zacky,  zicky-zacky,
Hoy,  Hoy,  Hoy!

. . . and so on until offender completes a down-down . . . alternatively, the zicky-zacky chant can be performed whenever someone screws up a verse in a hash song (of course, the offending singer must immediately do a down-down while the pack chants).  There are several substitutes for "zicky-zacky" if you get bored with the basic chant, as in:

Shiggy shaggy, shiggy shaggy,
Oi, Oi, Oi!

Motorcycle, motorcycle,
Vroom, Vroom, Vroom!

Locomotive, locomotive,
Choo, Choo, Choo!

Helicopter, helicopter,
Whirl, Whirl, Whirl! (or Whop, Whop, Whop!)

Submarine, submarine,
Glug, Glug, Glug!

Motorcar, motorcar,
Beep, Beep, Beep!

Telephone, telephone,
Ring, Ring, Ring!

Penis, penis,
Cum, Cum, Cum!


ZULU WARRIOR
Melody - Itself
Hash version by Zippy, Pike's Peak H4

Ole, zooma zooma zooma,
Ole, zooma zooma chief,
Drink it down you Zulu warrior,
Drink it down you Zulu chief,
Drink it down you Zulu warrior,
Drink it down you Zulu chief, chief, chief!
______

Ole, zooma zooma zooma,
Ole, zooma zooma chief,
Drink it down you poofta warrior,
Drink it down you poofta chief,
Drink it down you poofta warrior,
Drink it down you poofta queef, queef, queef!


FAMOUS HARRIETTES


ALOUETTE
Melody - Alouette
(Unsuspecting female volunteer needed)

CHORUS:
Alouette, gentille Alouette,
Alouette je te plumerai.

Leader: Does she have ze stringy hair?
All: Oui, she has ze stringy hair.
Leader: Stringy hair,
All: Stringy hair,
Leader: Alouette!  Aah, aah, aah, aah . . . (chorus)

Leader: Does she have ze furrowed brow?
All: Oui, she has ze furrowed brow,
Leader: Furrowed brow,
All: Furrowed brow,
Leader: Stringy hair,
All: Stringy hair,
Leader: Alouette!  Aah, aah, aah, ahh . . . (chorus)

Wooden eye (Yes I would!) . . .
Broken nose . . .
Blow job lips . . .
Two buck teeth . . .
Double chin . . .
Swinging tits . . .
Beer belly . . .
Bulbous butt . . .
Furry thing . . .

Leader: Now isn't she a nice-a girl?
All: Oui, she is a nice-a girl,
Leader: Nice-a girl,
All: Nice-a girl,
Leader: Alouette!  Aah, aah, aah . . .

Chorus

Leader/all: How I love her (repeat all)


AMAZING GRACE
Melody - Same

Amazing Grace, how sweet her snatch, that takes a cock like mine,
I once got lost within her thatch, and stuffed her tight behind.

Amazing Grace, her round her tits, how tasty in my mouth,
One nipple points up to the north, the other one sags south.

Amazing Grace, how sweet her clit, just like an oyster pearl,
It nestles deep between two lips, among her pubic curls.

Amazing Grace how deep her hole, the best in all the land,
I tried to put two fingers in and nearly lost my hand.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the girl, she has a lovely heart,
She smells divine when wearing Chanel, and awful when she farts.

Amazing Grace, I love you so, will you sit on my face?
You taste divine, I love you so - oh please Amazing Grace?

Amazing Grace, how large her cunt, no cock can touch the sides,
Southend Rugby Football Club, all fucked Grace and got lost inside.


DAISY, DAISY
Melody - Daisy, Daisy

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer true,
Daisy, Daisy, wouldn't you like to screw?
I really must beg your pardon,
But I've got a ten-inch hard-on,
From beating my meat against the seat,
Of a bicycle built for two.


IN PRAISE OF HARRIETTES
Melody - Far Above Cayuga's Waters
Contributed by John Patrick

High above the Harriet's garter,
High above her knee,
Lies the source of Harriette power,
Her virginity.

Once she had it,
Now she's lost it,
It is gone for good,
She goes down for all the Harriers like a Harriette should.

Lift her dress,
But do it gently,
Lay her on the grass,
All we live and all we die for is the Harriette's ass.


JOCELYN ELDERS
Melody - Yankee Doodle
Composed by Flying Booger

Jocelyn Elders lay in bed,
A-rubbin' on her plumbing,
She thought it safer than a lay,
The only way for cumming.

Jocelyn Elders, stir it up,
Jocylyn, are you randy?
Jocelyn Elders, rub it hard,
You are so very handy.


LADY HARDONNA
Melody - Lady Madonna (Beatles)
Aattributed to the Austin HHH

Lady Hardonna, men at your feet,
Wonder how you manage to beat their meat.
You find the money, when you need to pay the rent,
You know that money isn't heaven sent.
Friday's guy arrives without a suitcase,
Sunday's Hasher creeps in like a bum,
Monday's guy likes to be tied with his boot lace,
See how they'll come.

Lady Hardonna, Hasher at your breast,
Wonder how you manage to please the rest?
Lady Hardonna, lying on the bed,
No worry about losing your maidenhead.
Tuesday's love is never ending,
Wednesday morning milkman didn't come,
Thursday night your diaphragm needed mending,
See how they'll come.

Lady Hardonna, Hashers at your feet,
Wonder how you manage to beat their meat?


LULU
Melody - Good Night, Ladies

CHORUS:
Bang, bang, Lulu,
Lulu's gone away,
Who's gonna bang bang,
When Lulu's gone away?

Some girls work in factories,
Some girls work in stores,
But Lulu works in a honky tonk,
With forty other whores.

Lulu had a baby,
It was an awful shock,
She couldn't call it Lulu,
'Cause the bastard had a cock.

I took her to the pictures,
We sat down in the stalls,
And every time the lights went out,
She'd grab me by the balls.

She and I went fishing,
In a dainty punt,
And every time she caught a sprat,
She'd stuff it up her cunt.

I wish I were the silver ring,
On Lulu's dainty hand,
Then every time she scratched her ass,
I'd see the promised land.

I wish I were the chamber pot,
Under Lulu's bed,
Then every time she took a piss,
I'd see her maidenhead.

Lulu had two boyfriends,
Both were very rich,
One was the son of a banker,
The other a son-of-a-bitch.

Lulu had a boyfriend,
His name was Tommy Tucker,
He took her down the alley,
To see if he could fuck her.

Lulu had a boyfriend,
A funny little chap,
Every time they had a bit,
She'd get a dose of clap.

Lulu was a pretty girl,
She had a lot of class,
Mini-skirts she'd wear a lot,
To show off her pretty ass.

Lulu had a bicycle,
The seat was very sharp,
Every time she sat on it,
It would slip right in her arse.

Lulu had a boyfriend,
He was very fit,
Working all day on the farm,
His job was shoveling shit.

Lulu and a boyfriend,
A stunted little runt,
On day they went to have a bit,
And he vanished up her cunt.

Lulu had a little lamb,
She kept it in a bucket,
Every time the lamb jumped out,
The bulldog used to fuck it.

She and I went walking,
We walked along the grass,
She slipped on a banana peel,
And fell down on her arse.

Lulu made some porridge,
It was very thick,
Lulu wouldn't eat it,
She'd smear it on my dick.

Lulu's motorcycle,
It's seat was very blunt,
Every time she jumped on it,
It would stick her in the cunt.


MAGGIE MAY
Melody - Maggie May

Oh, gather round you sailor boys, and listen to my plea,
'Cause when you've heard it you will pity me.
'Cause I was a Goddamn fool, in the port of Liverpool,
The first time that I came home from the sea.

CHORUS:
Oh, my darling Maggie May,
They have taken her away,
And no more down Lime Street will she roam.
For the judge he guilty found her, for robbing a homeward bounder,
That dirty, robbin', no good Maggie May.

I was a sailor bound for home, all the way from Sierra Leone,
And two pound ten a month had been my pay.
As I jingled in my tin, I was sadly taken in,
By the lady of the name of Maggie May.

When I steered into her, I just hadn't a care,
I was cruisin' up and down ol' Canning Place.
She was dressed in a gown so fine, like a frigate of the line,
And I bein' a sailorman, I gave chase.

She gave me a saucy nod, and I like a farmer's clod,
Let her take me line abreast in tow.
And under all plain sail, we ran before the gale,
And to the Crow's Nest Tavern we did go.

Next morning when I awoke, I found that I was broke,
No trousers, coat, or wallet could I find.
And when I asked her where, she said, "My dear young sir,
You'll find them in the pawnshop, number nine."

To the pawnshop I did go, no trousers could I find,
So the cops they came and took this girl away.
Oh, you thieving Maggie May, you robbed me of my pay,
It'll pay your fare right out to Botany Bay.

She was chained and sent away, from Liverpool one day,
The lads they cheered as she sailed down the bay.
And every sailor lad, he only was too glad,
They'd sent the old tart out to Botany Bay.

Oh, Maggie, Maggie May, they have taken you away,
For to stay on Van Dieman's cruel shore.
Oh, you robbed many a whaler, and many a drunken sailor,
But you'll never cruise 'round Liverpool no more.


MARY
Melody - London Bridge is Falling Down?

Mary in the kitchen punching duff, punching duff, punching duff,
Mary in the kitchen punching duff,
BULLSHIT!
Mary in the kitchen punching duff,
When the cheeks of her arse went chuff, chuff, chuff,
Shit all around the room, tra-la,
Shit all around the room.

Mary in the kitchen boiling rice, boiling rice, boiling rice,
Mary in the kitchen boiling rice,
BULLSHIT!
Mary in the kitchen boiling rice,
When out of her cunt jumped three blind mice,
Shit all around the room, tra-la,
Shit all around the room.

Mary in the kitchen shelling peas, shelling peas, shelling peas,
Mary in the kitchen shelling peas,
BULLSHIT!
Mary in the kitchen shelling peas,
The hairs of her cunt hung down to her knees,
Shit all around the room, tra-la,
Shit all around the room.

Mary in the garden sifting cinders, sifting cinders, sifting cinders,
Mary in the garden sifting cinders,
BULLSHIT!
Mary in the garden sifting cinders,
Blew one fart and broke ten windows,
Shit all around the room, tra-la,
Shit all around the room.

Mary had a dog whose name was Ben, name was Ben, name was Ben,
Mary had a dog whose name was Ben,
BULLSHIT!
Mary had a dog whose name was Ben,
Had one ball which worked like ten,
Shit all around the room, tra-la,
Shit all around the room.

Mary in the kitchen baking cakes, baking cakes, baking cakes,
Mary in the kitchen baking cakes,
BULLSHIT!
Mary in the kitchen baking cakes,
When out of the tits came two mild shakes,
Shit all around the room, tra-la,
Shit all around the room.


MARY ANNE BURNS
Melody - Itself

Mary Anne Burns is the queen of all the acrobats,
She can do tricks that'll give a guy the shits,
She can shoot green peas from her fundamental orifice,
Do a somersault and catch'em on her tits.
She's a great big son-of-a-bitch,
Twice as big as me,
Got hair on her ass like the
branches on a tree,
She can swim, fish, fight, fuck,
Fly an airplane, drive a truck,
Mary Anne Burns is the girl for me.


MARY ANN McCARTHY
Melody - Battle Hymn of the Republic

Mary Ann McCarthy, she went out to dig some clams,
Mary Ann McCarthy, she went out to dig some clams,
Mary Ann McCarthy, she went out to dig some clams,
But she didn't get one son of a bitchin' clam.
All she got was oysters,
All she got was oysters,
All she got was oysters,
And she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

She dug up all the mud there was in San Francisco Bay,
She dug up all the mud there was in San Francisco Bay,
She dug up all the mud there was in San Francisco Bay,
And all she ever got was crabs.
All she ever got was crabs,
All she ever got was crabs,
All she ever got was crabs,
And she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

She waded in the water till her ass it dug the sand,
She waded in the water till her ass it dug the sand,
She waded in the water till her ass it dug the sand,
But all she ever got was piles.
All she ever got was piles,
All she ever got was piles,
All she ever got was piles,
And she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

She went to every party that the Army ever gave,
She went to every party that the Army ever gave,
She went to every party that the Army ever gave,
But all she ever got was clap,
All she ever got was clap,
All she ever got was clap,
All she ever got was clap,
And she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.


MAYOR OF BAYSWATER'S DAUGHTER
Melody - The Ash Grove
*Variations* contributed by Flying Booger and Zippy, Pike's Peak H4 - hash verses by Flying Booger - in many hashes, the chorus is sung to honor the hares
(Take turns leading verses)

The Mayor of Bayswater,
He has a lovely daughter,
And the hairs on her dickie-di-doe,
Hang down to her knees.

CHORUS:
Leader: And the hairs,
Pack: And the hairs,
Leader: And the hairs,
Pack: And the hairs,
Leader: And the hairs,
Pack: On her dicky-di-doe,
Hang down to her knees.
One black one, one white one,
*And one with a bit of shite on,*
And the hairs on her dicky-di-doe,
Hang down to her knees.

*VARIATIONS*
and one forty pound strength one
and one I caught a trout on
and one I found on a bar of soap
and one that blocked the storm drain
and one she used as dental floss
and one she uses for macramQ
and one dripping in olive oil
and one she towed my car with
and one that smelt of clitty litter
and one to start the mower with
and one they use in gunsights
and one with a drop of piss on
and one covered in algae
and one I start my outboard with
and one I broke a tooth on
and one I found in my mug of beer
and one the crabs are stuck on
and one she winched her Jeep with
and one she marked the trail with
and one she tied her Nikes with
and one she tied her whistle on
and one she roped the calves with
and one she pulled her trailer with
and one they hanged a horse thief with
and one she climbed a cliff with
and one she whipped the orphans with
etc . . .

VERSES:
I've smelt it, I've felt it,
It's just like a bit of velvet.

I could not believe my eyes,
When I peered down between her thighs.

I she were my daughter,
I'd have her cut them shorter.

I've seen it, I've seen it,
I've lain right in between it.

I stroked 'em and poked 'em,
I rolled 'em and smoked 'em.

You'd need a coal miner,
To find her vagina.

She lives on the mountain,
and pees like a bloody fountain.

She stayed on a cattle ranch,
And came like a bloody avalanche.

She says she is not a whore,
But she bangs like a shithouse door.

She lives on malted milkshake,
And roots like a bloody rattlesnake.

She married an Italian,
With balls like a fucking stallion.

She divorced the Italian,
And married the stallion.

She married a Spaniard,
With a prick like a bloody lanyard.

She divorced the Spaniard,
And ran off with the bloody lanyard.

The split of her beaver,
Looks just like June Cleaver's.

She slept with a demon,
Who drowned her with semen.

Her cat's name is Boris,
And it plays with her clitoris.

The aroma it lingers,
It smells like fish fingers.

She sat on the waterfront,
With the waves lapping up and down her cunt.

I've licked it and kissed it,
It tastes like a chocolate biscuit.

You can drive a Morris Minor,
Right up her vagina.

It was always hit-or-miss,
Whether I could find her clitoris.

She went to Arabia,
And got camel drool on her labia.

She stayed in Seattle,
And went down on cattle.

The light is so glitorous,
When it shines off her clitoris.

Her vagina was squishy,
And smelled a bit fishy.

She went with a Hash House Harrier,
Who fucked her but wouldn't marry her.

(MORE HASH VERSES, BY FLYING BOOGER):
She slept with a  Hash House Harriette,
Who played melodies upon her clit.

She wooed the Grand Master,
But he couldn't satisfy her.

Grand Mattress gave her a go,
She used an electric dildo.

Three Joint Masters did sport in concert,
But they couldn't reach her G-spot.

She went out with the RA,
But he proved to be a lousy lay.

She seduced the Song Master,
But he couldn't outlast her.

Hare Raiser did sleep with her,
But got all tangled in her fur.

The hares swived her with great intent,
But they soon were limp and spent.

She depantsed the OnSec,
And scoffed at his tiny dick.

She rogered the Hash Scribe,
And begat an entire tribe.

She stripped for the Biermeister,
He shot off all over her.

Hash Shyster did groan, oh,
As he serviced her pro bono.

She gave head to the Hash Cash,
And he ejaculated in a flash.

The Chipmeister she tried to lay,
But he came during foreplay.

She mooned the Haberdasher,
Who fainted at the sight of her.

An SCB dove in her muff,
But found he hadn't tongue enough.

She said to the FRB,
"Do it doggie style with me."

The walkers were red and sore,
She shagged them right across the floor.

She had it off with a Ranger,
But he went DOT inside of her.

To a Whiner she took a shiner,
But he cried, "Any one but her."

She took on the entire pack,
She was hot but they were slack.

She was brisk with young Zippy,
But he came much too quickly.

So she tried Flying Booger,
But he couldn't get it up for her.

She had group sex with the Circle,
Next day our parts turned purple.


MISS LEE'S HOOCHIE
Melody - Sweet Betsy from Pike
From the songbook of the 43rd Tactical Fighter Squadron, Elmendorf A.F.B., Alaska

I went to Seoul City, and there met Miss Lee,
She said for a short time, oh come sleep with me.
We went to Lee's hoochie, a room with hot floors,
I left my shoes outside, and slid shut the door.

She took off her long johns, and rolled out the pad,
I gave her ten thousand, 'twas all that I had.
Her breath smelt of kimchee, her bosoms were flat,
No hair on her pussy, now how about that?

I asked to go benjo, she led me outside,
I reached for Old Smokey, he crawled back inside.
I rushed to the medics, cried "What shall I do?"
The doc was dumbfounded, Old Smokey was blue.

Now when you're in Seoul City, on your next three-day pass,
Don't go to Lee's hoochie, sit flat on your ass.
Now your ass may get blistered, and Lee may tempt you,
But better the red ass, then Old Smokey blue.


M-O-T-H-E-R
Melody - M-O-T-H-E-R

M is for the many things she gave me,
O is only that she's growing old (she's growing old),
T is for the tears she shed to save me (save me),
H is for her heart as pure as gold (as pure as gold),
E is for her eyes with lovelight shining (shining),
R is right and right she'll always be (she'll always be),
Put them all together, they spell MOTHER,
The one who means the world to me,
I don't mean maybe,
The one who means the world to me (the world to me).

F is for his farts that used to linger,
A is for his arse all racked with piles (all racked with piles),
T is for the turds he shed by finger (finger),
H is for his hole all wreathed in smiles (all wreathed in smiles),
E is for the eggs he used to dine on (dine on),
R is rotten and rotten they'd always be (they'd always be),
Put them all together, they spell FATHER,
The one who fouls the air for me,
I don't mean maybe,
The one who fouls the air for me (the air for me).

M is for the many times you made me,
O is for the other times you tried (the times you tried),
T is for those torturous long lost weekends (weekends),
H is for the hell that's in your eyes (that's in your eyes),
E is for your ever-lasting passion (passion),
R is for the ruin you made of me (you made of me),
Put them all together, they spell MOTHER,
And that is what I think I'm going to be,
I don't mean maybe,
And that is what I think I'm going to be (I'm going to be).


MRS. MCVITIE
Melody - Blaze Away

Mrs McVitie had only one titty,
To nurse her child upon,
She has been ravished by Mr McTavish,
And now she's eight months gone.
McTavish, the vicar, decided to prick her,
And now he's been defrocked,
Because of the frolics of his cock and bollocks,
And members of his flock.


MRS. PUGGY-WUGGY
Melody - ???

Mrs. Puggy-Wuggy has a square cut punt,
Not a punt cut square,
Just a square cut punt.
It's round in the stern and blunt in the front,
Mrs. Puggy-Wuggy has a square cut punt.


MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
Melody - Itself

One night in gay Par-ee,
I paid five francs to see
A big fat French lady,
Tattooed from head to knee.
And on her jaw was a British man-of-war,
And on her back was a Union Jack,
So I paid five francs more,
And running up and down her spine
Was the Bangkok Hash in line,
And on her lily-white bum
Was a picture of the rising sun,
And on her fanny
Was Al Jolson singing Mammy,
How I loves her, how I loves her,
How I loves my mother-in-law.

I loves my mother-in-law,
She's nothing but a dirty old whore,
She nags me day and night,
And I can't do fuck-all right,
She's coming home today,
But I hope she stays away,
Now isn't it a pity,
She's only one titty,
And she's in the family way.
Last night I greased the stairs,
Put thumbtacks on the chairs,
I hope she breaks her back,
Because I do love wearing black.

She drinks all my brandy,
And makes my dog feel randy,
How I loves her, how I loves her,
How I loves my mother-in-law.


MY SISTER LILY
Melody - Do Ye Ken John Peel

Oh, my sister Lily is a whore in Picadilly,
And my mother is another in the Strand.
My father flogs his arsehole 'round the Elephant and Castle,
We're the finest fucking family in the land.

There's a man deep in a dungeon,
With his hand upon his truncheon,
And the shadow of his prick upon the wall.
And the ladies as they pass,
Stick their hatpins up his arse,
And the little mice play billiards with his balls.

There's a little green urinal,
To the north of Waterloo,
And another a little farther up.
There's a member of our school,
Playing tunes upon his tool,
While the passers-by put pennies in his cup.

Have you met my Uncle Hector,
He's a cock and ball inspector,
At a celebrated public school.
And my brother sells French letters,
And a patent cure for wetters,
We're not the best of families, ain't it cool.


NANCY BROWN
Melody - ???

Way out in West Virginia lived a gal named Nancy Brown,
You ain't never seen such beauty in a city nor a town,
Oh she lived up in the mountain,
Yes she lived up in the mountain,
Oh she lived up in the mountain mighty high.
And so it is related, not a bit contaminated,
She was as pure as the West Virginia sky.

Now there came the local cowboy with his guitar and his song,
He took Nancy to the mountain but she still knew right from wrong,
She came rollin' down the mountain,
She came rollin' down the mountain,
She came rollin' down the mountain mighty fine.
And despite that cowboy's urgin' she remained the village virgin,
She was as pure as the West Virginia sky.

Then there came the village deacon with his phrases sweet and kind,
He took Nancy to the mountain but she still could read his mind,
She came rollin' down the mountain,
She came rollin' down the mountain,
She came rollin' down the mountain mighty fine.
And they say that that there deacon didn't get what he was seekin',
She was as pure as the West Virginia sky.

But there came the city slicker with his thousand dollar bills,
He put Nancy in his Packard and drove up in them thar hills,
Oh they stayed up on the mountain,
She was laid upon the mountain,
Oh they stayed up on the mountain all that night.
She came down next mornin' early more a woman than a girl,
And her mother kicked the hussy out of sight.

(Slowly)
Now the end of our ditty finds Nancy in the city,
And by all accounts she's doin' mighty swell,
For she's winin',
And she's dinin',
And she's on her back reclinin',
And those West Virginia skies can go to hell.

(Normal tempo)
But there came the big Depression, caught our slicker by the pants,
He had to sell his Packard and give up his little Nance,
So she went back to the mountain,
Yes she went back to the mountain,
Oh she went back to the mountain mighty sore.
Now the cowboy and the deacon get the thing that they were seekin',
For she's nothing but a West Virginia whore.


NELLIE DARLING
Melody - I Wish I Were an Oscar-Meyer Wiener
Hash verses by Hazukashii, Tidewater HHH

Oh, your ass is like a stovepipe, Nellie darling,
And the nipples on your tits are turning green,
There's a thousand flies buzzing 'round your pussy,
Oh, you're the dirtiest, ugliest, rottenest, fucking bitch I've ever seen.

There's a yard of lint protruding from your navel,
When you piss, you piss a stream as green as grass,
There's enough wax in your ear to make a candle,
So why not make one, dear, and shove it up your a-a-a-ss.

HASH VERSES:
Oh, your breath could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon,
And your ingrown toenails exude a pus-y cream,
Your nose hair's long enough to braid or curl,
Your every Ft. Eustis hasher's fuckin' dream.

Sucking on your toes would gag Jeff Dahmer,
After sex with you my balls begin to itch,
You need a chainsaw to trim out your armpits,
Your a regular Tidewater Hash House BITCH.

Oh, your butt's about as wide as a Buick,
And the cellulite hangs off your thighs in chunks,
When your swimming at the beach in the summer,
You look like a Battleship that's sunk.

Well it's told you've been turned down by Hashers,
That crotch rot your sportin's gettin' red,
Could also be the sagging of your titties,
Or the spotty patches of baldness on your head.


NELLIE 'AWKINS
Melody - ??? (this appears to be several songs put together - the Durex verse is sung to "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend," but I don't know the others)

I first met Nellie 'awkins down the old Kent Road,
Her drawers were hanging down,
She'd just been with Charlie Brown.
I shoved a filthy tanner in her filthy rotten hand,
'Cause she was a dirty old whore,
Oh she wore no blouses,
And I wore no trousers,
And we both wore no underwear.

When she caressed me,
She damn near undressed me,
What a pleasure, no man knows.
I went to the doctor - he said,
"Where did you knock her?"
I said, "Down where the green grass grows."
He said, "In less than a twinkle,
That pimple on your winkle,
Will be bigger than a big red rose."

CHORUS:
Won't somebody make my rhubarb rise,
Dada dada da da,
Oh my rhubarb refuses to rise
To its natural size,
Market gardenin' size,
Oh my rhubarb refuses to rise
'Cause my baby don't love me,
My baby don't love me,
Oh my baby don't love me no more.

A poke with a bloke may be quite incidental,
Durex is a girl's best friend.
You may get the works,
But you won't be parental
As he slides it in,
You trust that good old latex skin,
As he lets fly, none gets by,
Cause it's all gathered up in the end.
This little precaution
Avoids an abortion,
Durex is a girl's best friend.

I caught a dose of pox a year ago,
I thought it was the clap and it would go.
But the more I waited, the worse it grew,
Now I've got galloping knob rot.
What can I do?
The other day I lost my starboard ball,
And now the other one's begun to fall,
I'm wasting away, I'll be sorry someday,
'Cause then I'll have no balls at all.


NONE IS BIGGER THAN MINE
Melody - ???

Three old whores from Baltimore
Were drinking sherry wine,
And one of them says to the other two,
"None is bigger than mine."

CHORUS:
So haul on the sheets me hearties,
Sprinkle the decks with brine,
Bend to the oars, you lousy whores,
None is bigger than mine.

"You're a liar," said the second old whore,
"Mine's as big as the sea.
The ships sail in and the ships sail out,
With nary a tickle to me."

"You're a liar," said the third old whore,
"I've had me a thousand men.
There's some go by and there's some go in,
And there's some what never come out again."

"You're both liars," said the first old whore,
"Mine's as big as the air.
Why the sun could set in the crack of my cunt,
And never burn a pubic hair."


ON TOP OF OLD SOPHIE
Melody - On Top of Old Smoky

On top of old Sophie,
All covered in sweat,
I've used fourteen rubbers,
But she hasn't come yet.

For fucking's a pleasure,
And farting's relief,
But a long-winded lover,
Will bring nothing but grief.

She'll kiss you and hug you,
Say it won't take long,
But two hours later,
You're still going strong.

So come all you lovers,
And listen to me,
Don't waste your erection,
On a long-winded she.

For your root will just wither,
And your passion will die,
And she will forsake you,
And you'll never know why.


PEG O' MY HEART
Melody - Same
Contributed by Dennis "Mu-Sick" Gill, Ft Walton Beach HHH, Florida

Peg o' my heart, you vex me,
Peg o' my heart, you sex me,
When we're alone, I raise a bone,
So put your ass against the rafter,
It's your hairy hole I'm after,
Peg o' my heart.


SALLY IN THE ALLEY
Melody - Reuben, Reuben, I've Been Thinking

Sally in the alley, sifting cinders,
Lifted up her leg and farted like a man,
Wind from her bloomers blew out six winders,
Cheeks of her ass went BAM! BAM! BAM!


THE SEAMSTRESS' SONG
Melody - The Great Wheel
Written by Snake Charmer & Lady Finger of the Austin HHH, yet another variation of the Engineer's Dream

A seamstress told me before she died,
Ah humm, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty, bum,
A seamstress told me before she died,
Ah humm, ah humm,
A seamstress told me before she died,
And I have no reason to believe she lied,
Ah humm, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty, bum,
Ah humm, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty, bum.

She had a spouse with a prick so wide (three times),
That it had to be magnified.

So she built a spinning wheel (three times),
Two balls of yarn and a needle of steel.

The balls of yarn she twisted tight (three times),
And the whole bloody thing was driven by might.

She tied him to the leg of the bed (three times),
Tied his hands above his head.

There he lay demanding a fuck (three times),
She shook his hand and wished him luck.

Round and round went the spinning wheel (three times),
In and out went the needle of steel.

Down and down went the level of yarn (three times),
Up and up went the prick she darned.

Till at last that husband cried (three times),
"Enough!  Enough!  I'm satisfied!"

Now we come to the tragic bit (three times),
There was no way of stopping it.

He was stretched from nose to bum (three times),
And the whole fucking room was covered in,
Sweet violets, sweeter than the roses,
Covered all over from nose to bum,
Covered all over with CUM!  CUM!  CUM!


SEVEN OLD LADIES
Melody - Oh My, What Can the Matter Be?

CHORUS:
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Seven old ladies locked in the lavat'ry,
They were there from Sunday to Saturd'y,
Nobody knew they were there.

They said they were going to have tea with the Vicar,
They went in together, they thought it was quicker,
But the lavat'ry door was a bit of a sticker,
And the Vicar had tea all alone.

The first was the wife of a deacon in Dover,
And thought she was known as a bit of a rover,
She liked it so much she thought she'd stay over,
And nobody knew she was there.

The next old lady was old Mrs. Bickle,
She found herself in a desperate pickle,
Shut in a pay booth, she hadn't a nickel,
And nobody knew she was there.

The next was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter,
She went in to pass some superfluous water,
She pulled on the chain and the rising tide caught her,
And nobody knew she was there.

The next old lady was Abigale Humphrey,
Who settled inside to make herself comfy,
And then she found out she could not get her bum free,
And nobody knew she was there.

The next old lady was Elizabeth Spender,
Who was doing all right till a vagrant suspender,
Got all twisted up in her feminine gender,
And nobody knew she was there.

The last was a lady named Jennifer Trim,
She only sat down on a personal whim,
But she somehow got pinched 'twixt the cup and the brim,
And nobody knew she was there.

But another old lady was Mrs. McBligh,
Went in with a bottle of booze on the sly,
She jumped on the seat and fell in with a cry,
And nobody knew she was there.


SHE'LL BE PUFFIN' LIKE A STEAM TRAIN WHEN SHE CUMS
Melody - She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain

She'll be puffing like a steam train when she cums,
She'll be puffing like a steam train when she cums,
She'll be puffing like a steam train, puffing like a steam train,
She'll be puffing like a steam train when she cums.

CHORUS:
Singing God, I'm coming, don't stop now,
Singing God, I'm coming, don't stop now,
Singing God, I'm coming, God I'm coming,
God, I'm coming, don't stop now

OTHER VERSES:
She'll be panting like a bulldog when she cums
She'll be sucking like a Hoover when she cums
She'll be scratching like a tiger when she cums
She'll be biting like a vampire when she cums
She'll be screaming like a banshee when she cums
She'll be howling like a she-wolf when she cums
You'll be dogknotted for an hour when she cums
She'll nearly bite your cock off when she cums
She'll close her legs and crush your face when she cums
She'll be revving like a Harley when she cums
She'll be whooping like a monkey when she cums
Etc.


SHE'S A MOST IMMORAL LADY
Melody - Battle Hymn of the Republic

She wears her silk pajamas in the summer when it's hot,
She wears her woolen nightie in the winter when it's not,
But later in the springtime, and early in the fall,
She jumps between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.

CHORUS:
She's a most immoral lady,
She's a most immoral lady,
She's a most immoral lady,
As she lay between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.

Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch me,
Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch me,
Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch me,
As she lay between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.
Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch! (three times)
Oh, Sir Jasper do not! (three times)
Oh, Sir Jasper do! (three times)
Oh, Sir Jasper! (three times)
Oh, Sir! (three times)
Oh! (three times)


SHORT SONG
Melody - Turkey in the Straw

Oh, the wiggle of her ass would make a dead man come,
And the nipple on her tit is as big as my thumb,
She's a mean motherfucker, she's a great cocksucker,
She's my girl, she fucks!


SOMEONE'S IN THE KITCHEN WITH DINAH
Melody - Someone's in the Kitchen with Dinah

Dinah, won't you blow me,
Dinah, won't you blow me,
Dinah, won't you blow my horn?

Dinah, won't you blow me,
Dinah, won't you blow me,
Dinah, won't you blow my horn?

Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah,
Someone's in the kitchen, I know,
Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah,
Humpin' like a dynamo.

(alternate verse)
Someone's in my sister's vagina,
Someone's in my sister, I know,
Someone's in my sister's vagina,
Humpin' like a dynamo.


SUCKANYA
Melody - Oh, Diana

I'm so young and you're so old,
You've had a baby I've been told,
I don't care what my friends say,
I'll pay your bar fine any day,
You and I shall never part,
I'll give you five hundred baht,
Oh please go down on me, Suckanya.

I bought you a house and brand new car,
In the Rock Hard you're a star,
You go out late every night,
Come home at noon, oh, what a sight,
In your heart I'll always stay,
As long as I can pay, pay, pay,
Oh please go down on me, Suckanya.

You gave me clap and you wear gold,
My motorcycle you have sold,
To pay my bills at Adam and Eve,
The fruits of love are never free,
All I ask is one more suck
But you don't even give a fuck,
Oh please go down on me, Suckanya.

Your Thai husband threw me out,
Tell me what it's all about,
Now you're into sniffing glue,
Does this mean that we are through,
I love you with all my heart,
So don't cut off my private part,
Oh please go down on me, Suckanya.


SWEET ANTOINETTE
Melody - Sweet Adeline

Sweet Antoinette,
Your pants are wet.
You say it's sweat.
It's piss, I bet.
In all my dreams,
Your bare ass gleams.
You're the wrecker
Of my pecker,
Antoinette.


WHEN LADY JANE BECAME A TART
Melody - Those in Peril on the Sea

It fairly broke the family's heart,
When Lady Jane became a tart,
But blood is blood and race is race,
And so to save the family face,
They bought her an expensive flat,
With "Welcome" written on the mat.

It was not long ere Lady Jane,
Brought her patrician charms to fame,
A clientele of sahibs pukka,
Who regularly came to fuck 'er,
And it was whispered without malice,
She had a client from the Palace.

No one could nestle in her charms,
Unless he wore ancestral arms,
No one to her could gain an entry,
Unless he were of the landed gentry,
And so before her sun had set,
She'd worked her way through Debrett.

When Lady Anne became a whore,
It grieved the family even more,
But they felt they couldn't do the same,
As they had done for Lady Jane,
So they bought her an exclusive beat,
On the shady side of Jermyn Street.

When Lord St. Clancy became a nancy,
It did not please the family's fancy,
And so in order to protect him,
They did inscribe upon his rectum,
"All commoners must now drive steerage,
This fucking hole is reserved for peerage."


THE WINNIPEG WHORE
Melody - Reuben, Reuben, I've Been Thinking

My first trip up the Saginaw River,
My first trip to the Canadian shore,
There I met sweet Rosie O'Grady,
Better known as the Winnipeg Whore.

"Come right in, I'm glad to see you,
Slap your ass across my knee,
We will have some fun together,
Dollar and a half will be my fee."

Some were dancin', some were prancin',
Some lay drunk on the barroom floor,
But there I was in the northeast corner,
Screwin' hell out of the Winnipeg Whore.

Then, in there walked some sons 'a' bitches,
Must have been a score or more,
Oughta seen me shit my britches,
Slidin' my ass out the whorehouse door.


YOU TAKE THE LEGS OFF BETTY GRABLE
Melody - ???

You take the legs off Betty Grable,
You take the hair from Myrna Loy,
You take the tits off old Jane Russell,
And the ass off a baby boy.
You take the hands and face off some old clock,
And brother, when you're through,
The only thing that's missing is the C-U-N-T,
And that, you sorry sack of shit, is YOU-U-U!


RELIGIOUS ADVISOR SONGS

HASH BENEDICTION
By P'Tooey, Calgary HHH

Gispert guide us on this hash,
As along the trail we dash,
Guide our feet on ice and snow,
As to the drink stop we will go,
Let the moon so brightly shine,
Leading us to beer so fine.