DOSUKOI! Asashoryu wins Kyushu sumo tournament - On Sunday, November 24th, Mongolian sumo wrestler Asashoryu (asa-sho-ryu) won the Kyushu Grand Sumo Tournament. The victory comes just 24 tournaments after Asashoryu's debut, making it one of the fastest accomplished. This Chinaman is on a roll!

For those of you who aren't enlightened, sumo is a traditional JAPanese sport where fat blokes don XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL² diapers and slap each other in the face, bitch-fight style. The first obese wrestler to fall on their lardy ass cheeks or roll out of the ring boundary is the loser. But don't let their gargantuan physique mislead you. These rikishi, or sumo wrestlers get laid in Japan crazy-like. One can recall when former yokozuna Takanohana was almost going to marry the suicidal Japanese pop idol Rie Miyazawa, only to be disrupted by Miyazawa's control-freak mom.

So anyway, what's with these gaijin (or 'foreigner' in nip-speak) taking over Japan's historical pastime? Okama declares to keep the sport 'pure', the Japan Sumo Association has to bar these gaijin rikishi from ever competing again. Yes, that's right. No more 800-pound Polynesians, Mongolians, Whites, Blacks, Browns, nor Red people and sumo will return to its proper roots with skinny-little Nihonjin rikishi raised by eating nothing but rice and raw fish. By the Japanese, for the Japanese - Large style!