If you are getting this list you were either:
A. In Footlights
B. Knew someone in Footlights
C. Married someone in Footlights (My wife sends her sympathy)
D. Related to someone in Footlights
E. Listened to Footlights once and we really appreciated that!
Cricket & I had a lot of time to kill yesterday and one thing led to another and well... here's your punishment.
If you know anyone who would care to read this, please forward it on.
Love and Cuddles,
Steve
50. You have a severe allergic reaction to improvisational comedy, which can
only be relieved by throwing shoes.
49. You finish every joke with "...and the greek guy says 'Thanks.'"
48. You can sing the first verse to the original Spiderman cartoon show, but
have no idea how the second verse goes. (We don't know... the second verse...
but it's pretty much like the first...)
47. Every once in a while you find yourself speaking like the computer
from the Enterprise, especially after being on hold for the past hour.
46. You know how to sing "New York, New York" in German, but have
no clue how it goes in English.
45. You know for a fact the no alcoholic beverage on earth could taste
worse than Retsina.
44. You find yourself humming "Jesus Built My Hotrod" from time to time.
43. You occasionally use the image of [a particular person] rolling naked in table
salt to clear your mind. (Man! that still does the trick every time)
42. You occasionally ask yourself, who on earth was "Cally" and what
exactly were we thanking him for every week?
41. You don't get any work done all day because you're writing side effect
lists, but you just can't help yourself.
40. You leave the house for only two minutes and find 15 messages on the
answering machine from the same person.
39. You don't watch soap opera's because none of the characters are named
"Bob."
38. You give money to bad evangelists because "Elias Zealot would have
wanted it that way."
37. People throw broccoli at you and you don't know why.
36. You shun Country Kitchens nationwide in case you might be recognized by
the sound of your voice.
35. You think that the role of MacBeth should be portrayed by a very skinny
bald man with glasses.
34. You find yourself contrasting the advice on Mtv's Love Line with that of
the "Love Doctor"
33. Whenever you hear the name "Henry P. Copeland" you immediately think of
him "not wearing any pants".
32. Whenever you call a friend and get their answering machine you get the
odd feeling that someone is standing... right... behind you.
31. Lunch doesn't seem right unless Thane's thumbprint is in your chocolate
brownie.
30. You're the only one in your current crowd that finds the concept of
following people around town while wearing a white lab coat and carrying a
clipboard amusing.
29. Strange desires to steal condiment containers, especially sugar
dispensers, from restaurants.
28. You know that the guy who built the 'bots on MST3K was named Joel, not
this Mike person.
27. You know that Black Adder isn't really a snake.
26. You know how to read the entrails of a McDonald's cheeseburger to
predict the future.
25. Can't work without a script.
24. Often wake up at two in the morning with cravings for pancakes
"biggerthanyourhead" and a gallon of coffee.
23. Constant need to come up with something funnier than the last person
who told a joke
22. Constant need to "touch" other people when you think of Tim Russell
21. Co-workers get much more upset then you thought they would when you
give them a pickle willie.
20. Constantly contrasting the investigating techniques of Magnum PI,
Matlock, & Angela Lansbery with Nick Chance.
19. Can never find just the right vampire/super-hero/x-mas picture book for
your neices & nephews.
18. Can't hear a slide whistle without thinking about Josh (Sigh...)
17. Can quote from "Monty Python & the Search for the Holy Grail",
verbatim, but can't remember where you left your car keys.
16. No one believes you when you say that "God" is actually a gay classical
studies major. However, everyone can buy into the fact that the Devil works
out of a law firm in Cleveland.
15. You spend many a late hour pondering just what would you do for a
Klondike Bar?
14. You're convinced that all conflicts can be resolved "peaceably" with a
modified version of rock-paper-scissors.
13. Much to the chagrin of your significant other, you have the uncanny
ability to recite entire scenes from cheesy B (or lower) movies verbatim.
12. You have these dreams, these strange dreams with a soundtrack, and are
convinced that Don Henley will some day save the world from man-eating white
horses and a group of motorcyclists that look like the Egyptian god Anubis
dressed up as Hell's Angels.
11. Recurring nightmare: as your "Harpo meets Teller" routine is bombing,
you realize you're doing a radio show.
10. Social status one small notch above mimes and rodeo clowns.
9. People always asking, "Ooh, do you know Teg Smith?"
8. Wizenheimer's Syndrome
7. You laugh on the outside, but inside harbor a bitter resentment toward
people who have enough money for food.
6. Instead of crow's-feet, you get punchlines.
5. Have to start the day with a couple of quick knock-knock jokes to get
rid of "the shakes."
4. The kids keep breaking your dentures trying to wind them up.
3. Mom was right: your face *does* freeze that way, after a couple of
decades.
2. You live in constant fear of your friends discovering your posable
Gardner Key action figure.
and the Number 1 Side Effect of a Being in Footlights...
1. Can't eat Rice Pilaf without the fear of it eating you. (Galurph)