Announcer: Chris (?)
Nargwiggler: Steve
Ralph: Tim

ANNOUNCER:  The following sketch couldn't possibly be close captioned for the hearing impaired.  Think about it.

 (F/X: sound of birds, sun etc.)

NARG:  Hello.

RALPH:  Howdy.

NARG:  It's a lovely day, isn't it?  This is a beautiful town you've got here... nice landscape...kind of like a Bob Ross® painting.

RALPH:  Thanks.  And you are...?

NARG:  Hmm?  Oh, I'm P. Nargwiggler McAnespie, out of Cleveland.  You?

RALPH:  Ralph Snyder.  Born and raised here.

NARG:  Oh, good!  Then maybe you can help me.  I'm looking for the lake but I seem to have gotten lost.

RALPH:  Just keep going down this road for another mile. You can't miss it.

NARG:  Thanks a lot, Mr. Snyder!

RALPH:  Glad to help.

 (F/X: pause.  More birds chirp.  The sun gets louder.)

NARG:  Look, do you mind if I break your nose, Mr. Snyder?

RALPH: (pause)  Excuse me?  Oww!  (F/X: This coincides with a nose-being-brokeny sort of sound)  You broke my nose!  (Be nasal)

NARG:  Oh, sorry.  Can I get you some ice or something?

RALPH:  I can't believe you broke my nose!

NARG:  Look, I said I was sorry.  Here, let's try singing something..."Grey skies are going to clear up, put on a happy face..." (pause)  You're not singing, Mr. Snyder.

RALPH:  How can I have a happy face when part of it is broken?!

NARG:  Hmmm...look, do you mind if I shoot your cat?

RALPH:  What??  (F/X: bang. meow.)  You FCC-approved derogatory term, you shot Fluffums!

NARG:  Look, I'm free later on if you need to talk about it...Right now I'm going to go blow up your house, but I'll be by later on after the debris has settled.  TTFN.  (Goes off whistling earlier song, and then there is a great explosion, and then a great silence.)

RALPH:  Darn.  And I just had the bathroom redone.