Workin' the intellectual angle. Jakey went to Columbia, don'tcha know.

Guys like girls who wear caps, girls [heart] boys who wear caps.

He looks like a ninteenth century apprentice or servant boy, and you're going off to have a torrid affair with him and he's waiting out by the stables, just staring at you like that. Uh. Huh. Bring it on, honey.

There's a better, bigger shot of this that I have somewhere... but that's irrelevant. Recurring theme in Jake shots: he likes to show off the tops of his undies, AND he's a fan of Calvin's.

Undie Shot Number Two. Cute Collegiate Dog Walker Jake! (um, yeah, I need help.)

Gratuitious Underwear Shot Three. Soaking Wet Jake. Is it just me, or does he have cornrows?

[insert your own leather gloves/riding crop cheap shot here]

Dear Jake, If you ever find yourself in my neighborhood, puh-leaaaaaze swing by and pick me up on your motorcyle. Love, Candice.

"Welcome back to the age of jive." PunkRocker!Jake. I can dig it.

Gratuitious Underwear Shot Four. Isn't it adorable that he's looking all flushed and embarassed? Like, you just accidentally walked in on him doing something silly and he's thinking, Oh, CRAP! She did NOT just see me singing to "Oops, I Did it Again"! Haaa.

CuteBoyatDiner!Jake. Sigh. I know I'll make a lot of people mad by saying this, but I can see the resemblence between Jake and Tobey Maguire here. I want there to be a movie in which Jake and Tobey play brothers, and Topher Grace is their hot cousin, and, oh, George Clooney's their dad, just to keep up with the hotness. That made no sense. But I do not care.

Gratuitious Undie Shot Five. He even strips in the streets. People, rejoice.

I think this is one of the first pictures of Jake I saved. Naughty Schoolboy Jake here, blazer and all.

I wish I could've been present during this shoot. Because really, who doesn't want to look at a hot, soaking wet guy getting photographed? The clincher is the eyes. LOOK at how BLUE they are. It's enough to kill a girl, I swear.

Someone on Fan Forum pointed out that Jake has pointy canines. He does. Hey, Jake! Bite me! [rimshot]

Just when I was starting to kinda like Kirsten Dunst, she had to go and annoy me. She reportedly dumped Jake because he was "boring". BORING?! BORING?! I'd KILL for that kind of boredom! I mean, she and Tobey broke up, so that's stupid move number one, then she dumps Jake because he's BORING?! Kirsten, you are a fool!

Wait. WAITAMINUTE, I see no Gratuitious Underwear Line! [gasps] OH MY GOD NO TOPS OF CALVINS. [faints]
[gets up] Oh. I see them now. Gah. GUS Number Six, then. [is disappointed]

Gratuitious Underwear Shot Seven. Thoughtful!Jake.

Reporter: "So, Jake, is it true that Kirsten didn't dump you? I heard you actually dumped her for someone named Candice..."
Jake: "No comment. My lips are sealed."
I am nuts, thankyouverymuch.

UltraPreppy!Jake! SQUEEE! I hate the whole new-school prep scene (you know, the kids who worship at the altars of Abercrombie, Hollister, and American Eagle), but this? So 80s preppy. I'll bet he has a Lacoste shirt too.

Jake wants you to vote. That's incentive enough for me. I kid, I kid.

White button front shirts: a staple in every good man's closet.

President Gyllenhaal denies any illicit relationships with his throng of interns. "I did NOT have sexual relations..."

I call this one emo!Jake. Or Beatles!Jake. He looks like a Beatle. The singing British kind, not the actual insect.

Y'all, I would kill to be gazed at like that. I wonder what lucky person is on the recieving end of that look. Lucky asshole.

I'd like to cuddle up to that on a cold winter's night.

I... what... who... pardon. I am on the floor. Flailing.

Is it just me, or does the resemblence to Tobey Maguire kind of smack you upside the head in those two pictures? Just me? [goes to hide]

This? Perfection. From the classic black coat to the hair to the little devilish smile on his face... perfect. Just perfect.

No Gratuitious Underwear Shot? Dang, JG, you are letting me down.

President Gyllenhaal addresses the nation.